Uncle Andy's Digest - MARCH 2023
Spring is just around the corner, and we're certainly ready for the thaw. In the meantime, we have compiled some good humor in the March 2023 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
Spring is just around the corner, and we're certainly ready for the thaw. In the meantime, we have compiled some good humor in the March 2023 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
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UNCLE<br />
DIGEST<br />
ANDY’S<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong><br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
SINCE 1996<br />
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />
CHECK OUT OUR<br />
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207-346-0279<br />
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whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn<br />
207-782-7113<br />
Get Your FREE<br />
Quote Today!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1
The moment you stub your toe is the exact same moment you realize you can speak 17 languages.<br />
Different look ...<br />
SAME LEGACY!<br />
Grand opening!<br />
March 15th, 12:00 pm<br />
Both Locations Auburn/Lewiston<br />
137 Spring Street / 109 Campus Ave<br />
www.dairyjoyla.com<br />
OVER 20 FLAVORS +<br />
GLUTEN & DAIRY FREE<br />
OPTIONS<br />
Proudly serving....<br />
That’s why we bring health care to you.<br />
Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home<br />
Recovery from illness or injury<br />
Chronic condition management<br />
Navigating emotional wellbeing<br />
Hospice care + Hospice House<br />
207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org<br />
When you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover you get a rash of good luck.
The difference between wisdom and luck is that one is clever and one is clover.<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong> <strong>2023</strong> ACTIVITIES<br />
Saturday, March 4th<br />
KC Sabattus Bean Supper<br />
4:30-6:00pm<br />
Our Lady of the Rosary<br />
131 High St. Sabattus<br />
M: $7.00 G: $8.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Sunday, March 5 th<br />
Moon Stone Pottery<br />
1:00pm<br />
186 Turner St. Auburn<br />
M: $10.00 G: $15.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Tuesday, March 7th<br />
Roy’s Breakfast<br />
7:00-10:00am<br />
5 Washington St. Auburn<br />
M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Thursday, March 9th<br />
Mandarin Buffet<br />
11:00am-1:00pm<br />
750 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
M: $7.50 G: $9.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Thursday, March 16th<br />
KP’s Place<br />
4:00-6:30pm<br />
245 Center St. Auburn<br />
M: $7.50 G: $9.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Tuesday, March 21st<br />
Sam’s Marketplace Mall<br />
12:00-7:00pm<br />
675 Main St. Lewiston<br />
M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Thursday, March 23rd<br />
Fielder’s Choice<br />
4:00-7:00pm<br />
680 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />
M: $2.50 G: $3.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 3-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Reminder: Please do not call<br />
the restaurants. If you have a<br />
question, please call the office at<br />
207-782-1833 or 207-333-6052<br />
and speak with Jamie. Tickets<br />
must be purchased at the MWA<br />
District Office at 184 Webster<br />
Street Lewiston on the dates/times<br />
listed for each activity. Menus are<br />
subject to change. No substitutions<br />
or add-ons.<br />
Most importantly - Have Fun!<br />
Elvis Presley Steakhouses, the restaurant for people who love meat tender.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by<br />
Maine Mountain Ocean<br />
Group, Inc. with its world<br />
headquarters located at<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn,<br />
Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed<br />
since 1996 throughout<br />
Central Maine and mailed to<br />
subscribers all over the Free<br />
World. Subscriptions are<br />
$49 .95 /year.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
UAD Super Heroes<br />
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I just got hit with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it’s a soft drink.<br />
Like our<br />
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While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries<br />
very hard to ensure the accuracy<br />
of the information in our clients’<br />
advertisements and our publication<br />
in general, we are not responsible<br />
for vendor availability, typographical<br />
errors, technical inaccuracies, product<br />
pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Mike & Joe<br />
Adkins<br />
Licensed<br />
Denturists<br />
801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />
SmileAgainDentures.com<br />
514-0660<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
4 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wants to be Irish. They are green with envy.
