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Hogg: Balmaquhapple
He's cheated a thousand, an' e'en to this day yet,
Can cheat a young lass, or they're leears that say it
Then gie him his gate; he's sae slee an' sae civil,
Perhaps in the end he may wheedle the devil.
'There's Cappie the cobbler, an' Tammie the tinman,
An' Dickie the brewer, an' Peter the skinman,
An' Geordie our deacon, for want of a better,
An' Bess, wha delights in the sins that beset her.
O, worthy St Andrew, we canna compel ye,
But ye ken as well as a body can tell ye,
If these gang to heaven, we'll a' be sae shockit,
Your garret o' blue will but thinly be stockit.
'But for a' the rest, for the women's sake, save them,
Their bodies at least, an' their sauis, if they have them;
But it puzzles Jock Lesly, an' sma' it avails,
Tf they dwell in their stamocks, their heads, or their
tails;
An' save, without word of cuuiession auricular,
The clerk's bonny daughters, an' Bell in particular;
For ye ken that their beauty's the pride an' the staple
Of the great wicked village of Balmaquhapple!'
JAMES HOGG
A RIDDLE
Q. Why is a Pump like V-sc-nt C-stl-r-gh?
A. Because it is a slender thing of wood,
That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,
And coolly spout and spout and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!
THOMAS MOORE
101