Vegas Voice 9-17 web

Bathroom Humor
By: Dan Roberts / Publisher
President’s Note: Despite my protest, the
publisher insisted on writing about
his recent medical adventure. Hopefully you
can now understand what my life is like working with him.
Outta my way! Move, move, move! I shouted. I tossed the cat off my lap
while the dogs scattered from my feet.
As Rana laughed and laughed, I sprinted to the bathroom. And I was very
thankful that I made it just in time.
The cause for the emergency? It was the evening before my colonoscopy.
For those unaware (although everyone over 60 is) in preparation for this
medical procedure you need to down a gallon of a certain undrinkable liquid
that will “clean you out.”
From travel editor Stu, to project manager Bill and to even my Ladylove
(just about everyone associated with The Vegas Voice) gleefully announced
that they couldn’t wait for it to be my turn. And yet, while I found it hilarious
when they went through this torture, I found no humor when I was the
patient.
Although many people complained that the liquid concoction made
them ill, it wasn’t that bad. Make no mistake however, I would have rather
been chugging a beer or even a Dr. Pepper, but after a few glasses, I can
categorically state that the stuff worked – man, did it ever.
As my PILL (partner in love and life) counted my trips to the “loo” she
merrily reminded me that I needed to be prepared for many more visits since
she always knew I was “full of sit” (or words to that effect. I really wasn’t sure
exactly what she said as I was busy racing to my porcelain throne).
In retrospect, I am overwhelmed with how my body can (almost) lose
control, and still make “record time” in hustling to the commode. I am also
amazed that with all the modern technology and medical breakthroughs,
(and for the love-of-god) there must be a better way to do this.
Anyway, once I established the path of least resistance to the john, I
sheepishly proclaimed to all that I was indeed empty. I also just wanted to
get this (as our golf columnist Mike Landry happily pointed out) “crappy
thing” over with.
The day of the procedure was at best uneventful, although I did have a
conversation with the anesthesiologist. He assured me that I would be “out”
in no time, and the last recollection I had was telling him that I find that
hard to believe since…zzzz.
The next thing I knew, I was back in the recovery room with Rana by my
side. I was shocked that the entire procedure was less than 20 minutes.
Happily, the doctor did not find any polyps and everything is fine.
(President’s 2nd Note: Mr. Roberts wanted to attach the medical
photos of his procedure, but after a “lively” discussion, he finally
relented).
Thankfully, I won’t need this procedure for another 5 years. In the
meantime, my younger brother is scheduled for his colonoscopy next month.
I can’t wait to talk to him about it.
$
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LIMIT ONE DISCOUNT PER TABLE. MUST PRESENT ORIGINAL COUPON AT
CHECKOUT (NO PHOTOCOPIES). CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH OTHER
OFFERS. SINGLE DINERS: NOT APPLICABLE ON 1/2 ENTREES AND GETS UP
TO $2.50 OFF. EXPIRES 09/30/2017. VOICE
celebrate fall with
comfort food!
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