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will grow to understand the importance of
a father in life.
I feel like bursting with pride when I see
my husband and children — their closeness
helped me recover and today I am well and
an active part of my family. It’s not to say he
doesn’t have days where he needs a break,
or feels frustrated and angry — I think most
people go through these feelings regardless
— he is human. But he has reconciled the
issues he had with his own father growing
up, and discovered that they do not need to
have any impact on his own parenting. He is
a great man, a great husband, and a brilliant
father.
Kelly Carlin
New South Wales
Help for painful intercourse
I just wanted to firstly write to you and
thank you for such a wonderful, insightful
publication in byronchild. It has opened
my eyes to so many parenting issues and
has encouraged me no end in my journey
through parenthood.
The article on smacking was particularly
interesting to me as I come from a family
where it was considered the norm. I still
have nightmares of watching my baby sister
being belted with two wooden spoons
because she wouldn’t say ‘Ta’ at 9 months
old. As I write this I still get a sick feeling in
the pit of my stomach. Reading the article
reaffirmed my belief that smacking children
does much more harm than good and confirms
within myself that I am doing the right
thing in making the decision not to ever
smack my baby girl.
The second reason I have for writing
to you is I am not sure if you are aware of
a condition called vulvodynia which is diagnosed
as chronic vulvar pain, which occurs
during intercourse but also the burning,
itching rawness and tenderness experienced
every day with this syndrome. I have been
suffering from this condition since the birth
of my daughter and basically diagnosed
myself after stumbling across an article in a
magazine in a cafe one afternoon.
My GP and gynaecologist had no idea
what the problem was and told me I would
just have to accept that it would take a
while to settle down. However, not accepting
their diagnosis I contacted a specialist
in this area, Marek Jantos, via his website
www.vulvarpain.com. After just 2 months
of biofeedback treatment I am finally feeling
normal again and the debilitating pain is no
longer disrupting my life. There are hundreds
of women who have symptoms of this
syndrome but many are never diagnosed due
to a lack of education of medical practition-
ers in this area. I thought it may be possible
that this info might help other readers of
byronchild to know there is treatment available
for these symptoms and they don’t have
to suffer continually.
Amy Young.
Email
Can we really do this?
In recent issues, readers have been asking,
‘How on earth do you do it?’ (Attached
mothers need attached communities, Issue
10, and others.) Ever since byronchild began
— around the same time my daughter was
born — I have been living with this question,
trying to find ways of living attachment
parenting in a culture more designed for
consumerism than for supporting parents
to nurture our children’s biological expectations.
Every issue has brought inspiration;
as well as confronting the reality of the
situation we face as parents; quite often it
has served to fan the fires of frustration and
discontent! Perhaps this is partly intentional
— perhaps it is only through a clear, honest
evaluation that we will collectively transform
our discontent into innovative ideas
and a practical, viable reality that we can
share and live.
Amongst byronchild readers alternatives
are constantly emerging as people find their
own resourceful ways of living it the best
they can. It seems one crucial key is right in
front of us: ‘Hidden in plain sight’ — all along
byronchild has been championing the unrealised
potential of tapping into our communities
as a way to transcend the stress of
the nuclear ‘fix’. I am quite convinced we can
turn our good intentions into actual lived
priorities in terms of how much time we
have to devote to our kids — and together
we can find ways of turning our own personal
economies back into our own local
directions, supporting our communities (and
our parenting) at the same time.
One possible solution that has emerged
is the Community Parenting Exchange, an
internet-based self-organising network for
practising holistic parenting within a community
context. In the most practical sense,
it’s about nurturing our children in our own
company, and enriching the lives of people
around us by involving our own communities
and the incredible wealth of skills and
life experience within. It serves us parenting
alongside other parents, sharing child-raising
and even living with other like-minded folks;
opening ourselves up to accepting help with
the practical stuff and learning from others
in the community, offering ways to spend
less and create money more in harmony
with family life, and to meaningfully involving
the kids in community life.
As a parent I feel excited about the far
ranging possibilities for my own children to
grow up with the support of such a network;
as a contributor to byronchild, I feel heartfully
committed to extending the vision of
this magazine with whatever practical means
I can. As the one developing the Exchange
model (which will be possible for anyone to
self initiate and operate in their own local
communities, anywhere in the world) I am
inviting readers to embark on an experiment
and to take this model and shape it
into something that can really serve you and
the folks in your own community.
Further information will be available in
the next issue of byronchild, but in the
meantime if you want to find out more, you
can email me sajahns@gmx.net
Anna Jahns
India
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with the subject “Letter to the Editor”
or post 7 Palm Ave, Mullumbimby, NSW 2482
byronchild 13