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continue gently asking ourselves about our motives, intentions, and impact.
Radical self-love calls us toward a deeper investigation: “Why am I
compelled to spend $180 on wrinkle-defying serum?” Posing that question
to ourselves is likely a more effective and loving strategy than haranguing
ourselves for making said purchase. The act of inquiry serves as a
lighthouse on our journey, there to help us locate our position in the wild
seas of media and BSPC manipulation.
This does not mean we should be full-stop averse to changing our
bodies, or that making makeup, fashion, or aesthetic choices is antithetical
to radical self-love. What each of us needs to live in the fullness of our
personal expression will be as varied as our individual bodies and
dependent on our lived experiences. For example, when I have asked
transgender people what they would do with $15,000, many have said they
would spend it on gender-affirmation surgery (surgical procedures that
change one’s body to conform to one’s gender identity). 21 This answer is
unsurprising and completely aligned with radical self-love, which is about
abiding in our most authentic selves. As we seek to do this, we are guided
to move toward the most honest representation of our being. For some of
us, moving away from body hyper-consciousness is key to that journey. For
others, whose identities and bodies are more profoundly policed and erased
by society, the desire to have those identities seen and affirmed is an
essential aspect of the radical self-love journey. Of course we can wear
makeup, join a gym, and color our hair. I am a loud proponent of being
unapologetically adorned. But the practice of inquiry shows us where we
have adopted the media indoctrination that connects our worth and value to
our appearance and external selves. That is what I call detriment buying.
Radical Reflection
Although our actions are important, we learn more about ourselves
when we examine our motives. Radical self-love inquiry is less about
judging ourselves for “what” we do and far more about
compassionately asking ourselves “why?”