CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Since codependent people are experts at controlling other people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior, they feel hurt that others don't reciprocate and "know" what they need. "If they really loved me, they would know." Not so! Since codependents do not have the self-esteem to ask for what they secretly want, they are unlikely to get it. If they do make a request, it is often a roundabout hint. If their partner cannot decipher the request, they feel hurt and unloved. They believe they conveyed their desires, when, in fact, they have not! Because most codependent individuals are control-oriented, they are very responsible. They are great employees. Tasks are done thoroughly and on time. Even parts of the job that are not theirs get picked up if coworkers are neglectful or slow. They try to control outcomes, whether those outcomes are completed job tasks or reactions from other people. Anything for approval. However, some codependent individuals are very irresponsible, in select or diverse life areas. They don't know how to or don't feel the need to take care of some of their own basic needs, especially if there is another person to care for instead. Why spend the time trying to figure out what the self needs, when the self doesn't really matter anyway? It is far more preferable to be out avoiding one's own issues: out having fun, hunting for a partner, or selfmedicating feelings. Codependent people are addiction prone. They may drink too much, shop too much, eat too much, etc. Dulling the senses is a great way to avoid knowing yourself and dealing with your feelings. Intimacy is avoided. Intimate behavior requires familiarity and comfort with one's internal world. Since the codependent person regards ordinary human needs as shameful, embarrassing, dangerous, or otherwise uncomfortable, meeting basic needs are often dismissed. Any relationship that ignores the self is superficial. Unfortunately, superficial relationships are safe...but empty and unfulfilling. Control is central to the "MO" of the codependent person. They control their self-esteem by catering to others' needs. They control by their over-responsible performance, picking up where others leave off. They control by avoiding intimacy or by clouding the mind. They control by advising others on what to do. These individuals work very hard to control everything and everybody. Yet, they neglect the one person they do have control over: themselves.
Why Be Codependent? Why would anybody spend time and energy to control outcomes, while actively neglecting the inner self? How can they do this and not realize they are selling themselves short? The Why: they know no other way; The How: they received very good training early in life. Any dysfunction in the family predisposes a child to codependent behavior. Children are biologically programmed to seek love and approval. They have to be cared for or they will die. When a parent or family member is dysfunctional, the child tends to focus on this person--rather than on enjoying a carefree and joyful kid existence. The child has to worry: if the caretaker does not care take, the child dies. For example, in an alcoholic home, little Sally has to worry about whether she can bring friends home - because daddy may be in a bad mood and embarrass her. Such events are training her in codependent thinking, the art of anticipating the other person. If mom is physically ill, Teddy has to worry about exerting her. Who would care for him if anything happened to her? If daddy is angry and controlling, Timmy needs to worry about pleasing him to avoid punishment and humiliation - and to get his conditional love and approval. Children are naturally egocentric. That means that they see the world revolving around them. If mom and dad fight, children feel that it is somehow their fault. Julie may try to make her parents happy by getting straight As in school in an attempt to keep the parental marriage together. Another child may have an abusive, or simply overactive older sibling. Since the parents cannot be there at all times to police the situation, the younger sibling may learn to anticipate the sib's moods and to behave in ways that might increase the probability of "safety." Or, perhaps daddy is depressed. Jennifer
Page 1: CODEPENDENCE A compilation of Publi
Page 4 and 5: Codependent people misplace their a
Page 8 and 9: may tiptoe around him wondering if
Page 10 and 11: y Daniel Ploskin, MD - August 21, 2
Page 12 and 13: health disorder that they are not i
Page 14 and 15: Are You Codependent? By { HYPERLINK
Page 16 and 17: If you suspect that your helping be
Page 18 and 19: What addictive behaviour were you s
Page 20 and 21: I would ask her what she was doing
Page 22 and 23: Helping a Person Who Is Codependent
Page 24 and 25: therapy and 12-step sessions find t
Page 26 and 27: Twelve Step process Twelve Step pro
Page 28 and 29: not that of a legal adviser, a bank
Page 30 and 31: These are some versions of the Twel
Page 32 and 33: esponsibly for ourselves, for our o
Page 34 and 35: 12 Step Process THE BIBLE & THE TWE
Page 36 and 37: Twelve-step program From Wikipedia,
Page 38 and 39: - "Lois's Story" in the Al-Anon "Bi
Page 40 and 41: Hope - People who experience mental
Page 42 and 43: You have the right to recover accor
Page 44 and 45: Treatments for Depression and Bipol
Page 46 and 47: There are ways you can help friends
Page 48 and 49: 3. Realizing and Believing Change i
Page 50 and 51: Continue to support them as they se
Page 52 and 53: meetings where people can learn mor
Page 54 and 55: An advance directive and a medical
Page 56 and 57:
Self Help Affirmations That Work Me
Page 58:
5. Exercise your mind to strengthen
show all

CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?