Uncle Andy's Digest - January 2024

UNCLE 

DIGEST 

ANDY’S 

Your local guide to... well, just about anything! 

JANUARY 

2024 

SINCE 1996 

207-782-7113 

Technician 

Wanted 

Apply Within! 

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com 

Bring this ad in for a pre-roll! 

*Med card is required. 

207.740.9053 

207THC.com 

25 Lisbon St. 

Lewiston 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

UncleAndys.com 1

HAS IT ALL 

Fresh Green Mountain Coffee. 

Grab n’ Go Items Everyday! 

Agency Liquor Store & Beer Cave. 

Your one-stop shop for: 

• Amazing food (eat in or take out) 

• Agency liquor store with beer cave 

• Lottery tickets 

207-345-5551 

• Redemption center 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com 

CATERING 

Dad’s Redemption Center 

Full serve catering at the location of your choice. 

Book Your 


Corporate 

Events 

Now! 

207-345-9009 

DadsPlaceCatering.com 

REDEMPTION CENTER 

6 ¢ 

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) 

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) UAD exp. 1.31.24

My little brother has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. I 

should probably let him in soon. 

10 Cent Idea 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

When young F. W. 

Woolworth was a 

store clerk, he tried to 

convince his boss to 

have a ten-cent sale to 

reduce inventory. 

The boss agreed, and 

the idea was a resounding 

success. This 

inspired Woolworth 

to open his own store 

and price items at a 

nickel and a dime. He 

needed capital for such 

a venture, so he asked 

his boss to supply the 

capital for part interest 

in the store. 

His boss turned him 

down flat. “The idea is 

too risky,” he told Woolworth. 

“There are not 

enough items to sell for 

five and ten cents.” 

Woolworth went ahead 

without his boss’s backing, 

and he not only 

was successful in his 

first store, but eventually 

he owned a chain of 

F. W. Woolworth stores 

across the nation. 

Later, his former boss 

was heard to remark, 

“As far as I can figure 

out, every word I 

used to turn Woolworth 

down cost me about a 

million dollars.” 

Seals swim in saltwater because pepper water makes them sneeze. 




is published by the first Friday 

of every month by Lydia 

Media LLC with its world 

headquarters located at 2 

Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, 

Auburn, Maine, USA. 

Published and distributed 

since 1996 throughout 

Central Maine and mailed to 

subscribers all over the Free 

World. Subscriptions are 

$49 .95 /year. 

UncleAndys.com 

Office: 207-783-7039 

The snowmen threw a party, it was a snowball. 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO 

Smile 

Our Team 

PAM 

ASHBY 

PUBLISHER 

STEVE 

SIMARD 

SALES 

All work done on-site. 

Repairs usually same day service! 

STEPHANIE 

ASSELIN 

SALES 

STEPHANIE 

ARSENAULT 

OFFICE 

MANAGER 

TOM HILL 

IT • WEB 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

Smile Again 

Dentures 

TIM 

ELWELL 

GRAPHIC 

DESIGNER 

CHARICATURES COURTESY OF 

J. ANTHONY FIORI 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest 

tries very hard to ensure the 

accuracy of the information in our 

clients’ advertisements and our 

publication in general, we are not 

responsible for vendor availability, 

typographical errors, technical 

Uncle inaccuracies, Andy’s product Digest pricing 

errors, or omissions. 

4 January 2024 

Mike & Joe 

Adkins 

Licensed 

Denturists 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston 

smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

SmileAgainDentures.com 

514-0660 

Frosty mornings and toasty mugs.

We go together like winter and a sweater. 

KLJ Excavation 

& Construction 

Out and About 

at Oxford Chamber 

Christmas Parade 

Corey Garrison, 

WOXO Country 

So happy to be 

a part of 

this parade! 

Kirk Waterman Logging 

• Fully insured 

• Full Site work : 

from clearing 

to completion 

Dennis Boyd, 

OHCHS Band 

Director 

Destiny 

& Jessica Patten 

Kirkwaterman@ymail.com | 207-890-8713 

110 Proctor Heights Dr. Waterford ME 04088 

Hermie the Dentist 

& Yeti 

It’s snow joke outside. 



Hot chocolate is like a hug from the inside. 

Now offering 

online stores 

Warm wishes for 

the new year! 

2024 marks 

30 years 

of business. 

Hats 

MUGS 

Embroidery 

Screen Printing 

Call us for a 

quote TODAY! 

PENS 

BAGS 

My team and I can help get you started on 

that “save more money” resolution. 

Stop by my office and let’s see how we can 

help with your insurance needs! 

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.® 

CALL ME TODAY. 

Get your hoodies, 

jackets, & vests 

here! 

Quality Products 

Reasonable 

Pricing 

205 Washington St. 

South, Auburn 

207-784-4184 

How does a snowman get to work? By icicle. 

coastaltshirts.com 



The temperature can only go up from here… I hope.

Winter: my new excuse for drinking more coffee. 

Providing a warm and comfortable 

home for our residents. 

The Lecture 


On New Year’s Eve, 

Roger was in no shape 

to drive, so he sensibly 

left his vehicle in the 

parking garage and 

walked home. 

As he was walking 

along, he was stopped 

by a policeman. “What 

are you doing out here 

at four o’clock in the 

morning?” asked the 

police officer. 

“I’m on my way to a 

lecture,” answered 

Roger. 

“And who on earth, 

in their right mind, is 

going to give a lecture 

at this time on New 

Year’s?” responded the 

policeman sarcastically. 

The Chapman House 

Home for senior ladies 

The Chapman House has private rooms available 

for residents, aged 65 and older, who need 

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals. 

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961 

Bonnie Iwans 

“My wife,” slurred 

Roger with a grin. 

The Scale 

Submitted by Pam Ashby 

Karen’s husband, 

Ben, stepped on one 

of those penny scales 

that tell you your fortune 

and weight, and 

dropped in a coin. 

“Listen to this,” Ben 

said to his wife, showing 

her a small, white 

card. 

“It says I’m energetic, 

bright, resourceful and 

a great husband.” 

“Yeah”, Karen nodded, 

“And it has your weight 

wrong, too.” 

Does shivering count as exercise? 



Out and About 



Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter. 

Hot Tubs To Fit Any 

Backyard and Budget. 

John Williams, Oxford 

Chamber President 

ABCPOOL.COM | 207-783-0858 

JANUARY Special 

Leah Haney 

47 Broad Street, Auburn 

www.firehouseauburn.com 

207-376-4959 

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p 

You’ll Love 

our Daily 

Specials! 

