A Leader's Guide to Trauma in the Unit - US Army War College

Army War College Spouses’ Project
• Prepare other members of the FRG or coffee group for the bereaved member’s
return to normal activities. Provide examples of appropriate things to say.
• There are no right words to take away the pain, but you being there and showing
you care are more important than any words you can ever say.
Some suggested comments to make:
o “I’m sorry that (name) died.”
o “I can’t know how you feel, but I want to help you in any way I can.”
o “Would you like to talk about (spouse’s or child’s name)?”
o “You do not need to go through this alone. I know you are doing the best
you can to get through this, and I want to help you.”
Some suggested comments not to make:
o “You are young, you can have another child.”
o “At least you have the rest of your family.”
o “It could have been worse.”
o “I know just how you feel.”
o “You’ll get over it.”
o “Time heals all wounds.”
o “If there is anything you need just call me.”
o “It’s a blessing.”
o “Life goes on.”
• When the official autopsy report is received (6-8 weeks), this can be a very
difficult time for the family again.
FRUSTRATIONS
In times of stress and crisis, when nerves are frayed and emotions are understandably
running high, it is easy to experience hurt feelings. Make every effort not to take things
personally, and encourage others you are volunteering with to do the same. All members
of the unit will experience loss in different ways. Accept them where they are, do what
you feel comfortable and capable of doing, and maintain focus on the true mission at
hand, which is providing care and comfort to the grieving family.
Burnout is a very real possibility among caregivers. Take the lead in modeling for others
the necessity to empathize, not sympathize, and the importance of sharing the many tasks
the family may need assistance with.
When we find ourselves under stress, our abilities to reason, problem-solve and make
good decisions are impaired. By keeping this in mind, we can allow ourselves to revisit
decisions made under stress at a later date. Reminding the grieving family of this may be
of assistance to them as well.
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A Leader’s Guide to Trauma in the Unit April 2004