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Uncle Andy's Digest - June 2023

It's June! The heat is on! Grab some shade and enjoy the June 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

It's June! The heat is on! Grab some shade and enjoy the June 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

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UNCLE<br />

DIGEST<br />

ANDY’S<br />

MELISSA’S<br />

Pub & Grill<br />

MONDAY 1/2 Price Apps eat-in only (excluding Wings & Nachos)<br />

Margarita Monday $ 6<br />

TUESDAY closed<br />

WEDNESDAY Wings $ 9 eat-in only<br />

$<br />

1 OFF Well drinks All Wine $ 5.50<br />

THURSDAY Twisted Teas & Truly $3.50<br />

Tito’s Thursday<br />

675 Main St. Lewiston | 207.753.1446 |<br />

Great Food, Great Drinks,<br />

Great Beer Selection,<br />

Great Friends!<br />

Come in and see us!<br />

LIVE MUSIC<br />

follow our Facebook page<br />

for live entertainment<br />

and more delicious<br />

specials!<br />

FRIDAY & SATURDAY Prime Rib<br />

SUNDAY Talls for Smalls<br />

Bloody Mary’s $ 8<br />

Mention this ad in<br />

JUNE<br />

<strong>2023</strong><br />

SINCE 1996<br />

and get $ 1 OFF your bill<br />

25 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />

207.740.9053<br />

207THC.com<br />

207-782-7113<br />

Get Your FREE<br />

Quote Today!<br />

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />

CHECK OUT OUR LARGE<br />

INVENTORY!<br />

Call Ryan Kennard<br />

207-346-0279<br />

Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai<br />

Construction Equipment Dealer for Central & Southern Maine.<br />

New & used available!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1<br />

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn


I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.<br />

That’s why we bring health care to you.<br />

Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home<br />

Recovery from illness or injury<br />

Chronic condition management<br />

Navigating emotional wellbeing<br />

Hospice care + Hospice House<br />

207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org<br />

DON’T KNOW<br />

WHAT TO DO<br />

NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />

For any disaster,<br />

call ServiceMaster!<br />

WATER FIRE MOLD<br />

29 Brickyard Circle,<br />

Auburn<br />

(800) 244-7630<br />

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />

I can’t tell you what hotel I’m staying at, but there are two trees involved.


I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

JUNE <strong>2023</strong> ACTIVITIES<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 13 th<br />

Roy’s Breakfast<br />

7:00-10:00am<br />

5 Washington St. Auburn<br />

M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 14 th<br />

Dairy Joy<br />

3:00-7:00pm<br />

Lewiston or Auburn location<br />

M: $2.00 G: $2.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Thursday, <strong>June</strong> 15 th<br />

Val’s Drive-In<br />

4:00-6:30 pm<br />

925 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />

M: $6.00 G: $7.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 20 th<br />

Taber’s<br />

4:00-7:00pm<br />

63 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />

M: $8.00 G: $10.00<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Thursday, <strong>June</strong> 22 th<br />

The Cheesy Skillet<br />

11:00am-12:30 pm<br />

80 Airport Drive Auburn<br />

M: $8.00 G: $10.00<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Saturday, <strong>June</strong> 24 th<br />

Community Shredding Event<br />

8:00-11:00 pm<br />

184 Webster St. Lewiston<br />

Free Event: Residential<br />

Household Only-Open to the<br />

public. Max of 5 boxes per<br />

household.<br />

Thursday, <strong>June</strong> 29 th<br />

Fielder’s Choice<br />

4:00-7:00 pm<br />

680 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />

M: $3.00 G: $3.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 6-07-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Reminder: Please do not call<br />

the restaurants. If you have a<br />

question, please call the office at<br />

207-782-1833 or 207-333-6052<br />

and speak with Jamie. Tickets<br />

must be purchased at the MWA<br />

District Office at 184 Webster<br />

Street Lewiston on the dates/<br />

times listed for each activity.<br />

Menus are subject to change.<br />

No substitutions or add-ons.<br />

Most importantly - Have<br />

Fun!<br />

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3


<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

is published by the first<br />

Friday of every month by<br />

Maine Mountain Ocean<br />

Group, Inc. with its world<br />

headquarters located at<br />

9 Grove Street, Auburn,<br />

Maine, USA.<br />

Published and distributed<br />

since 1996 throughout<br />

Central Maine and mailed to<br />

subscribers all over the Free<br />

World. Subscriptions are<br />

$49 .95 /year.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

Office: 207-783-7039<br />

UAD Super Heroes<br />

CAPTAIN<br />

SUZY-Q<br />

BATGIRL<br />

STEPHANIE<br />

ELASTIGIRL<br />

PAM<br />

Like our<br />

name implies,<br />

we’ll help you<br />

SMILE<br />

AGAIN!<br />

Burrito: a sleeping bag for ground beef.<br />

Smile Again<br />

Dentures<br />

• Full Dentures<br />

• Immediate Dentures<br />

• Partial Dentures<br />

• Rebases<br />

• Relines<br />

• Repairs<br />

All work done on-site.<br />

Repairs usually<br />

same day service!<br />

WASP<br />

AMY<br />

HULK<br />

SMASH<br />

THOMAS<br />

IRONSIDES<br />

STEVE<br />

While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries<br />

very hard to ensure the accuracy<br />

of the information in our clients’<br />

advertisements and our publication<br />

in general, we are not responsible<br />

for vendor availability, typographical<br />

errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />

product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins<br />

Licensed<br />

Denturists<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

514-0660<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

4 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear<br />

bright before you hear them speak.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE<br />