$ 8 

WINTER 

SEA BREEZE 

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey 

Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9am-8pm Sat. & Sun. 9am-3pm 

Jeanette Brown 

Kellie Brown 

Join our monthly 

membership for free 

207-539-5128 

Packages 

Perfect for clients who are 

not ready to commit to a 

monthly membership but 

still want to receive regular 

sessions at a discounted rate. 

Membership 

• Prepaid discounted 

monthly services. 

• Enjoy exclusive benefits. 

• Add up to 3 family 

members to your account. 

New Year, New you. 

11 Mechanic Falls Rd. Oxford, Maine | essencewellnessspa.com 



Don’t let my smile fool you — I couldn’t feel my toes when this was taken.

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE 

Nobody does 

football 

sundays 

like we do! 

Come in, relax, 

and enjoy the games 

with a nice meal from 

our fall menu. 

Happy 

New Year! 

Shown here: 

Seafood Scampi 

Shrimp & Scallop tossed with spinach, 

Tomato and Penne in a light Garlic Sauce 

& with broccoli salad. 

ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! 

Join us for 

Super Bowl LVIII 

on Sunday 

February 11 at 6:30pm! 


UncleAndys.com 

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com 

9

Long Winter 


Darlene and her husband, 

Andy’s Joe, purchased Digest 

Uncle 

an December old home 2023 in Northern 

Maine from two 

elderly sisters. 

AD PROOF 

Winter was fast 

Hi Peggy, approaching and the 

years first snow came 

Please early. Darlene review your was 

proof concerned carefully. about It will the 

house’s lack of 

run 

insulation. 

as you see it if 

changes are not 

“If received they could by live here 

all those years, so can 

November we!” Joe confidently 20th 

declared. 

Thank you! 

One January night the 

temperature plunged 

to Contact below zero, Pamand 

cell: they 207-754-9494 

woke up to find 

office interior 207-783-7039 

walls covered 

design@UncleAndys.com 

with frost. Joe decided 

to call the sisters to 

ask how they had kept 

the house warm in the 

cold, long winters. 

After a rather brief conversation, 

Joe hung 

up. “For the past 30 

years,” he muttered, 

“they’ve gone to Florida 

for the winter.” 

Senility 

Prayer 


God, grant me the senility 

to forget the people I 

never liked anyway; 

The good fortune to run 

into the ones that I do; 

And the eyesight to tell 

the difference. 

YOUR POWER IS 

PROTECTED 

Whenever there’s a power outage, 

your KOHLER ® generator keeps your 

lights on, your home warm, and your 

family protected. And it can power 

your entire house—for as long as you 

need it to.* No matter the weather, 

we’re with you. 

From engines to generators, 

we give the world power. 

Online 

Ordering 

Available! 

Scan 

here to 

see our 

menu! 

Thank you all for the support 

received during this difficult time 

and ask that you continue to visit 

us. Stay Lewsiton Strong. It’s the 

only way Joe would want it. 

God Bless and Rest In Peace Joe. 

You are truly missed. 

When life gives you snow, make snow angels. 

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside. 

UAD December LET IT SNOW. BLIZZARD. 2023 Page OR FREEZE. tbd 

YOUR POWER IS PROTECTED. 

Whenever there’s a power outage, your KOHLER® generator 

keeps your lights on, your home warm and your family protected. 

And it can power your entire house—for as long as you need it to.* 

No matter the weather, we’re with you. 

Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com 

Dealer Name 

City, State 

000.000.0000 

Website.com 

DINNER HOURS 

Tuesday: 7am-3pm 

Open Later Wed.-Sat.: 7Am-9pm 

Sunday: 7am-3pm 

*Based on generator and load size. 

From engines to generators, we give the world power. 

D E A L E R 

Gift Cards 

Available 

Rib Eye, Teriyaki glazed Salmon, Seafood Casserole, & New York Strip 

Full Bar • Cocktails • Beer • Wine 

2023 Newspaper_Snow_5x10.5.indd 1 

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston | 207-333-5062 

2023 Newspaper_Snow_5x10.5.indd 1 12/13/22 3:45 PM 



My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

Winter activities are the best, to sleigh the least. 

Tickets 

on sale 

now! 

46 Cedar St., Lewiston 

207-689-2000 

Out and About 



Welcome 

to Maine! 

Comedy Show 

7 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 3 

$25 in advance 

$30 at the door 

Show sponsors: 

Berman & Simmons 

LawnGuard Lawn Care 

Saturday, Feb. 24 from 4:30-6 p.m. 

• Beans 

• Cole Slaw 

• Hot Dogs 

• Brown Bread 

The Piano Men: 

Tribute concert to 

Billy Joel & Elton John! 

7 p.m. Friday, Jan. 26 

$30 in advance 

$35 at the door 


Champoux Insurance and 

Maine Community Bank 

Save these dates! 

Imari & the Sahara 

Desert Dancers 

1 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 10 

• Fresh Baked Biscuits 

• Coffee, Lemonade, 

Tea 

• Desserts 

Tickets range 

from $15-$30 


Androscoggin Bank and 

DaVinci’s Eatery 

Tickets are $12 

for adults and 

$5 for children. 

Lola, Chloe, Leila & 

Kathy from Buckfield 

Matt Conklin 

& Gordon Lee, 

Minot Fire Dept. 

Megan Biter 

& Diana Rivard 

Underwriter 

Media Sponsors 

BENNETT RADIO GROUP 

Merryan Rutherford 

& Charlee Sessions 

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when 

you’re forced to.” —Bill Vaughan 



New Year 

Diet 


T’was the month 

after Christmas, and all 

through the house, 

nothing would fit me, 

not even a blouse; 

The cookies I’d nibbled, 

the eggnog I’d taste, at 

the holiday parties had 

gone to my waist; 

When I got on the 

scales there arose 

such a number! When 

I walked to the store 

(less a walk than a 

lumber). 

I’d remember the 

marvelous meals I’d 

prepared. The gravies 

and sauces and beef 

nicely rared; 

Coverage for 

Every Day 

Copyright ©2023 NFP. All Rights Reserved. 

May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. 

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts 

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting 

to claims support, we help you protect what matters most. 

John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358 

john.blanchette@nfp.com 

For your business. 

For your people. 

For your life. 

