CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

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What addictive behaviour were you struggling with? A codependent friendship. How did it start? Six years ago I met a person I thought would be my best friend for life. I was going through a huge transition in my life coming home from college and having to start over in building friendships. Although I graduated, all my friends were still in college and my old friends from high school had all changed. It was hard for me to identify and connect again with my old friends. I connected with a few of my old friends from high school, and through one of them I met Anna. At the beginning of our friendship Anna and I connected really well and we had a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time together right from the beginning. She too had just come home from college and didn't know anyone. We started hanging out 2-3 times a week, but I started calling her more and more. By the second year of our friendship we hung out every night and were communicating thoroughly every day. We became inseparable to the point that people thought we were sisters. Neither of us had been in an unhealthy friendship before and because we shared a deeper dimension of life in our friendship (faith and spirituality), we never thought our attachment to each other was unhealthy. But, over time, I started becoming more manipulative over her and placed higher and higher expectations on her. I figured that if she knew me best she should know how to treat me perfectly. She was the one that I thought had to give me what I needed and I would get upset if I didn't get it. I demanded a lot from her and she complied most of the time with what I needed. What kinds of needs did you want her to meet? I was really looking for Anna to meet my emotional needs. I wouldn't go to God first at all. I thought about praying but the first person I thought of was Anna. Ultimately, I thought Anna could help me and pray with me. We were there for each other spiritually, but only in a selfish way.
Why did you feel "addicted" to this relationship? Because I felt I needed. It seemed to be a safe place to go for refuge. To me, she seemed like a safe haven. I tried to find my satisfaction and fulfillment in Anna. But, she could hardly meet a tenth of what I expected or thought I needed from her. When did you start to see a problem with your relationship? Anna's relatives and close friends would say that we hung out too much. But both of us were too entrenched in our friendship to think anything was really wrong. We were both needy and we both fulfilled needs in each other. But, at the same time, we weren't satisfied because there was a void there that we could feel and sense, especially spiritually. We knew that only God could fill that void and fulfill our needs, but we went to each other instead of to God. We began to realize that we were becoming too dependent on each other. At first there was no way I'd drop her friendship, because she still meant the world to me. But after spending more time with God and reading bookson friendship and codependence, we were both seeing just how unhealthy the relationship had become. Describe what your relationship looked like in its most dependent stage... Often Anna would get angry easily because I was manipulative and possessive. I was outgoing and dominant, and she, being opposite, was a good follower. Our difference in personality made it easy for our friendship to get out of balance. Throughout this time I was blinded to my other friends. I didn't see how my other friends were really important to me. I also neglected to value my own family. I cared more about Anna coming over on a family day more than I cared about seeing my family. I wanted to be with her all the time. I would shower her with cards and gifts. She would do the same for me. When I was hanging out with Anna I would try to control who she hung out with and control how deep her friendship with others would get.
Page 1: CODEPENDENCE A compilation of Publi
Page 4 and 5: Codependent people misplace their a
Page 6 and 7: Since codependent people are expert
Page 8 and 9: may tiptoe around him wondering if
Page 10 and 11: y Daniel Ploskin, MD - August 21, 2
Page 12 and 13: health disorder that they are not i
Page 14 and 15: Are You Codependent? By { HYPERLINK
Page 16 and 17: If you suspect that your helping be
Page 20 and 21: I would ask her what she was doing
Page 22 and 23: Helping a Person Who Is Codependent
Page 24 and 25: therapy and 12-step sessions find t
Page 26 and 27: Twelve Step process Twelve Step pro
Page 28 and 29: not that of a legal adviser, a bank
Page 30 and 31: These are some versions of the Twel
Page 32 and 33: esponsibly for ourselves, for our o
Page 34 and 35: 12 Step Process THE BIBLE & THE TWE
Page 36 and 37: Twelve-step program From Wikipedia,
Page 38 and 39: - "Lois's Story" in the Al-Anon "Bi
Page 40 and 41: Hope - People who experience mental
Page 42 and 43: You have the right to recover accor
Page 44 and 45: Treatments for Depression and Bipol
Page 46 and 47: There are ways you can help friends
Page 48 and 49: 3. Realizing and Believing Change i
Page 50 and 51: Continue to support them as they se
Page 52 and 53: meetings where people can learn mor
Page 54 and 55: An advance directive and a medical
Page 56 and 57: Self Help Affirmations That Work Me
Page 58: 5. Exercise your mind to strengthen

CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

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