April 2023

A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Assisted Living
By: Susan Goldfein / Susan’s Unfiltered Wit
Congratulations Seniors! In addition to
receiving benefits such as Social Security,
Medicare, and discount movie tickets, you are
now eligible to receive jokes in your inbox which keep reminding you
that you’re old!
It’s not that I resent jokes about aging. I think
laughing at ourselves is healthy as long as you
empty your bladder first.
In fact, I’ve written many an essay about the
indignities of growing older. For example, I’ve
questioned the wisdom of, after a certain age, paying
a higher price for a product because it comes with a
life-time warranty.
I applied the same logic before agreeing to very expensive dental
work. Do I get a guarantee that I’ll outlive my teeth?
I’ve skewered fashion: the wisdom of wearing stiletto heels, the
trauma of needing a new bathing suit, whether there is an expiration
date for going sleeveless. My essays about height (loss), weight (gain),
body part replacements have all been based on my own real time
experiences.
(It was Bette Davis who first said, “Old age ain’t no place for
sissies!” Now, there was a wise woman!)
But as with life, not all jokes are created equal. Someone should
invent a spam filter that permits only the best ones to survive.
Until someone does, I’ve decided to share my edited list of recent
internet gems that I have found particularly clever. While you may
not wind up rolling on the floor with laugher (which, at our age is
questionable behavior in any circumstance) I hope you at least find
them relatable.
If you can’t think of a word, say “I forget the
English word for it.” That way people will think
you are bilingual instead of senile.
I’ve been watching my weight. It’s still there.
How’s life going? Well, I turned on the wrong
burner and have been cooking nothing for
twenty minutes.
I like to make lists. I also like to leave them lying on the kitchen
counter and then guess what’s on the list while I’m at the store.
When I say, “the other day,” I could be referring to any time
between yesterday and ten years ago.
I’ve successfully completed the 30-year transition from wanting
to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed.
And the most recently arrived favorite: Being an adult is mostly
about being exhausted, wishing you hadn’t made plans, waiting
to take your bra off, wondering how you can fall asleep and stay
asleep, missing someone or something, become forgetful, craving
foods that you know you shouldn’t eat, worrying about things that
haven’t happened yet, and wondering how you got that bruise.
So, keep laughing folks. As a wise man (or was it a woman?) once
said, “Do not regret growing older. It’s a privilege denied to
many.”
Susan Goldfein’s newest book, Laughing My Way Through the
Third Stage, is available at Amazon.com, BN.com, Read her blog
at: www.SusansUnfilteredWit.com. Email Susan: SusanGoldfein@
aol.com.
24
April 2023
What an Affair
Performers, Ron & Lisa Smith, Ane, Genevieve, and Denny Pezzin join
our Vegas Voice co-host Jonny Bird at our February Afternoon Affair at
Sun City MacDonald Ranch. Our next Afternoon Affair is May 12 th .