June 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
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June 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

June 2015 digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. Get yourself a dose of humor today.

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<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />

The Most Unusual Digest in America<br />

Save the Date!<br />

August 15th<br />

See inside for details!<br />

FREE<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />

Voted Greater<br />

Lewiston/Auburn’s<br />

Best Mortgage<br />

Company in 2014!<br />

Armandsab@aol.com<br />

Welcome<br />

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to our<br />

Loan Team!<br />

Need a Loan?<br />

We’ll SAVE You Money!<br />

Rates as low as 2.75%*<br />

Stop by TODAY!<br />

34 Bates Street,<br />

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760 Minot Avenue,<br />

Auburn • 753-0500<br />

GreatFallsfcu.com<br />

Great Falls<br />

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Additional Services include:<br />

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Deposit accounts & More!<br />

We’re here for you!!<br />

*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate.

I dont mean to brag... But I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />

Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 7th<br />

Flagship Cinema<br />

(Chapter 8609) Auburn<br />

$4 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />

Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 7th<br />

Sabattus American Legion<br />

Breakfast 7:30 – 10am<br />

Island Road, Sabattus<br />

$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />

Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 10th<br />

Center St Café Breakfast 7 – 10am<br />

(Chapter 12907)<br />

Center St. Auburn<br />

$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />

Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 10th<br />

Danny’s on the Mall 3:30 - 5:30pm<br />

(Chapter 7938)<br />

Main St Brunswick<br />

Free Member; $2 Guest<br />

Tuesday <strong>June</strong> 16th<br />

Taber’s 4 – 7pm<br />

(Chapter 12749)<br />

473 Lakeshore Drive, Auburn<br />

$5.50 Member; $6.50 Guest<br />

Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 24th<br />

Dairy Joy 3 – 7pm<br />

(Chapter 14437)<br />

Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St, Auburn<br />

$1 Member<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 30th<br />

Village Pizzeria 11:30 - 1pm<br />

(Chapter 10929)<br />

Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />

$5 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />

PARK TICKETS<br />

Aquaboggan<br />

To be announced<br />

Combo Fun/Splash<br />

$26 member; $27 guest<br />

Funtown $19 member; $20 guest<br />

Santa's Village<br />

$27 member; $28 guest<br />

Splashtown<br />

$18 member; $20 guest<br />

WaterCountry<br />

$28 member; $29 guest<br />

York Animal Kingdom<br />

$10 member; $11 guest<br />

Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.<br />

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-<br />

TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED<br />

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to<br />

change. If additional info is needed, please<br />

call our office, please do not call restaurants.<br />

All activities can only be attended at<br />

the times listed.<br />

*************************<br />

Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />

Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />

184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />

activities and can only be picked up the<br />

week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs<br />

9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon<br />

(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />

is published by the first<br />

Friday of every month by Maine<br />

Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />

with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />

Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />

It is distributed free throughout<br />

Central Maine and mailed to<br />

subscribers all over the Free<br />

World. Subscriptions are<br />

$30/year. Send a check made out<br />

to <strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong> to:<br />

PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212<br />

UncleAndysDigest.com<br />

Office: 207-783-7039<br />

Fax: 207-777-3898<br />

UAD Super Heroes<br />

SPIDY<br />

TIM<br />

HULK<br />

SMASH<br />

THOMAS<br />

CAPTAIN<br />

JIMBO<br />

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.<br />

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES<br />

Affordable<br />

Dentures<br />

Poorly fitting or broken<br />

dentures repaired on-site,<br />

usually same-day service!<br />

Also see us for:<br />

• Full Dentures<br />

• Immediate Dentures<br />

• Partial Dentures<br />

• Rebases<br />

• Relines<br />

• Repairs<br />

• All work done in house,<br />

including metal frameworks<br />

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!<br />

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted<br />

We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider<br />

FREE CONSULTATIONS<br />

BATGIRL<br />

TRACY<br />

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WOMAN<br />

PAM<br />

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

514-0660<br />

SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

Or email us at:<br />

smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins,<br />

licensed<br />

denturists<br />

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to<br />

ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />

client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />

general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />

availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />

product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

4<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.<br />

JOIN US EVERY THURSDAY!<br />

Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks • Live music outside on our Patio<br />

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com<br />

Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm<br />

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?<br />

JUNE Line-up:<br />

4th - Derek Cote<br />

11th - Nick Racioppe<br />

18th - Michael Krapoviki<br />

25th - Scott Gagne<br />

Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes<br />

It sure feels<br />

great to be outside of the<br />

office environment! What<br />

an amazing opening<br />

weekend!!<br />

(l to r): Kim Redmun, Terry Smith, Patty Rose, Sara Kidd,<br />

Devin Goyette, Scott Wilson, Laurie Turton, Owen Voisine & Even Emerson<br />

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.<br />

Lemon Law<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

A pair of newlyweds on<br />

their honeymoon in<br />

California are riding<br />

bikes through San<br />

Diego County. As they<br />

get further into the ride,<br />

they come upon a<br />

citrus grove.<br />

Taking note of what<br />

they’ve come across<br />

the husband says:<br />

“Honey look! It’s a citrus<br />

grove. Have you<br />

had any experience<br />

picking lemons?”<br />

The wife pauses, looks<br />

at her husband and<br />

says: “Well honey, I’ve<br />

been divorced four<br />

times.”<br />

Pears<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A squirrel is in a pine<br />