NFP.com 

681 Sabattus St., Lewiston, ME 04240 

Out and About at Oxford Chamber Christmas Parade 

The wine and the rum 

balls; the bread and the 

cheese, and the way 

I’d never say, “No thank 

you, but please.” 

As I dressed myself in 

my husband’s old shirt, 

and prepared once 

again to do battle with 

dirt, I said to myself, as 

only I can, “You can’t 

spend the whole winter 

disguised as a man!” 

So, away with the last 

of the sour cream dip. 

Get rid of the fruit cake, 

every cracker and chip. 

Every last bit of food 

that I like must be 

banished, ‘til all the 

additional ounces have 

vanished. 

Come try 

our Chicken 

Parm! 

Where the faces 

are always friendly 

and you never leave 

hungry. 

(continued on next page) 



85 Center Street, Auburn | 207-784-8221 | 11a-9p daily 

If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails 

and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions. 

Now taking inquiries for February 2024 Course Enrollment 

WELDING ACADEMY 

Learn a new trade! This high-demand field includes jobs 

in Aerospace, Automotive, Manufacturing, Agriculture 

and Construction industries as well as jobs in the rapidly 

growing renewable energy sector. The course covers a 

variety of welding techniques, including MIG and TIG 

welding, industry-standard weld joints, print reading, 

basic metallurgy, sheet metal forming, tube welding, and 

grinding and polishing. 

GRANT 

FUNDING 

PROVIDED BY: 

WWW.CMCC.EDU/WORKFORCEDEVELOPMENT 

workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu • 207-755-5280 

Central Maine Community College does not discriminate and is an equal opportunity/affirmative action employer. 

For more information, please call 207-755-5396 or email humanresources@cmcc.edu. 

My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose 

between 10 and 3,000 pounds. 

THE AMERICAN LEGION 

FAMILY 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays 

and get a surprise! 

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

Members & Guests Welcome! 

AMERICAN LEGION ACT 

Veterans who were honorably discharged 

but whose service did not fall into previously 

defined war eras may now join 

the American Legion immediately. The 

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941, 

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at 

war, as determined by Congress. 

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on 

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!” 

For Veteran or Community services, call 

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229 

UAD January 2024 page TBD 

Hall Rentals Available 

Call for more 

information 

207-782-1118 

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 

HOURS: Monday - Thursday: 12pm-8pm • Friday: 12pm-11pm 

Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm 

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS 

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in January 

Jerry Joe - January 12th, & 26th • 4:30 - 6:30pm 

SONS MEETING DATE - 1/8/24 AT 5:30PM 

BREAKFAST BUFFET - SUNDAY JANUARY 21ST 

Scrambled eggs, sausage gravy, sausage, Bacon, baked beans, home fries, crepes, 

toast/creton, coffee, & juice. 

Adults $10 • Kids Under 10 $5 

SATURDAY JANUARY 27TH- PORKLOIN DINNER 3-6PM 

Mashed potatoes, veggies, dinner roll, salad, & dessert. 

Adults $12 • Kids Under 10 $8 

JOIN US SUNDAYS FOR NFL & GOOD TIMES! 

Bloody Marys with Kevin 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 17 TH , 2024 

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP 7PM 

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25 

“I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, 

but still none the wiser.” —Robert Paul 

FREE 

TRAINING 

(continued from previous page) 

I won’t have a cookie, 

not even a lick. I’ll want 

only to chew on a long 

celery stick. 

I won’t have hot biscuits, 

or corn bread, 

or pie, I’ll munch on a 

carrot and quietly cry. 

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, 

and life is a 

bore, but isn’t that what 

January is for? 

Unable to giggle, no 

longer a riot. Happy 

New Year to all and to 

all a good diet! 

Smart Kid 


One day a little girl was 

sitting and watching her 

mother do the dishes at 

the kitchen sink. 

She suddenly noticed 

that her mother had several 

strands of white hair 

sticking out in contrast to 

her brunette head. 

She looked at her 

mother and inquisitively 

asked, “Why are some 

of your hairs white, 

Mom?” 

Her mother replied, 

“Well, every time that 

you do something wrong 

and make me cry or unhappy, 

one of my hairs 

turns white.” 

The little girl thought 

about this revelation for 

a while and then said, 

“Mom, how come ALL 

of grandma’s hairs are 

white?” 



8 p.m. is the new midnight! 

Welcoming new students for 

in person lessons! 

Main Street Music Lessons 

33 Dunn Street, Auburn 

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

LA’S # 1 STOP FOR ALL 

YOUR MUSIC NEEDS! 

LESSONS • REPAIRS 

SALES • RENTALS 

207-376-3376 

h a v e yo u r happy 

h o u r with us! 

Thurs. & Fri. 4 - 9pm • Sat. 1 - 9pm • Sun. 1 - 5pm 

120 Lisbon Street Lewiston | 207-450-0131 

New Year, New Career? 

Join our team and fulfill your 

passion to help others. 

View our current career openings today. 

Androscoggin.org/careers 

CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER 

NOW IS THE TIME TO CHECK OUT OUR INVENTORY OF 2024 RV’S. 

Visit us at our 60th 

annual open house! 

January 26th through 

February 4th! 

Experience what camping can offer! 

848 Main Street, Oxford • 207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com 

Jones Recruiting 

Boutique Recruiting Agency 

Serving Lewiston & Auburn 

Direct Hire 

Permanent Placements 

Virtual Assistant Services 

and more 

20 Years Experience 

Jonesrecruiting865@gmail.com 

Call 207-458-8574 to set up an appointment 

BRING Home Cooking HOME 

Now Hiring! 

Offering homemade meals, 

snacks, and treats to eat-in 

or take home. 

~ fresh or frozen ~ 

~ single or family-size ~ 

meals • soups • salads • desserts 

7 main st., gray | 657.1092 | twomumskitchen.com 

Daily Specials 

Live music 

Follow us on Facebook 

675 Main St. Lewiston | 207.753.1446 



Stop making me laugh, I’m going to fall in love.

What’s the graphic designer’s New Year’s resolution? 1080dpi. 

New Year, New Home 

TIRED OF PAYING RENT? CALL US TODAY! 

Out and About 



Home Ownership made simple! 

Design-Build, Turn-Key Packages, Single or 

Multi-Level Homes, One Loan. 

(No Construction Loan Needed 

in Most Cases) 

Norway Police Chief 

Mike Dailey 

Jon 

Mercier 

Mark 

Turner 

Lindsay 

Wright 

Deb 

Morin 

Linda 

Dupuis 

Mason 

Dupuis 

Malayka 

Harriman 

My father is allergic to cotton. He has pills he can take, 

but he can’t get them out of the bottle. 

