9781626569768

2
Shame, Guilt, and Apology—Then and Now
When Did We Learn to Hate Them?
“Keisha Bald Spots!” was the consistent choral offering on Keisha’s brief
bus ride to Woolslair Elementary School. The teasing was brutal and
regular, but in some ways the daily routine made it easier to adapt to.
Keisha’s mama had a penchant for gorgeous, labyrinthine braided
hairstyles. Her mother also had the grip of an X-Men character, and by the
time Keisha was in third grade the tight braids had ripped her hair right out
of her nine-year-old scalp, causing permanent bald spots on both sides of
her head, a condition known as traction alopecia. Being different is difficult
in a world that tells us there is a “normal.” Many of us have oriented our
entire lives around an effort to be “normal,” never realizing that “normal” is
not a stationary goal. It keeps moving while we dance a perpetual foxtrot,
jitterbug, and paso doble around it, trying to catch up and confused when
we finish each day exhausted and uninspired by this party called life.
It is considered normal for women and girls in the United States to have
hair, a reality shaped to varying degrees by the default of Westernized
beauty standards. In Western societies hair is often tied to notions of
femininity, beauty, and gender. Having hair is what is expected of a
“normal” woman or girl. Of course, there is an endless screed of rules
governing our notions of normal hair. One cannot have too much hair or too
little. Hair can only be in certain places on our bodies. Hair should have a
certain texture, should be a certain color. For Americans, the rules for hair
(like most of our body rules) come with a default aesthetic: long, straight,
fine… and, if possible, blonde.
Even before the children on the school bus began singing “Keisha!
Keisha Bald Spots!” it is likely that Keisha already knew she did not fit the
default of normal hair. Commercials would have told her, music would have
said it, pictures in her school books would have made it clear that Keisha’s
hair was not the default. Her short, dark, kinky hair and soon-to-be-