A Leader's Guide to Trauma in the Unit - US Army War College

Army War College Spouses’ Project
3. After the death of a soldier, the military fulfills the roles of casualty notification and
interpreting survivor benefits. In the event of a death of a spouse or child, the military
role is more limited. You and other spouses represent the “heart” side of the unit, and
that is where you can contribute (see Support section).
4. Grieving families have many questions regarding survivor benefits and numerous
other issues. Because you and other spouses in the unit provide support, families may
look to you for the answers. When families have specific questions that require the
expertise of military personnel, do be a point of resource and referral. Refer families
to the Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO), legal officer, chaplain, Public Affairs
Officer (PAO), etc., when they have questions. Also, do not try to answer the
question, “why?”
5. Be careful to be an empathizer, rather than a sympathizer. In other words, show the
involved family that you care, but don’t take on their feelings of grief. Be familiar
with the Stages of Grief (see Appendix – Grief). This will help you to conserve your
energy as a helper to the family and a leader of spouses in the unit. However, be
aware that you may actually be grieving this loss yourself and that the unit may be
grieving, too. Members of the unit will be watching to see how the unit takes care of
its family.
6. Discuss with your spouse whether he/she will attempt to contact you when a critical
incident occurs while deployed.
7. Consider speaking with a trusted mentor or Chaplain if you experience feelings of
fear, inadequacy or overwhelm. Do not be afraid to make mistakes.
A death in the unit is an overwhelming experience. As a leader, you can play a vital role
in the healing process by being yourself, being prepared and being focused on the family
in need.
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A Leader’s Guide to Trauma in the Unit April 2004