EVERY MONDAY<br />

20% off<br />

all burgers<br />

30% off<br />

all drafts<br />

SAVE THE DATE!<br />

SATURDAY, AUG. 12 TH<br />

hosted by<br />

Dad deserves it!<br />

Treat Dad at Mac’s this Father’s Day!<br />

SUNDAY JUNE 18TH<br />

We Cater!<br />

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,<br />

Corporate Parties, and more!<br />

No event too BIG or SMALL...<br />

We cater it ALL!<br />

Mac’s<br />

offers the best<br />

catering service<br />

around!<br />

Cheers to all the<br />

awesome dads out<br />

there!!<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5


Call us for a quote<br />

TODAY!<br />

It’s why I’m here.<br />

HATS<br />

MUGS<br />

EMBROIDERY<br />

SCREENPRINTING<br />

NOW OFFERING<br />

ONLINE STORES<br />

PENS<br />

BAGS<br />

Some things we all have in common.<br />

There’s nobody like me to protect the things<br />

we all value.<br />

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®<br />

CALL ME TODAY.<br />

Contractors &<br />

Landscapers<br />

Reunions<br />

Summer Camps<br />

Road Races<br />

Charity 5k’s<br />

It is rare to hear a well-done steak joke.<br />

205 Washington St.<br />

South, Auburn<br />

207-784-4184<br />

coastaltshirts.com<br />

Out ‘n About at <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

We all know<br />

I’m a princess, do I<br />

really need to wear the<br />

crown? This is so<br />

embarrassing.<br />

UNIQUE<br />

ADVERTISING<br />

OPPORTUNITY!<br />

Lydia wants to share the love. We want our readers to send in their adorable pet pics too!<br />

Are you a business that would want to sponsor that page? Call Pam Ashby for details 207.754.9494<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

6 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. She said nothing.


They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.<br />

ALL<br />

STEAK<br />

HAMBURGERS<br />

& GOLF CENTER<br />

2514 TURNER RD. AUBURN<br />

OPEN DAILY 11AM - 7PM<br />

Famous Burgers<br />

Ice Cream<br />

& More!<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

MINI<br />

GOLF<br />

DRIVING<br />

RANGE<br />

BATTING<br />

CAGES<br />

DISC GOLF<br />

COURSE<br />

Amy St. Hilaire,<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> &<br />

Malayka Harriman,<br />

Maine Source Realty<br />

BIRTHDAY PARTIES & CORPORATE EVENTS AVAILABLE<br />

207.782.2801 | RoysGolf.com |<br />

I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. I call it insta-gram.<br />

Christopher Abbott<br />

Camden National Bank<br />

I met some<br />

great people and<br />

businesses while I<br />

was here at the<br />

B2B!<br />

Dave Biron<br />

What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7


Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

David Palazzolo,<br />

Camden National Bank<br />

I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.<br />

THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />

FAMILY<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />

and get a surprise!<br />

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

Members & Guests Welcome!<br />

AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />

Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />

but whose service did not fall into previously<br />

defined war eras may now join<br />

the American Legion immediately. The<br />

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />

war, as determined by Congress.<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

For Veteran or Community services, call<br />

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />

Hall Rentals Available<br />

Call for more<br />

information<br />

207-782-1118<br />

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />

HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p<br />

Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p<br />

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS<br />

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in JUNE<br />

Jerry Joe - <strong>June</strong> 2nd & 16th • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />

SUNDAY, JUNE 18TH<br />

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 ST<br />

6:30 EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 7:00PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP<br />

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25<br />

Bloody Mary Sundays<br />

by Kevin<br />

11a-6p!<br />

Since three out of four small businesses fail, my recommendation is to<br />

start a large business.<br />

Delan Fulgham<br />

Community Credit<br />

Union<br />

What a great<br />

way to connect<br />

with so many<br />

businesses in<br />

the area!<br />

Don’t let your boiler look like this<br />

Get your yearly boiler<br />

cleaning/servicing<br />

CLEANINGS ONLY<br />

220 .00*<br />

$<br />

220<br />

*Plus materials if needed<br />

Emily Krook, Honeyfur<br />

Co. Virtual Assisting<br />

Services & Carrissa<br />

Hankins FNP-C, The<br />

Sleep NP, LLC<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

8 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

CALL TODAY!<br />

207-754-4556<br />

DID YOU KNOW?<br />

Getting your domestic hot water from your boilers<br />

coil is the MOST EXPENSIVE way to get hot water!<br />

Ask about alternatives.<br />

I haven’t slept for 10 days because that would be too long.


I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. I mean, it makes sense.<br />

Shoes<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

I was on vacation and<br />

doing the normal tourist<br />

stuff in New Orleans<br />

and went down to the<br />

waterfront. I was sitting<br />

on a bench enjoying<br />

the view of the water<br />

when a guy came up<br />

to me and started a<br />

conversation and all of<br />

a sudden offered me<br />

a bet.<br />

He said, “I bet you five<br />

dollars I can tell you<br />

where you got your<br />

shoes.”<br />

I was from several<br />

states away so I figured<br />

there was no way<br />

this guy could guess<br />

which shoe store at the<br />

local mall I had purchased<br />

my sneakers<br />

at. So I agreed to the<br />

bet.<br />

The guy put out his<br />

hand for us to shake<br />

on it and assured me<br />

he would pay if he was<br />

wrong and asked me<br />

to do the same. I did.<br />

He grinned and<br />

said,”Now I’m gonna<br />

tell you where you got<br />

your shoes. You got<br />

your shoes on your<br />

feet!.”<br />

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat 1,000 of something.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9


Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

We<br />

had the best<br />

neighbors at the<br />

trade show!<br />

Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her.. or something like that.<br />

Weddings & Rentals<br />

207-333-3251<br />

Erin Courtney,<br />

Maine Turnpike Authority<br />

Yeah! Because<br />

they had Pistachio<br />

Lindt chocolate!<br />

<strong>June</strong> 22<br />

11:30am<br />

<strong>June</strong> 29<br />

7pm<br />

Rebecca Grover<br />

Maine Turnpike Authority<br />

Grant Sperry,<br />

Maine Community Bank<br />

Denny Breau<br />

La Rencontre Lunch<br />

Doors 10:30am<br />

Sponsors: FACE Foundation, TV5Monde,<br />

Quebec Delegation Boston<br />

Underwriter<br />

Cash Bar at Both Events<br />

The Cobblestones<br />

concert<br />

Doors 6pm<br />

Sponsors: Roopers and<br />

Ouellette & Associates, P.A.<br />

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, Maine<br />

Main Office 207-783-1585<br />

Box Office 207-689-2000<br />

www.francocenter.org<br />

Media Sponsors<br />

BENNETT RADIO GROUP<br />

Fu<br />

offi<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

10 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.