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5
Is it bad luck to be superstitious?<br />
Out ‘n About at <strong>Digest</strong> World Headquarters<br />
Magazine<br />
mascots need<br />
snack breaks too,<br />
you know...<br />
It’s why I’m here.<br />
Some things we all have in common.<br />
There’s nobody like me to protect the things<br />
we all value.<br />
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®<br />
CALL ME TODAY.<br />
Lydia Ashby<br />
Genie of the<br />
Lamp<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
A guy rubs a lamp<br />
and a genie pops out<br />
in a puff of smoke.<br />
“Master, I am here<br />
to grant you three<br />
wishes. Choose<br />
them wisely,” said<br />
the genie.<br />
“Wow! This is amazing,<br />
I know what I’m<br />
going to wish for<br />
first,” replies the guy.<br />
“For my first wish, I<br />
want to be rich.”<br />
“Ok, Rich. ..what’s<br />
your second wish?”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
6 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
I ran out of toilet paper the other day and had to use the newspaper. Times are rough.
After long conversations with my wife, I often<br />
sigh with relief. I’m a man of phew words.<br />
Lewiston - Locally owned Burnt Ends<br />
Barbecue celebrates 1 year Anniversary<br />
Call us for a quote<br />
TODAY!<br />
HATS<br />
MUGS<br />
EMBROIDERY<br />
SCREENPRINTING<br />
THINK<br />
SPRING<br />
SPORTS!<br />
Baseball • Softball<br />
Lacrosse • Track<br />
PENS<br />
BAGS<br />
WEAR<br />
Quality<br />
Products<br />
Reasonable<br />
Pricing<br />
205 Washington St.<br />
South, Auburn<br />
207-784-4184<br />
coastaltshirts.com<br />
Out ‘n About at Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Lewiston, ME – Burnt Ends Barbecue is a locally owned<br />
restaurant, owned by Jill and Kevin Cunningham. Burnt<br />
Ends was voted Down East Magazine’s best new restaurant<br />
of 2022. This BBQ restaurant is run on two motto’s,<br />
be a good human, and don’t serve sh*t. If Burnt Ends<br />
keeps true to their motto, you will always get served<br />
a great meal. They serve a wide selection of smoked<br />
meats, sides, and platters. Meat selection includes, Brisket,<br />
Pork Belly Burnt Ends, Beef Burnt Ends, Beef Ribs,<br />
Smoked Turkey, Pulled Chicken, Pulled Pork, Chorizo<br />
and last, but not least, Chicken Wings. Their real talent<br />
is their catering.<br />
We love<br />
lunch dates and<br />
reading our favorite<br />
magazine!<br />
Rita & Glen Levasseur<br />
Call Burnt Ends Barbecue for company picnics, gatherings,<br />
weddings, and board meetings. They are also<br />
able to customize smaller events, and order individual<br />
boxes and decide whether you have cornbread and<br />
honey butter or not. Trust me get the cornbread.
Job Interview<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
I ordered boneless chicken for lunch today. They brought me a fried egg.<br />
George was sitting<br />
in the waiting room<br />
of a prestigious law<br />
firm where he had an<br />
interview.<br />
The lawyer’s assistant<br />
called his name letting<br />
him know that the interviewing<br />
lawyer was<br />
ready for him.<br />
Sherri, the senior partner<br />
of the law firm was<br />
looking over George’s<br />
resume intently.<br />
“So it says here that<br />
you have worked in a<br />
few law offices before,<br />
but it doesn’t say<br />
which ones. How come<br />
you don’t list them?”<br />
Sherri asked.<br />
Celebrate<br />
St. Paddy’s Day<br />
With Us!<br />
Corn Beef<br />
and<br />
Hash<br />
Take Out<br />
Available!<br />
207-782-2135 Auburn Mall<br />
Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />
DAILY SPECIALS<br />
MONDAY - CLOSED<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Fried Pickle Basket<br />
Thatcher’s Burger<br />
25oz domestic drafts<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
3 Beef Tacos<br />
Thatcher’s Burrito<br />
Well Margaritas • Coronas<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Stuffed Peppers<br />
Buffalo Chicken Salad<br />
Microbrews<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Hot Dogs w/fries<br />
Miller Lite Bottles<br />
FRIDAY<br />
Clam Cake Basket<br />
Fish & Chips<br />
SUNDAY<br />
12" Cheese Pizza<br />
Bloody Mary’s<br />
Domestic Light/Lite Drafts<br />
“If you read on, you’ll<br />