tree, when all of a sudden,<br />

it starts shaking.<br />

He looks down, and<br />

sees an elephant<br />

climbing the tree.<br />

"What are you doing?<br />

Why are you climbing<br />

my tree?" the squirrel<br />

calls down to the<br />

elephant.<br />

"I'm coming up there to<br />

eat some pears!" the<br />

elephant responds.<br />

"You fool! This is a pine<br />

tree! There aren't any<br />

pears up here!"<br />

The elephant looks<br />

perplexed for a<br />

moment, and then<br />

says, "Well I brought<br />

my own pears."<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 5

Ask us how you c<br />

sponsor of this g<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

Whiting Farm<br />

with John F.<br />

Murphy Homes<br />

Whiting Farm has been<br />

part of its community since<br />

1937. Started by their parents,<br />

brothers Buster and<br />

Elmer had run the farm for<br />

decades, running 13 greenhouses<br />

and farming 60<br />

acres of their land. The farm<br />

closed in the Spring of 2013<br />

after Buster passed away.<br />

In December 2014 the<br />

farm was purchased by John<br />

F. Murphy Homes, a nonprofit<br />

company that offers<br />

services for people with developmental<br />

disabilities. The<br />

farm will now be a place for<br />

all to come and learn.<br />

Elmer is now a volunteer<br />

and is teaching the ropes to<br />

Kim Finnerty, Director of the<br />

Farm. They plan to raise<br />

vegetables and flowers in<br />

two greenhouses and 10<br />

acres. Kim, a teacher at Edward<br />

Little High School, will<br />

leave that position and continue<br />

to teach, but her students<br />

will be of all ages.<br />

“Eventually, the farm will<br />

have a very large educational<br />

aspect,” says Finnerty.<br />

Elmer is now 77-yearsold,<br />

is excited to see things<br />

growing again. He enjoys<br />

the new lease on life the<br />

farm has. “I do a little each<br />

day to help and teach,”<br />

Elmer shares.<br />

A huge team effort by<br />

many of the employees of<br />

JFM and even their children.<br />

They’re off and running and<br />

we look forward to the rebuilding<br />

of this community<br />

icon.<br />

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.<br />

tu<br />

We<br />

W<br />

w<br />

H<br />

A HUGE T<br />

Colby waters the<br />

seedlings<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

6<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

A poster at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

Whiting Farm<br />

with John F.<br />

Murphy Homes<br />

Saturday, August 15th OUTSIDE at Mac’s Grill<br />

The Digest<br />

rns 20 this summer!<br />

Come help us<br />

celebrate!!<br />

ve partnered with<br />

Maine<br />

e hope to grant TWO<br />

ishes to local children!<br />

elp us meet that goal!!<br />

TONS OF FUN!<br />

3-6pm<br />

Happy Hour<br />

(Networking & silent auction)<br />

6-10pm<br />

Live music by The Whiskey Militia<br />

Walk around magic by Mark Vaillancourt<br />

Fun with Ginger Snap PhotoBooth<br />

Beer Garden with Federal Distributors<br />

Mac’s Grill will be grillin’!<br />

Roopers will be giving away ten $25 gift cards ($250)!<br />

Make A Wish Maine will be present with a local family!<br />

50/50 • Great Giveaways<br />

Come<br />

Join US!<br />

HANK YOU TO OUR MAJOR SPONSORS!<br />

Peter Kowalski,<br />

JFM Chief Executive Officer<br />

& Kim Finnerty,<br />

Director of the Farm<br />

Rolande &<br />

Normand LeClair<br />

Our Exclusive Beer Partner<br />

an become a<br />

reat event!<br />

Deb Bodwell RMS Mortgage<br />

Androscoggin Dental Group • Bilodeau Electric<br />

It’s the farm<br />

life for me...<br />

Flowers and plants<br />

and vegetables,<br />

oh my!<br />

Jeremy Rush,<br />

DJ for Z105.5<br />

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between<br />

8' to 11' tall.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 7

Anniversary<br />

Recall<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.<br />

A woman awakes in<br />

the middle of the night<br />

to find her husband not<br />

in bed. She puts on her<br />

robe and goes downstairs<br />

to look for him.<br />

She finds him sitting at<br />

the kitchen table with a<br />

cup of hot cocoa in<br />

front of him. He appears<br />

to be deep in<br />

thought, just staring at<br />

the wall. She watches<br />

as he wipes away a<br />

tear from his eye.<br />

"What's the matter,<br />

dear?" she whispers as<br />

she steps into the<br />

room. "Why are you<br />

down here at this time<br />

of night!?"<br />

The husband looks up<br />

from his drink, "It's the<br />

20th anniversary of the<br />

day we met."<br />

She can't believe he<br />

has remembered. She<br />

starts to tear up.<br />

The husband continues<br />

solemnly, "Do you remember<br />

20 years ago<br />

when we started dating?<br />

I was 18 and you<br />

were only 15."<br />

Once again, the wife is<br />

touched to tears thinking<br />

that her husband is<br />

so caring and sensitive.<br />

"Yes, I do," she replies.<br />

The husband pauses...<br />

(continued on next page)<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

8<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.<br />

Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW!<br />

Weddings • Summer Parties • Reunions<br />

BBQ’s • Lobster Feeds<br />

Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!<br />

No Party too Big or too Small<br />

HUNGRY?<br />

Call Us Today for a Free Quote!<br />

345-9009<br />

DadsPlace.info<br />

Let Dad do the cookin’!<br />

<strong>June</strong> Special<br />

Only$<br />

5<br />

Small<br />

Cheese Pizza<br />

Call Diana or Larry for<br />

more info and pricing!<br />

FREE<br />

COFFEE FRIDAY!<br />

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase<br />

of Breakfast Sandwich<br />

every Friday.<br />

(continued from previous page)<br />

the words were not<br />

coming easily.<br />

"Do you remember<br />

when your father<br />

caught us in the back<br />

seat of my car?"<br />

"Yes, I remember," said<br />

the wife, lowering herself<br />

into a chair beside<br />

him.<br />

The husband continued.<br />

"Do you remember<br />

when he shoved<br />

the shotgun in my face<br />

and said, 'Either you<br />

marry my daughter or I<br />

will make sure you<br />

spend the next 20<br />

years in prison?'"<br />

"I remember that too,"<br />

she replied softly...<br />

He sighed as he wiped<br />

another tear away from<br />

his cheek and said, "I<br />

would have gotten out<br />

today."<br />

Summer is<br />

finally here!<br />

Over 200 menu<br />

items to choose<br />

from!<br />

There’s NO PLACE like...<br />

Dad’s Place<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />

I hate people that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks<br />

are single & you don't see them crying!<br />

We’re guessing most of<br />

you are doing cartwheels<br />

with summer making her<br />

appearance...<br />

Or do you miss winter?<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 9

Out ’n About at the<br />

Touch A Truck Event<br />

with the United Way<br />

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.<br />

DONATION YOGA<br />

Offering Donation Only Yoga Classes<br />

Class Schedule: www.Yogave.com<br />

Eileen Steck<br />

Central Maine Community<br />

College<br />

Kim St. Pierre<br />

Clover Preschool<br />

FEEL GOOD<br />

Reduce Stress Improve Wellness<br />

Angie Coombs &<br />

Patrice Mathieu<br />

United Way of Androscoggin<br />

County<br />

When do I get<br />

to hold the<br />

microphone and play<br />

Matt Zidle?<br />

Well Heart Yoga<br />

Teacher Training School<br />

Become a Yoga Instructor!<br />

Monthly Training: www.wellheartyoga.com<br />

200 hour YTT Certification; 95 hour CRYS Children’s YTT Certification;<br />

300 hour Advanced Study Certification<br />

Braiden & Elliot Blais<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

10<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 170 US Rt 1, Falmouth • Yogave.com<br />

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency,<br />

I always write, "A very good doctor".

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance<br />

Own your<br />

own business?<br />

Want to make<br />

it better?<br />

Call us.<br />

NEXTLevelBusinessCoaching.biz<br />

207-754-2003<br />

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Out ’n About at the<br />

Touch A Truck Event<br />

with the United Way<br />

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.<br />

Caleb Harrington<br />

& Tyler Roy<br />

Irene Marshall &<br />

Elizabeth Perreault<br />

Greater Androscoggin<br />

Humane Society<br />

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.<br />

Telling it like it is...<br />

Completely sunny<br />

with probable rain and<br />

temps from 32º - 82º.<br />

Full report at 6pm.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

12<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.<br />

Knock Knock<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

ALL ABOUT<br />

Now offering...<br />

Fusion Extensions<br />

A policeman knocked<br />

on my door this morning,<br />

but I just locked it<br />

and sat there in complete<br />

silence.<br />

41 Broad St., Auburn<br />

784-5407<br />

Call for a FREE consultation<br />

with Master extension<br />

artistry of 9 years,<br />

Leah Cross!<br />

Paul Mitchell National Educator<br />

AllAboutUsalonla.com<br />

I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.<br />

Summer Cookout<br />

Season is HERE!<br />

Let us do the cooking for you!!<br />

Fresh<br />

Lobster<br />

Salad!<br />

Follow Us on Facebook & Instagram<br />

Featuring our FAMOUS<br />

Clam Bakes<br />

Includes Lobster, Clams,<br />

Corn & Red Potatoes<br />

YUM!<br />

894 Minot Avenue • Auburn<br />

Mon - Fri 10am – 7pm; Sat - Sun 10am – 8pm<br />

777-5871 • www.macsdowneastseafood.com<br />

Mouth-watering<br />

Lobster<br />

Rolls!<br />

Call Ahead for Quick Service<br />

Eat in • Take out • Outdoor seating<br />

The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.<br />

After 20 seconds he<br />

knocked again, but I<br />

just continued to ignore<br />

it. The knocks got<br />

louder and more frequent<br />

but I was determined<br />

not to move in<br />

the hope that he would<br />

just go away.<br />

Then, he decided to<br />

look through the window.<br />

He shouted, "Do<br />

you think I'm stupid? I<br />

can see you in there,<br />

sir. Open the door!"<br />

I said, "You're not coming<br />

in man!"<br />

He said, "I don't want<br />

to come in, I just want<br />

you to step out of the<br />

car."<br />

Isn't it odd the way<br />

everyone automatically<br />

assumes that the goo<br />

in soap dispensers is<br />

always soap?<br />

I like to fill mine with<br />

mustard, just to teach<br />

people a lesson in<br />

trust.<br />

Husband: Sweetheart,<br />

would you say that I'm<br />

the only man you've<br />

ever loved?<br />

Wife: Of course you<br />

are. Why do all men<br />

ask me the same silly<br />

question?<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 13

Out ’n About at the<br />

Bike Rodeo at<br />

Washburn School<br />

The Annual Spring Fever Bike<br />

Rodeo was held recently where<br />

nine youngsters won a brand<br />

new bike! One of the sponsors<br />

of the event, Community Credit<br />

Union handed out the bicycles.<br />

Auburn branch manager, Janice<br />

Lare got to see all their smiles<br />

first hand.<br />

Take time to relax. Especially when you don't have time for it.<br />

HUGE DISCOUNTS<br />

on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring<br />

Dillon Adams<br />

1st grade<br />

Just Arrived!<br />

HUGE<br />

SHIPMENT!<br />

NEW<br />

Bound Area<br />

Carpets<br />

Our Gift Cards make<br />

perfect Gifts for Dad!<br />

You’ll Be<br />

Amazed at<br />

How Much<br />

You Can<br />

$AVE!<br />

Lily Frahm<br />

Pre K<br />

Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A<br />

675 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 3pm<br />

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com<br />

782-0831<br />

Destiny Palmer<br />

2nd grade<br />

I had my driver's test the other day. I got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I didn't know angels could fly so low.<br />

