Covey - The 7 habits of highly effective people

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"We had developed new software which we sold on a five-year contract to a particular bank. The bank president was excited about it, but his people weren't really behind the decision. "About a month later, that bank changed presidents. The new president came to me and said, 'I am uncomfortable with these software conversions. I have a mess on my hands. My people are all saying that they can't go through this and I really feel I just can't push it at this point in time.' "My own company was in deep financial trouble. I knew I had every legal right to enforce the contract. But I had become convinced of the value of the principle of win-win. "So I told him 'We have a contract. Your bank has secured our products and our services to convert you to this program. But we understand that you're not happy about it. So what we'd like to do is give you back the contract, give you back your deposit, and if you are ever looking for a software solution in the future, come back and see us.' "I literally walked away from an $84,000 contract. It was close to financial suicide. But I felt that, in the long run, if the principle were true, it would come back and pay dividends. "Three months later, the new president called me. 'I'm now going to make changes in my date processing,' he said, 'and I want to do business with you.' He signed a contract for $240,000." Anything less than win-win in an interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have impact in the long-term relationship. The cost of the impact needs to be carefully considered. If you can't reach a true win-win, you're very often better off to go for no deal. Win-Win or No Deal provides tremendous emotional freedom in the family relationship. If family members can't agree on a video that everyone will enjoy, they can simply decide to do something else -- no deal -- rather than having some enjoy the evening at the expense of others. I have a friend whose family has been involved in singing together for several years. When they were young, she arranged the music, made the costumes, accompanied them on the piano, and directed the performances. As the children grew older, their taste in music began to change and they wanted to have more say in what they performed and what they wore. They became less responsive to direction. Because she had years of experience in performing herself and felt closer to the needs of the older people at the rest homes where they planned to perform, she didn't feel that many of the ideas they were suggesting would be appropriate. At the same time, however, she recognized their need to express themselves and to be part of the decisionmaking process. So she set up a Win-Win or No Deal. She told them she wanted to arrive at an agreement that everyone felt good about -- or they would simply find other ways to enjoy their talents. As a result, everyone felt free to express his or her feelings and ideas as they 135
worked to set up a Win-Win Agreement, knowing that whether or not they could agree, there would be no emotional strings. The Win-Win or No Deal approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or enterprise. In a continuing business relationship, no deal may not be a viable option, which can create serious problems, especially for family businesses or businesses that are begun initially on the basis of friendship. In an effort to preserve the relationship, people sometimes go on for years making one compromise after another, thinking win-lose or lose-win even while talking win-win. This creates serious problems for the people and for the business, particularly if the competition operates on win-win and synergy. Without no deal, many such businesses simply deteriorate and either fail or have to be turned over to professional managers. Experience shows that it is often better in setting up a family business or a business between friends to acknowledge the possibility of no deal downstream and to establish some kind of buy/sell agreement so that the business can prosper without permanently damaging the relationship. Of course there are some relationships where no deal is not viable. I wouldn't abandon my child or my spouse and go for no deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for compromise -- a low form of win-win). But in many cases, it is possible to go into negotiation with a full Win-Win or No Deal attitude. And the freedom in the attitude is incredible. Five Dimensions of Win-Win Think Win-Win is the habit of interpersonal leadership. It involves the exercise of each of the unique human endowments -- self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will -- in our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, mutual benefits. It takes great courage as well as consideration to create these mutual benefits, particularly if we're interacting with others who are deeply scripted in win-los. That is why this habit involves principles of interpersonal leadership. Effective interpersonal leadership requires the vision, the proactive initiative, and the security, guidance, wisdom, and power that come from principle-centered personal leadership. The principle of win-win is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of which flow agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are based on win-win. And it involves process; we cannot achieve win-win ends with win-lose or lose-win means. The following diagram shows how these five dimensions relate to each other. Now let's consider each of the five dimensions in turn. Character Character is the foundation of win-win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the win-win paradigm. 136
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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIV
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These principles, however, are like
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Stephen Covey adds great value to a
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I have a forceful personality. I kn
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This personality ethic, I began to
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long-term relationship they have, w
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The professor then asked one studen
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ingenuity, and creating a standard
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Shortly after dark, the lookout on
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The more closely our maps or paradi
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So I first tried a simple request.
