Vegas Voice 4-19

6
Stop Bending
By: Heather Latimer / Heather’s Self-Help Tips
“
The older you get, the further it falls”
quipped a cashier at Valley Hospital Cafeteria
upon stooping to rescue a dime she had dropped.
So true!
When a thin stick 9” long fell out of a device in my garage, not only
was it painfully difficult to bend low, but every time I touched the pesky
thing with my fingernails, it jumped out of reach.
Later, whilst enjoying coffee with my friend Sandra Owens, I joked
about my hop, hop, hopping along in pursuit of that constantly shifting
stick. She laughed and said, “If you attach a piece of scotch tape to the
bottom of your walking stick, adhesive side out, you can easily pick it
up.”
I did! And it worked!
That was certainly useful advice and here are a couple more
suggestions that may save your back.
If you drop an earring, use an old pantyhose. Drape it over the hose
of your vacuum cleaner and pull it taut. Switch on to commence the
hunt under beds, cushions in armchairs and more.
When you’re engaged in a hobby that uses needles, pins, or nails,
it’s a good idea to keep a magnet handy to rescue those that find their
way to the floor. A Sammons Preston Rolyan Reacher, 27” long with
magnetized tip is a great rescuer.
It can grasp almost everything from a medium-size package to a tiny
paper clip. Medicare will sometimes provide one, or telephone 899/323-
5547 to purchase it.
Heather Latimer is a nationally recognized specialist in making
difficult subjects easy and author of 17 books.
April 2019
Men & Women
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
Nicknames: If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out
for lunch, they will call each other Laura,
Kate, and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out,
they will refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and
Wildman.
Eating Out: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each
throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. When the women get
their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay
$1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.
Bathrooms: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel. The average
number of items in the woman’s bathroom is 337 and a man would not
be able to identify more than 20 of them.
Arguments: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but
she does.
And finally: A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use
in two people remembering the same thing!
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.