Happiful October 2020

My biggest test
has been living
my passion and
purpose in a world
that forces us into
safety and security
others to say sorry, or for them to
change. You may be waiting forever
and while you’re waiting, you’re
worrying about someone you have
no power over. Try implementing
unconditional forgiveness. It frees
us from that worry.
Serve others… but first
serve yourself
Service makes us happy, because
it creates the deepest connection
with another human. Scientific
studies show that you’re always
happier when you spend money
or time on others rather than
yourself. In the monk tradition,
when you take care of your health,
add self-love, and then serve, that
service is fully realised – but if
you don’t manage your health and
apply self-love, the service feels
like a burden. That’s why so many
people feel overwhelmed by giving
because they think, “Is someone
helping me back?” You’ll be a
better partner, parent, and person
if you feel you’re giving yourself
what you need. Of course, we need
people in our lives who go out of
their way for us, but doing things
for ourselves fills us with so much
more strength and confidence.
Be what you need
There’s a beautiful statement by
Timber Hawkeye, which I love:
“Don’t wait for the storm to calm,
calm your mind and the storm
will pass.” Instead of waiting for
a perfect situation and the sunny
day to feel happy – things we can’t
control – become the sunny day.
The monk mind [thinks], “Let me
be what I need, let me not need
it.” So if you need calm, become
calm. So many of us, when we’re
feeling pain or stress, search for a
distraction. Instead, just sit with
it and think, “OK stress, I see you,
I know you’re there.” Understand
the stress and talk to it. Stress is
an emotion that’s trying to tell you
something. Don’t ignore it.
Get comfortable with conflict
A 75-year Harvard study shows
that the number one indicator for
human happiness is the quality of
our relationships. That quality isn’t
based on the amount of people in
our life, or attending our birthday
or funeral, it’s about the depth that
we feel understood. The majority
of relationships fail because people
don’t know how to deal with
tough situations. Learn how to be
comfortable having uncomfortable
conversations. When you’re having
a fight, remember it’s not you
against each other, it’s both of
you against the problem. Become
a team against the challenge as
opposed to thinking you’re on
opposite sides. If in a relationship
you want to win, and for the other
person to lose, guess what? You
both lose. The only way to win in a
relationship is to realise you either
win together, or lose together.
Find your passion
My biggest test has been living my
passion and purpose in a world
that forces us into safety and
security. When I came back from
India in 2013, people were saying,
“Jay, you don’t have any money,
you’d better just get a job to pay the
bills.” I did that for a few years, but
I realised I wasn’t satisfied. I had a
passion and purpose to share what
I’d learned, and through the monk
teachings I learned to protect my
purpose. A lot of people are scared
of trying things, but how would
it feel if we didn’t try? How scary
would that be? I feel humbled and
grateful for the life I live today, and
that people take the time to listen
to my podcasts, read my book, and
learn from it. I hope I can continue
to do that for many decades.
‘Think Like a Monk’ by Jay Shetty
(Harper Thorsons, £16.99) is out now.
October 2020 • happiful.com • 31