HAS IT ALL<br />

SAVE THE DATE<br />

Saturday, August 12 th<br />

Your one-stop shop for:<br />

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />

• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />

• Lottery tickets<br />

• Redemption center<br />

207-345-5551<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />

CATERING<br />

Full serve catering at your<br />

office or company event!<br />

Book Your<br />

<strong>2023</strong><br />

Business<br />

Events<br />

Now!<br />

207-345-9009<br />

DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />

Dad’s Redemption Center<br />

REDEMPTION CENTER<br />

6 ¢<br />

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) <strong>Uncle</strong> UAD Andy’s exp. 6.30.23 <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11


Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

Watch my<br />

epic cornhole<br />

skills!<br />

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.<br />

COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL<br />

Specializing in:<br />

Commercial site projects<br />

House lots<br />

Septic systems<br />

Call us today!<br />

207.754.2343<br />

hirdcontracting@gmail.com<br />

Hendrix Perkins<br />

47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

www.firehouseauburn.com<br />

207-376-4959<br />

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />

JUNE Drink Special<br />

You’ll Love<br />

our Daily<br />

Specials!<br />

$<br />

8<br />

Southern<br />

peach<br />

Josh & Tasha<br />

Perkins<br />

BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey<br />

the greatest 5k series in the Lewiston Auburn area<br />

Register today!<br />

Kimberly Rose,<br />

Kimberly Rose<br />

Photography<br />

triplecrown5k.com<br />

JUNE<br />

4<br />

JULY<br />

16<br />

AUGUST<br />

27<br />

DONATE • VOLUNTEER • START A TEAM<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

12 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.


What’s a frog’s favorite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.<br />

Waiting for<br />

a Train<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

John had to attend a<br />

large convention in Chicago.<br />

For this particular<br />

trip, he decided to bring<br />

his wife, Maggie. When<br />

they arrived at their<br />

hotel and were shown<br />

to their room, John said,<br />

“You rest here while I<br />

register - I’ll be back<br />

within an hour.”<br />

So, Maggie lies down<br />

on the bed and just<br />

then, an elevated train<br />

passes by very close to<br />

the window and shakes<br />

the room so hard she’s<br />

thrown out of the bed.<br />

Thinking this must be a<br />

freak occurrence, she<br />

lies down once more.<br />

The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.<br />

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farm<br />

Again a train shakes the<br />

room so violently, she’s<br />

pitched to the floor.<br />

Exasperated, Maggie<br />

calls the front desk and<br />

asks for the manager.<br />

The manager says he’ll<br />

be right up.<br />

The manager is skeptical<br />

but Maggie insists<br />

that it’s excessive.<br />

“Look, lie here on the<br />

bed - you’ll be thrown<br />

right to the floor!” exclaims<br />

Maggie.<br />

So they both lay down<br />

and wait for the train.<br />

Just then, John walks in.<br />

“What,” John says in an<br />

ominous tone, “is going<br />

on here?”<br />

Tyson, Layla, Karen, & Harper Abbott<br />

The manager replies,<br />

“Would you believe I’m<br />

waiting for a train?”<br />

Was the first forklift created to lift forks?<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13


Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

If while fishing in the ocean you fall over board, you could be in for a Tuna problems.<br />

Leonard, I<br />

swear I didn’t<br />

fart.<br />

Leonard Kimble &<br />

Nick Gordon,<br />

The River Comics<br />

Barnabee, Norway<br />

Savings Arena Mascot<br />

FOR ADVERTISING INFO GO TO:<br />

UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />

LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM<br />

Nathan Sessions,<br />

Levin Marketing<br />

Solutions<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

14 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’


Take my advice – I’m not using it.<br />

1940 ~ <strong>2023</strong><br />

• Restaurant<br />

• Mini Golf Course<br />

• Driving Range<br />

• Ice Cream Stand<br />

Tree Story<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

Steve had a tree he<br />

wanted removed because<br />

it was too close<br />

to his house. Steve<br />

called a tree guy to<br />

have the tree removed.<br />

The tree guy came<br />

out and did a nice job<br />

cutting down the tree.<br />

Treat DAD to a family FUN day<br />

This Father’s Day!<br />

470 Lake Shore Drive Auburn • tabersgolf.com<br />

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.<br />

We’ve got you covered!<br />

Think Summer!<br />

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />

I N S U R A N C E<br />

...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999<br />

SUMMER HOURS<br />

Miniature Golf &<br />

Driving Range<br />

Open Daily 10am-9pm<br />

(weather permitting)<br />

Restaurant & Ice Cream Stand<br />

Open Daily 11am-9pm<br />

207-783-2246 • 150 East Ave. Lewiston • MaineInsuranceonline.com<br />

He ask Steve what<br />

he thought and Steve<br />

responded, “It’s nice<br />

but what about the<br />

stump?”<br />

“I’m just a tree guy<br />

who cut down trees,<br />

if you want the stump<br />

removed, you will need<br />

to call a stump guy,” he<br />

responded.<br />

Steve found a highly<br />

recommend stump guy<br />

and he came and got<br />

the stump out.<br />

When he was finished<br />

Steve asked him about<br />

the hole.<br />

“I’m just a stump guy,<br />

I only remove stumps,<br />

I don’t fill in the holes,<br />

you’ll have to call<br />

a landscaper,” he<br />

replied.<br />

Steve called a landscaper<br />

and told him he<br />

was getting ready to<br />

leave for vacation but<br />

needed a hole filled<br />

and just get it done<br />

one way or another.<br />

When Steve got back<br />

from vacation he found<br />

the landscaper planted<br />

a tree where the hole<br />

once was.<br />

An escalator can never break; it only becomes stairs.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15


Out ‘n About at<br />

Maine B2B Trade<br />

Show<br />

by Dow Media at Norway<br />

Savings Arena<br />

Randy Martin,<br />

Primerica Financial<br />

Services<br />

Great Falls<br />

Comedy Club,<br />

check them out!<br />

Steve Cornish,<br />

The Great Stephan<br />

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?<br />

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE<br />

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!<br />

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas<br />

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!<br />

Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!<br />

2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll<br />

POLLY’S VARIETY<br />

115 King Street, Oxford<br />

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com<br />

<strong>June</strong> Special<br />

2 Bagel Breakfast<br />

Sandwiches<br />

Meat, Egg, & Cheese<br />

ONLY $ 8<br />

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm<br />

FULL SERVICE &<br />

REPAIR SHOP<br />

Heavy Duty Truck &<br />

Equipment Repairs<br />

State Inspection Station<br />

Commercial & Motor Vehicle Stickers<br />

Appointment Only<br />

207.784.8293<br />

plus tax<br />

Expires 6/30/23<br />

250 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

FUN in<br />

SUN<br />

the<br />

There’s no better place in<br />

LA to experience Summer<br />

than Pat’s Deck!<br />

Sue Joncas,<br />

Poland Spring Resort<br />

85 Center Street<br />

207-784-8221<br />

Open 11-9p Daily<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

16 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.


Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

Happy Father’s Day!<br />

Breakfast all day as well<br />

as delicious lunch items!<br />

Captain, My<br />

Captain!<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

There’s this mighty sailing<br />

ship, a British frigate,<br />

cruising the Seven Seas,<br />

and one day the lookout<br />

shouts down from the<br />

crow’s nest, “Captain!<br />

Captain! There’s two<br />

pirate ships heading<br />

our way! They mean to<br />

attack! What should we<br />

do?”<br />

“Bring me my red shirt,”<br />

the captain responds.<br />

Angel Bennett, Marti & Louis Turgeon, Sue Gagnon,<br />

Mirinda Bickford & Tammy Allen<br />

87 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />

207-753-0171<br />

rollysnewauburn.com<br />

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday<br />

Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.<br />

START YOUR NEXT CHAPTER<br />

WITH AGENTS YOU’LL LOVE!<br />

They bring him his red<br />

shirt, he puts it on, and<br />

leads his men into battle.<br />

It’s difficult, and there are<br />

a number of casualties,<br />

but they manage to beat<br />

back the pirates.<br />

That evening, after the<br />

survivors have gotten<br />

themselves bandaged up,<br />

they ask the captain why<br />

he called for his red shirt.<br />

“Because if I’m wounded<br />

and bleeding, I wouldn’t<br />

want the sight of my<br />

blood to destroy the<br />

morale of my men. But if<br />

I’m wearing my red shirt,<br />

no one will see it,” he<br />

explains.<br />

Well, the crew thought,<br />

“Wow. What a captain.”<br />

List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package<br />

(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)<br />

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com<br />

Jon<br />

Mercier<br />

Mark<br />

Turner<br />

Deb<br />

Morin<br />

Linda<br />

Dupuis<br />

Dustin<br />

Mallar<br />

Mason<br />

Dupuis<br />

Lindsay<br />

Wright<br />

Malayka<br />

Harriman<br />

Brandon<br />

Duarte<br />

The next day, another,<br />

even more worried, shout<br />

comes down from the<br />

crow’s nest, “Captain, my<br />

captain! There’s ten pirate<br />

ships heading our way,<br />

and they mean to board<br />

us! What should we do?”<br />

The frightened crew turns<br />

to their captain, but he<br />

doesn’t flinch and he calls<br />

out, “Bring me my brown<br />

pants!”<br />

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17


Worse Case<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

Michael passed by his<br />

son’s bedroom and was<br />

astonished to see that<br />

his bed was nicely made<br />

and everything was<br />

picked up. Then he saw<br />

an envelope, propped up<br />

prominently on the pillow<br />

that was addressed to<br />

‘Dad.’<br />

With dread, he opened<br />

the envelope and read<br />

the letter.<br />

Dear Dad, It is with great<br />

regret and sorrow that<br />

I’m writing you. I had to<br />

elope with my new girlfriend,<br />

Stacy because I<br />

wanted to avoid a scene<br />

with Mom and you. I<br />

have found real passion<br />

with Stacy. I knew you<br />

would not approve of her<br />

because of all her piercings,<br />

tattoos, tight<br />

motorcycle clothes and<br />

the fact that she is much<br />

older than I am. It’s not<br />

only the passion, Dad,<br />

she’s pregnant. Stacy<br />

said that we will be very<br />

happy. She owns a<br />

trailer in the woods and<br />

has a stack of firewood<br />

for the whole winter. We<br />

share a dream of having<br />

many more children.<br />

Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15<br />

and I know how to take<br />

care of myself. Someday<br />

I’m sure that we will be<br />

back to visit so that you<br />

can get to know your<br />

grandchildren.<br />

Love, your son, Corey<br />

PS Dad, none of the<br />

above is true. I’m over<br />

at Tommy’s house.<br />

PPS I just wanted to<br />

remind you that there<br />

are worse things in life<br />

than a school report<br />

card. That’s in my center<br />

desk drawer. I love you.<br />

Call me when it’s safe to<br />

come home.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

18 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

207-705-1866<br />

We ship chocolates<br />

anywhere in the country<br />

GGGGG<br />

LIVE MUSIC<br />

is back on<br />

Wednesdays!<br />

GGGGG<br />

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.<br />

MAKE<br />

RESERVATIONS<br />

TODAY!<br />

Receive 10% OFF your purchase when<br />

you mention the <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s ad<br />

Happy Father’s Day<br />

Make-A-Wish® basket raffle.<br />

$2 per ticket, or 3 for $5<br />

FRIDAY SPECIAL<br />

French toast breakfast<br />

buy one, get one 50% off<br />

Whoopie Pies • Chocolates-custom orders & in-stock<br />

Fresh homestyle breakfast & lunch • Gluten free options<br />

Hours: Monday-Saturday 9am-7pm<br />

550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com<br />

WASHRITE LAUNDROMAT<br />

laundry done right<br />

Wash & Dry Service Available<br />

ATM<br />

Change Machine<br />

Soap Dispenser<br />

Waiting Area with TV<br />

Folding Stations<br />

77 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />

All New<br />

Machines<br />

*CLEAN*<br />

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />

A PLACE<br />

THE WHOLE<br />

FAMILY WILL<br />

LOVE!<br />

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />

A magician speaking Spanish tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.<br />

He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.