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There's so much to do. And there's
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But from my own experience -- both
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interdependent, that there is an ec
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Understanding the sequence will hel
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training, the communicating, the re
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trust, and lost the asset of custom
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disappear. Those you teach will see
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"You're never on time." "Why can't
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instincts and conditioning and cond
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such personal freedom and the effec
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you to act. If you wait to be acted
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"Think hard. What do you think woul
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Because of position, wealth, role,
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So these executives focused on find
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We can decide to be dishonest in ou
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Knowing that we are responsible --
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When I look upon the tombs of the g
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Whether we are aware of it or not,
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Because we already live with many s
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Succeed at home first. Seek and mer
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so-called mental and emotional illn
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When we are dependent on the person
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Innocent pleasures in moderation ca
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Because the church is a formal orga
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If you are Money Centered... SECURI
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WISDOM You see the world through a
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We can depend on them Principles do
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POWER Your power is limited only by
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Fourth, you can communicate to your
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many different kinds of thought pro
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We would try to get him in a very r
Page 85 and 86: I inspire: I teach by example that
Page 87 and 88: When we plan our family goals and a
Page 89 and 90: "Everybody," he replied. "Everybody
Page 91 and 92: Application Suggestions 1. Take the
Page 93 and 94: Management, remember, is clearly di
Page 95 and 96: with the bath water," reverting to
Page 97 and 98: was to enforce the contract -- to c
Page 99 and 100: There are many people who recognize
Page 101 and 102: Coherence: Coherence suggests that
Page 103 and 104: mission statement, you may want to
Page 105 and 106: all day. Remember, frustration is a
Page 107 and 108: it! -- Don't take it!" I was afraid
Page 109 and 110: "You, Dad?" "No, not me. You're the
Page 111 and 112: I bit my tongue and waited until af
Page 113 and 114: Application Suggestions: 1. Identif
Page 115 and 116: "Well, you'd like to take a screwdr
Page 117 and 118: And this is in the most intimate, t
Page 119 and 120: Our tendency is to project out of o
Page 121 and 122: "I thought you meant that the quali
Page 123 and 124: you are honest and open and kind wi
Page 125 and 126: When we violate the primary laws of
Page 127 and 128: deep personal affection which added
Page 129 and 130: Habit 4: Think Win-Win TM -- Princi
Page 131 and 132: "My parents don't love me as much a
Page 133 and 134: I know of a divorce in which the hu
Page 135: "In other words, you lost." "That's
Page 139 and 140: High courage and consideration are
Page 141 and 142: communication process. You listen m
Page 143 and 144: people be able to do when they fini
Page 145 and 146: guidelines, and resources to make s
Page 147 and 148: 40. The spirit of win-win had signi
Page 149 and 150: Roger Fisher and William Ury, two H
Page 151 and 152: Habit 5: Seek First to Understand,
Page 153 and 154: and influence, I don't feel safe en
Page 155 and 156: You're listening to understand. You
Page 157 and 158: Sandra described the symptoms and h
Page 159 and 160: esults in communication. To many, s
Page 161 and 162: "I know you've sacrificed, Dad. But
Page 163 and 164: What a difference real understandin
Page 165 and 166: I remember writing one time in a ro
Page 167 and 168: trust of another person's communica
Page 169 and 170: Habit 5 is something you can practi
Page 171 and 172: Habit 6: Synergize TM Principles of
Page 173 and 174: hit-or-miss, trial and error. And u
Page 175 and 176: very open and authentic and simply
Page 177 and 178: Synergy means that 1 + 1 may equal
Page 179 and 180: arrange for some help at the first
Page 181 and 182: "I know," he replied with a forced
Page 183 and 184: He also developed charley horses fr
Page 185 and 186: scheduled payments were met. It was
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Application Suggestions 1. Think ab
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"Sharpen the Saw" basically means e
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If you haven't been exercising, you
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This is why I believe a personal mi
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centered on the principles of perso
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diminishes us. It increases us beca
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create negative force field resista
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closer we align ourselves with corr
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The children looked forward to the
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Sandra and I were amazed at what we
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Becoming a Transition Person Among
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Again, T. S. Eliot expresses so bea
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* * If your center is Pleasure... S
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This is the way you may tend to per
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Many third-generation time managers
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Preparing the media budget. Regardi
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produce interesting and creative wa
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