FEBRUARY 2017

ANNUAL WEDDING GUIDE
before
“i do”
Learning how to find
the right spouse
BY KRIS HARRIS
Making the decision to enter into the Holy
Sacrament of Marriage is one of those
life-changing moments. However, finding
or thinking you’ve found the right spouse, is
sometimes the most difficult step to take. Even
when you think you may have found him or her,
there is a crucial element, sometimes overlooked
or taken for granted —how well do you know your
future spouse and are you certain he or she is the
right person for you?
Patrice Abona was nearly 30 years old when
she married her husband Emil. “Life was good
but you when you are not married at a certain
age, you get a lot of pressure from the outside
world,” Abona said. “Internally too; we all have
a desire to be with someone.”
Abona talked about finding the right spouse in
an episode of the Mar Toma Productions Invitation
to Sisterhood. During the same show, Fr. Pierre Konja,
administrator at Mother of God Church in Southfield,
reminded viewers that couples are not always in
the sample place, in terms of their spirituality, which
can raise some questions. “Is this somebody that’s
closer to Christ or someone that can get me closer to
Christ?” asked Fr. Pierre. “If not, is it someone that I
can marry and would be good, but not super holy by
praying the rosary every single night, but would challenge
me to be a better person?”
Finding the right spouse is not always easy,
but keeping an open mind can help when looking
for the right person. “You can meet a really great
church-goer and faithful person, but he is really
boring or he never wants to talk,” said Fr. Pierre.
“But then you can meet someone who is really outgoing
and you’re best of friends, but his faith isn’t as
strong as you’d like it to be. So you can’t put things
in boxes. You have to make decisions on your own,
as far as whom I want to spend the rest of my life
with and will this person lead me closer to God in
the relationship.”
Timing is everything. “Amil and I talk about if
we had met three years earlier would we have been
ready for each other,” said Abona. “Praying for the
right spouse is good. I also learned that praying for
him even when I didn’t know him was important.”
“God’s time is not always our time,” chimed in
May Seman, co-host of the episode.
Being realistic and honest with yourself is also
PHOTO BY IVAN GEORGE
Vallen and Selwan
important. “I always tell my kids that whatever
your list is of what that person needs to have, you
must have those things to,” said Seman. “Don’t
have high expectation of someone but you lack
those things yourself.”
When couples feel they might be ready for marriage,
Fr. Pierre believes it’s important that couples
first have an open and honest relationship. “Usually,
I meet with couples that are pretty close to marriage,
within a year of the ceremony,” said Fr. Pierre. “By
this time, you should know everything about this
person. Baggage, dating history, family struggles, and
what has formed him to the person he is today. The
good, the bad and the ugly, so we can put it out there
and they can know who each other really are, and
still say, ‘I love you and I still want to be your spouse.’”
Couples, who feel they are ready for marriage,
need to keep in mind that just because you want
to get married doesn’t mean that you automatically
receive the church’s blessing. “There has been a
few times where I’ve really put my pen down, while
filling out the file and said, ‘I really suggest you
don’t get married in the time frame you’re wanting
to,’” said Fr. Pierre. “They should be excited because
they’re going to the church to make it official
and legitimatize it, but they’re angry and upset and
it made me wonder why they were there.”
The church only wants to see healthy and
happy relationships develop and grow over time,
which is why they are there to help with the process.
“We want couples to live happy, fruitful,
Christ-centered lives, so we want to guide them to
it,” Fr. Pierre explained. “Marriage has its struggles;
it‘s reality and it needs to be looked at as real.
When people just take a step back and realize what
marriage is, and why is it important, I think the
process can be more fluid.”
Fr. Pierre reminds couples that marriage is more
than just spending the rest of your life with someone
else. “This is a vocation from God that’s been
elevated to a Sacrament and that’s supposed to lead
you closer to Him, to gain you salvation,” he said.
“We want couples to have found a spouse that at
least can help with that or is on the same page with
that. When that is understood, it becomes much
easier to enter into marriage.”
26 CHALDEAN NEWS FEBRUARY 2017