learn why,” answered<br />
George.<br />
I used to have a smoking jacket but it caught fire. Now I have a blazer.<br />
Sherri kept reading.<br />
She stopped towards<br />
the end of the resume<br />
and said, “Oh is this<br />
what you were talking<br />
about, where it says<br />
that you are a man of<br />
mystery?”<br />
“Yes, that is what I referring<br />
to,” responded<br />
George.<br />
“So it’s odd that you<br />
would list on a resume<br />
that you are a man of<br />
mystery,” Sherri said.<br />
“Care to elaborate<br />
what you mean by<br />
that?”<br />
“Nope.”<br />
THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />
FAMILY<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />
and get a surprise!<br />
“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
Members & Guests Welcome!<br />
AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />
Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />
but whose service did not fall into previously<br />
defined war eras may now join<br />
the American Legion immediately. The<br />
eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />
until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />
war, as determined by Congress.<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />
Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
For Veteran or Community services, call<br />
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more<br />
information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />
HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p<br />
Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p<br />
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS, FRIDAYS 7-11pm in March<br />
Jerry Joe - March 10th & 24th • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />
MONDAY, <strong>MARCH</strong> 13 TH , 5:30PM<br />
Sons of the American Legion Post 153 General Meeting<br />
MONTHLY MEETING<br />
WEDNESDAY, <strong>MARCH</strong> 15 TH<br />
ELECTION OF OFFICERS<br />
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM<br />
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM<br />
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.<br />
BREAKFAST BUFFET • SUNDAY, <strong>MARCH</strong> 19 TH , 8-10AM<br />
Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon, baked beans, fried potatoes, crépes,<br />
toast/creton w/coffee and juice • Adults: $10 • Kids under 10: $5.00<br />
SATURDAY, <strong>MARCH</strong> 18 TH<br />
ST. PATRICK’S DAY DINNER, 4-6PM<br />
Corned Beef, Potatoes, Cabbage, Carrots, Dinner Roll, & dessert, $12/pp<br />
SMITH COLLABORATION, 8-11PM<br />
Bloody Mary Sundays<br />
by Kevin from<br />
11a-6p!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
8 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
A leprechaun told me a hilarious joke. I am Dublin over with laughter.
So I’m writing a book about a guy who believes whatever people tell him,<br />
everywhere he goes. It’s called “Gullible’s Travels.”<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Call of the Wild<br />
RV Center<br />
for their Open House<br />
Our open<br />
house is a<br />
great time each<br />
year! We offer you<br />
a chance to see all<br />
of our new shiny<br />
inventory, as well as<br />
score big discounts on<br />
a new camper! Make<br />
Call of the Wild RV<br />
Center part of<br />
your summer<br />
plans!<br />
Join us at the Chapman House<br />
for a new beginning!<br />
Jeremy Kennison<br />
Owner<br />
Welcome, Spring!<br />
The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,<br />
aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,<br />
medications, and meals.<br />
We provide a warm and<br />
comfortable home for our residents<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961<br />
Bonnie Iwans<br />
Looking<br />
for a new, top of<br />
the line, Flagstaff<br />
camper? Call of<br />
the Wild can hook<br />
you up!<br />
Andrew Snell<br />
Flagstaff representative<br />
I never iron four-leaf clovers. I don’t want to press my luck.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9
Dinner Plans<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
Amy and Nate were<br />
chatting one day about<br />
plans for the evening.<br />
Nate mentioned that<br />
he didn’t have any<br />
plans and that he was<br />
just going to hang out<br />
at home.<br />
“Well, if that’s the case,<br />