Don’t spend $18 + at the beauty salon, get your...<br />

Mens & Boys CUTS for only<br />

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts<br />

Since 1963<br />

Marcel’s Barber<br />

Shop<br />

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />

$<br />

12<br />

Out ’n About at the<br />

Bike Rodeo at<br />

Washburn School<br />

Savannah Compare<br />

4th grade<br />

<strong>June</strong><br />

Special<br />

FREE Auto Cleaner<br />

& Starter Package!<br />

with purchase of any above ground pool<br />

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com<br />

Annabelle Skillin<br />

5th grade<br />

Rollodrome<br />

Since 1954<br />

SUMMER SCHEDULE<br />

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm<br />

Available for private parties<br />

Where<br />

Good Skaters<br />

Meet<br />

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />

www.rollodrome.com<br />

Isaiah Stufflebeam<br />

6th grade<br />

Laundry Schedule<br />

Sort - Today<br />

Wash - Tomorrow<br />

Fold - Eventually<br />

Iron - Ha Ha Ha<br />

It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 15

Dinner with<br />

Lincoln<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

This story takes place<br />

in 1860. Back 150+<br />

years ago, presidential<br />

candidates didn't have<br />

nearly the luxuries current<br />

candidates do.<br />

They didn't stay in five<br />

star hotels or travel by<br />

private jet - they stayed<br />

with normal families on<br />

their campaigns and in<br />

exchange for a place to<br />

stay, would do chores<br />

around the property<br />

before they headed to<br />

a new city.<br />

In 1860 Abraham Lincoln<br />

actually stayed<br />

with my great great<br />

great grandma. She<br />

was a pretty bossy lady<br />

and gave Lincoln a<br />

long list of chores to do<br />

as soon as she met<br />

him.<br />

Finally when he<br />

thought he was done,<br />

my grandma said,<br />

"Last chores, Abraham.<br />

For dinner we're having<br />

stew, corn on the<br />

cob, and apple pie. I'll<br />

work on the stew, but<br />

you're going to be on<br />

the front porch shucking<br />

corn and peeling<br />

apples until there's<br />

nothing left in front of<br />

you."<br />

And with that, she led<br />

him outside where<br />

there were two huge<br />

baskets filled to the<br />

brim with apples and<br />

corn.<br />

Abraham started<br />

peeling and shucking.<br />

(continued on next page)<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

16<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

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I can french press like 200 grounds now.<br />

Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes<br />

I’m proud<br />

of my wife! Still a<br />

teacher, just a new set<br />

of students.<br />

Mike & Kim Finnerty with Darcy Smyth<br />

Like they say...<br />

when the students are<br />

ready, the teacher will<br />

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Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.<br />

Treat Dad to lunch or dinner<br />

on Father’s Day, Sunday,<br />

<strong>June</strong> 21st.<br />

(continued from previous page)<br />

Periodically my<br />

grandma would check<br />

on him to see how<br />

much he had left to get<br />

an idea of when they'd<br />

eat. Little known fact<br />

about Abraham Lincoln,<br />

but he is very bad<br />

at shucking corn and<br />

peeling apples.<br />

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After checking on him<br />

for what felt like the<br />

tenth time, my<br />

grandma was real frustrated.<br />

She said, "Abraham,<br />

how can you be<br />

expected to lead a<br />

country if you can't<br />

even help with dinner!?"<br />

And Abraham Lincoln<br />

replied, "Relax Mrs.<br />

Lee, I have four cores<br />

and seven ears to go."<br />

Auto-correct has become my worst enema.<br />

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal<br />

for the Androscoggin Chamber<br />

People who fold their clothes think they're so great.<br />

Here’s the crew from The Love Boat of L/A<br />

Captain Stubing, dressed to the nines, with some<br />

of his CHAMBERmaids<br />

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,<br />

there's shipping and handling, too.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 17

Out ’n About at<br />

Whiting Farm<br />

with John F. Murphy<br />

Homes<br />

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.<br />

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Yep,<br />

we’re having a<br />

blast!<br />

Out ’n About at Whiting Farm<br />

John F. Murphy Homes<br />

Chriss Hayden<br />

Bert’s Awesome Stuff<br />

The Edward Little HS Lacrosse team<br />

run the kids table with face painting, bird house building & games<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

18<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

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Out ’n About at<br />

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Rufus, the real boss at the<br />

farm patrols the grounds for<br />

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Elaine Bourgoin<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 19

Marriage<br />

Secrets<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

A young couple decided<br />

to wed. As the big day<br />

approached, they grew<br />

apprehensive. Each had<br />

a problem they had<br />

never before shared<br />

with anyone, not even<br />

each other. The groomto-be,<br />

overcoming his<br />

fear, decided to ask his<br />

father for advice. "Dad,"<br />

he said, "I am deeply<br />

concerned about the<br />

success of my marriage."<br />

His father replied, "Don't<br />

you love this girl?"<br />

"Oh yes, very much," he<br />

said, "but you see, I<br />

have very smelly feet<br />

and I'm afraid that my fiancee<br />

will be put off by<br />

them."<br />

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years<br />

older already.<br />

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Was that keep<br />

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HOURS: Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm;<br />

Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm<br />

Out ’n About at the Bike Rodeo at Washburn School<br />

This is the<br />

greatest day of my life!<br />

Thank you soooo<br />

much!!<br />

"No problem," said dad,<br />

"all you have to do is<br />

wash your feet as often<br />

as possible and always<br />

wear socks, even to<br />

bed."<br />

Well, to him this<br />

seemed a workable<br />

solution.<br />

Sadi Martens follows instructions<br />

from Officer Friendly<br />

Christopher Curtis<br />

3rd grade Bike winner<br />

The bride-to-be, overcoming<br />

her fear, decided<br />

to take her<br />

problem up with her<br />

mom. "Mom," she said,<br />

"When I wake up in the<br />

morning, my breath is<br />

truly awful."<br />

"Honey," her mother<br />

consoled, "everyone<br />

has bad breath in the<br />

morning."<br />

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"No, you don't under-<br />

(continued on next page)<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

20<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • www. QCA.me<br />

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.<br />

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Celebrating<br />

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Our Brand NEW<br />

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with a 15 foot waterfall<br />

overlooking Lake Auburn!<br />

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• Restaurant<br />

• Miniature Golf<br />

• Driving Range<br />

• Ice Cream Stand<br />

Great<br />

Family<br />

Fun!<br />

Try your chance to<br />

win a FREE game<br />

on the 19th hole!<br />

(continued from previous page)<br />

stand. My morning<br />

breath is so bad, I'm<br />

afraid that my fiancee<br />

will not want to sleep in<br />

the same room with<br />

me."<br />

Her mother said simply,<br />

"Try this. In the morning,<br />

get straight out of bed<br />

and head for the kitchen<br />

to make breakfast.<br />

While the family is busy<br />

eating, move on to the<br />

bathroom and brush<br />

your teeth. The key is,<br />

not to say a word until<br />

you've brushed your<br />

teeth."<br />

"I shouldn't say good<br />

morning or anything?"<br />

the daughter asked.<br />

"Not a word," her<br />

mother affirmed.<br />

"Well, it's certainly worth<br />

a try," she thought.<br />

Try Our<br />

Famous<br />

Onion Rings!<br />

The loving couple were<br />

finally married. Not forgetting<br />

the advice each<br />

had received, he with<br />

his perpetual socks and<br />

she with her morning silence,<br />

they managed<br />

quite well. That is, until<br />

about six months later.<br />

Golf Open 10am - 9pm<br />

Restaurant 11am - 9pm<br />

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com<br />

Shortly before dawn<br />

one morning, the husband<br />

wakes with a start<br />

to find that one of his<br />

socks had come off.<br />

Fearful of the consequences,<br />

he frantically<br />

searches the bed. This,<br />

of course, wakes his<br />

bride and without thinking,<br />

she asks, "What on<br />

earth are you doing?"<br />

"Oh, my," he replies,<br />

"you've swallowed my<br />

sock!"<br />

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 21

Cat-Man-Do<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Brenda and Terry are<br />

going out for the<br />

evening. The last thing<br />

they do is put their cat<br />

out.<br />

The taxi arrives, and as<br />

the couple walk out of<br />

the house, the cat<br />

scoots back in.<br />

Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.<br />

We specialize in vehicle<br />

wraps and lettering.<br />

Here’s another<br />

happy customer!<br />

Terry returns inside to<br />

chase it out. Brenda,<br />

not wanting it known<br />

that the house would<br />

be empty, explains to<br />

the taxi driver, “My husband<br />

is just going upstairs<br />

to say goodbye<br />

to my mother.”<br />

Several minutes later,<br />

an exhausted Terry arrives<br />

and climbs back<br />

into the taxi saying,<br />

“Sorry I took so long,<br />

the stupid idiot was<br />

hiding under the bed<br />

and I had to poke her<br />

with a coat hanger several<br />

times before I<br />

could get her to come<br />

out!”<br />

DOG-GONE<br />

Summer<br />

FUN!<br />

www.eastcoastsigndesign.com<br />

Out ’n About at Tabers Ribbon Cutting Ceremony<br />

Tabers is celebrating their 75th Anniversary. They have totally redone the entire mini-golf course and it’s amazing!<br />