If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

We can provide a warm and<br />

comfortable home for your loved one.<br />

Allison Corrow<br />

Garden Spot<br />

Farm is our<br />

favorite spot for<br />

flowers!<br />

Amy Crosby &<br />

Scout Carter<br />

A beautiful day<br />

here on Mother’s<br />

Day, and every day!<br />

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,<br />

aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,<br />

medications, and meals.<br />

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961<br />

Bonnie Iwans<br />

Beckie Conrad<br />

I heard math teachers go to Times Square for vacation.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19


SCHEDULE OF EVENTS<br />

Launches 6am-6pm<br />

Moon Glow Friday at dusk<br />

Live music all weekend<br />

Parade Saturday 11am<br />

“For the Love of Animals Event” Festival Plaza Saturday 11am-3pm<br />

GFBF/American Red Cross Blood Drive Saturday 19 th 9am-2pm Auburn Senior C<br />

Family Fun Day Sunday 9-11am - Costume Party<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

20 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

August 18-20th, <strong>2023</strong>


Senior Center<br />

Our Mission<br />

The mission of the Great Falls Balloon Festival is to provide fundraising opportunities<br />

for local non-profit organizations, while celebrating our community and promoting the<br />

Lewiston/Auburn area as a visitor destination.<br />

www.greatfallsballoonfestival.org<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21


Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

One minute your young and fun, and the next minute you’re turning down<br />

the stereo to see better.<br />

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts<br />

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting<br />

to claims support, we’ve got you covered.<br />

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john.blanchette@nfp.com<br />

Keira & Lydia<br />

Burden<br />

The Right<br />

Coverage at the<br />

Right Price.<br />

Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved.<br />

For your business.<br />

For your people.<br />

For your life.<br />

NFP.com<br />

Visit our new NFP office:<br />

681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240<br />

Some<br />

might say<br />

I have a green<br />

thumb.<br />

Lancer Milliken<br />

Lauren Beganny<br />

& Camryn Coffin<br />

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Coffee by Design•Weekend Brunch•<br />

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!<br />

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030<br />

Bringing the Ocean to your Table<br />

Party<br />

Platters<br />

Available<br />

(orders only)<br />

Take out • Dine in<br />

Homemade Goods<br />

Gift Certificates Available<br />

WE HAVE 15+ DELICIOUS<br />

BEERS ON TAP<br />

- AND TO GO -<br />

BREWED HERE<br />

FOR YOU<br />

The freshest seafood around!<br />

Gray, ME<br />

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p<br />

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING<br />

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM<br />

WE HAVE<br />

LIVE<br />

LOBSTERS!<br />

Let us do the cooking!<br />

No extra charge!<br />

207-657-3474<br />

59c Portland Road, Gray<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

22 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

If seagulls flew over the bay instead of the sea, would they be called bagels?


Now<br />

Hiring<br />

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />

JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS!<br />

Scan here to<br />

Apply Today!<br />

www.debloiselectric.com<br />

Immediate openings for<br />

experienced licensed electricians<br />

They say the best things take time. That’s my excuse for always being late.<br />

Now<br />

Hiring<br />

Admittance<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Pat and Joe were out<br />

walking their dogs on a<br />

hot day, when they pass<br />

by a pub.<br />

Pat looks at his friend<br />

Joe and says “Let’s<br />

go in there for a quick<br />

drink.”<br />

Joe replies, “They won’t<br />

let us in with our dogs.”<br />

“Sure they will, just<br />

follow my lead.”<br />

Pat walks up to the pub,<br />

and sure enough the<br />

doorman tells him, “I’m<br />

sorry but I can’t let you<br />

in here with your dog.”<br />

Pat replies, “But I’m<br />

blind and this is my<br />

seeing-eye dog.”<br />

24 Hour<br />

Service<br />

235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />

207-777-5600<br />

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />

protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />

Now offering<br />

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PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />

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Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />

and the surrounding communities!<br />

The doorman says,<br />

“Okay, well in that case,<br />

come on in.”<br />

Joe sees this and<br />

decides to do the same<br />

thing. He walks up to<br />

the front door, but the<br />

doorman says, “Sorry<br />

sir, you can’t come in<br />

here with a dog.”<br />

Joe replies, “I’m blind<br />

and this is my seeing-eye<br />

dog.”<br />

The doorman responds,<br />

“I don’t think so buddy.<br />

You mean to tell me<br />

you have a bulldog for a<br />

seeing-eye dog?”<br />

Joe stops for a second<br />

looking confused, and<br />

says, “They gave me a<br />

bulldog?”<br />

What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23


Paint Job<br />

Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.<br />

Joline, wanting to earn<br />

some extra money, decided<br />

to hire herself out<br />

as a handyman-type<br />

and started canvassing<br />

a wealthy neighborhood.<br />

She went to the<br />

front door of the first<br />

house and asked the<br />

owner if he had any<br />

jobs for her to do.<br />

“Well, you can paint my<br />

porch. How much will<br />

you charge?”<br />

“How about fifty dollars?”<br />

Joline answered.<br />

GreatFallsComedyClub.com<br />

Local<br />

stand-up favs<br />

Professional<br />

touring comics<br />

Wide selection<br />

of drink options<br />

and plenty of<br />

parking!<br />

GreatFallsComedyClub@gmail.com<br />

207-200-5366<br />

Make<br />

Laughter<br />

a Priority<br />

located at<br />

Craft Brew<br />

Underground<br />

Auburn<br />

The man agreed and<br />

told her that the paint<br />

and ladders that she<br />

might need were in<br />

the garage. The man’s<br />

wife, inside the house,<br />

heard the conversation<br />

and said to her husband,<br />

“Does she realize<br />

that the porch goes<br />

all the way around the<br />

house?”<br />

The man replied, “She<br />

should. She was standing<br />

on the porch.”<br />

The Village Inn<br />

Serving our customers for over 40 years<br />

JOIN OUR FAMILY!<br />

Now Hiring Kitchen Staff<br />

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Happy Father’s Day!<br />

Make Your Reservations Now!<br />

207.782.7796 | OPEN Wed.-Sun.<br />

165 High Street, Auburn<br />

villageinnmaine.com<br />

A short time later, Joline<br />

came to the door to<br />

collect her money.<br />

“You’re finished already?”<br />

he asked.<br />

“Yes,” Joline answered,<br />

“and I had paint left<br />

over, so I gave it two<br />

coats.”<br />

“Impressed, the man<br />

reached in his pocket<br />

for the $50. “And by<br />

the way,” Joline added,<br />

“that’s not a Porch, it’s<br />

a Ferrari.”<br />

BATTERY & CORE<br />

MAINE’S MOST<br />

TRUSTED RECYCLER<br />

Aluminum Rims<br />

are averaging<br />

$<br />

16- $ 23/ea.*<br />

* depending on weight &<br />

current daily market<br />

15 Pierce St. Auburn<br />

Open Mon. - Fri. 8a - 4p<br />

maine-recycling.com (207)795-8887<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

24 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

If an ear was 12 inches long, it would be a foot.