why don’t you take me<br />
to Mac’s Grill? It’s one<br />
of my favorite dinner<br />
spots,” suggests Amy.<br />
Nate shook his head,<br />
“No way, I don’t date<br />
married women.”<br />
Amy glared at him,<br />
annoyed. “I am your<br />
wife!”<br />
“I make zero<br />
exceptions.”<br />
Child’s Play<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A little girl and a little<br />
boy were at day care<br />
one day.<br />
The girl approaches<br />
the boy and says, “Hey<br />
Stevie, wanna play<br />
house?”<br />
He says, “Sure! What<br />
do you want me to do?”<br />
The girl replies, “I want<br />
you to communicate.”<br />
He says to her, “That<br />
word is too big. I<br />
have no idea what it<br />
means.”<br />
The little girl smirks<br />
and says, “Perfect. You<br />
can be the husband.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
10 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day! It counts as a vegetable!<br />
Come visit us!<br />
681 Sabattus Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
PROTECT YOURSELF<br />
with the right coverage at the right price<br />
RISK CONSULTING • CLAIMS SUPPORT<br />
BUSINESS ANALYTICS<br />
ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT<br />
INDUSTRY EXPERTISE<br />
ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS<br />
www.nfp.com<br />
Contact JOHN BLANCHETTE today at 207-784-9358<br />
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc. (PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.<br />
Shuga Shak Country Store<br />
Serving Maine Made products<br />
Maple Baked Beans<br />
every Saturday!<br />
Visit Us on<br />
Maple Syrup Sunday<br />
Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p<br />
March 25th & 26th<br />
8am - 5pm<br />
breakfast all day on sunday<br />
450 Pigeon Hill Rd. (Rte 26), Mechanic Falls | 207-576-7886 | Open Thurs. - Sun. 10a-5p<br />
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Coffee by Design•Weekend Brunch•<br />
WE HAVE 15+ DELICIOUS<br />
BEERS ON TAP<br />
- AND TO GO -<br />
BREWED HERE<br />
FOR YOU<br />
Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!<br />
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030<br />
I tried to buy a bagel with cream cheese, but the clerk told me<br />
they only take cash or credit.<br />
COMING<br />
SOON!<br />
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING<br />
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
Where the<br />
locals eat!<br />
Catering!<br />
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,<br />
Corporate Parties, and more!<br />
No event too BIG or SMALL...<br />
We cater it ALL!<br />
Everyone<br />
is a bit Irish on<br />
March 17th!<br />
Come check out<br />
our Bangers & Mash<br />
and our Corned Beef &<br />
Cabbage specials! We’ll be<br />
serving them all day on<br />
St. Paddy’s Day!<br />
NOW HIRING<br />
LINE COOKS!<br />
Competitive Pay!<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ‘n About at<br />
Call of the Wild<br />
RV Center<br />
for their Open House<br />
Chefs are so cruel! They beat eggs, whip cream, and batter the fish.<br />
CONCERTS<br />
Brandon<br />
Mendoza<br />
Camping<br />
is a great way<br />
to get your friends<br />
and family to enjoy<br />
the outdoors and<br />
connect with each<br />
other! S’more the<br />
merrier!<br />
Beatles Tribute Concert<br />
Studio Two will play early Beatles music<br />
for dancing and having a great time!<br />
Concert sponsor: Central Maine Healthcare<br />
Cash bar and door open at 6 p.m.<br />
7 p.m.<br />
Friday, March 31<br />
Candy Paige<br />
Sitting<br />
around the campfire<br />
is absolute<br />
pyro-dise.<br />
Don Campbell Concert<br />
Party time! Dance to original and cover<br />
music – there’s never a dull moment!<br />
Concert sponsor: Maine Community Bank<br />
Other upcoming concerts & events: March 4: Josee Vachon;<br />
March 9: La Rencontre with Marc Mailhot; April 8: Silver Circus;<br />
April 20: The Court Jesters; June 15: The Cobblestones<br />
7 p.m.<br />
Saturday, April 15<br />
46 Cedar Street, Lewiston www.FrancoCenter.org<br />
Box Office 207-689-2000<br />
Underwriter<br />
Media Sponsors<br />
Tickets<br />
on sale<br />
now!<br />
Derek Shelton<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
12 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges, my door is always open.