On three<br />

everyone watch the<br />

ribbon get cut. Ready!<br />

1... 2... 3!<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

22<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

My exercise plan is really just reminding myself to stand up every once in a while.<br />

Name Game<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Two elderly ladies had<br />

been friends for many<br />

decades. Over the<br />

years, they had shared<br />

all kinds of activities<br />

and adventures.<br />

Lately, their activities<br />

had been limited to<br />

meeting a few times a<br />

week to play cards.<br />

I probably earn more money than all of your pets combined.<br />

In a recent double blind study, two people couldn't see anything at all.<br />

He said "shake what your mama gave ya" but I can't make all these insecurities jiggle.<br />

One day, they were<br />

playing cards when<br />

one looked at the other<br />

and said, “Now don't<br />

get mad at me. I know<br />

we've been friends for<br />

a long time, but I just<br />

can't think of your<br />

name! I've thought and<br />

thought, but I can't remember<br />

it. Please tell<br />

me what your name is.”<br />

Her friend glared at<br />

her. For at least three<br />

minutes she just stared<br />

and glared at her. Finally<br />

she said, “How<br />

soon do you need to<br />

know?”<br />

Chip Morrison, Mary Ann & Joe Tomlinson, Patti Gagne, Dan, Ellen & Penelope Hargreaves (owners),<br />

Maureen & Richard Hargreaves & Auburn Mayor Jonathan LaBonte<br />

Well...<br />

6 out of 10<br />

ain’t bad.<br />

How do vegetarians justify eating potatoes when they have eyes?<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 23

Out ’n About at<br />

Sabattus Credit<br />

Union’s Member<br />

Appreciation Day<br />

You know<br />

you want one!<br />

For being empty, these calories sure do take up a lot of space.<br />

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practice session<br />

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Shellac Manicure<br />

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Make it Special!<br />

Ted Smith<br />

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Call or<br />

stop in<br />

TODAY!<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

24<br />

Kelly<br />

New Team Member<br />

at Sabattus FCU<br />

Three wolves and one<br />

sheep voting on what to<br />

have for supper demonstrates<br />

the downside of<br />

democracy."<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Sarah Jeanne’s<br />

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • SarahJeannes.com<br />

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I used to have functioning brain cells but I traded them in for children.

If it ain’t broke, the children haven’t touched it yet.<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

Sabattus Credit<br />

Union’s Member<br />

Appreciation Day<br />

How many hot dogs<br />

can we have?<br />

www.srcu4u.com<br />

Dave<br />

I’m gonna<br />

be here a while...<br />

I’ll start with two<br />

please!<br />

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Joyce & Michelle<br />

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I walked 9 feet<br />

on shag carpet to change the channel.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 25

Out ’n About at the<br />

Heart of Hope<br />

Fundraiser<br />

I am having Monday feelings toward Tuesday.<br />

Marissa & Tano<br />

Ryder<br />

Our cups<br />

runneth over...<br />

Melissa Clark &<br />

Alison Nelson<br />

Mitch Sperry &<br />

Jennifer Boyd<br />

Q: Why didn't the<br />

lifeguard save the<br />

drowning hippie?<br />

A: He was too far out<br />

man!<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

26<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don't know where I belong.

Can we start the weekend over again? I wasn't ready.<br />

Out ’n About at the<br />

Heart of Hope<br />

Fundraiser<br />

Rolly’s Diner<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

Breakfast & Lunch<br />

Specials Daily<br />

We highly<br />

recommend Rolly’s for<br />

Breakfast or Lunch!<br />

You won’t be<br />

disappointed!!<br />

Deb & Dan Ouellette<br />

• Unusual Omelettes<br />

• Crepes<br />

• Breakfast All Day<br />

• Extensive Menu<br />

87 Mill St.<br />

New Auburn<br />

753-0171<br />

(for take-out)<br />

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />

Sunday 7 am – noon<br />

Carlene Sperry &<br />

Carol Soucie-Drew<br />

I wish I knew it was my day back in my day.<br />

Michelle Keene,<br />

Amanda Wilson<br />

& Darcy Ames<br />

Jim Hart &<br />

Bonnie Hart<br />

Q: What do you get<br />

when you cross an<br />

elephant with a<br />

kangaroo?<br />

www.BrendaFontaine.com<br />

Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time?<br />

That's me getting out of bed in the morning.<br />

A: Holes all over<br />

Australia.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 27

Talking Mayhem<br />

with Rick Moylan of<br />

Allstate Insurance<br />

I think it’s only a matter of time before smart phones are bigger than smart cars.<br />

Whatever<br />

direction you’re<br />

heading get better<br />

protected from<br />

MAYHEM under the<br />

Allstate<br />

umbrella!<br />

Jay Walker<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A policeman spotted a<br />

jay walker and decided<br />

to mess with him, “Why<br />

are you trying to cross<br />

here when there’s a<br />

zebra crossing only 20<br />

yards away?”<br />

“Well,” replied the jay<br />

walker, “I hope he’s<br />

having better luck than<br />

me.”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

28<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Imagine a cell phone that's hard wired to your wall and all you can do is talk on it.

You know you're really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.<br />

Raye joins<br />

Great Falls FCU<br />

What if Google doesn't know?<br />

Natalie Raye<br />

Great Falls Federal<br />

Credit Union is pleased to<br />

announce a new member of<br />

their team. Natalie Raye<br />

joined the Credit Union in<br />

April in the Lending Department<br />

and new accounts<br />

member services.<br />

Natalie resides in<br />

Auburn and will be in the<br />

Lewiston Branch located at<br />

34 Bates Street. With years<br />

of banking and more specifically<br />

lending experience<br />

she will be a talented addition<br />

to a great team focused<br />

on providing its members<br />

personal financial service<br />

as well as financial peace<br />

of mind.<br />

Raye realized great careers<br />

in banking at both in<br />

state and out-of-state financial<br />

institutions, but having<br />

grown up in the<br />

Auburn/Lewiston area, she<br />

is very excited to be able to<br />

serve members in her home<br />

town!<br />

Great Falls FCU is a<br />

member-owned, full service<br />

financial institution servicing<br />

the financial needs of people<br />

in Androscoggin County<br />

since 1955. Natalie will also<br />

work with the branch office<br />

located at 760 Minot Avenue<br />

in Auburn. For more<br />

information log onto Greatfallsfcu.com<br />

If you have any questions<br />

about Great Falls products<br />

and services you may contact<br />

Natalie<br />

at 207-782-7192 or stop by<br />

her office at the Great Falls<br />

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Bates St. in Lewiston. Natalie<br />

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Falls Credit Union to service<br />

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PAUL JALBERT<br />

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Celebrating 60 Years!<br />

Now offering Retirement Prices:<br />

$<br />

13 Cuts - Men & Boys<br />

183 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com<br />

Find<br />

Paul here<br />

All About U Salon<br />

41 Broad St, Auburn<br />

240-3309 or 784-5407<br />

RECONDITIONING $PECIAL<br />

$<br />

10 OFF<br />

EXTERIOR WASH, WAX, BUFF,<br />

INTERIOR VACUUM & WINDOWS<br />

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)<br />

✃<br />

Complete Auto Care<br />

147 East Ave, Lewiston<br />

782-1125<br />

BerubesAutoCare.com<br />

Chance<br />

Apprentice Mechanic<br />

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR<br />

Get your<br />

car fixed at<br />

A-Plus Auto before<br />

I unleash these Karate<br />

chopping hands<br />

on you!<br />

747 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />

(Behind Fastenal Services)<br />

786-0522<br />

• Computer Diagnostics<br />

• Brake Pads & Rotors<br />

• Shocks & Struts<br />

• Oil Changes<br />

• Exhaust Repair<br />

• $50/hr Labor Rate<br />

• Maine State<br />

Inspection Station<br />

No Separating<br />

Required!<br />

GOT TRASH?<br />

1-844-638-7274<br />

Serving: Norway • West Paris • Minot<br />

Mechanic Falls • Oxford &<br />

NOW Lewiston/Auburn!<br />

70 Main St, South Paris • HarrisBrothersRubbish.com<br />

Call us for a<br />

FREE quote!<br />

784-2545<br />

26 Nickerson Ave.<br />

Auburn<br />

Full Service Salon Now Seeking<br />

BOOTH RENTERS<br />

Hey mother in law.... Don't tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.