Dustin 

Mallar 

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn | 207.333.6001 | mainesourcehomes.com 

Randy Crockett 

& “The Monster” 

Anyone seen the 

Grinch? 

Santa Spotted 

on the Street. 

SFC Brandon Keene, 

Army National Guard 

99% of my socks are single and they are completely happy about it. 



A Cold Winter 

Submitted by Steve Simard 

The Indians on a remote 

reservation asked 

their new Chief if the 

coming winter was going 

to be cold or mild. 

Since he was a Chief 

in a modern society, he 

had never been taught 

the old secrets from the 

past. When he looked 

at the sky he couldn’t 

tell what the winter was 

going to be like. 

Nevertheless, to be on 

the safe side he told his 

tribe that the winter was 

indeed going to be cold 

and that the members of 

the village should collect 

firewood to be prepared. 

Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go. 

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience! 

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888 

7-9pm In Our Lounge 

1/03 - TL Country 

1/10 - Toby McCallister 

1/17 - Michael Krapovicky 

1/24 - Robert Fowler 

1/31 - Heather Price 


But being a practical 

leader, after several 

days he got an idea. 

He went to the phone 

booth, called the National 

Weather Service 

and asked, “Is the 

coming winter going to 

be cold?” 

“It looks like this winter 

is going to be quite 

cold,” the meteorologist 

at the weather service 

responded. 

So the Chief went back 

to his people and told 

them to collect even 

more firewood in order 

to be prepared. 

A week later he called 

the National Weather 

Service again. “Does it 

still look like it is going to 

be a very cold winter?” 

(continued on next page) 

& Maintenance 

Helping keep your 

home healthy 

Now offering 

dryer vent 

cleaning 

& Air duct 

cleanings 

10% OFF 

CLEANINGS 

CALL NOW! 

207-619-0868 



Firefly is the opposite of waterfall.

I just don’t want to look back and think, “I could have eaten that.” 

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP 

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS 

I N S U R A N C E 

...Your Security is Our Concern! 

Locally Owned & Operated 

Lewiston Str ng 

150 East Ave. Lewiston 

HOME, 

AUTO, 

BUSINESS, 

AND MORE 

207-783-2246 | 888-983-2246 

Visit our new location at: 243 Mount Auburn Ave., Suite C, Auburn 

If someone asks if you are free tomorrow, respond, “No, I’m expensive.” 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

Happy 30th Anniversary! 

Our customers 

are a source 

of inspiration 

that makes the 

last 30 years 

memorable 

& successful. 

It is with joy 

and pride we 

thank you & 

our staff. 

NOW AVAILABLE - ONLINE ORDERING 

87 Mill Street, New Auburn 

207-753-0171 

rollysnewauburn.com 

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday 

(continued from previous page) 

“Yes,” the man at National 


again replied, “it’s 

going to be a very cold 

winter.” 

The Chief again went 

back to his people and 

ordered them to collect 

every scrap of firewood 

they could find. 

Two weeks later the 

Chief called the National 


again. 

“Are you absolutely 

sure that the winter is 

going to be very cold?” 

“Absolutely,” the man 

replied. “It’s looking 

more and more like it is 

going to be one of the 

coldest winters ever.” 

“How can you be so 

sure?” the Chief asked. 

The weatherman replied, 

“The Indians are 

collecting firewood like 

crazy.” 

Elderly 

Advice 


An elderly couple are in 

church. The wife leans 

over and whispers to 

her husband, “I just let 

out a long, silent fart. 

What should I do?” 

The husband replies, 

“First off, replace the 

batteries in your hearing 

aid!” 

Envelopes are weird. It’s like, here’s a piece of paper wrapped in another piece of paper 

sealed with my saliva. 



# Indicates 

number 

of years as winner. 

YOUR VOTE 

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 29th A 

BEST DANCE SCHOOL 23 

MARY JANE’S 

SCHOOL OF DANCE 

675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498 

BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 22 

120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715 

BEST PIZZA 18 

BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 10 

150 East Ave | 783-2246 

BEST ATTORNEY 9 

192 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 786-0606 

BEST MASSAGE THERAPY 9 

BEST BUILDER 7 

1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224 

BEST TOWING SERVICE 7 

LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR 

& SALES 

518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650 

BEST DAY SPA 7 

95 Lincoln St. Lewiston | 786-2020 

BEST TANNING SALON 14 

BEACH BUMS 

250 Center St. Auburn| 783-8422 

BEST CHIROPRACTOR 14 

NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC 

ASSOCIATES 


BEST BOUTIQUE 12 

785 Main St. 

Lewiston 

241-8378 

BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS 11 

168 East Ave Lewiston | 783-8422 


BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 9 

DONALD DARLING 

& SONS ROOFING 

Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585 

BEST HEARING AID CENTER 8 

formerly Shapiro’s 


BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 8 

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256 

BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 7 

711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361 


BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 6 

31 Blake St. 

Lewiston 

782-7113 

BEST NAIL SALON 6 

NAIL JUNKEE 


BEST TAKEOUT 

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175 

BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 5 

DONNA’S DAYCARE 

CENTER 


6 

BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 10 


40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888 


Market Surveys of America, an independent survey 

29th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s Best Business 

of tallied public ballots and internet voting for t 

Vote online at: be

S ARE IN! 

nnual Best Businesses for 2023 

BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT 

COMPANY 

LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY 

MANAGEMENT 


BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE 4 

68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581 

BEST FLOWER SHOP 5 

539 Webster St. Lewiston | 783-8566 

5 

BEST SPORTS PUB 3 


BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 2 

767 Minot Ave. Auburn | 241-7460 

BEST TATTOO STUDIO 2 

CREATIVE EDGE TATTOO 

& BODY PIERCING 


BEST VALUE MEAL 1 


BEST HAIR COLORIST 1 

RILEE ELLIOT 

32 Millet Drive 

Auburn | 

784-8888 

BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY 1 


BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE 3 

BEST WAIT STAFF 1 

BEST GENERAL CONTRACTOR 1 

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000 

BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 3 

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000 

BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 3 

14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433 

BEST LEARNING CENTER 3 

301 Sawyer Rd. Greene | 946-5437 


BEST HAIR SALON 1 

697A RTE. 202 Greene | 946-2323 

BEST HAIR EXTENSIONS 1 

CANDACE 

GRAY 

697A RTE. 202 Greene | 946-2323 

BEST BODY PIERCING 1 

CREATIVE EDGE TATTOO 

& BODY PIERCING 


Serving the greater L/A Area| 777-1551 

BEST FOOD TRUCK 1 

BEST COMMUNITY BANK/CU 

Serving the greater 

L/A Area| 

754-8431 

555 Sabattus St. Lewiston| 783-2071 

BEST BUTCHER SHOP/MEAT MARKET 1 

208 Pine St. Lewiston| 784-6321 

1 

company, is proud to announce the winners of the 

es for 2023 Survey. The above winners are the result 

he Lewiston/Auburn small business community. 

stofsurveys.com 

BEST FINANCIAL PLANNERS 1 




Fitness Goal 


I feel like my body 

has gotten totally out 

of shape, so I got my 

doctor’s permission to 

join a fitness club and 

start exercising. 

