Welcome to the Club - Volume 1, Issue 1

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Welcome to ... THE Club Putting the “Old” back in “Damn You’re Old” Welcome to ... Winter 2021 Unique Gifts & Greeting Cards Home & Garden Decor Sun & Skin Care Products Purses, Scarves & Jewellery *Free Delivery in Lambton Shores www.whattravelwriterssay.com © by Mike Keenan Whenever I “go shopping” with Miriam, like many other men, I’m simply thrilled to be there at a wonderful social event, pleased to while away a few hours that I would otherwise waste watching sports at home on TV. Yes, I know that pools of men ritualistically collect around the “electronics section” of most big stores, but often it’s hard to watch the action, so I have learned to bring along a good book to read instead. Will people read much in the future? We are becoming so passive, that audio books might become our prime source of “reading.” Newspapers are shrinking in size, and the articles are never lengthy because we are now in the age of the “sound bite,” which is on a rather rigorous diet, diminishing radically each year. Some people, I’m sure, read only the headlines. And now that I have entered the realm of hitech, I bring along my electronic book reader, which allows me, like Miriam, to sample several books just as she tries on different stores in the mall. Unfortunately, the people who design malls do not want shoppers to sit for extended periods. You can accomplish only so much reading when sitting on uncomfortable benches installed to force one into the stores. Inevitably, even when I am uncomfortably set up and reading, another gentleman, no doubt “socially shopping” with his wife, comes along, sits beside me and asks what I am reading, then tries to tell me about his favourite book. Consequently, one needs to develop plan B, creative strategies for a retired husband when his wife is shopping and taking her sweet time, innocent behaviours to help pass the time. You are retired but you can still have fun. P A G E * Some restrictions apply View our flyer at pharmasave.com Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-5 Sun & Holidays 10-2 20 eh? • Safety Braces & Support • Mobility Aids • Wheelchairs, Walkers & Canes • Compression Stockings • Herbal Products & Supplements VIRTUAL WALK-IN CLINIC Seniors Save *15% Every Wednesday 19 King St. W, Forest • 519-786-5161 Certified Stocking Fitter Digital Photofinishing Kiosk Wednesday-Saturday 10-2 29 King St. W, Forest • 226-520-0054 Male Shopping Techniques from Daytripping July-August 2014 Here are a few techniques that work for me. Try them out. If they dispense free food samples, remain in front of the queue and say: “I’m really hungry; that’s not enough. More please. More! I’m retired. Super size me! Super size me!” Make a big fuss when they run out. If in an American mall, tell them you are on food stamps. Tell them you voted for Obama. Be careful with that one. After the food sortie, load up on boxes of condoms and when others aren’t looking, place several boxes in older people’s carts. Randomly “meet” these people later in aisles, and make a big deal out of their purchase. Tell them that you are impressed. Ask them how they do it. Are they on special supplements? Are they the ones that you saw in the Cialis commercial? Ask them for advice. Flash them the thumbs up sign. In the “sporting goods” department at American malls, ask to see their sharpest knives and biggest guns. Advise the clerk that your favourite movie is Taxi Driver, and then ask him or her where the anti-depressants are shelved. When an eager clerk probably on commission asks if they can help, demand to know their qualifications. Tell them that you have had issues with trust since your wedding. Ask: “Why can’t people just leave me alone?” Then, smile and say, “I’m going over to sporting goods.” Walk into the “house wares department.” Set every alarm clock to go off at 1 minute intervals. When each clock starts to ring, begin shouting, “I’m late. I’m late for a very important date!” If you get tired of these antics, simply return to an uncomfortable bench and read a little more. Hunger is a good sauce. (Irish Proverb) A hearty dinner of Easter ham, your family’s favourite salads and a special dessert is a great way to create or continue a family tradition. Glazes for Baked Ham & Picnic Ham General Directions: Thirty minutes before end of baking time, remove the ham from oven, score fat (cut shallow crisscross gashes), stick with cloves, spread with a glaze and return to oven. Brown Sugar-Orange Glaze: Mix together 1 cup brown sugar, 1 tsp. dry mustard and enough orange juice to