CALL THE PROS<br />

Standing Still<br />

Photography<br />

Make those moments stand still<br />

Nathaniel Ray,<br />

Photographer/Owner<br />

207-212-4534<br />

StandingStillPhoto.com<br />

Aceto & Sons<br />

Earthwork LLC<br />

$AVE 5%<br />

with this ad<br />

• Driveways<br />

• Patios<br />

• Walkways<br />

• Porches<br />

• Steps<br />

• Poolscapes<br />

Excavation & Landscaping<br />

Dan Aceto<br />

740-6763<br />

daceto@live.com<br />

Fully Insured<br />

Certified in Erosion Control<br />

Summer Time $avings!<br />

Buy Your Boiler/Furnace Now!<br />

Now is the Time to $AVE!<br />

CALL TODAY!<br />

Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />

207-485-7357<br />

RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />

15 Elm St.<br />

Mechanic Falls<br />

NEW!<br />

Open Friday Nights<br />

for dinner!<br />

Join Us for Father’s Day!<br />

Lunch: Prime Rib<br />

7am-2pm<br />

10% off<br />

when you mention this ad<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

LaBonte Financial Services<br />

Tax Consultants & Advisors<br />

• Affordable Monthly<br />

Bookkeeping<br />

• Accounts Receivables/Payables<br />

• Bank Reconciliations<br />

• General Ledgers<br />

Call for FREE<br />

Estimate!<br />

Bert LaBonte, CPA, MBA, MST<br />

155 Center Street, Auburn • 782-9500 • bglcpa@aol.com<br />

Residential &<br />

Commercial<br />

• Asphalt Paving<br />

• Seal Coating<br />

• Hot Rubberized Crack Repair<br />

Fully Insured • Bonded • Family Owned & Operated<br />

345-3529 or 650-7273 • CooperPavingllc.com<br />

Every time I pull up next to a Kia Soul and a hamster is not driving, I'm a little disappointed.

CALL THE PROS<br />

Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />

$<br />

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />

Join us for lunch!<br />

Open @ 11am till done Wed, Thurs & Fri<br />

Please Call ahead for take out orders<br />

423-6666<br />

Located at Elizabeth Ann’s, East Ave, Lewiston<br />

Sunday at 6:00PM<br />

Wed., Thurs, & Friday<br />

at 6:30PM<br />

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />

NOW HIRING!<br />

at<br />

71 East Avenue, Lewiston<br />

Experienced Massage Therapist<br />

& Hair Stylist<br />

Send resumes to info@cassiels.com<br />

Affordable<br />

Oral Health<br />

Care<br />

New Patients Welcome • Cleanings & Evaluations<br />

Saturday and Evening Appointments Available<br />

Self Pay and Insurance Accepted... Save Up To 30%<br />

207-241-0667<br />

www.sassevillehealthysmile.com<br />

Small Jobs, Trees/Stumps<br />

Ditching, Foundations<br />

Drain Pipes<br />

Driveway Grading 416-3611<br />

Blackie’s Farm<br />

Fresh Produce<br />

Open Year Round<br />

966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005 • 6am - 8pm<br />

or<br />

996 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 786-4356 • 6am - 6:30pm<br />

VOLKSHOP<br />

Parts, Sales, Service & Salvage<br />

Larry Wedge<br />

(Owner)<br />

207-657-2747<br />

volkshop67@yahoo.com<br />

Kevin Washburn<br />

(Service Technician)<br />

119 Sabbath Day Rd<br />

New Gloucester<br />

Book with Julie<br />

Friday & Saturday<br />

Special<br />

(new clients)<br />

241-0205<br />

Paul Mitchell Focus Salon<br />

954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205<br />

Men & Kids Cuts $ 12<br />

Basic Pedicure $ 20<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

What kind of soup do you bring to a chicken with the flu?

CALL THE PROS<br />

Try our flavor<br />

of the day!<br />

Ruby Rose<br />

Frozen Custard<br />

Ice Cream<br />

is nutrition<br />

for the soul.<br />

1184 Maine St.<br />

Rt. 26 Poland<br />

998-2262<br />

Open Daily<br />

Noon -<br />

Close<br />

Old Orchard Beach FIREWORKS<br />

Every Thursday Night starting <strong>June</strong> 25th<br />

Create Your OOB Adventure<br />

Trueoob.com<br />

DownEast Vapes<br />

1485 Lisbon St.<br />

Lewiston (next to Fast Breaks)<br />

241-0591<br />

DownEastVapes.com<br />

Maine’s Favorite Vaping Outlet<br />

Handcrafted Signature E-juice<br />

E-cigs • Mod’s • RDA’s • Batteries<br />

Vaping Supplies<br />

20% OFF<br />

Bottle of E-Juice<br />

Limit one bottle per customer<br />

✃<br />

with coupon<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

Join Us for the 5th Annual<br />

5K TROT for Autism<br />

Benefiting the Margaret Murphy<br />

Center for Children<br />

Saturday, July 25th • 9am<br />

Geiger Elementary School (Reg. opens at 8am)<br />

$20 entry fee (early reg.) $25 day of race<br />

Teams of 4 or more will have names on T-shirts<br />

Sponsorship packages available<br />

FREE Kids Run!<br />

Prizes for top male and female age<br />

division & Top 3 teams<br />

Visit:<br />

www.firstgiving.com/MMCC/5k-trot-for-autism<strong>2015</strong><br />

to register and learn more about this event<br />

I just saved a bunch of money on a gym membership by switching to Twitter.<br />

Irony<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Friend 1: “Have you<br />

considered the Irony of<br />

spending a ton of<br />

money on a huge TV to<br />

play video games, and<br />

then spending most of<br />

your time playing video<br />

games on a tiny<br />

phone?”<br />

Friend 2: “Well unless<br />

Irony can figure out<br />

how to fit that huge TV<br />

into the bathroom with<br />

me, Irony can shut up!”<br />

Q: What do you call an<br />

elephant that doesn't<br />

matter?<br />

A: An irrelephant<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 33

Out ’n About at<br />

Leadercast for<br />

the Auburn PAL<br />

This Annual one-day leadership<br />

event was broadcast<br />

live from Atlanta to Auburn.<br />

Held at the East Auburn Baptist<br />

Church with a record attendance.<br />

It featured many<br />

great speakers, including<br />

Andy Stanley, Seth Godin &<br />

Rudy Giullani.<br />

I hope other drivers realize I'm going to be on the road soon. I don't want any trouble.<br />

Come SEA us for our...<br />

SUMMER LIVE<br />

MUSIC SERIES<br />

Thursday <strong>June</strong> 11th • 7-10pm<br />

EDS MEDS<br />

Thursday <strong>June</strong> 25th • 7-10pm<br />

The Dapper Gents<br />

NO<br />

Cover<br />

Charge!<br />

Janice Barrett<br />

PAL Vice-President<br />

Celebrate Summer with Us!<br />

& Enter to Win an iPad<br />

Sponsored by Federal Distributors<br />

PAL Board Member Josh<br />

Cousineau & PAL Center<br />

Coordinator TJ Abacha<br />

present the <strong>2015</strong> PAL<br />

“Youth Leader” Awards<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

34<br />

Q: What do you call a<br />

magic dog?<br />

A: A Labracadabrador.<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Japanese Cuisine<br />

Hibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine<br />

Late Night lounge<br />

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com<br />

My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations<br />

from people who don't read well.

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE<br />

5 Locations for Your Convenience<br />

ROOPERS<br />

LISBON ST.<br />

Now Selling<br />

Liquor!<br />

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!<br />

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn<br />

New Walk-in<br />

Soda Cooler!<br />

694 Main St.<br />

Lewiston • 782-1482<br />

Minot Ave, Auburn<br />

Beer Specials<br />

Bud/Bud Light 15pk 16oz . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />

Bud/Bud Light 8pk Aluminum. . . . . . . .$6.99<br />

Bud Light Rita/Mixx Tail 8 pk . . . . . . . .$9.99<br />

Blue Point 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99<br />

Shock Top 12pk KAYAK GIVEAWAY .$10.99<br />

Reds Apple 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99<br />

Magic Hat 12 pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />

Miller Lite 9pk 16oz Aluminum . . . . . . .$7.99<br />

Not Your Father’s Root Beer 6pk . . . . .$9.49<br />

Wine Specials<br />

Vueve Clicquot 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$49.99<br />

Rober Mondavi All Varietals 750ml . . . .$8.99<br />

Simply Naked 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $13<br />

Woodbridge 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />

Soda<br />

Minute Maid/Fuze Iced Tea 2L . . 2 for $2.50<br />

Hard Rock Energy BOGO . . . . . . . . . . $1.99<br />

794 Sabattus St.<br />

Lewiston • 783-6353<br />

WHAT’S BREWING<br />

AND ALWAYS NEW<br />

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS<br />

Since 1992<br />

Jack Daniels 1.75L<br />

$39.99 Save $5<br />

Jim Beam PET<br />

1.75L $24.99<br />

Save $7<br />

Crown Royal<br />

750ml $21.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Grey Goose<br />

750ml $24.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Shock Top Kayak Give-a-way!<br />

at all Roopers locations!<br />

1420 Lisbon St.<br />

Lewiston • 333-3095<br />

545 Minot Ave.<br />

Auburn • 783-2047<br />

Captain Morgans<br />

1.75L $24.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Main Street, Lewiston<br />