The first thing I decided 

to take was an aerobics 

class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, 

jumped up and down, 

and perspired for an 

hour. But, by the time I 

got my leotards on, the 

class was over. 

Old Snake 


Volleyball is just hardcore hot potato. 

Local Excavation Company 

Commercial, Residential 

excavation, & Site work 

Now scheduling for 

spring & summer 2024 

shawn@hirdcontracting.com 207.754.2343 


An old snake goes to 

see his Doctor. “Doc, I 

need something for my 

eyes... I can’t see well 

these days.” 

The Doc fixes him up 

with a pair of glasses 

and tells him to return 

in two weeks. 

The snake comes back 

in two weeks and tells 

the doctor he’s very 

depressed. 

Doc says, “What’s the 

problem... didn’t the 

glasses help you?” 

“The glasses are fine 

Doc, I just discovered 

I’ve been living with a 

water hose the past 

two years!” 



How do you organize a party in space? You planet.

Coffee is the most important meal of the day. 

Surprise! 


Tim gingerly walked up 

to the sales lady in the 

clothing store, “I would 

like to buy my wife a 

pretty pink scarf.” 

“How cute” exclaimed 

the sales lady, “sounds 

like it’s going to be a 

great surprise.” 

“It sure is!” exclaimed 

Tim, “She’s expecting 

a new car!” 

Not Fair 


A man was speeding 

down the highway, feeling 

secure in a gaggle 

of cars all traveling at 

the same speed. However, 

as they passed 

a speed trap, he got 

nailed with an infrared 

speed detector and was 

pulled over. 

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Goff Hill Rundown 

L/A Harley Band 

Continental Shakedown 

Runnin’ Down a Dream (Tom Petty tribute) 

Jumpin’ Willys 

Tickets available online at francocenter.org or at the box office! 

“LOVE FOR LEWISTON” at Franco Center January 6, 2024 

5:00-11:00pm 

Tickets $15 all proceeds to directly benefit 

Schemengee’s and Just-In-Time Recreation. 

The officer handed the 

man a citation, and then 

as he turned to walk 

back to his cruiser, the 

man asked, “Officer, I 

know I was speeding, 

but I don’t think it’s fair. 

There were plenty of 

other cars around me 

going just as fast, so 

why did I get the ticket?” 

“Ever go fishing?” the 

policeman asked the 

man. 

“Um, yeah... so,” the 

startled man replied. 

The officer grinned and 

added, “Ever catch ALL 

the fish?” 

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again. 



New Years 

Resolutions 

By Lydia 


I will not bark each 

time I see or hear a 

dog on TV. 

I will not steal underwear 

belonging to my 

master and then dance 

all over the back yard 

with it. 

I will not chew red 

crayons or pens, because 

my master will 

think that I am hemorrhaging. 

I will not roll my toys 

behind the fridge. 

We are 

looking 

for new 

crew 

mates! 

Servers, Bartenders, 

Kitchen positions 

available 

Excellent 

pay for 

skilled 

mates! 

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered. 

Here’s to a great New Year! 

Not sure what to get for dinner? 

We have more than seafood, our 

Chicken Parm is TOP NOTCH! 

NO GOING HUNGY WITH THIS MEAL! 

Check Out Our Weekly Specials 

165 High Street, Auburn | villageinnmaine.com | Open Wednesday - Sunday 


I must shake the rainwater 

out of my coat 

BEFORE I enter the 

house. 

Language 


Little Timmy was 

caught swearing by his 

teacher. “Timmy,” she 

said, “you shouldn’t 

use that kind of language. 

Where did you 

hear such talk, 

anyway?” 

“My daddy said it,” he 

responded. 

“Well, that doesn’t 

matter,” explained the 

teacher. “You don’t 

even know what it 

means.” 

“I do, too!” Little Timmy 

replied. “It means the 

car won’t start.” 

Eligible for Medicare? 

CALL US TODAY 

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs. 

30+ 

Years of 

Experience! 

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston 



My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

A friend is someone who knows all about you but loves you anyway. 

24 Hour 

Service 

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION 

IS GROWING! 

We are seeking 

MOTIVATED 

SERVICE 

TECHNICIANS 

& INSTALLERS 

to join our team! 

Out and About 



SGT Nicholas Cote 

235 N. River Road, Auburn 

207-777-5600 

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com 

protechoffice11@yahoo.com 

Now offering 

medical benefits! 

Fully Insured 

Air Conditioning & Heating 

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston, 

and the surrounding communities! 

Sparky 

I take an extra pair of socks when I go golf in case I get a hole in one. 

Try our soup & sandwich combo. 

Great on a cold day - Good any day! 

BLT & French onion soup 

Take Out 

Available! 

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall 

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm 

DAILY SPECIALS 

MONDAY - CLOSED 

Fried Pickle Basket 

Thatcher’s Burger 

25oz domestic drafts 

3 Beef Tacos 

Thatcher’s Burrito 

Well Margaritas • Coronas 

SATURDAY 

Stuffed Peppers 

Buffalo Chicken Salad 

Microbrews 

FRIDAY 

Clam Cake Basket 

Fish & Chips 

2 Hot Dogs w/fries 

Miller Lite Bottles 

SUNDAY 

TUESDAY 

WEDNESDAY 

THURSDAY 

12" Cheese Pizza 

Bloody Mary’s 

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts 

Anyone seen 

Santa? 

The Grinch 

Tiffany Smith 

& Thomas Cunneen 

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera. 



