SandScript 2020

ciplineSelfDis
lineSelfDiscip
this is a choice you couldn’t avoid, that had to be made. You didn’t
cipline
make the hotel bed before you left.
Self
Will you ever feel the plush
Dis
embrace of your sheets back home again? One last sleep and this
is the bed you do it in? Try not to let your mind take over. The
moment will be as patient as you are.
lineSelfDiscip
5. It’s time. Let them help you from the bed. Did you already say
your goodbyes? There is only one you need to say. The IV pole will
drag behind you. Don’t let it slow you down. There are too many
cipline
things in your way. Say goodbye again,
Self
because it might be the last
Dis
one and you aren’t sure. You won’t be sure of anything with the
anxiety coursing through your veins, a paralyzing anesthetic.
6. Let the nurse guide you. Take her arm and wear it like a life
lineSelfDiscip
vest, keeping you afloat amid the debris of a sinking ship. She
is all you have this moment. This is the moment that makes
a difference. What will you tell yourself as you walk this short
hallway to the OR? What will you believe as they lie you down
ciplineSelfDis
on a cold slab that feels six feet underground? You will need
something. Something to keep you from turning and running. The
truth is, nothing will stop you from doing what your mind and
body are telling you to do. It is you who must stay. You who must
lineSelfDiscip
continue walking. You who must bear the sting of the needle, the
slice of the knife, the pull of the stitch. You who must lay down your grave and envision it freedom.
cipline
7. Comply when they strap your
Self
arms down. They are preparing
Dis
your wings for flight. Respond when they ask how you feel.
Ignore the commotion around you. The nurse is there for you.
Grip her hand and listen to her words. You will be fine, she says.
line
Your thoughts
Self
will tell you otherwise. Don’t believe
Discip
it. Believe in
her. Believe in the surgeon. Believe in your choice. Believe in your
strength.
cipline
8. Get through it.
SelfDis
9. Come out on the other side, alive.
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ESSAY