My friend told me his dog can run a mile to chase a stick. I think that’s a little far fetched.<br />
Lottery<br />
Winner<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
45 th<br />
TWIN CITY<br />
GUN SH W<br />
Admission $8<br />
children under 12: Free<br />
(must be accompanied by an adult)<br />
March<br />
25th-26th<br />
Saturday: 9:00-4:00<br />
Sunday: 9:00-3:00<br />
Lewiston Armory<br />
65 Central Ave. Lewiston<br />
food • raffles<br />
free parking<br />
All firearm laws<br />
will be observed.<br />
All proceeds from admission, food, and raffles<br />
go to supporting the work of the<br />
EXCHANGE<br />
CLUB OF AUBURN<br />
working to make our community a better place to live<br />
A man won the lottery<br />
and after paying off<br />
his house and credit<br />
cards, he decided to<br />
fulfill his lifelong dream<br />
of owning a horse. He<br />
goes to the local stable<br />
to check out what was<br />
available and meet<br />
some of the horses.<br />
The man met up with<br />
the stable owner and<br />
said, “I’m not really<br />
sure what I’m looking<br />
for. Can you describe<br />
these horses to me?”<br />
“Sure!” said the stable<br />
owner. “To your left<br />
you have A-Horse.<br />
He’s a great worker,<br />
but a bit temperamental.<br />
You’d have to give<br />
this one lots of structure<br />
and expectations.”<br />
He continued, “To your<br />
right, the one eating<br />
the hay, you have<br />
B-Horse. She’s a great<br />
companion and loves<br />
to go riding around<br />
the country side, but<br />
if you’re looking for a<br />
worker, she’s not the<br />
one.”<br />
The man nodded as he<br />
observed the horses.<br />
He noticed one straight<br />
ahead swimming in a<br />
shallow pond. “What<br />
about this horse in<br />
front of us? He looks<br />
very calm and nice.”<br />
“Oh that one. That’s a<br />
C-Horse.”<br />
If we got rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13
Attempted<br />
Carjacking<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
I headed out to the<br />
parking lot after work<br />
the other day and was<br />
about to get into my<br />
’66 Chevy Nova. As I<br />
got to my car a dude<br />
jumped out of the<br />
bushes and said “I’m<br />
taking your car!”<br />
He wasn’t quite prepared<br />
when I handed<br />
him the keys and told<br />
him to go ahead.<br />
He looked at me<br />
strangely and tried to<br />
take off.<br />
I had to show him<br />
where they go in the<br />
dash. Then I had to<br />
explain how to set the<br />
choke, pump the gas<br />
four times, and hold<br />
the gas pedal down<br />
a quarter of the way,<br />
push the clutch pedal<br />
down and shift into<br />
reverse on the floor<br />
shifter.<br />
He didn’t know how to<br />
get the window down<br />
because it was the<br />
crank type and the<br />
manual seat adjuster<br />
also threw him off.<br />
I hate it when a TV show says “contains adult situations.” I never see them get up early,<br />
go to work, or pay bills.<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com<br />
Jon<br />
Mercier<br />
Homeowners, it’s your Lucky Day!<br />
we want to sell your home!<br />
Mark<br />
Turner<br />
Toni<br />
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Deb<br />
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Linda<br />
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Mason<br />
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Lindsay<br />
Wright<br />
I made a graph of all my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.<br />
Malayka<br />
Harriman<br />
We’ve got you covered!<br />
Think Spring!<br />
He finally gave up and<br />
ran off.<br />
I guess my theft deterrent<br />
devises really<br />
work!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
14 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />
I N S U R A N C E<br />
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Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999<br />
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Babysitters are teenagers who act like grownups so the grownups can go out and<br />
act like teenagers!
