Alice Vol. 3 No. 2

Fitting in and feeling
beautiful is something I’ve always
struggled with, as most women
do. There are mornings where I
wake up and am absolutely in love
with everything about myself, and
then there are days I wish I could
change it all. To understand my
struggle with feeling beautiful,
it is important to know that I
have lived a very diverse life. I
have called India and Alabama
home for an equal amount of
time, yet my permanent address
is in New York City. Since I don’t
exactly know how to answer the
question “where are you from?”
Indian people that I meet in
America tell me that I don’t
look “Indian” – and they mean
that as a compliment.
it is especially difficult to align
myself with any one of the the
three very different standards of
beauty from these three very
different places.
I was born in India in 1996.
As for many other young girls
there, Bollywood was a major
influence in my life. Going to
the movies every weekend was
one of my favorite things to do.
Regardless of the story line, every
movie was filled with glamorous
women dressed in beautiful,
bright colors, prancing around
vast fields of flowers and being
chased by a handsome actor
trying to woo her. The icon of
my childhood was Karishma
Kapoor; think of her as the Indian
equivalent of Reese Witherspoon.
She was bubbly, energetic and
had the most striking blue eyes
and pale, almost rosy skin. Today
when I think of her, I realize that
she looks nothing like the average
Indian woman, but to me she was
the absolute definition of beauty.
Beauty in India is deeply dictated
by colorism. Colorism is most
simply defined as internal racism.
It is where, within a race, people
discriminate against each other
solely based on skin color; lighter
skin, hair and eyes are considered
more desirable. Growing up,
I saw the more favorable end
of colorism. I am from a south
Indian family, and south Indian
people are traditionally thought
to be of a darker complexion. I,
along with a few other members
of my family, am considered
much lighter in skin tone than
most other south Indian people.
Throughout my childhood,
I was always told that I was
beautiful and so lucky to have
the complexion I did. As you can
imagine, this constant adoration
got to my head. I truly believed
Alice Spring 2018 47