Barcardi 1.75L<br />

$19.99<br />

Save $6<br />

Hendrick’s Gin<br />

750ml $29.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Tito’s Vodka<br />

1.75L $29.99<br />

Save $5<br />

303-311 Main St.<br />

Auburn • 783-9098

Physical<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A lady came in for a<br />

routine physical at the<br />

Doctor’s office.<br />

“Here,” said the nurse,<br />

handing her a urine<br />

specimen container.<br />

“The bathroom is over<br />

there on your right. The<br />

Doctor will be with you<br />

in a few minutes.”<br />

A few minutes later the<br />

lady came out of the<br />

bathroom with an<br />

empty container and a<br />

relieved look on her<br />

face.<br />

“Thanks!" she said,<br />

"But they had a toilet in<br />

there, so I didn’t need<br />

this after all.”<br />

As far as I'm concerned all sandwiches are heroes.<br />

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE<br />

Scooter<br />

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983<br />

I’m SOOOO<br />

Excited Summer is<br />

Finally HERE!<br />

We can do it:<br />

• Wheel alignment<br />

& balancing<br />

• Complete brake<br />

work<br />

• Engine tune-up<br />

• Lube-oil-filter<br />

• State Inspections<br />

60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026<br />

OUR TIRES<br />

There's a car parked on my street that just<br />

got married!<br />

My dignity... in the corner pocket.<br />

Out ’n About at the Heart of Hope Fundraiser<br />

Jane, Stacy, Carlene, Darcy & Chrissy<br />

of Republic Jewelry<br />

Derek Campbell, Lindsey Partridge,<br />

Grant Sperry & Chrissy Ames<br />

Janice Langlai &<br />

Michelle Lemieux<br />

These ladies are both<br />

Breast Cancer Survivors!<br />

Michelle Bureau & Family<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

36<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

I haven't exaggerated in 300 years.

Don’t forget<br />

to get your<br />

grilling meats<br />

at Mac’s!<br />

Come Watch<br />

Your Favorite<br />

Baseball Team<br />

We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area!<br />

Not a bad seat in the house!<br />

Let Mac’s<br />

Cater Your<br />

Next Event!<br />

COUPON<br />

Every Monday<br />

20% off Burgers<br />

& 30% off all<br />

drafts!<br />

Mark Your Calendar...<br />

Join us August 15th for a HUGE<br />

outdoor bash!<br />

We’re helping <strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />

celebrate their 20th Anniversary!!<br />

Live music by the Whiskey Militia<br />

10% OFF<br />

All Grilling Meats<br />

(at Mac’s Retail Meats<br />

UAD<br />

Store) with coupon<br />

✃<br />

Expires 6.30.15<br />

Don’t forget to<br />

treat Dad on<br />

Father’s Day!<br />

Mac’s Grill • 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • macsgrill.com

GOLF TOURNAMENT<br />

Poland Regional H.S.<br />

Knights Baseball fundraiser<br />

The Poland Regional High<br />

School baseball team hosted<br />

their 10th Annual golf tournament<br />

fundraiser at Fairlawn<br />

Golf Course on May 9th, <strong>2015</strong>.<br />

They would like to thank all<br />

who participated and volunteered<br />

to make it a success!<br />

Our Prime Sponsor:<br />

A HUGE Thank You to all of our Sponsors!<br />

Please patronize these locally owned businesses!!<br />

fuelmaine.com<br />

& Detail Center<br />

782-2425<br />

1103 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

clavetimportauto.com<br />

Residential &<br />

& Commercial Detail Center<br />

207-783-7110<br />

www.gfss.com<br />

& Detail Center<br />

(866) 573-2674<br />

306 Rodman Road, Auburn<br />

providerpower.com<br />

333.3835<br />

49 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />

Auburn • Norway • Windham<br />

1-800-605-9263<br />

AustinPA.com<br />

1399 Maine Street,<br />

Poland • 998-3475<br />

Visit us online<br />

for a branch near you:<br />

NortheastBank.com<br />

795-5000<br />

75 Park Street, Lewiston<br />

isaacsonraymond.com<br />

782-6569<br />

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn<br />

Keep Your Car on Track!<br />

Stop in at any one of our convenient locations.<br />

Open 7 days a week!<br />

128 Center St. Auburn • 783-8561<br />

www.vipauto.com<br />

Heating Oil • Kerosene • Propane<br />

Equipment Sales & Service<br />

177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481<br />

www.deadriver.com<br />

175 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />

657.6400<br />

pinetreefoodequipment.com<br />

Minot<br />

Country Store<br />

174 Minot Ave., Minot<br />

782-0650<br />

40 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />

1-888-774-1466<br />

agrenappliance.com<br />

Damon<br />

Builders<br />

Custom Home Builders / Renovators<br />

86 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls<br />

345-3241<br />

damonbuilders.com<br />

There’s no place like...<br />

Dad’s<br />

Place<br />

The Best Pizza & Coldest<br />

Beverages in Town!<br />

23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls<br />

345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />

Central Fire Station<br />

2 College St, Lewiston<br />

Jason Simard<br />

Building & Remodeling<br />

345-9610<br />

946 Center St. Auburn<br />

784-3503<br />

emersonchevy.com<br />

of<br />

Auburn<br />

& Oxford

Does slowly turning into my parents count as exercise?<br />

Soak up the Sunshine at<br />

Heidi’s!<br />

Come enjoy a great meal on our Patio<br />

OPEN on Father’s Day<br />

Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 21st - 10am to 8pm<br />

Heidi’s gift cards make a great<br />

Father’s Day present!<br />

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm<br />

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com<br />

I wish I got as excited about anything as my washing machine does about its<br />

final spin cycle.<br />

"Have you dined with<br />

us before?"<br />

"No, but I'm familiar<br />

with the concept of<br />

restaurants so I think<br />

I'll be ok."<br />

Sinful<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

I didn't see you in<br />

church last Sunday,<br />

Perkins. I hear you<br />

were out playing football<br />

instead.<br />

“That's not true, Father.<br />

And I've got the fish to<br />

prove it.”<br />

Dave J. Roy<br />

782-9999<br />

1-877-375-4888<br />

dave@a1gutters.me<br />

www.a1seamlessguttersmaine.com<br />

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />

AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />

Meet the Noodle King<br />

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.<br />

No I can't tonight, I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 39

Out ’n About at<br />

Leadercast for<br />

the Auburn PAL<br />

These three young leaders<br />

each were <strong>2015</strong> PAL Youth<br />

Leader Award recipients<br />

I put up signs on all the walls in my house that say "Dry Paint."<br />

600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com<br />

Since 1914<br />

Watch Battery Special!<br />

All batteries<br />

Only<br />

$<br />

1 .00 Expires 5.31.15<br />

Spring is here!<br />

Limit one<br />

watch battery<br />

per customer<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

40<br />

Liam Flynn<br />

Keisha Vintinner<br />

Hodan Adow<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Selco wins the City of Auburn<br />

Economic Development Achievement Award<br />

Selco was initially founded in 1990 among five partners doing business as Distributors Clearing<br />

House. The business was located at 730 Main Street in Lewiston. The initial concept was to sell<br />

plumbing and heating supplies to both wholesale and retail customers. Jeff Allen started there as<br />

an employee and bought into the company in 1992 as the third partner, when a few of the<br />

original owners left. Four years later, they moved to 1525 Lisbon Street, and changed their name<br />

to Selco Plumbing and Heating Supplies to more clearly define the business and attract additional<br />

customers.<br />

Selco initially occupied only one quarter of the Lisbon Street building, but as their product lines<br />

and customer base grew, so did their footprint. Local plumbers, property owners,<br />

and handymen became regulars. As the years passed, and Jeff’s two<br />

partners retired, he became sole proprietor. Jeff longed for the security and<br />

value of owning a building for his business. “I was always on the lookout for<br />

a commercial property that would fit all our needs: sufficient space, high traffic,<br />

and an accessible loading dock,” explains Jeff. “Nothing ever seemed to<br />

cover it all, unit I looked at the Pontbriand’s facility. The City of Auburn has<br />

been excellent to deal with and very welcoming to me. Being in New Auburn<br />

now expands my capabilities so that they are limited only by my imagination.”<br />