A Dream 


Jenna was taking an 

afternoon nap on New 

Year’s Eve before the 

festivities. After she 

woke up, she confided 

to Max, her husband, 

“I just dreamed that you 

gave me a diamond 

ring for a New Year’s 

present. What do you 

think it all means?” 

“Aha, you’ll know 

tonight,” answered Max 

smiling broadly. 

At midnight, as the New 

Year was chiming, Max 

approached Jenna and 

handed her small package. 

Delighted and excited 

she opened it quickly. 

There in her hand rested 

a book entitled: “The 

meaning of dreams.” 

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. 

Muriel celebrated... 

her 90th birthday with us 

and can't wait for the next party! 

Happy New Year! 

The Meadows 

“Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center” 

we have availability starting 

at $1500 per month 

#433 RT. 202, P.O. BOX 629, GREENE • 946-3007 


Daddy’s 

Room 


One evening during a 

snowstorm, the power 

had gone out and a 

mother was tucking her 

small boy into bed. She 

was about to turn off the 

light when he asked with 

a tremor in his voice, 

“Mommy, will you sleep 

with me tonight?” The 

mother smiled and gave 

him a reassuring hug. 

“I can’t dear,” she said. “I 

have to sleep in Daddy’s 

room.” 

A long silence was 

broken at last by a shaken 

little voice 

saying, “The big sissy.” 

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2024 specials! 

Roy’s 

FOODLAND 

SATURDAY 

Beans, bread/rolls & 

cole slaw 

$11.99 

WEDNESDAY 

Ham, Veggie, Salami, 

or Pepperoni Italians 

$3.49 

PIZZA PACKS 

Pizza 

Packs 

$12.99 

Best Chicken & 

Ham Salad 

IN THE WORLD! 

Try our hamburger, 

it’s the best! 

Beanie Babies 

on Sale Here! 

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com 

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed 



I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

A factory that makes okay products is a satisfactory. 

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER 

NEW MEMBERS! 

Outsourced Bookkeeping Solutions 

OutsourcedBS.com 

bon Vivant 

bonVivantMaine.com 

Chenmark 

Chenmark.com 

Nutty Nettie’s Cafe 

NuttyNetties.com 

Mukwa LLC 

MukwaLLC.com 

Sam Francis State Farm 

Jake-Khakis.com 

Sliders Sports Pub 

facebook.com/SlidersME 

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM 

Neighbor’s 

Dog 


Janet and her husband, 

Joe are sleeping 

when the neighbor’s 

dog starts barking and 

wakes them up. Janet 

sighs, and says “Wait 

until you see what I’m 

going to do to those 

neighbors!” 

She runs out of the 

house and five minutes 

later she comes back 

with a smile on her 

face. Joe asks ”So, 

what did you do? 

Janet says “Well, I took 

the dog from their yard 

and I put it in our yard 

to see how they like it 

having the neighbor’s 

dog barking all night.” 

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! 


Irony 


Friend 1: “Have you 

considered the irony of 

spending a ton of money 

on a huge TV to 

play video games, and 

then spending most 

of your time playing 

video games on a tiny 

phone?” 

Friend 2: “Well unless 

irony can figure out 

how to fit that huge TV 

into the bathroom with 

me, irony can zip it!” 

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y. 



CALL THE PROS 

From relaxation to pain managment... 

we’ve got you covered. 

RON’S 

TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE 

YOUR FULL SERVICE 

REPAIR FACILITY 

We specialize in domestic car & truck, 

automatic & manual transmissions, 

transfer cases & differentials. 

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p 

Happy New Year! 

Gift cards Available Online 

229 Center Street, Auburn 

(207) 402-8654 

www.lamassagemaine.com 

375-4924 

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 

Ron 

Charpentier, Jr., 

Owner 

Stephanie 

Asselin 

Marketing Specialist 

207.458.8574 

stephanie@LydiaMediaLLC.com 

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services 

Mike Magretto 207-530-8890 

Veteran Owned & Operated 

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 

Follow us on 

Professional 

Cleaning Service 

Residential 

Commercial 

Windows 

Floors 

207-712-2765 realcleanllc.com Serving Maine 

Michael Giambra 

G 

PAINTING & DRYWALL 

COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL 

G 

& 

207-754-9798 

giambra34@gmail.com 

Proud Publisher of 

TWO local magazines! 

2 Great Falls Plaza Suite 1B, Auburn 

207.783.7039 | LAMetroMagazine.com | UncleAndys.com 

Get Ready for Vacation with 

a Snorkel or SCUBA class! 

Scuba Class 

for the entire 

family 

Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise 

805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net 

SERVICES OFFERED 

Aluminum 

Wood 

Vinyl 

Chain-link 

Ornamental 

Electric gates 

Decks, railings & more 

hopkinsfencingandcarpentry@gmail.com 



What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.

CALL THE PROS 

Poisson & Sons Auto Care 

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144 

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION 

Specializing in 

Heat Pumps/AC, 

Oil & Gas Furnace 

Don’t Get 

Caught In 

The Cold 

Get A Free Quote! 

January Stickers 

are due! 

Come get your 

car inspected 

by us! 

Ryan Queen • hvacsolutions207@gmail.com 

Start 2024 Off with a 

HUGE SELECTION OF GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES 

Beretta | 80X Cheetah Launch Edition 

We make you LOOK GREAT! 

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE! 

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms 

Envelopes • Business Cards & More! 

Call today for a free quote! 

Fine Line Gun Shop 

(207) 998-2374 

finelinegun@aol.com 

590 Plains Rd., Poland 

2 Great Falls Plaza, Suite 1B, Auburn Maine • 207-782-0525 • Info@evergreencustomprinting.com 

Lincoln Street 

RADIATOR SHOP 

Family owned & operated since 1967 

Our technicians are 

skilled at diagnosing 

all kinds of mechanical issues. 

Foreign & Domestic Automobiles! 

207-784-9356 

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 

Got a Problem? 

We can fix it! 

Monday-Friday: 8a-5p 

Coach Terry’s 

REDEMPTION 

CENTER 

The friendly redemption center 

Happy Valentines Day ! 

207-225-2008 

8 Tidswell Road Turner 

Adult Valentines Basket 

Drawing Feb. 7th 

Happy 

New 

Year 

Open daily 8am to 4pm | Closed Dec. 24th & 25th 

The proud 

publisher for 

both local 

magazines! 

