Happiful January 2020

How to find the [right]
therapist...
with Grace
TEDx speaker and author, our columnist Grace Victory draws on personal
experience to share her invaluable insight into the issues that matter to you
It’s no secret that I advocate for
therapy; it’s essential in my
life, and has been for years.
Therapy taught me how to
communicate what I need, how
to practise self-care, how to set
boundaries, and how to reparent
my inner child. The process has
been wild, and I’m still going.
I’ve tried cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT), talking therapies,
holistic healing, and I’m currently
having psychodynamic and
psychoanalytic trauma therapy.
Every treatment has differed –
some I’ve loathed, some I’ve loved,
and some I go back to. It’s fair to
say that therapy has changed my
life, but my experiences haven’t all
been positive.
I was 20 when I first asked for
help for depression and body
image issues, and through my GP
I was offered a one-to-one session
with a male psychiatrist to receive
a diagnosis, and then six group
therapy sessions.
Looking back, it’s a shame I
wasn’t given a choice about which
setting I would’ve preferred. I
also wasn’t used to talking so
vulnerably with an older man,
and from the outset I believed I
couldn’t ever trust him, but I also
didn’t want to trust him – which is
an important factor.
After speaking about my
childhood, and how I felt about
my body, the psychiatrist said: “It’s
clear what’s going on. You have
abandonment issues with your
father, and that has forced you to
use food as a way to cope. I’d like
you to come to group therapy and
start Weight Watchers, to learn
how to eat and lose some weight to
help your body image issues.”
(Are you angry? Because 29-yearold
Grace just got really f**king
angry all over again).
The very person who should
have helped me start the healing
process, instead fed my eating
disorder mind, and gave me the
go ahead to blame myself and my
body for things that were not my
fault. I never saw him again. I
never attended the group sessions.