Focus on the Family Magazine - February/March 2022

RELATIONSHIP / KIDS & TEENS
Make space for
emotional conversation
Loneliness can creep in when our children aren’t able
to fully express their emotions. Since emotions are
neither good nor bad, we can encourage our kids to
recognize and work through them. Some emotions
are harder to work through than others. But unexpressed,
suppressed or numbed-out emotions are
potential thoroughfares for mental health problems
and, ultimately, loneliness.
To help our daughters express themselves, my
wife and I created a calm corner—a comfy place with
LEGOs, Play-Doh, games and a feelings chart. Our
children can go there to calm down. Once calm, they
are better able to talk about their feelings.
Our kids’ emotions don’t always have to make
sense to us, nor do we need to fix them. Rather, these
feelings need a safe atmosphere to be expressed without
judgment. Effective and consistent emotional
expression creates deeper connection within a family
and, as such, limits the potential for loneliness to take
hold or spread.
Create a sitting bench
This sitting bench idea is modeled after a story I was
told by a friend from Africa. In my friend’s small
village, an elder (typically a grandmother or grandfather)
would sit on a bench along the main road.
Children could sit beside the elder and express their
feelings. The elder listened, provided comfort and
insight, and then hugged the children before they
went on their way.
I encourage you to create a sitting bench in your
home as a place to allow unhurried conversation to
happen with your kids.
FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
Use art for expression
Sometimes kids are unable to use words to express
how they’re feeling because their brains are still
developing. Art is a great way to help them express
their emotions. My wife and I use blank paper, colored
pencils, crayons and markers, and just spend
time drawing with our kids. Once they’re finished, we
ask them to explain their drawings. As they talk about
their pictures, we’re better able to see how they’re trying
to make sense of their emotions. The pictures also
give us insight into how to support them. These connections
help our kids be seen and heard in a way
that is meaningful to them.
THESE FOUR TOOLS—seeing your child,
making a calm corner, using art and creating
a sitting bench—are by no means the
only ways to help children combat loneliness.
But they’re good ways to start. Our
children are more likely to conquer loneliness
when they are within a relational
community rooted in our homes. •
Dr. Mark Mayfield is a counselor and author of The
Path out of Loneliness.
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2022 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 43