The-Subtle-Art-of-Not-Giving-a-F-ck-EnglishPDF-Mark-Manson

your partner or be helped and supported yourself. You both should support
each other. But only because you choose to support and be supported. Not
because you feel obligated or entitled.
Entitled people who blame others for their own emotions and actions do
so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as victims,
eventually someone will come along and save them, and they will receive the
love they’ve always wanted.
Entitled people who take the blame for other people’s emotions and
actions do so because they believe that if they “fix” their partner and save
him or her, they will receive the love and appreciation they’ve always
wanted.
These are the yin and yang of any toxic relationship: the victim and the
saver, the person who starts fires because it makes her feel important and the
person who puts out fires because it makes him feel important.
These two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, and they
usually end up together. Their pathologies match one another perfectly. Often
they’ve grown up with parents who each exhibit one of these traits as well.
So their model for a “happy” relationship is one based on entitlement and
poor boundaries.
Sadly, they both fail in meeting the other’s actual needs. In fact, their
pattern of overblaming and overaccepting blame perpetuates the entitlement
and shitty self-worth that have been keeping them from getting their
emotional needs met in the first place. The victim creates more and more
problems to solve—not because additional real problems exist, but because it
gets her the attention and affection she craves. The saver solves and solves—
not because she actually cares about the problems, but because she believes
she must fix others’ problems in order to deserve attention and affection for
herself. In both cases, the intentions are selfish and conditional and therefore
self-sabotaging, and genuine love is rarely experienced.
The victim, if he really loved the saver, would say, “Look, this is my
problem; you don’t have to fix it for me. Just support me while I fix it
myself.” That would actually be a demonstration of love: taking
responsibility for your own problems and not holding your partner
responsible for them.
If the saver really wanted to save the victim, the saver would say, “Look,
you’re blaming others for your own problems; deal with this yourself.” And