CODEPENDENCE - DEAN AMORY

may tiptoe around him wondering if he is unhappy because she is not good
enough. And so on.
In sum, codependent thinking tends to develop any time a child is
growing up in a home where life is not care free.
Often, addiction can be traced in the family tree of these dysfunctional families,
whether there is an active addict in residence, or not. Nevertheless, these kids
have an adult they have to worry about!
The codependent-in-training is taught to walk on eggshells.
To ensure survival, the child learns to be extraordinarily sensitive in reading the
moods and thoughts of others. The child learns very early to pay attention to and
tiptoe around the dysfunctional family members - at the child's expense. These
interactions take place silently, implicitly. The child learns to ignore the self's
inner needs, instead pretending that all is OK.
When I tell my clients that codependent adults were once children who
had an adult to worry about, some sharply disagree.
They tell me about the loving families they came from and insist that their family
members were "wonderful," etc. As denial melts and self-awareness develops,
they begin to recognize the failings in a caregiver that spawned their
selflessness. Sometimes, both parents were codependent, modeling no other
behaviors for the child to learn.
Help! Can I Fix it?
Good news! You certainly can! You can get control over your life!
You can stop trying to control the lives of others and take charge of
yourself!
While children are truly not
responsible for their actions, adults
are.
To experience a more satisfying life, it
becomes incumbent upon the adult to
take control of the unavoidable childhood
or present-day scars they experienced.
Parents don't set out to hurt their
children; neither do abusive partners! We
get hurt and we in turn hurt others
because we are imperfect. We may never
achieve perfection, but we can improve.
It is important to remember that we are
in part a product of our environment.
If we mis-behave, we have learned to do
so. The good news is that what was
learned can be unlearned or modified.
The best news is that, in my experience,