HAS IT ALL<br />
6¢ a<br />
bottle for<br />
Make-A-Wish<br />
Donations!<br />
DONATE YOUR<br />
BOTTLES TO<br />
Your one-stop shop for:<br />
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />
• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />
• Lottery tickets<br />
• Redemption center<br />
Help grant a wish to a local child<br />
battling a critical illness<br />
207-345-5551<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />
Catering<br />
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office or company event!<br />
Book Your<br />
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6 ¢<br />
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Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com UAD exp. 3.31.23 15
Late for Work<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Mr. Smith worked as<br />
an account manager<br />
for a company on the<br />
third floor for more<br />
than 35 years. He never<br />
missed a day’s work<br />
and you could set your<br />
clock by his 9:00 a.m.<br />
arrival time.<br />
One day, he enters<br />
the office at 9:45, all<br />
unraveled with a black<br />
eye, bloody lip, and a<br />
torn jacket, clutching<br />
his papers in his broken<br />
briefcase.<br />
When older people say, “Enjoy them while they’re young,” they are talking about your<br />
knee and hip joints... not your kids.<br />
We Throw the Best Parties!<br />
FREE event space! Never a room charge!<br />
Dining and catering menus available with no deposit needed!<br />
Separate checks? No problem!<br />
LET US TAKE CARE OF YOU!<br />
Make us your<br />
St. Patty’s Day<br />
headquarters!<br />
All Day Irish Menu<br />
Shenanigans<br />
& Malarkey<br />
Kora Highlanders<br />
Bagpipers at 6pm!<br />
68 Main Street, Auburn<br />
(207) 376-2739<br />
Follow us on Facebook<br />
for our weekly events!<br />
His boss is visibly<br />
shaken and asks him,<br />
“What happened?”<br />
“Well,” Mr. Smith began,<br />
“I got most of the<br />
way up the stairs when<br />
there was a greasy<br />
spot, and I slipped and<br />
tumbled down backwards,<br />
all the way to<br />
the first floor. I nearly<br />
killed myself!”<br />
The boss replied,<br />
“Falling down the stairs<br />
took you 45 minutes?”<br />
Good for<br />
Nothing<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
If laziness was an<br />
Olympic sport, that<br />
no good son-in-law of<br />
mine would definitely<br />
win the gold medal.<br />
Except, he would purposely<br />
finish in fourth<br />
place so that he didn’t<br />
have to climb up the<br />
podium steps.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
16 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Office for Sale: $510,000<br />
650 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.<br />
Maine Realty Advisors<br />
FRANK<br />
CARR<br />
Your real estate investment advisor<br />
Brokering your buying & selling needs<br />
207.252.4881 Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com<br />
May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins<br />
in your pocket to buy a pint!
I changed the voice on my GPS to Bono’s. Now the streets have no names and I still<br />
haven’t found what I’m looking for.<br />
Come see Kathy & Joe!<br />
Scan<br />
here to<br />
see our<br />
menu!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Call of the Wild<br />
RV Center<br />
for their Open House<br />
You might<br />
be an RVer if you<br />
ever avoid visiting<br />
your friends’ campsites<br />
because they<br />
don’t have full<br />
hookups.<br />
Jeff Mecervier<br />
Tuesday - Sunday: 7am-3pm<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-333-5062<br />
Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com<br />
Now Hiring at Both Locations!<br />
Cornhole<br />
Tournament<br />
SATURDAY, APRIL 8 th<br />
Registration 9:30- 11am<br />
doors open at 9<br />
1st place - $1,000<br />
2nd place - $500<br />
3rd place - $300<br />
4th place - $200<br />
$<br />
60 per team<br />
Bags fly at 11am<br />
4 GAME ROUND ROBIN<br />
DOUBLE ELIMINATION<br />
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-777-1155<br />
www.schemengees.com<br />
Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-12:00am<br />
Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am<br />
Seafood<br />
is back!<br />
Krista Brown<br />
Camping is<br />
the best! Chasing<br />
chipmunks, barking<br />
at bicycles, and<br />
all kinds of dropped<br />
snacks! I can’t wait<br />
for spring!<br />
Penny<br />
I just got a microwave bed. That way I can get eight hours of sleep in 40 minutes.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17
Out ‘n About at<br />
Call of the Wild<br />
RV Center<br />
for their Open House<br />
I was late paying my subscription to the Scrabble Society.<br />
They kept sending me threatening letters.<br />
Missed<br />
the open<br />
house? No worries!<br />
You can still<br />
get great deals at<br />
Call of the Wild RVs<br />
at the Vacationland<br />
RV & Camping Show<br />
at the Norway Savings<br />
Bank arena<br />
on April 1st<br />
and 2nd!<br />
When you pull the pin out of grenade, how do you put it back?<br />
Looking for quick answers, please.<br />
Rick Emmert<br />
RVs are<br />
extremely obedient.<br />
They always<br />
go where they’re<br />
towed.<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Serving Breakfast All Day!<br />
87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171<br />
Sara Bourret<br />
Corned Beef Dinner<br />
on March 17th!<br />
Corned beef, potatoes,<br />
carrots, turnip, cabbage,<br />
and onions.<br />
Free Dessert!<br />
RollysNewAuburn.com<br />
Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,<br />
Closed Sunday<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
18 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
I went to a psychic today and she told me someone was going to try to trick me out of<br />
money. Phew! That’s the best $200 I’ve ever spent!
