“Det var et barn, jeg ikke fik, som jeg skulle have haft”

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”Det var et barn, jeg ikke fik, som jeg skulle have haft”. Et bachelorprojekt om narrativitet og provokerede sene aborter It has taken many years for her sadness and loss about the baby to shift from the front to the back of her mind. Everyone coped with bereavement differently - some women wanted to get pregnant again to fill 'the void' left by the baby they had lost, others couldn't face another pregnancy in case the same thing happened again (see 'Deciding whether to have another baby'). Several women had gone away on holiday or for a short break with their partners, though not everyone found this was helpful. Many women derived great comfort from their families and also from the strength of their relationship with a partner or husband. Several women who had gone through the termination many years ago said that other life events that had happened to them since the termination had helped them see the loss of the baby in a wider perspective. Reference: E Describes feeling in limbo afterwards and says that it had helped her to get away from home for a while. However, some women's feelings of loss carried on for some time - and also after the birth of another baby - and several had needed professional help and support. Generally women had asked the GP for advice, or been offered help by the midwife. Other women had arranged counselling and other kind of therapy for themselves (see 'Counselling and other kinds of support'). Several women who had ended a pregnancy within the last two years said they were still finding life without the baby extremely difficult. Reference: F Still feels she hasn't come to terms with her guilt about the baby's death which happened two years' ago. Reference: G She can remember everything about her baby who died less than a year ago, and still thinks about him every day. In the year following the termination, most women we talked to had experienced some periods when they felt particularly low. Some women said they had asked themselves, 'Why me?', or 69
”Det var et barn, jeg ikke fik, som jeg skulle have haft”. Et bachelorprojekt om narrativitet og provokerede sene aborter 'What did I/we do wrong?' and trying to find a logical reason for what had happened. The first anniversary of the baby's birth could often trigger sadness. Reference: H She and her partner decided to get married on the first anniversary of the baby's death so that they wouldn't dread the date in future. Several women who had been through a termination by induction said they had been shocked by the physical after-effects of childbirth - sore breasts, milk coming in and bleeding - and had found those things difficult to deal with. Several women said they had felt unprepared the physical after-effects of having a baby. Reference: I Says she was surprised to experience such heavy bleeding after the termination. Some women needed extra medical attention afterwards, some because they had a suspected womb infection, others for heavy bleeding. Though bleeding is normal after childbirth, some women felt they had not been treated sensitively enough when they went back to hospital for follow-up consultations and treatment. Several women needed hospital treatment after surgical terminations because part of the placenta remained in the womb. During the first year some women also had mixed feelings towards other women, including friends and family members, who had healthy babies. Though these feelings generally passed quite quickly for most women, several said they were shocked to find themselves thinking and acting out of character. Reference: J For about 18 months after losing her baby she found herself feeling resentful of women who were pregnant and those who had healthy babies. Several women described how they tried to avoid coming into contact with babies for some months after they had lost the baby. However a few women said they found babies comforting - and one woman asked if she could hold someone's baby for a while when she was getting over the loss of her own baby. 70
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