What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

Mike, Crystal, &<br />

Alice Reilly<br />

Getting<br />

it done<br />

here at Garden<br />

Spot.<br />

BEER GARDEN REGATTA LIVE MUSIC<br />

SHOP LOCAL MARKET FOOD TRUCKS<br />

I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.<br />

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farm<br />

Rudy McKinnon<br />

When<br />

life hands<br />

you lemons...<br />

Max, Samantha, & Michelle Rudgers<br />

Ry, Sawyer, &<br />

Carl Langevin<br />

Neptunes is the kind of music planets like.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25


Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

If every day is a gift, today was definitely socks.<br />

Saturday, August 12 th<br />

1:00 - 10:00pm<br />

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL<br />

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />

UNCLE ANDY’S<br />

presents<br />

Sheila, Meadow,<br />

& Blake Finamore<br />

Fun for<br />

Everyone!<br />

Valerie Belknap<br />

Roger & Shannon<br />

Allen<br />

• Kid’s Zone w/ Inflatable<br />

Obstacle Course<br />

• HUGE Silent Auction<br />

• Dunk Tank<br />

• Face Painting<br />

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too<br />

• Great Food<br />

• Beer Garden & Full Bar<br />

• 50/50<br />

A great<br />

Community<br />

Event!<br />

Food, Fun, & Music<br />

hosted by<br />

OUR AMAZING S<br />

Karyn Allen<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

26 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.


NDY’S DIGEST<br />

presents<br />

Snoop Dogg uses an umbrella fo’ drizzle.<br />

3<br />

BANDS!<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

Find<br />

Garden Spots<br />

ad on page 28 to see<br />

what we have going<br />

on!<br />

1-3pm:Tatooed Lies<br />

3-5pm:Fire in the Hole<br />

6-9pm: Skosh<br />

9-10pm: Fire in the Hole<br />

& Skosh<br />

The Grand Finale Summer<br />

Block Party is bound to be the best<br />

yet. Great bands and fun for everyone,<br />

come help us reach our goal to reach 100<br />

wishes through all 9 Summer Block<br />

Party events!<br />

Danielle & Pearl<br />

Peterson<br />

Music to Benefit<br />

hosted by<br />

A Summer Event You<br />

Won’t Want to Miss!<br />

Dennis Peaslee<br />

Sometimes you<br />

just have to stop<br />

and smell the<br />

flowers!<br />

ING SPONSORS!<br />

LASummerBlockParty.com<br />

MINOT COUNTRY STORE<br />

Community Sponsors:<br />

Auburn Savings Bank<br />

DuBois Realty Group<br />

Fortin Funeral Homes<br />

Media Partners:<br />

Julia and Nicole<br />

Gowen<br />

A bear with no teeth is a gummy bear.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27


Out ‘n About at<br />

Oxford Auto Sales<br />

If<br />

you’re in the<br />

market for a vehicle,<br />

you should check these<br />

guys out!<br />

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat.<br />

I’m just not on the right planet.<br />

Father’s Day!<br />

We are a great place to shop - lots of gift ideas!<br />

Mr. Giasson<br />

Totally<br />

diggin my new<br />

truck!<br />

Mr. Danforth<br />

All we want<br />

to do now is take<br />

a drive in our new<br />

Tahoe!<br />

Happy Father’s Day!<br />

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME • (207) 375-6253<br />

2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 Family Owned & Operated<br />

Call ahead for<br />

bulk deliveries<br />

& loading<br />

• Mulch<br />

• Loam<br />

• Compost<br />

• 50/50 Compost/<br />

Loam Mix<br />

Full Line of<br />

Bagged Mulch • Soils<br />

Fertilizers • Pro-Mix<br />

Garden Tools • Potting Soil<br />

GREENHOUSE & GARDEN CENTER<br />

OPEN EVERY DAY 8 - 4<br />

896 Lawrence Rd. No. Pownal • 207-688-4462<br />

www.GardenSpotFarm.com<br />

Look for specials on Facebook!<br />

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE<br />

FOR ALL YOUR FLOWER AND VEGETABLE GARDEN NEEDS<br />

Tree & Shrubs<br />

Asparagus &<br />

Strawberry Plants<br />

Seed Potato • Seeds<br />

Proven Winners<br />

10” to 12” Hanging Combination<br />

10” Fuchsia hanging baskets $ 28<br />

Annual Flats, Herb & Vegetable Flats<br />

& Pots • Geraniums<br />

Eligible for Medicare?<br />

UAD <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong> Page 16<br />

10 greenhouses full<br />

of annual, perennial,<br />

vegetable and<br />

herb plants!<br />

CALL US TODAY<br />

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.<br />

30+<br />

Years of<br />

Experience!<br />

The Thompson’s<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

28 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

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As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself,<br />

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Proudly Supporting


I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.<br />

G<br />

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No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich at the dollar store.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29


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BUSINESS<br />

SP TLIGHT<br />

Richard Moylan<br />

(207) 777-0050<br />

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn<br />

richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire<br />

and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook,<br />

Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />

207-782-7141<br />

Happy Father’s Day!<br />

It’s Pizza Day<br />

EVERY DAY<br />

207-782-7141<br />

Professional<br />

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andropetsit.com<br />

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Lewiston<br />

Pooper Scooping Services<br />

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the poop?<br />

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YOUR IMAGE RIGHT FROM<br />

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WE APPRECIATE YOUR<br />

DONATION TO MAKE-A-WISH<br />

Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31


Call<br />

for your<br />

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Today!<br />

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IS READY FOR SUMMER<br />

VEHICLE MAINTENANCE<br />

CHECKS DONE HERE<br />

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207-212-7791<br />

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Transfer Cases, & Differentials<br />

Ron<br />

Charpentier, Jr.,<br />

Owner<br />

Specializing in Heat Pumps/AC, Oil & Gas Furnace<br />

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p<br />

Add 4 Months to Your Watersports<br />

Season with a Wetsuit<br />

• Swimming<br />

• Snorkeling<br />

• Scuba<br />

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stay warmer longer!<br />

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(207) 402-8654<br />

www.lamassagemaine.com<br />

CHILDRENS<br />

TOO!<br />

805 Main Street<br />

Lewiston<br />

784-7300<br />

Coach Terry’s<br />

REDEMPTION<br />

CENTER<br />

The friendly redemption center<br />

Ryan Queen • hvacsolutions207@gmail.com<br />

Don’t put it off, have your cooling system checked<br />

Our experienced professional technicians can help!<br />

Your Radiator Repair &<br />

Air Conditioning EXPERTS<br />

High Quality Maintenance & Automotive Repairs<br />

Lincoln Street<br />

RADIATOR SHOP<br />

Family owned & operated since 1967<br />

207-784-9356<br />

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />

HEAT IS<br />

COMING!<br />

Monday-Friday: 8a-5p<br />

<strong>June</strong> 18th<br />

8 Tidswell Road Turner<br />

207-225-2008<br />

Open daily 8am to 4pm<br />

Amy St. Hilaire<br />

Marketing Specialist<br />

207.402.1070<br />

amy@<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

9 Grove Street,<br />

Auburn, ME 04210<br />

Office:<br />

207-783-7039<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

32 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

If I had 9 fingers missing, I wou;dn’t type any slower.


