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I’ll never forget my former client. She’s a mother who tried to justify
the actions of her stalker boyfriend. This man parked outside the house
and watched her every move. She’d convinced herself this what people do
when they’re in love.
Really!
This is a mother justifying toxic behavior, so of course, when the
daughter is older, she’ll struggle with understanding why this is wrong, as
well as when to draw the line in a similar situation. I’m certain this
woman’s past includes relationships even more toxic than this, so to her,
it’s nothing. It’s no big deal. She’ll sweep it under the rug and continue to
validate it. She’ll make it seem as if it’s all good because she’s speaking
from a place of brokenness where she hasn’t healed, which is the next
reason why you may not grasp the issue.
You’ll notice healing from your past is a repeated foundation of not
only accepting love, but also being able to recognize the man God has for
you. Of all I mentioned, your friends and the unhe household, if you
haven’t healed from what you’ve been exposed to or witnessed, that
brokenness you’re holding will prevent you in not just recognizing the
toxic relationship or person you’re dealing with, it will prevent you from
breaking free.
Subconsciously, you’ll always find reasons to remain in a situation
where you don’t belong.
I acknowledge there may be some bickering, arguments, and even a
moment where a disrespectful act occurs. Every situation won’t be a
recurring issue, just as every man isn’t going to be toxic. Certain issues
can be handled effectively and resolved. In order to understand this, you
have to know the difference between a mistake and a real issue.
A mistake happens once with the issue being acknowledged. Even if it
happened twice, it’s unlikely for the two incidents to occur in a short span
of time and still be regarded as a mistake. I’ll give you an example.
Let’s use the woman from the scenario above.
Let’s say the woman said something disrespectful to her boyfriend in
the heat of an argument. He let her know how this affects him, how it
makes him feel.
She apologizes, recognizes that it’s an issue; however, somewhere
down the line, she gets upset and does it again. It is possible for the second
time to be a mistake because she may have lost her composure and it