UNCLEANDYS.COM | LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM 

2 GREAT FALLS PLAZA, SUITE 1B, AUBURN | 207.783.7039 

Accounting 

& Tax 

Service You 

Can Trust! 

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A. 

Certified Public Accountant 

Tax Planning & Preparation 

for Individuals and Business 

207.782.1040 

P.O. Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212 

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax 

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot. 



How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. 

871 Court St, Auburn, ME 

207-531-6100 

Visit us, 

we have 

goodies for 

Valentines 

Day! 

• Cashews 

• Almonds 

• Spanish 

• Blanch 

• Redskins 

• Mixed Nuts 

• Pistachios 

• Needhams 

• Lindt Truffles 

• Candy Bars 

• Merckens Melts 

• & MORE! 

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com 

Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p (By appointment only 12-1) 

Steve 

Simard 

Marketing Specialist 

207.754.1815 

steve@LydiaMediaLLC.com 

Proud Publisher of 

TWO local magazines! 

2 Great Falls Plaza Suite 1B, Auburn 

207.783.7039 | LAMetroMagazine.com | UncleAndys.com 




When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

Call us 

for a free 

estimate! 

BUSINESS 

SP TLIGHT 

Cleanings for: 

Property Management 

Commercial/ Office 

Post Construction 

Rental Turn Over 

207-713-1550 

Richard Moylan 

(207) 777-0050 

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn 

richardmoylan@allstate.com 

Insurance and coverages subject to terms. 

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property 

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire 

and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, 

Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company 

Androscoggin 

PET SITTING 

Call today! 

207.712.2765 

androscogginpetsitting@gmail.com 

andropetsit.com 

What Does It 

Mean? 


Jenna was taking an 

afternoon nap on New 

Year’s Eve before the 

festivities. After she 

woke up, she confided 

to Max, her husband, 

“I just dreamed that you 

gave me a diamond 

ring for a New Year’s 

present. What do you 

think it all means?” 

“Aha, you’ll know 

tonight,” answered Max 

smiling broadly. 

At midnight, as the 

New Year was chiming, 

Max approached 

Jenna and handed her 

small package. Delighted 

and excited she 

opened it quickly. There 

in her hand rested a 

book entitled: “The 

meaning of dreams.” 

207-782-7141 

207-782-7141 

Eat, Laugh, & Share Pizza! 

LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM 

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS 

YOU SAW THEIR AD IN 

THE 

DIGEST! 

A guy walks into a bar... and he was disqualified from the limbo contest. 

Quick At 

Math 


Interviewer: “I heard 

you are extremely quick 

at math.” 

Me: “Why yes, as a 

matter of fact, I am.” 

Interviewer: “What is 

14 x 27?” 

Me: “49.” 

Interviewer: “That’s not 

even close.” 

Me: “Yeah, but it was 

fast.” 



I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know... 

b 

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That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted. 

Blind Pilot? 


I was flying from San 

Francisco to San Diego. 

By the time we took off, 

there had been a 45-minute 

delay and everybody 

on board was a little 

agitated. 

RoySnow.com 

207.782.3734 

Serving Maine since 1947 

11 Library Ave. 

Auburn 

Unexpectedly, we 

stopped in Sacramento 

on the way. The flight 

attendant explained that 

there would be another 

45-minute delay, and if 

we wanted to get off the 

aircraft, we would reboard 

in 30 minutes. 


Everybody got off the 

plane except one gentleman 

who was blind. I 

noticed him as I walked 

by and could tell he had 

flown before because his 

Seeing Eye dog lay quietly 

underneath the seats 

in front of him throughout 

the entire flight. I could 

also tell he had flown 

this very flight before 

because the pilot approached 

him and, calling 

him by name, said: 

“Keith, we’re in 

Sacramento for almost 

an hour. Would you like 

to get off and stretch your 

legs?” 

Keith replied, “No thanks, 

but maybe my dog Butch 

would like to stretch his 

legs.” 

All the people in the gate 

area came to a completely 

quiet standstill 

when they looked up and 

saw the pilot walk off the 

plane with the Seeing 

Eye dog! 

Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas. 



| EVENTS | 

JANUARY 

PJ & Shelly Kinney 

January 2 

Cryin’ Out Loud 

The Cage 

97-99 Ash St. Lewiston 

7:00pm-11:00pm 

Blues & Classic Rock Band 


Anime & Manga Club 

Auburn Public Library 

49 Spring St. Auburn 

4pm-5pm 

(207) 333-6640 

Drop-in teen Anime Club 

Teen Space | 2nd floor 


Comedy Night 

Obscura Cafe & Drinkery 

108 Lisbon St. Lewiston 

6:00 pm 

$10/pp 

GreatFallsComedyClub.com 


Disney Trivia 

Lewiston Public Library 

200 Lisbon St. Lewiston 

4:30-5:30pm 

Prizes for top 3 teams 

LPLonline.org 

Robert Jalbert 

& Rover Martel 

Joan Heckethorn 

& Cecile Burgoyne 




TL Country! 

Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine 

40 East Ave. Suite 2 Lewiston 

7:00pm-9:00pm 


Live Acoustic Music 


Every Thursday 6-9pm 

Lewiston Mall 

Check out our FB page for 

more events! 


Karaoke Every Friday 

American Legion Post 153 

7-11pm 

FMI 207-782-1118 

See our ad on page 13 


Maine Bulldogs Vs. BPT 

Kings 

Lewiston Armory 

65 Central Ave. Lewiston 

5:00 pm 

Mainebulldogs.com 

Chloe Mercier & Cleo Kombate 


WinterKids Family Day 

Lost Valley 

299 Lost Valley Rd. Auburn 

9am 

winterkids.org/winterkids-app 


Maine Woman’s Network 

1250 Turner Street Auburn 

Breakfast Success Stories 

with Shanna Cox 

In “The Tower” building’s 

large board room! 

7:30-9:00am 

Tickets: mainewomansnetwork.com/events 


Continental Shakedown 

The Cage 

97-99 Ash St. Lewiston 

7:00pm-11:00pm 

Power Trio/Blues-Rock 

Jamband 


Toby McAllister 

Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine 

40 East Ave. Suite 2 Lewiston 

7:00-9:00pm 


Cornhole Tournament 


$15/pp random draw 

Every Friday Bags Fly at 7pm 

Check out our FB page for 

more events! 


