Me-Before-You-by-Jojo-Moyes

I scanned down to the next one.
Dear Bee,
There is no way around it, being a quad can suck. If your guy was a bit of a player too, then he is
going to find it extra hard. These are the things that helped me. A lot of company, even when I didn’t
feel like it. Good food. Good docs. Good meds, depression meds when necessary. You didn’t say
where you were based, but if you can get him talking to others in the SCI community it may help. I
was pretty reluctant at first (I think some part of me didn’t want to admit I was actually a quad) but it
does help to know you’re not alone out there.
Oh, and DON’T let him watch any films like The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Major downer!
Let us know how you get on.
All best,
Ritchie
I looked up The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. ‘The story of a man who suffers a
paralysing stroke, and his attempts to communicate with the outside world,’ it
said. I wrote the title down on my pad, uncertain whether I was doing so to make
sure Will avoided it, or so I remembered to watch it.
The next two answers were from a Seventh-day Adventist, and a man whose
suggested ways in which I could cheer Will up were certainly not covered by my
working contract. I flushed and hurriedly scrolled down, afraid that someone
might glance at the screen from behind me. And then I hesitated on the next
reply.
Hi Busy Bee,
Why do you think your friend/charge/whatever needs his mind changing? If I could work out a way
of dying with dignity, and if I didn’t know it would devastate my family, I would take it. I have been
stuck in this chair eight years now, and my life is a constant round of humiliations and frustrations.
Can you really put yourself in his shoes? Do you know how it feels to not even be able to empty your
bowels without help? To know that forever after you are going to be stuck in your bed/unable to eat,
dress, communicate with the outside world without someone to help you? To never have sex again?
To face the prospect of sores, and ill health and even ventilators? You sound like a nice person, and
I’m sure you mean well. But it may not be you looking after him next week. It may be someone who
depresses him, or even doesn’t like him very much. That, like everything else, is out of his control.
We SCIs know that very little is under our control – who feeds us, dresses us, washes us, dictates our
medication. Living with that knowledge is very hard.
So I think you are asking the wrong question. Who are the AB to decide what our lives should be?
If this is the wrong life for your friend, shouldn’t the question be: How do I help him to end it?
Best wishes,
Gforce, Missouri, US