moisten. Brown Sugar-Pineapple Glaze: Mix 3/4 cup brown sugar with 3/4 cup crushed pineapple. Molasses Glaze: Mix dark molasses with a very little vinegar from sweet pickles. Spread sparingly on ham. Sprinkle with fine breadcrumbs. Maple Cider Glaze: Mix 1/2 cup maple syrup, 1/2 cup cider, and 2 tbsp. dry mustard. Spiced Honey Glaze: Mix 1 cup honey with 2 tbsp. mustard. Spread over ham. Sprinkle with fine breadcrumbs. Jelly Glaze: Mix 1 cup red jelly with 4 tbsp. horseradish. Cranberry Glaze: Mix 1 can whole or jellied cranberry sauce, mashed with a fork, with 1/2 cup light corn syrup. Or, use cranberry sauce alone. My Best Potatoes to serve a crowd If desired, use two smaller baking dishes; bake one now and freeze the second. Bake casserole to be frozen for only 30 minutes. 2 lb. (1 kg) bag frozen hash browns 2 cup cheddar cheese, low-fat, grated 1 cup chopped onion 1 cup corn flakes or potato chips, crumbled 2 10 oz. cans cream of mushroom 2 tbsp. margarine, melted soup, not diluted Salt to taste 2 cup sour cream, low-fat Pepper to taste Sauté onion in 2 tbsp. margarine until soft. In large bowl or pan, mix soup, sour cream, cheese, seasonings, onion and potatoes. Spread into 9x13 inch greased baking dish. Mix corn flakes and melted margarine; spread on top. Bake, uncovered, at 350 F for about 1 hour or until bubbly. Variation: For a one-dish meal, add 2-3 cups cubed, cooked ham. Serves 12. (Approx. 223 cal., 12 grams fat per serving if using low-fat sour cream and cheese). Oven Roasted Vegetables 1 envelope Lipton Italian Herb with tomato or any other dry soup mix 1 1/2 lb. assorted fresh sliced vegetables** 1 tbsp. vegetable oil ** Use any combination of vegetables for a total of 1 1/2 cups each (zucchini, yellow squash, red or green bell peppers, carrots, celery and mushrooms). Preheat oven to 450 F. In large Ziploc bag or bowl, add all ingredients. Close bag and shake, or toss in bowl until all vegetables are evenly coated. Empty vegetables into a 13 x 9-inch baking or roasting pan and bake for 10 minutes. Stir vegetables. Bake for an additional 10 minutes or until vegetables g are tender. Makes 4 servings g (Approx.( 92 cal., 4 grams fat per serving). Sweet Potato Soufflé 2 c. sweet potatoes, cooked and mashed 3/4 tsp. salt 3/4 c. hot milk Pepper, few grains 1/3 c. butter or margarine 3 egg whites, stiffly beaten 1 tsp. grated lemon rind To mashed sweet potatoes, add hot milk and butter. Beat until fluffy. Add lemon rind, salt and pepper. Fold in egg whites (beaten stiff, but not dry). Pile lightly into a greased casserole. Bake in hot 400˚F oven 30 to 35 minutes or until puffy and browned. Makes about 6 servings (approximately 256 calories and 10 grams fat per serving). If desired: Top with 3/4 cup miniature marshmallows or cut up large marshmallows. Broil a few seconds until lightly browned. As a timesaver, use canned sweet potatoes. The Ultimate Make-Ahead Strata Everyone loves this puffy dish! Look through the refrigerator to see what you have. Hopefully, you’ll come up with about 1 cup cooked meat, (e.g.: corned beef, ham, Spam, chicken, turkey, cooked sausage meat or bacon). Next, see what you can find in veggies, such as 1 cup asparagus, broccoli, spinach or even a can of mushrooms, drained. 10 slices any kind, day-old bread, crusts removed 2 tbsp. butter or margarine 1 small onion, finely chopped 1/2 red pepper, chopped 1 cup Cheddar cheese, grated 10 large eggs TOPPING: 1 1/2 cups milk 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated, optional 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce 2 tbsp. dried parsley, crushed, if you have it pinch cayenne or dash Tabasco 2 tbsp. butter, melted 1/4 tsp. nutmeg, if you have it crushed Special K or Corn Flakes Butter shallow baking dish large enough to fit 4 slices of bread (about 9x13-inch dish). Butter each of them as if you were going to make sandwiches and lay 4 in dish. Cut more slices to completely cover bottom of dish. Put butter-side up. Mix onion, pepper, Cheddar, chopped veggies and chopped meat; spread mixture over bread. Cut remaining bread in triangles or in different shapes or leave whole; put on top of mixture. Beat together eggs, milk, Worcestershire sauce and other seasonings. Pour over sandwiches; cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours or overnight. When ready to bake, mix Parmesan, parsley, butter and cereal; sprinkle on top. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees for about 1 hour until bubbly, set and puffy. Allow to sit about 10 mins. before serving. (Approx. 340 cals, 10g. fat, 23g protein, 17g carbs, 490mg. sodium and 3g dietary fibre per serving.)
