FEBRUARY 2017

ANNUAL WEDDING GUIDE
couples’ classes
Learning how to be married
BY WEAM NAMOU
More than four hundred
Chaldean weddings are
performed each year. Marriage
is honored and affirmed among
Christians and throughout the Bible.
However, while most Christians seek
to uphold the seriousness of wedding
vows, the great changes in traditional
roles of men and women along
with the increase and acceptance of
divorce in Western culture, has made
it difficult for some couples to save
their marriage.
In order to help new couples start
off in the right direction, the church
has, for more than a decade, offered
pre-marriage classes. It was about two
years ago when the classes at Mother
of God Church were changed to suit
the needs of a new generation and
current circumstances.
“My husband and I attended the
old program and that was really the
motivation for us wanting to change
the program,” said Kristen Ayar, who
along with others was involved in
this process. “It wasn’t what it should
or could be for our community. The
new classes are more practical.”
Ayar and her husband Arvin,
married for 4 ½ years, are presenters
at the new classes which are taught
by couples and were developed
through research and surveys.
The classes incorporate six topics
over a six hour period. The topics
include:
Roles and Backgrounds, which
raises questions such as who are you as
an individual and what is your background?
What do you expect of the
roles of a husband, wife, and parent?
“Here, we talk about our parents’
different relationships and how that
shaped and molded us,” said Ayar.
“Your background is carried into your
relationship.”
We talk about our
parents’ different
relationships and
how that shaped and
molded us.”
– KRISTEN AYAR
Communication, which teaches
how to communicate effectively with
your spouse and resolve conflicts in a
calm and loving way.
“Conflict is inevitable in a marriage,”
said Fr. Pierre Konja, administrator
for Mother of God. “But how
you solve it is crucial to healing and
forming a strong marriage.”
Finances, which is taught by a
couple who have seven kids and
who give advice through example as
they share their own life experience
in dealing with money and children
and the role that God, mercy, and
love plays in this area of their life.
Intimacy, sex, and family planning.
“This topic is especially important
in a sexually broken world
where promiscuity and pornography
are glorified,” said Fr. Pierre.
Other topics that are covered include
abuse and in-laws and, oftentimes,
the topics overlap.
However, a class or program alone
will not safeguard a healthy marriage,
because there is no perfect program
that exists anywhere. Ultimately, it’s
the couple’s desire that will make or
break their wedding vows.
“Couples have to have the desire
to be sacrificial and reflect the love
of God in their marriage, to be strong
through difficulties and wise and mature
about whom to enter marriage
with,” said Fr. Pierre.
Since marriage and family is the
foundation of the church, of Christianity,
efforts have also been made to
strengthen already married couples.
The Eastern Catholic Re-Evangelization
Center (ECRC) provides a
marriage program called The Choice
Wine: 7 Steps to a Superabundant
Marriage. Whether a couple is engaged
or has been married for 50
years, this 9-weeks program is intended
to teach couples how to “divorce-proof
their marriages.”
Steve Bollman, founder of this
program, is a Catholic minister.
With an educational background in
Chemical Engineering, he integrates
teachings of faith with the findings of
modern science. The program’s seven
simple steps, he says, will “Stretch
your mind through science. It will
test your faith, and it will challenge
you to live your high calling.”
Ayar and her husband also participate
in The Choice Wine program
and she says that this has strengthened
their marriage.
“It was like date-night with my
husband and other couples who want
their relationships to grow with God
and each other,” she said.
This program has been held at
Mother of God Church and St. Thomas
Church, but ECRC is trying to
make it available to other parishes so
everyone can enjoy it. A couple’s retreat,
which ECRC hosted previously
at Camp Chaldean, is something they
plan to repeat in the near future.
“Couples retreats are not to fix anything
necessarily, but to strengthen a
couple’s relationship,” said Fr. Pierre.
There are pre-marriage classes
that are required by the Diocese to
attend before a couple marries and
there are other marriage classes available,
but not obligatory. While the
marriage classes are highly encouraged
by the community, and there
is a strong desire for them, Fr. Pierre
says that realistically most people are
too busy to commit to them.
“We get caught up with finances
and the kids and the marriage itself
becomes taken for granted,”
he said. “Be intentional about your
marriage. Go out on date nights
once a week, on a vacation by yourself.
Seek marriage counseling even
if your marriage is fine – do it just
to make your marriage better. Marriage
is work. Anything worth having
is difficult.”
The message that Steve Bollman
tells people is that “Jesus does not
want your marriage to be enough. He
wants it to be superabundant.”
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34 CHALDEAN NEWS FEBRUARY 2017