CALL THE PROS<br />

Shuga Shak Country Store<br />

Maple Baked Beans<br />

every Saturday!<br />

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services<br />

Mike Magretto<br />

Veteran Owned & Operated<br />

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890<br />

Serving 24 flavors of<br />

Soft Serve Ice Cream<br />

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p<br />

Wine • Local Products<br />

Honey • Pickles • Jams<br />

Candies • Crafts...<br />

and much more!<br />

450 Pigeon Hill Road (Rte<br />

26), Mechanic Falls<br />

207-576-7886<br />

REALTY<br />

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Call/Text 207-447-2103 ME License # SA925692<br />

christine.kennedy@exprealty.com | christinekennedy.exprealty.com<br />

Call/Text 207-740-0596 ME License # BR924660<br />

sam.prindle@exprealty.com | www.TallHouseGuy.com<br />

FINE LINE GUN SHOP<br />

Guns • Ammo • Supplies<br />

Check out<br />

our Facebook<br />

page for our<br />

finelinegun@aol.com<br />

newest<br />

inventory!<br />

207-998-2374<br />

Ralph & Mary Sleeper<br />

590 Plains Road, Poland<br />

Serving Greater Central Maine<br />

Ensuring<br />

Your Home<br />

is a Safe Place<br />

RICK BROWNING<br />

Certified Inspector<br />

207-619-0868<br />

upfronthi@gmail.com<br />

A.D.A. Compliant<br />

Fully Insured<br />

• Custom ATM Surrounds<br />

• Kiosk Maintenance<br />

• ATM Site Refurbishing<br />

• Mobile Events & Full Service ATM Placement<br />

• Custom Branding Vinyl Wraps<br />

Daniel Bouthot • 207.576.1719 • dbouthot@versatrades.com<br />

brothersfencing@me.com<br />

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33


New Golfer<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

Gabe, who just retired<br />

was given a set of golf<br />

clubs by his former<br />

co-workers.<br />

Thinking he’d try the<br />

game, he asked the<br />

local pro for lessons,<br />

explaining that he<br />

knew nothing whatever<br />

of the game.<br />

The pro showed Gabe<br />

the stance and swing,<br />

then said, “Just hit the<br />

ball toward the flag on<br />

the first green.”<br />

Gabe teed up his golf<br />

ball and smacked<br />

it straight down the<br />

fairway and onto<br />

the green, where it<br />

stopped inches from<br />

the hole.<br />

I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money.<br />

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2023</strong> specials!<br />

Roy’s<br />

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PIZZA PACKS<br />

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Try our hamburger,<br />

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Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farm<br />

Beautiful<br />

flowers on a<br />

beautiful day!<br />

“Now what?” Gabe<br />

asked the speechless<br />

pro.<br />

“Uh... now you’re<br />

supposed to hit the ball<br />

into the cup,” the pro<br />

finally said.<br />

Roger & Trudy Pusher with Jazmin<br />

“Oh great! NOW you<br />

tell me,” replied Gabe.<br />

RoySnow.com<br />

207.782.3734<br />

Serving Maine since 1947<br />

11 Library Ave.<br />

Auburn<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

34 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times.


CALL THE PROS<br />

• Decks, sheds<br />

• Basement remodels<br />

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207.402.1330<br />

Casa<br />

Taco<br />

Del<br />

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn<br />

OPEN<br />

Thursday - Saturday<br />

11am - 6pm<br />

• Birra Tacos<br />

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WE CATER EVENTS<br />

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Call us today!<br />

207.740.0574<br />

Ouellette’s Cleanup<br />

Handyman Services<br />

Farralee Ouellette, proprietor<br />

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Residential & Commercial<br />

PO Box 72<br />

Paris, Maine 04271<br />

207-376-5151<br />

A woman-owned<br />

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MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.<br />

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for Individuals and Business<br />

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212<br />

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax<br />

Always FREE samples for tasting!<br />

Visit Us for All Your Sweets!<br />

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Your trusted,<br />

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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a<br />

really tough sentence.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35


Proudly Supporting<br />

GREENHOUSE & GARDEN CENTER<br />

896 Lawrence Rd. No. Pownal<br />

207-688-4462<br />

www.GardenSpotFarm.com<br />

Proudly Supporting<br />

Thank you to everyone that has donated or<br />

participated in making Wishes come true!<br />

FADDEN<br />

CUSTOM PEST SERVICES<br />

Edward Fadden<br />

edward_fadden@yahoo.com<br />

207-576-9750<br />

Top<br />

Pay!<br />

Make a payroll<br />

mistake?<br />

NOW We’ll HIRING fix it.<br />

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401K & Health Insurance Available<br />

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1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

“I have 170 seasonal employees.<br />

Mistakes do happen. Someone<br />

Helping make wishes come forgets true! to punch in or punch<br />

out, and Payroll Management is<br />

Johnny-on-the-spot to get it fixed.”<br />

THE EMERGENCY<br />

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Make a payroll<br />

mistake?<br />

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Tune in every Wednesday<br />

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This is a once-a-week Christian radio broadcast.<br />

Steve Simard<br />

“I have 170 seasonal employees.<br />

Mistakes do happen. Someone<br />

forgets to punch in or punch<br />

Businesses<br />

out, and<br />

&<br />

Payroll<br />

individuals<br />

Management<br />

can help make<br />

is<br />

it<br />

possible<br />

Johnny-on-the-spot<br />

to grant a wish for a<br />

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suffering<br />

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from a serious illness. Please Donate!<br />

– Call CYNDI me ROBBINS<br />

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call Pat Penley<br />

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207-860-9380<br />

800-734-6880 | Auburn, ME<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

36 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

This message is brought to you by all of us at <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>, and its advertise


Transform lives,<br />

one wish at a time.<br />

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and rental<br />

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Therapy & Wellness, LLC<br />