An expanded showroom highlights bathroom fixtures, including new<br />

vanity lines and Delta’s Peerless Faucets. Selco stocks the area’s largest<br />

selection of Pex fittings and other repair parts you can’t find elsewhere –<br />

even at the big box stores. Selco also carries pellet stoves and parts, Rinnai<br />

room heaters, heat pump water heaters, and mini-split heat pumps.<br />

Selco is renowned statewide for having the largest selection of classic<br />

claw-foot tub parts and accessories – popular throughout the Twin Cities and among antiques collectors.<br />

Now in its 25th year of business, Jeff is increasing his product line once again, adding hardware<br />

such as common tools, cleaning supplies, and key-making services, to give the neighborhood back<br />

what Pontbriand’s once offered.<br />

Congratulations to Jeff for this great achievement! Winning the Economic Development<br />

Achievement Award for the city of Auburn is a great honor. Congratulate Jeff yourself, find him at<br />

his new home, at 61 Mill Street in New Auburn. Find him online at www.myselco.com or call<br />

783-6927. See his ad on page 47.<br />

I'm just going to see how long it takes this sketch artist to realize<br />

that I'm describing a hotdog.<br />

Jeff Allen

Every time you don't play the lottery you win a dollar.<br />

The floor is the largest shelf in my house.<br />

New CEO at<br />

Rainbow FCU<br />

The Rainbow Federal Credit<br />

Union Board is pleased to announce<br />

that Mark Paul Samson has been selected<br />

as Chief Executive Officer and<br />

President after an extensive national<br />

search. Mark will be assuming leadership<br />

of the Credit Union following the<br />

very successful 44 year tenure of Mr.<br />

Phil Moreau who will retire in the coming<br />

months. Mark has over 25 years of<br />

Mark Samson<br />

banking experience and joined Rainbow Federal Credit Union in<br />

2012 as Executive Vice President of Lending where he directed a<br />

highly successful period of loan growth, product diversification<br />

and institutional advancement.<br />

Prior to joining Rainbow Federal Credit Union, Mark was the<br />

Senior Vice President/Senior Retail Lending Manager at Mechanics<br />

Saving Bank. Not only was he a member of the senior management<br />

team, he served on several committee including Asset and Liability<br />

Committee (ALCO), Risk Management Committee, Retail Loan<br />

Committee (Chair), Deposit Committee and numerous temporary<br />

committees. Mark managed the retail operations and oversaw<br />

three branch locations. He was responsible for business development,<br />

loan portfolio growth, portfolio risk management, loan pricing,<br />

product development and sales. He managed sales, goals,<br />

training and reporting for retail lending and deposits. He was also<br />

responsible for ensuring that policies and procedures were in compliance<br />

with Federal and State regulation in collaboration with<br />

Compliance and Audit Department. In addition, he successfully<br />

opened and developed branch locations in Windham and Lewiston.<br />

Mark is a graduate of Lesley University and holds a Bachelor’s<br />

of Science in Business Management. Mark is an active participant<br />

in the community and currently serves on the Board of Directors<br />

for Community Concepts and on the Saint Dominic’s Academy Finance<br />

Committee. Mark is a former Maine State Legislator, Maine<br />

State Housing Commissioner, Androscoggin County Budget Committee<br />

member and Auburn Youth Hockey coach.<br />

Mark is a lifelong resident of Lewiston-Auburn and currently resides<br />

in Auburn with his wife Marie and two children: Connor and<br />

Callie. “I look forward to this new position at Rainbow Federal<br />

Credit Union and the many exciting opportunities for the Credit<br />

Union’s Members and the Communities we serve,” said Samson.<br />

Sweet Pea Designs<br />

Wedding Planner & Floral Studio<br />

Help Us Celebrate 11 Years of Beautiful Flowers!<br />

11th Anniversary Special<br />

$10 OFF all phone orders for the month of <strong>June</strong><br />

777-1520<br />

SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com<br />

Always FREE<br />

Delivery in L/A<br />

Growing up money was tight so mom would always buy us the bargain brand alphabet<br />

soup; the kind without any vowels.<br />

Directional<br />

Overload<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

A man's wife asks him,<br />

“Would you pick up a<br />

loaf of bread at the<br />

store, and if they have<br />

eggs get a dozen?”<br />

He gets home, throws<br />

12 loaves of bread on<br />

the counter, and says,<br />

“They had eggs.”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 41

Out ’n About at<br />

L-A Harley’s<br />

10th Anniversary<br />

Hold me closer, tiny donuts.<br />

Testimonial for Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

I started advertising in Uncle Andy’s Digest a few months ago<br />

and I am very pleased with the results the ads have created.<br />

The staff in their office has been great to work with.<br />

Specifically working closely with Tim Rucker as my account rep, he has<br />

been very helpful in creating an ad that best suits my business.<br />

I would highly recommend any business owner to include<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest in their marketing budget. They bring BIG impact<br />

with a small budget!<br />

The things<br />

I have to do for<br />

my Dad...<br />

Shelby (GT) Rucker<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

42<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Ray Hurilla<br />

Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />

207-485-7357 • RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />

You look really edgy with that barbell nose ring and no job.

My superpower is my ability to lose my phone charger and remotes.<br />

We are a full service salon<br />

JUNE SPECIAL<br />

PEDICURE<br />

$<br />

35<br />

would like to wish congratulations<br />

to all area graduates!<br />

Get your graduate a gift card for any of our professional services.<br />

Ann Kelly Sue<br />

786-4311<br />

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A<br />

Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311<br />

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm<br />

Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm<br />

Lysa<br />

Kelly D.<br />

Camille<br />

If pizza told me I was beautiful, I'd never leave the house.<br />

(We suggest you get that pizza at Luiggi’s).<br />

Wife: “Our neighbor<br />

Mister Smith kisses his<br />

wife everyday before<br />

he goes to work. How<br />

come you never do?”<br />

Since 1953<br />

Sun – Thurs: 9am-10pm; Fri & Sat: 9am-11pm<br />

LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />

Husband: “Honey, are<br />

you crazy? I don’t even<br />

know the woman!”<br />

SUNDAY<br />

Baked Ziti<br />

$<br />

6.00<br />

MONDAY<br />

The Fergy<br />

sm $<br />

2.50<br />

lg $<br />

5.00<br />

TUESDAY<br />

Meatball Subs<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Spaghetti Dinners<br />

1 meatball, salad,<br />

sm $<br />

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />

garlic bread, drink<br />

lg $<br />

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />

5.25<br />

THURSDAY<br />

Mini Pizza<br />

1 topping $<br />

2.99<br />

2 toppings $<br />

3.99<br />

FRIDAY<br />

$1.00 OFF<br />

Any Large Pizza<br />

SATURDAY<br />

2 Ham or Salami<br />

Italians<br />

$<br />

7.99<br />

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50<br />

Look, if you're not going to behave like an adult get the heck out of my pillow fort.<br />

Tracy Draper as a baby.<br />

This was her reaction after<br />

tubby time when her mom<br />

told her she would make a<br />

great sales person some<br />

day.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 43

Out ’n About at the<br />

Touch A Truck Event<br />

with the United Way<br />

One more mood swing and I'll have the whole set.<br />

Assisted Home Care II<br />

“Our Family<br />

Assisting Your Family”<br />

Now expanding<br />

our services to the<br />

Midcoast Region!<br />

Assisting Families since 1997.<br />

Joseph & Liam<br />

Barriault<br />

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency<br />

• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief<br />

• 24 hour Personal Care and Response<br />

• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers<br />

• Assist with Independent Living at Home<br />

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />

Rebecca Hawkins<br />

& Kayla Yirrell<br />

Central Maine Community<br />

College Education Club<br />

Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?<br />

Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current<br />

vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.<br />

Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!<br />

Call for a FREE Quote!<br />

Don’t let<br />

the construction<br />

fool you!<br />

WE ARE<br />

OPEN!<br />

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500<br />

Sue Goddard &<br />

Annette Glasscock<br />

American Red Cross<br />

336 Center St. Auburn<br />

777-1611<br />

JUNE SPECIAL<br />

10% OFF<br />

Full Head of foils<br />

$<br />

5 OFF<br />

Pedicures<br />

Welcome to the<br />

Team Jen!<br />

Jen Darcy Kelley Amanda Christopher<br />

Arielle Buteau,<br />

American Red Cross<br />

I'm Running Late: An Autobiography

If network TV has taught me one thing it's to take three 5 minute breaks every half hour.<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />

