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By now I hope you’ve had the pleasure
of watching South Shore-St. Margaret’s
Bay Liberal-loser Derek Wells’s batshitcrazy
campaign ad featuring his left-learning
horse, Kirby.
If not, take a moment to bask in the weirdness
on YouTube where you’ll find it under
the punny title of Stable Government. I’ll
wait.
Back? Good.
Now I can share that prominent Liberal
sources have let me know the ass behind
the horse is Dr. Bill Smith.
The Bridgewater chiropractor, and likewise
loser to Gerald Keddy in the 2008
election, apparently thought the absurd advertisement,
with its strange editing, bad
jokes, and uncomfortably friendly horse,
would play over great. And it did, as the clip
went viral and internet users across the
world laughed at Derek’s cinematic masterpiece.
Apparently the commercial didn’t sit well
with the party, though. I’m told Derek’s staffers
awoke to dozens of angry emails from
prominent Liberals across the country, all
of them left wondering, WTF?
C’mon guys, it’s not like the Liberals
weren’t already a joke.
Backbreaker Bill, as you’ll recall, backed
Derek’s campaign for the Liberal candidacy
over Rick Welsford, the father of Bill’s
much younger baby-mama, Lindsay
Welsford.
Speaking of horses, aside from owning
champion race horse
Somebeachsomewhere, Garry Pye is the
new owner of Andy’s Tire Shop.
The Truro-based car dealer and real
estate magnate purchased the chain of
auto shop stores from former owner Mike
Langille last month. No sale price has
been released, but Andy’s is listed at between
$1 and $1.5 million in annual sales.
Now with six locations throughout the
province, Andy’s Tire Shop was started by
Mike’s father Andrew nearly 60 years ago.
Mother Myrna took over after Andy’s death
in 1967, until Mike was ready to run the
business at the tender age of 19.
Garry seems to want to keep the family
tradition alive, as he’s installed son
Andrew Pye as the new president, while
Mike’s stepson, Craig McKenzie, will remain
as the company’s GM.
Speaking of family relations, the Truroville
slugger who is accused of viciously
beating police officers with a baseball bat
has some longstanding family ties to the
community.
Paul Mitchell, 48, is the son of now de-
ceased Truro optometrist Calvin Ross
Mitchell. Dr. Ross passed away in 2009,
after running his own father’s ocular practice
for nearly 60 years. Aside from Paul,
his children include son David, and daughters
Margaret and Rebecca.
Becky, also an optometrist, is married to
Darren Blumenthal, used car salesman
extraodinaire and son of Halifax Councillor
Jerry Blumenthal.
Paul apparently resides with his mother,
and Ross’s wife, Faye, at her Patillo Avenue
residence, which is where several
officers went looking for him last month.
Paul was wanted for missing a February
court date to do with December 26 and
January 15 charges of assaulting two
women.
The cops, who presumably were let into
the home by mama Faye, found Paul and
his bat downstairs. The resulting scuffle
led to gunshots being fired, and one officer
needing nine staples to the head.
Currently, Paul is undergoing a 30-day
mental health assessment to determine
his ability to stand trial.
A snip from Derek
Wells’s equine
campaign.
The forgetful Mountie who left his gun
behind during a bathroom emergency appears
to be Amherst’s Const. David
Baldwin
Last month, local media reported an
RCMP officer had mistakenly left their firearm
behind in a McDonald’s bathroom.
Official sources still remain tight-lipped
about the incident, but I’ve been told it was
Dave who forgot his piece at the South
Albion Street burger shack.
I’ve also been told the fully loaded
weapon was found by two young boys,
who miraculously avoided injury while playing
with it until one child’s father saw the
sidearm and returned it to the RCMP.
Dave himself wasn’t available to comment,
as I hear he’s on vacation.
An internal investigation has been looking
into the matter, but I’ve been reassured
by RCMP spokesthingy Bridgit Leger that
the officially unidentified officer involved
has had no previous incidents or disciplinary
acts against them.
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MAY 24, 2011 FRANK MAGAZINE 27