CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

Codependence?
By Dr. Irene Matiatos Ph.D.
Source: http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/codependencea.html
Some of the nicest people I know are codependent.
They always smile, never refuse to do a favor. They are happy and
bubbly all the time. They understand others and have the ability to make
people feel good. People like them!
So, what is wrong with this?
Nothing, really, unless the giving is
one-sided and so excessive that it
hurts the giver. Then, the giver is
showing the signs of codependence.
Partners who go out of their way
for each other are interdependent.
Only relatively healthy people are
capable of interdependent
relationships, which involve give and
take. It is not unhealthy to
unilaterally give during a time when
your partner is having difficulty. You
know your partner will reciprocate
should the tables turn.
Interdependency also implies that you
do not have to give until it hurts. By
comparison, in a codependent
relationship, one partner does almost
all the giving, while the other does
almost all the taking, almost all of the
time.
By giving, codependent people avoid the discomfort of entitlement.
Giving allows them to feel useful and justifies their existence. Rather than simply
approving of themselves, codependent people meet their need for self-esteem,
by winning their partner's approval. Also, because they lack self-esteem,
codependent people have great difficulty accepting from others. One must feel
deserving and entitled in order to accept what is offered.
Codependent behavior is not easy. It requires a lot of work.
It hurts. These individuals typically suffer with low self-esteem, depression,
anxiety, and especially guilt, as well as other painful thoughts and feelings. They
judge themselves using far stricter criteria than they use to measure the
performance of others. While they are brutally critical of their own misbehavior,
they are very good at justifying and excusing the misbehavior of others.