V21 N46

The Answer Lady invites inquiries from
gentle readers on all manner of relationship
quandaries, matters of the
heart and ethics. If you’d like to send
a query, write to info@exitzero.us. Or,
simply sit back, enjoy a cup of coffee and contemplate
the wisdom herein.
Dear Answer Lady
My husband received a promotion which
he has worked very hard to get. He wants
to celebrate by taking all of us out to dinner
including our three kids and my in-laws. My
in-laws want to pay for it and have chosen a
restaurant I do not like. Rather than subject
myself to food I know will be dreadful, I chose
to stay home. My husband feels I am being
“ridiculously stubborn.” I feel I am allowing
them to enjoy the dinner without an obviously
unhappy person. Aren’t I right? — Principled
Dear Principled
No, the Answer Lady does not think you
are right. You are selfish and accustomed to
getting your way. The night is not about you.
It’s about your husband’s achievements. What
The Answer Lady
Wise answers to perplexing questions
you should do is suck it up and pretend everything
is delicious. Since you cannot be counted
on to do that, at least tell your kids and in-laws
you have a tummy ache. Then for a romantic
mea culpa, choose a restaurant which meets
your standards of excellence — The Ebbitt
Room, Oyster Bay, PSI or Pier House just to
name a few. A word to the wise, when thinking
of New Year’s resolutions – consider learning
to suffer in silence.
Dear Answer Lady
My family has a tradition of gathering
between Christmas and New Year’s. There
are five adult children, plus spouses, grandchildren
and parents. My brother is a chef and
insists on cooking. That’s fine, but he lives in a
small apartment so I usually host in my larger
home. He’s also not the tidiest of chefs. Ergo, I
end up with the clean-up. I am also in charge of
making the house look like a Hallmark movie.
It’s too much. He was ill last year, so we went
to Hemingway’s. I want to repeat that, but he
feels I am “undermining” his talents as a chef
and the “gift” he loves to give to the family.
I just want a break. How do we resolve this
impasse? — Tortured Hostess
Dear Tortured
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Sit down with your brother and ask him
to come up with a Plan B. Instead of a big formal
dinner, have apps and cocktails at a different
sibling’s place. Or rent a space at Nauti
Spirits or the Kiwanis. Surely, two smart people
can come up with something.
December 21, 2023 EXIT ZERO Page 53