Baxter Brewing 

13th Anniversary Party 

120 Mill Street Lewiston 

11:30am-11:00pm 

Tickets: www.eventbrite. 

com/e/baxter-brewing-13th-anniversary-party-tickets-768332652647 

$13 per ticket

| EVENTS | 

Gene Lacombe 

& Bill Beaulieu 



SPRQ Bulesque 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar Street Lewiston 

7:00-9:30pm 21+ event 

Francocenter.org or 

207-689-2000 for tickets 


Breakfast Buffet 


Time? 

Adults $10 | Kids $5 (under 10) 

FMI 207-782-1118 

See our ad on page 13 


Maine Bulldogs 

vs. Rochester 

5pm 

65 Central Ave. 

Lewiston 

Mainebulldaogs.com 


Comedy Fundraiser 

Great Falls Comedy Club 

34 Court St. Auburn 

6:30-9:00pm 

All proceeds support the 

Class of 2024 Leavitt Area HS 

Project Graduation 

$20/pp 


January 19-20 

And Then There Were 

None 

30 Academy St. Auburn 

CLT Presents Agatha Christie’s 

“And Then There Were 

None” 

7:30-9:30pm 

Tickets: www.laclt.com 


Family Movie Matinee: 

Penguins of Madagascar 


2:30pm 

In honor of Penguin Awareness 

Day, we are offering a 

free viewing of the movie, 

Penguins of Madagascar. 

No registration is required. 

Parents/caregivers must 

remain with their child(ren) 

during the movie. Rated 

PG, running time: 1 hour 32 

minutes. 



None 




None” 

2:00pm 



Winter Mindfulness: A 

Stress Reduction Series 

Presenter: Tisha Bremner 


6:30-7:30pm 

For Registration: auburnpubliclibrary.org/event 



None 




None” 

7:30-9:30pm 


January 25 - Feb. 4th 

Call of the Wild RV 

Center 

848 Main St. Oxford 

Come check out the 2024 

models we have waiting for 

you and your family! 

8:30am - 5:00pm 


Elton, Billy Joel Tribute 

Franco Center 

46 Cedar Street Lewiston 

6:00-9:00pm 

Francocenter.org or 

207-689-2000 for tickets 


Porkloin Dinner 


3-6pm 

Adults $12 | Kids $8 (under 10) 

FMI 207-782-1118 

See our ad on page XX 


Comedy - Improv 

Great Falls Comedy Club 

34 Court St. Auburn 

7:30-9:00pm 

Running with scissors is one 

of Maines longest running 

improv groups 

$15/pp 




None 




None” 

2:00pm 

www.laclt.com 

Mason 

& Bobby Sue Labonte 

Skylar Potvin 

& Finch Hisock 

ADVERTISERS GET 2 FREE 

EVENTS TO PUT 

ON THE CALENDAR. 

NON-ADVERTISERS 

$25 PER EVENT. 

BILLING@UNCLEANDYS.COM 

OR CALL 207-783-7039 

ASK FOR STEPHANIE 

Send us your events for February by January 19th. Call 207.783.7039 or email billing@LydiaMediaLLC.com 



Lesson 

Learned 


According to a news 

report, a certain private 

school in Virginia 

recently faced a unique 

problem. A number 

of 12-year-old girls 

were beginning to use 

lipstick, and put it on in 

the bathroom. 

That was fine, but after 

they put on their lipstick, 

they would press 

their lips to the mirror 

leaving dozens of little 

lip prints. Every night, 

the maintenance man 

would remove them 

and the next day, the 

girls would put them 

back. 

Finally, the principal decided 

to do something. 

She called all the girls 

to the bathroom and 

met them there with the 

maintenance man. 

She explained that all 

these lip prints were 

causing a major problem 

for the custodian 

who had to clean the 

mirrors every night. 

To demonstrate how 

difficult it had been to 

clean the mirrors, she 

asked the maintenance 

man to show the girls 

how much effort was 

required. 

He took out a long-handled 

mop, dipped it in 

the toilet, and cleaned 

the mirror with it. 

Since then, there have 

been no lip prints on 

the mirror. 

Sometimes there are 

teachers, and then 

sometimes there are 

Educators. 

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable. 

DON’T KNOW 

WHAT TO DO 

NEXT? WE DO. ® 

WATER FIRE MOLD 

For any disaster, 

call ServiceMaster! 

29 Brickyard Circle, 

Auburn 

(800) 244-7630 

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com 

If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that 

will last until the coffee is cold. 




A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around 

three times before lying down.

What's the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream. 

Constant - Reliable - Dedicated 

Steve has been a constant at Roopers for the last 18 years. 

Helping thousands of redemption customers during his tenure 

here. Steve is a great example of the story of the tortoise and 

the rabbit, consistently showing up everyday and producing. 

Roopers’ success lies on the back of people like Stevie Hughes 

who helped build and sustain this business. You might not see 

what Steve does on financial statements however in building 

a brand people love and trust it takes not just work today but 

also work tomorrow. Steve is a pillar of that growth. We are 

truly lucky, blessed, and proud to have Stevie at Roopers and 

part of our lives! Well deserved, truly appreciated and loved 

Hughesie!! 

-Jesse St Laurent, Company President 

STEVE HUGHES 

“Glamour comes from the hard 

work of many people doing less 

glamorous things. 

-Steve Roop 

Quotes from the Archives, 2021 

BOTTLE REDEMPTION 

ROOPERSBEVERAGE.COM 

301 Main St., Auburn | 783.9098 

545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047 

794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353 

686 Main St., Lewiston | 344.1200 

Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee. 



Check out just one of my reviews... 

Looking to Buy or Sell? I look forward to working with you NEXT. 

“MY FIANCÉ AND I CANNOT RECOMMEND CINDY ENOUGH! 

As first time home buyers, Cindy made us feel comfortable throughout the entire process from start 

to finish. Cindy was extremely patient with us as we searched for a year and a half to find our 

dream home. Cindy’s genuine compassion, flexibility, and unwavering support for us never went 

unnoticed and made the entire home buying process such a memorable experience for us! She was 

always just a text or email away and always had our best interest in mind. We are beyond grateful 

for Cindy’s expertise, dedication, and friendship!” — Cassidy Pinkham, November 2023 

CindyPowellSells207@gmail.com 

120 Center St. Suite 108 Auburn ME 04210 

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family 

We are stronger together 

Debbie Bodwell 

NMLS# 280336 

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net 

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210 

207.754.3962 

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org) 

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org. 

Your local guide to... well, just about anything! 


UNCLEANDYS.COM 

36 January 2024

Uncle Andy's Digest - January 2024

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