(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />

DAD’S PLACE<br />

REDEMPTION<br />

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />

Bottle Drives<br />

Welcome!<br />

Summer Time!<br />

Get Your returnables<br />

to Dad’s Redemption<br />

Today!<br />

✃<br />

Dad’s Redemption<br />

6¢<br />

on all 5¢ returns<br />

with this coupon.<br />

(must present coupon at<br />

Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />

UAD expires 6.30.15<br />

I was going to go running but then I got all nostalgic for sitting.<br />

NEW AUBURN SOCIAL CLUB<br />

7 SECOND ST. AUBURN • 782-9039<br />

Join Us For Our Beach Party!<br />

Sat. <strong>June</strong> 6 th • 8-12pm<br />

Drink Specials & Tons of Give-a-ways<br />

Sports Banquet/Member Appreciation<br />

Sat. July 11 th<br />

FREE Hotdogs & Hamburgers • $1 can beer<br />

Dunk Tank for Favorite Officers • Band 4-8pm<br />

DJ Inside 8-12pm<br />

* Notice to All Members* - New Key Entry System<br />

Stop in to Get Your New Key Card Today!<br />

M&M’s need better quality control. I found 12 W’s in my last bag.<br />

Out ’n About at the<br />

Touch A Truck Event<br />

with the United Way<br />

Michael Barriault,<br />

Central Distributors,<br />

Maggie Barriault &<br />

Joleen Bedard,<br />

United Way of Androscoggin County<br />

Victoria Stanton<br />

YMCA<br />

Drew Lupardo<br />

YMCA<br />

Kevin Bellefleur<br />

YMCA<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 45

Out ’n About at the<br />

Touch A Truck Event<br />

with the United Way<br />

Why do mirrors look like eyes really close up?<br />

Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...<br />

NO PROBLEM!<br />

• Appointments required<br />

• Fully warranteed & certified<br />

• $60/hr labor rate<br />

Brad’s Precision Auto<br />

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn<br />

We<br />

love power<br />

tools!<br />

333-0364<br />

Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory<br />

(back) Marek, Eli & John<br />

We’re<br />

Hiring!<br />

Express Employment Professionals (Staffing Agency) is recruiting for:<br />

Crew from City of<br />

Auburn Water & Sewer<br />

in Auburn<br />

& Turner<br />

50¢ increases<br />

every 30 days for<br />

first 90 days*<br />

Your mind needs exercise<br />

just as much as<br />

your body does: that's<br />

why I think of jogging<br />

everyday.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

46<br />

Starting Over<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

The mother of three<br />

notoriously unruly<br />

youngsters was asked<br />

whether or not she'd<br />

have children if she<br />

had to do over again.<br />

"Sure," she replied,<br />

"but not the same<br />

ones."<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

u Management Opportunities u<br />

Call Express for an interview at 207-761-9933<br />

Affordable Dental Excellence!<br />

New Patient Special Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays $<br />

88 .00<br />

Crown Special!<br />

Only $<br />

895 .00*<br />

*Need to meet requirements<br />

*Effective <strong>June</strong> 1 – August 31, <strong>2015</strong><br />

* Some exclusions Apply<br />

Call Today to Book Your Appointment!<br />

488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 • www.androscoggindentalgroup.com<br />

A Toast – "Here's to bread, because without bread there'd be no toast."

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.<br />

Office Cleaning Bucket List<br />

Complete Office Cleaning & Home Cleaning<br />

Move-ins • Move-outs • Construction Clean-up<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

LadyPalooza<br />

4 Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />

Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed<br />

FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates<br />

Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />

chrissysdownhomecleaning@gmail.com<br />

CHRISSY’S DOWN HOME CLEANING • 207-754-4266<br />

Sponsor<br />

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise,' I wash my mouth out with chocolate.<br />

Angel Wright<br />

Younique<br />

Daija Lindsay<br />

I never intended for this can of Febreeze to be my cologne.<br />

Come see us<br />

at our NEW<br />

Location!<br />

We’re now at<br />

61 Mill Street in<br />

New Auburn<br />

(in the old Pontbriand<br />

Hardware building)<br />

61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706<br />

Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com<br />

Walk-ins<br />

Welcome<br />

740-6316<br />

$<br />

10 CUTS<br />

184 Turner St. Auburn<br />

(Next to Coastal T-shirts)<br />

hwilliamsbarber.com<br />

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4<br />

Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12<br />

You can fit 23 potatoes in a kangaroos pouch, and also I’m not allowed<br />

at the zoo anymore.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 47

Out ’n About at<br />

LadyPalooza<br />

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.<br />

Memarie Christoforo<br />

Barefoot Books<br />

Nicole Gagnon<br />

Scentsy<br />

Rachel Larrivee<br />

Massage Therapy<br />

There's a huge difference<br />

between the<br />

person who sets my<br />

alarm and the person<br />

it wakes up.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

48<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

It takes a big man to admit he's a giant.

Kritzer joins<br />

Perfect Image<br />

Salon & Spa<br />

People date for 2 years & then decide to get married, I'm over here like I still don't know<br />

what flavor of hummus I prefer.<br />

Jennifer Kritzer<br />

Perfect Image Salon<br />

and Spa, located in the<br />

Harvard Mini Mall at 336<br />

Center Street in Auburn<br />

welcomes their newest<br />

team member.<br />

Jennifer Kritzer, is an<br />

enthusiastic Sylist that<br />

has over 10 years experience<br />

in the beauty industry,<br />

as well as holds her<br />

Instructor's license. She<br />

prides herself on her professionalism,<br />

knowledge,<br />

and her ability to listen to<br />

her clients' desires.<br />

Jennifer's skill level is<br />

multi-faceted, she carries<br />

a passion for color and<br />

hair design, as well as<br />

military cuts, nail services,<br />

and body waxing.<br />

Her clients love and appreciate<br />

her talent and<br />

her outgoing personality.<br />

You can book an appointment<br />

with Jennifer<br />

by calling 777-1611. Find<br />

them on Facebook and<br />

see their ad on page 44.<br />

What do you need<br />

when you're<br />

dehydrated?<br />

A thirst aid kit!<br />

Here, let me show you<br />

how to micromanage.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

50<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

If a turtle was able to take a picture of himself, would that be a shellfie?

Someone should tell scientists they don't need to keeping finding reasons for us to drink<br />

a glass of wine at night.<br />

Just Darn Good Deals<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

LadyPalooza<br />

SAVE $ 7.00<br />

2 Large Pizzas PLUS 2-Liter Soda<br />

Only $ 17 .99<br />

✃Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

Corner<br />

Variety<br />

Fresh Dough Pizza • Italians • Subs • Daily Specials<br />

207 Lincoln St, Lewiston • 782-9596<br />

Regular Pizza with Drink<br />

ONLY $<br />

5.50<br />

Everyday Special - see ✃<br />

our daily specials page 43<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

Luiggi’s Pizzeria<br />

63 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 782-0701<br />

LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />

FREE DESSERT<br />

✃<br />

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />

40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888<br />

Sea40me.com<br />

$<br />

5 OFF 2 LARGE<br />

PIZZAS!<br />

2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99)<br />

Limit one per customer per visit.<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

✃<br />

Sabattus<br />

Main Street Market<br />

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502<br />

on all<br />

5¢ returns<br />

✃6 ¢ (must present coupon at<br />

Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION<br />

23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551<br />

FREE WEEK OF CHILDCARE! *<br />

Plus free registration ($25 value)<br />

*Sign up for 4 consecutive weeks of childcare<br />

Early<br />

Learning<br />

Center<br />

301 Sawyer Rd, Greene • 946-KIDS<br />

✃<br />

and your 5th week is free.<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

Tammy Sharma<br />

& Kavita Nason<br />

(LadyPalooza Organizer)<br />

Kim Richards-Jones<br />

Tupperware<br />

Thank you<br />

so much, Kavita,<br />

for your gracious<br />

donation from this<br />

event to the Tree<br />

Street Youth!<br />

Get 10% OFF<br />

Darn Good Deal ad.<br />

ONLY $<br />

5.00<br />

✃<br />

207-783-7039<br />

Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />

Dad’s Place<br />

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />

345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />

✃<br />

Julia Sleeper<br />

Tree Street Youth<br />

Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at<br />

things on the ground?<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 51

If you'd like to learn how to spin like Spider-Man make sure to sign up<br />

for his new webinar.<br />

Before<br />

After<br />

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm<br />

Fri. by appointment<br />

Get Dad a<br />

Gift Certificate for<br />

Father’s Day!<br />

Selling Your Vehicle?<br />

A clean car makes for a better<br />

first impression!<br />

Come see us & we’ll help you get MORE<br />

for your vehicle!<br />

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.<br />

Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit<br />

with results that you will be proud to show off.<br />

Visit us at our state of the art office at:<br />

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />

783-1351<br />

Same Day Emergency Care<br />

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider<br />

LIQUID SUNSHINE<br />

CAR WASH & DETAIL<br />

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />

Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm<br />

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com<br />

UncleAndysDigest.com

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