Covey - The 7 habits of highly effective people
Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
training, the communicating, the relating, the listening. It's easy to take advantage, to<br />
manipulate, to get what you want the way you want it -- right now! You're bigger, you're<br />
smarter, and you're right! So why not just tell them what to do? If necessary, yell at them,<br />
intimidate them, insist on your way.<br />
Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg <strong>of</strong> popularity, <strong>of</strong> pleasing them,<br />
giving them their way all the time. <strong>The</strong>n they grow up without a personal commitment to<br />
being disciplined or responsible.<br />
Either way -- authoritarian or permissive -- you have the golden egg mentality. You want<br />
to have your way or you want to be liked. But what happens, meantime, to the goose?<br />
What sense <strong>of</strong> responsibility, <strong>of</strong> self-discipline, <strong>of</strong> confidence in the ability to make good<br />
choices or achieve important goals is a child going to have a few years down the road?<br />
And what about your relationship? When he reaches those critical teenage years, the<br />
identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that you will listen without<br />
judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be trusted, no<br />
matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to<br />
communicate with him, to influence him?<br />
Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room -- that's P, production, the golden<br />
egg. And suppose you want her to clean it -- that's PC, Production Capability. Your<br />
daughter is the goose, the asset, that produces the golden egg.<br />
If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without being reminded,<br />
because she is committed and has the discipline to stay with the commitment. She is a<br />
valuable asset, a goose that can produce golden eggs.<br />
But if your paradigm is focused on Production, on getting the room clean, you might find<br />
yourself nagging her to do it. You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or<br />
yelling, and in your desire to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare<br />
<strong>of</strong> the goose.<br />
Let me share with you an interesting PC experience I had with one <strong>of</strong> my daughters. We<br />
were planning a private date, which is something I enjoy regularly with each <strong>of</strong> my<br />
children. We find that the anticipation <strong>of</strong> the date is as satisfying as the realization.<br />
So I approached my daughter and said, "Honey, tonight's your night. What do you want<br />
to do?"<br />
"Oh, Dad, that's okay," she replied<br />
"No, really," I said, "What would you like to do?"<br />
"Well," she finally said, "what I want to do, you don't really want to do."<br />
"Really, honey," I said earnestly, "I want to do it. No matter what, it's your choice."<br />
"I want to go see Star Wars," she replied. "But I know you don't like Star Wars. You slept<br />
through it before. You don't like these fantasy movies. That's okay, Dad."<br />
"No, honey, if that's what you'd like to do, I'd like to do it."<br />
30