Unikum 04 April Web

Number 1. They simply lost any interest in you.
Because it has never been real. For example, I once read
an interesting analysis of the hormonal reason for men
to ghost their partners. Before sex, they experience high
testosterone levels and could do whatever it takes to receive
desirable pleasure with a particular person. However,
after the deal is done, those levels drop and might cause
instant repulsion. They need to fall off the radar
and «restore» that desire again. And if there
are no other reasons for them to like you,
like a deep emotional connection, that
interest might vanish forever. Or until
the next time they are drunk and horny. Is
that true? I don’t know. But the
professor who said that seemed
to me to be quite convincing.
In my own experience, the
same could happen with
women. When we really
desire someone, our
perception of this person
could be clouded. And then…
we just realise it’s not where
we’d like to invest ourselves. The
solution: Understand what you actually
want. If your goal is just sex, then have fun
without expecting too much and without regrets. But if you
wish for something deeper, perhaps, you might consider
building that connection first. You will quickly see what
this person really wants from you.
Number 2. They freaked out.
That happens. Especially when you suddenly put too
many expectations on them. You went for a date once,
but already you’re imagining the red convertible you
will rent in southern Italy the next day after your
beautiful marriage. Well, this may be too much for the
other person. Some people take things slowly, some just
are not ready to dive into relationships, and some just
don’t feel the way you do, especially so quickly. They
can’t manage all the pressure from your side and simply
disappear. Also, no one wants to date a
person who has nothing interesting in
their life except for the obsession
with the new crush - texting,
calling, reaching out 10 times a
day - that could be really tiring.
Solution: Try to avoid falling
into every person you have a bit
of fun with. Learn to be happy
and harmonious on your own.
Try to be happy and give yourself
the love you need without begging
others for that. Desperation has never
been attractive.
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Number 3. There was someone else.
Yes, this is entirely possible and is often the case. The ex, the other girl/
boy, or whoever keeps rejecting them; and they use other people as a
distraction from their own pain and shame. It’s a feeling when you
are having sex and suddenly think about that one person. And you
immediately feel bad. So bad you can’t even talk to the new one. Or
maybe in the beginning, they sincerely thought they liked you, but then
they finally realised it didn’t work for them anymore. Love or attraction
to their other crush can sometimes be too much. Or, perhaps, they haven’t
recovered from their past relationship yet and are not ready to invest in
someone else. Solution: There’s no solution. Be prepared for this. It might
happen to anyone. We can’t read minds. It might hurt, but it’s just the
way it is.
Number 4. They have their own issues or things
to deal with.
They are not organised enough to mentally handle
a relationship as you expect it. Obviously, in most
cases, the reasons I’ve stated here are not your
fault. But this one - especially. The person we are
dealing with could be going through their own
traumas and difficulties. They might be depressed,
they might have social anxiety, they might be
scared of social communications. Sometimes they
really could be extremely busy (though, I still think
it is possible to find time for the one you like). And hear me out,
it really is possible! They could indeed have a lot going on in their life, and
even when they do like you, they might just need to sort everything out
first. Or, perhaps, they work or study a lot in pursuit of some important
goals; and they are not ready to invest a lot of time into socialising or
relationships. Sometimes they might simply forget about you, and it will
look like ghosting. Did they do it because you’re lame and they don’t like
you? Well, it could happen (see reason number 1) but in this case - no! I
can really tell from my own experience - I might like you, and see you as
the coolest person. Still, I have too much exciting stuff to do, and I don’t
spend all my time thinking about answering your text! Sometimes I can
remember and reach out and apologise, but I don’t mean to «ghost» you -
my life is just too filled up with people, experiences, and responsibilities.
My own solution: Be compassionate and accept that other people could
also have hard times. And their difficulties might be more important than
communicating with you. It does not make you unattractive. Give them
space, let them be if you can’t help, and move on.