Confession of a Couch Potato By: Susan Goldfein / Susan’s Unfiltered Wit I ’m all for self-improvement, as long as it doesn’t involve exercise. I’ve become a gymo-phobe. The mere thought of a sports bra and sneakers can ruin the most perfect day. But perhaps “-phobe” isn’t an accurate suffix to explain my condition. I don’t fear the gym; I out-and-out hate it! This attitude represents a transformation from my former self who was once dedicated to treadmills and Stairmasters. Perhaps I took too many steps and am suffering from a case of burn-out. And, although I have succumbed, I’m unable to make peace with my slothfulness. So, heeding the suggestion of motivated friends, I have called into play the following strategies: Scare Tactics. Laziness is hazardous to my health. I’m susceptible to osteoporosis and am being very unkind to my cardio-vascular system. I’m depriving my brain of the super-oxygenating results of the elliptical machine, not to mention the danger of weight gain. But when I learned how much bouncing was needed to work off an Oreo cookie, I simply decided to forego the cookie. Bribery. If I go to the gym, I should reward myself. “It doesn’t have to be expensive,” one friend said. Now this was an appealing idea that actually got me into workout attire. But I got sidetracked looking for potential gifts, and before long it was time to go straight home because the dog was starving! Personal Trainer. If I hired a personal trainer, I couldn’t wriggle out of my commitment. That sounded foolproof. So I hired a trainer who came twice a week. She was a lovely, fit young woman, a perfect role model. By the third week, I experienced a noticeable shift in my attitude. I no longer hated the gym. I hated the trainer. Vary the Routine. Doing the same thing gets boring. Take various classes. This made sense. So I looked at the schedule. “Yogalates”? Sounds like a drink at Starbucks. With soy milk. Kick Boxing? Too aggressive. “Zumba”? That sounded goofy enough to be fun. I attended a class and as soon as the Latin music started I got the feeling that everyone but me had been doing this for their entire lives, while I was tripping over my feet trying to keep up. Luckily, the loud music drowned out the sound of the door closing after me as I quietly slipped away. The struggle rages, and the devil on my left shoulder continues to prevail. As a result, I’ve ditched my clingy shirts. To paraphrase Nora Ephron, when a woman reaches that point in life when her cleavage looks like a peach pit, she probably shouldn’t be wearing tank tops anyway! Susan Goldfein’s newest book, How to Complain When There’s Nothing to Complain About, is available at Amazon.com, BN.com, Read her blog at: www.SusansUnfilteredWit.com. Email Susan: SusanGoldfein@aol.com. By: Renee Riendeau / Movie Revelations Disney presents Jungle Cruise as a summer family show, but don’t expect cartoons. Actually it’s a rather serious story line in search of an ancient tree that holds the power to heal. So if you were expecting some sort of a version of The African Queen meets Indiana Jones on their way to find the Pirates of the Caribbean, you’ve got the wrong movie. However, director Jaume Collet-Serra was able to make this a PG 13 action, comedy film. There’s plenty of adventure and some violence carried off with great gusto by Dwayne Johnson. He plays the wisecracking skipper of the ramshackle boat travelling down the Amazon in search of the tree that holds the power - a discovery that will change the future of medicine. The film is strictly fantasy, an uncomplicated escapade to entertain you with bankable stars that deliver - Dwayne Johnson; Emily Blunt; 28 Jungle Cruise September 20<strong>21</strong> Jack Whitehall; Edgar Ramirez; and Jesse Plemons. The story is based on the Disney theme park ride of the same name. Mostly filmed in the Hawaiian Islands, Blunt and Johnson display the chemistry to make it fun to watch. Jungle Cruise will keep you glued to your seat. (Hopefully at one of the senior discount movie theaters). Its ending leaves the possibility of a sequel; possibly another franchise in the vein of that other series based on a ride - “Pirates of the Caribbean.” I know I look forward to any new (or old) movie featuring Dwayne Johnson. So for 2 hours and 7 minutes of fun entertainment, go see Jungle Cruise at the theater, online, or borrow a tape from a friend. I’m giving this film B+. But enough about my opinion, what do you think? Renee Riendeau is the movie critic for The Vegas Voice. She loves to hear your opinions on films. You can contact her at: rriendeau@ aol.com
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