Focus on the Family Magazine - April/May 2020

CONVERSATION / KIDS & TEENS
conversation:
it does a
brain good
5 tools to help you
create an environment
of healthy dialogue
with your kids
BY DANNY HUERTA
ISTOCK.COM / HARTCREATIONS ; ISTOCK.COM / PROSTOCK-STUDIO
MOST PARENTS want their
children to succeed—in school, in
work, in their various extracurricular
activities. And there’s an oftenoverwhelming
number of tips and
products available to help parents
toward that goal. But we often overlook
one of the most effective tools
for enhancing a child’s brain development.
It’s simple. It’s inexpensive.
It’s even enjoyable. And you have
this tool at your disposal right now.
That tool is conversation.
We’ve long known that speaking
to your children is good for them
developmentally. The more words
a child hears, the better his or her
brain development and language
skills will be, which contributes to
success in many areas of life. But
there’s more to this story: Recent
research from Harvard, MIT and the
University of Pennsylvania shows
that a child’s brain develops best
through regular, back-and-forth
exchanges of ideas. In the study,
children who engaged in regular
conversations with parents showed
significant enhancement in the
language processing areas of their
brains.
Our culture of endless distractions
and demands can make regular, twoway
conversation difficult. But your
kids’ healthy development may very
well depend on your ability to minimize
such distractions, to switch off
the screens and connect with your
children. Here are five tools to help
you nurture an environment of conversation
with your kids:
Time. Be intentional, scheduling
one-on-one time, especially if
you have multiple kids. But many
of the best conversations happen
in the margins of life. So use every
opportunity to chat: in the car, at
the dinner table, at bedtime. Walks,
bike rides and standing in line
at the store are all good times for
conversations.
Discovery. Learn about your children’s
interests and help them learn
more about you. Give the “quiet”
kids opportunities to be known.
Sometimes they become more talkative
when they feel someone is truly
interested in what they have to say.
Encourage them to talk about things
they like or things that relate to what
they’re learning in school.
Listen. This takes effort and
intentionality. I’m not always
the best at listening, so when my
thoughts begin to wander, I need to
visualize myself pressing a mental
pause button in order to enter their
world.
Question. While too many questions
feel like an interrogation,
authentic interaction and questions
convey genuine interest, as do eye
contact and other nonverbal cues.
Remember. Children feel
valued when you remember things
they’ve said, and they’ll start to see
conversation with you as memorable
and enjoyable. And that’s a gift with
lasting impact. •
Danny Huerta is vice president of parenting
and youth at <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family.
April / MAy 2020 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 39