It’s the advertising that makes a magazine like this possible, for free! Welcome to ... THE Club Wednesday is SENIORS DAY! Numerous Savings for 55 and over An Old Fashioned Country Store with a Modern Twist! • Collecbles & Giware • Kids secon • Fudge • Maple Buer Tarts & Baking • Williamson Farms Beef & Local Pork, Maple Syrup, Cheese, Cider • Gi Baskets Shop Online www.williamsonfarmsmarket.com Curbside Pickup is always available • Ask us about delivery! Ipperwash Maple Syrup Fesval - Watch our website for details Mother’s Grey Hair... and... My Independent Spirit Have you ever wondered why Mom has grey hair? I have pondered this many a time in my life, and have decided it must be because of my independent spirit. She had to put up with it from day one. When she gave birth to me, the nurse would bring me in squalling. “Feed peewee, she has got the whole nursery in an uproar.” My defense for this is that the fools would have slept through their feeding. Somebody had to alert them. Better me than no one. The day my parents brought me home, they laid me on the sofa and I was squalling again (must have been near meal time.) The family dog took one sniff and ran away for three days! I have that effect on people. Old Pal did return, but he decided we would keep a cool relationship. His duty was to protect me, of course, only for Mom and Dad’s sake. They were his owners, not me. Well, that is what he thought. My mother recalls that one day she brought in my bottle and I threw it back at her. “Enough of the bottle. I’m big now, so bring on the cup.” Hard to believe that someone so sweet looking could be a holy little terror. Fed squash... it ended up on my head. She soon got the hint that I didn’t like squash. Put a hat on my head and I released a tune of “Naw, Naw,” as I pulled it off. Having a dirty diaper found me walking with my legs straddled, gagging. Really when I think about it I decided everything that she needed to do. All that was left for her was to do it! Walking along main street on a Friday night saw my Dad having to carry me facing where I was going. Simple enough! Who wants to see where they’ve been? A visit to the doctor was a real treat for her. It was simple as far as I was concerned—I didn’t want to go! The 14 King St. W., FOREST • 226-520-0144 by Ruth Simpson, Watford from Daytripping May-June 2008 three ring circus started when they called my name. Mom would have to drag me crying and screaming through the door. Things would have been a lot simpler if she had left me to my own decision. I hated going to the doctor. It’s not that I didn’t like him, but I hated the tongue depressor. I thought I would throw up, not to mention the nurse from #^@*! Was she mean with the needle. I must say my dad found out how handy she was with a needle, when he went in for a shot. Then they understood my aversion to the whole idea of going to see the doctor. What if I had to have a shot? It sets my teeth on edge even now. The time came for me to go to school. Did I want to go? N-O- O-O! The first year was a trauma for mother, me and the teacher. Funny enough, the second year was better. Another girl was brought in by her mother kicking and crying. The poor teacher! Not another one! Of course, I was cool with the idea of school by then and I sympathized with her. I told her it would be okay. To this day when we run into each other we have a laugh about our trouble with school the first year. I run into my first grade teacher every now and again. Yes, the woman is still alive having survived the trauma, and no, she doesn’t run the other way when she sees me. Brave woman! Things did get better as I got older. I eventually ventured off to my own apartment. Are there any bets that Mom was ready to send me from day one? Now, I was really independent and loved living on my own. My life partner now has the pleasure of my independent spirit. The rules are still the same. Let me alone, so I can do a thing the way I think it should be done. Oh, by the way... his hair is now grey. Phrase Origins Wet Your Whistle Refers to quenching your thirst, and one theory suggests that pubs used to have ceramic cups with whistles built into the rim or handle, so you could “whistle” for another drink, but there’s no evidence to support this. What seems to make the most sense is that whistle was just another way to say mouth or throat, so the phrase just meant getting a drink. This issue was printed on January ary 10 th Open the door to your financial well-being. Pat Smits Financial Advisor 12 Mac Donald Street Forest, ON N0N 1J0 519-786-4924 Tues to Fri 9am-5pm • Sat 10-4 Please Remember... that much may have changed since this issue came out, and we’re all hoping that it’s connually for the beer. Some shops may be temporarily closed but sll offering services. Please call or go to our customers websites or social media sites for updates. Thank you for supporng local business! www.edwardjones.ca Winter 2021 There’s nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worse. (Irish Proverb) P A G E 21
Page 1 and 2: Welcome to ... THE CLUB ...which is
Page 3 and 4: Welcome to our very first issue! We
Page 5 and 6: senior personal ads LONG TERM COMMI
Page 7 and 8: Submit local photos as well for the
Page 9 and 10: Most of the articles in here have b
Page 11 and 12: The magazine is distributed in most
Page 13 and 14: As you may have guessed by now, it
Page 15 and 16: In this difficult time, thank you f
Page 17 and 18: Thank you to all the advertisers yo
Page 19: Are you experiencing hair loss? Spe
Page 23 and 24: Some of the articles are from the a
Page 25 and 26: Please email us your thoughts on th
Page 27 and 28: We’d like to hear your honest opi
Page 29 and 30: The next issue will come out around
Page 31 and 32: If your business offers anything to
Page 33 and 34: Please tell our advertisers that yo
Page 35: Thanks again - keep this copy or pa

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