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />

I N S U R A N C E<br />

“Recover What<br />

Moves You.”<br />

Jason Burtchell, PT, OCS, Cred. MDT<br />

Board Certified Orthopedic Specialist<br />

Certified in the McKenzie Method<br />

207-707-1409<br />

www.resilienceptw.com<br />

...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />

Kaleb Davis<br />

Mortgage Banker<br />

NMSL# 1545778<br />

Kaleb Davis<br />

Mortgage Banker - NMLS# 1545778<br />

P: (207) 240-8250<br />

E: KalebDavis@Leader1.com<br />

79 Main Street, Suite 213 - Auburn, ME 04210<br />

(207) 240-8250<br />

Proudly Supporting<br />

KalebDavis.Leader1.com<br />

KalebDavis@Leader1.com<br />

Mortgage<br />

KalebDavis.Leader1.com<br />

with EASE Engage. Accomplish. Simplify. Empower. TM<br />

79 Main Street, Suite 213, Auburn<br />

Top<br />

Pay!<br />

NOW HIRING<br />

Experienced line cooks<br />

401K & Health Insurance Available<br />

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

Kelsi LaPlante &<br />

friend<br />

Abigail<br />

Locally owned<br />

and operated<br />

Give Us A Call!<br />

410 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

207-402-8985<br />

info@shapirorental.com<br />

New<br />

centrifuge<br />

area rug<br />

cleaning!<br />

• Carpets<br />

• Wood Floors<br />

• Tile & Grout<br />

• Water Damage Drying<br />

Commercial & Residential<br />

Call Today!<br />

(207) 783-2933<br />

advertisers. Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37


www.LASummerBlockParty.com<br />

I recently met a limo driver who was in business for over 30 years. Despite trying his hardest, he didn’t get one<br />

single customer…all this time and nothing to chauffeur it.<br />

It’s our<br />

last year!<br />

Saturday, August 13, 2022<br />

FOOD, FUN, & MUSIC TO BENEFIT<br />

SATURDAY, AUGUST 12 TH<br />

We are excited to bring you our 8th annual Summer Block Party and hope you’ll consider<br />

sponsoring this great community event. Help us grant wishes here, right in our backyard.<br />

CONSIDER BEING A SPONSOR<br />

PRESENTING<br />

WISH<br />

SPONSOR<br />

$7,000<br />

SPONSOR<br />

OF<br />

STRENGTH<br />

$5,000<br />

LASummerBlockParty.com<br />

SPONSOR<br />

OF<br />

HOPE<br />

$2,500<br />

STAR<br />

SPONSOR<br />

$1,000<br />

COMMUNITY<br />

SPONSOR<br />

$500<br />

Industry Exclusivity<br />

✓<br />

Recognition on Block Party Website ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓<br />

Multiple social media channel shout-outs ✓ ✓ ✓<br />

Logo featured on video wall ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓<br />

Logo featured on sponsorship banner ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓<br />

Logo on all advertising (print, radio, tv) ✓ ✓<br />

(Print & radio only)<br />

✓<br />

(Print only)<br />

✓<br />

(Print only)<br />

Custom recognition piece ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓<br />

Public recognition by Emcee<br />

✓<br />

Logo in Make-A-Wish event E-Blast ✓<br />

Be a part of a<br />

record-breaking<br />

year!<br />

✓<br />

(Print only)<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

38 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

I once owned a paper business but it folded.


When you can’t say ‘let’s just forget the whole thing’, you know crisis level has been reached.<br />

Christina Lavers<br />

Roopers Minot Ave Employee<br />

ROOPERSBEVERAGE.COM<br />

We are delighted to take a<br />

moment to acknowledge<br />

the outstanding service<br />

provided by Christina<br />

Lavers, one of our exceptional<br />

cashiers at the Minot<br />

Ave. Roopers. She has<br />

consistently demonstrated<br />

an unwavering commitment<br />

to excellence and has made<br />

a remarkable impact on our<br />

customers and team.<br />

With a warm smile and a<br />

friendly greeting, Chris creates<br />

an inviting atmosphere<br />

for all who walk through our<br />

doors. She possesses a deep<br />

knowledge of our extensive<br />

range of beverages, and<br />

her memory of customers’<br />

names and special orders is<br />

impressive.<br />

301 Main St., Auburn | 783.9098<br />

545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047<br />

980 Main St., Oxford | 539.6072<br />

Jesse St Laurent states:<br />

“Chris’ hard work makes our<br />

jobs a lot easier. Her pleasant<br />

and welcoming smile<br />

starts everyone’s morning<br />

on Minot Ave. She just gets<br />

things done with no questions<br />

asked! Chris always<br />

leaves our store looking<br />

better than when she found<br />

it. We are truly blessed to<br />

have her and her dedication<br />

to Roopers and her team.<br />

We love you Chris!”<br />

Even after a tough year,<br />

Chris keeps smiling and<br />

that is one of the things we<br />

appreciate most about her.<br />

Chris, thank you for being<br />

you. We are proud of you<br />

and proud to have you on<br />

the Roopers team! CHEERS!<br />

794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353<br />

686 Main St., Lewiston | 344.1200<br />

1420 Lisbon St., Lewiston | 333.3095<br />

Home Support<br />

Physical, Speech, &<br />

Occupational Therapy<br />

Physical, speech, and<br />

occupational therapy services.<br />

Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.<br />

368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn<br />

Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089<br />

Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com<br />

I see they’re thinking about using drones to deliver magazines, that’ll raise some issues.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39


LOVE YOUR VEHICLE ALL OVER AGAIN!<br />

Review on February 9th <strong>2023</strong>: “I am highly impressed with BDD! I had my car done today and it is absolutely<br />

immaculate. Abdirahman drove all the way out to Naples to pick up my car, and back again to drop it off. He was super<br />

nice and did an amazing job on my car-we will definitely be asking for him for all our car detailing needs! The business is<br />

excellent with communication and they definitely know how to keep customers happy. 10/10 would recommend!”<br />

207.740.8963 | Vehicle Pick-up and Drop-off available | follow us<br />

I made a huge to-do list today, now to figure out who’s going to do it all.<br />

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />

We are stronger together<br />

409 SABATTUS STREET , LEWISTON<br />

Debbie Bodwell<br />

NMLS# 280336<br />

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />

207.754.3962<br />

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />

40 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2023</strong>

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