A Leader's Guide to Trauma in the Unit - US Army War College

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Army War College Spouses’ Project Helping Children Deal With Death ________________________________________________________________________ 42 A Leader’s Guide to Trauma in the Unit April 2004
Army War College Spouses’ Project HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH DEATH “The heart of every child beats to the rhythm of a father’s love.” --Steve Curley As parents we must share our grief with our children. They also have grief to share, but we must try not to burden them with unrealistic expectations and concerns. IMMEDIATE HELP What can a parent say or do following a trauma in their immediate family or on the installation to which they are assigned? Knowing what to say is difficult. Your expression of love and concern are more important than the words. Keep in mind, we live in a small community and news travels quickly. Promote a safe environment: • Try to alleviate fears of abandonment and support. • Try to maintain routines as much as possible — the more stable daily life remains, the easier it will be for children. Maintain rules, mealtimes and bedtimes. Communicate: • Make sure children are told as soon as possible — the sooner, the better. • Always be honest about what has happened and what may occur. • Make sure they receive accurate information from the right source. • Be clear, but do not provide unnecessary details that might confuse or scare your child. • Encourage children to express their feelings, whatever they are. Respect their fears and allow them to cry. This is not the time to say “Don’t cry,” or, “I need you to be a big boy.” • Share your feelings. You can also share how you deal with your feelings. • Actively listen. Try to recognize your child’s feelings and help put them into words. SHORT-TERM SUPPORT Children and adult grieving stages may have some similarities, but children do grieve differently. Their limited experience and developmental immaturity may cause them to misunderstand aspects of death. They may not be able to express their feelings and may not know how to mourn. They may be reluctant to mention the deceased or to grieve openly. ________________________________________________________________________ 43 A Leader’s Guide to Trauma in the Unit April 2004
Page 2 and 3: DISCLAIMER The views in this book a
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Page 6 and 7: TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction…
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A Leader's Guide to Trauma in the Unit - US Army War College

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