NORDS GET READY TO ROLL !<br />
<strong>2023</strong> HOME SCHEDULE - Catch the action at The Colisée.<br />
SPONSORED BY:<br />
SAVE THE DATE:<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong> 17 TH<br />
POLICE VS. FIRE<br />
HOCKEY GAME<br />
DON’T MISS THE UPCOMING HOME GAMES<br />
3/2 • 3/3 • 3/4 • 3/24 • 3/25 • 3/31 • 4/1<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong><br />
Johnstown 3/2/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/3/23 7:05pm<br />
Johnstown 3/4/23 7pm<br />
Titans 3/24/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 3/25/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/31/23 7:05pm<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
APRIL<br />
Johnstown 4/1/23 7pm<br />
Titans 4/7/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 4/8/23 7pm<br />
Philly 4/14/23 7:05pm<br />
Philly 4/15/23 7pm<br />
We’re looking for<br />
billets for next season!<br />
Please email<br />
info@mainenordiques.com<br />
if you’re interested in<br />
hosting a player next<br />
season!<br />
Visit MaineNordiques.com to see our full 22-23 schedule.<br />
We’re MORE than a Club —<br />
We’re a Special Events Venue too.<br />
www.thecolisee.com<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong> EVENTS<br />
Open every Friday at 5:00pm<br />
WE OFFER:<br />
• Seating capacity of 130<br />
• Catering services available<br />
• Fully stocked bar<br />
• Audio visual support<br />
BOOK YOUR EVENT or SCHEDULE a WALK THROUGH:<br />
email us at info@thecolisee.com.<br />
FRIDAY<br />
March 3 rd at 9:00pm<br />
COMEDY CLUB<br />
FRIDAY<br />
March 17 th at 8:30pm<br />
COMEDY CLUB<br />
FRIDAY<br />
March 24 th at 7:00pm<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
INSIDE THE COLISÉE CLUB<br />
thecolisee.com/the-colisee-club/<br />
SCAN THE<br />
QR CODES<br />
TO CONNECT<br />
TO OUR<br />
SOCIAL<br />
CHANNELS<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19
No One<br />
Left Out<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
Lisa was just hired as<br />
the coach of the local<br />
high school boy’s soccer<br />
team.<br />
On the first day of<br />
practice, she notices a<br />
boy at the end of the<br />
field, standing alone,<br />
while all the other kids<br />
are running around<br />
having fun kicking a<br />
ball.<br />
Lisa takes pity on him<br />
and decides to speak<br />
to him.<br />
The local meteorologist got fired because of his cold and gloomy forecasts.<br />
No more mist and ice guy.<br />
March Special<br />
Bacon Cheeseburger Sub<br />
w/ fries<br />
ONLY $ 9 . 99plus tax<br />
Expires 3/31/23<br />
OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE<br />
PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!<br />
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas<br />
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!<br />
POLLY’S VARIETY<br />
115 King Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com<br />
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm<br />
“You ok?” she asks.<br />
“Yes,” he says.<br />
“You can go and play<br />
with the other kids you<br />
know,” she says.<br />
“No, it’s probably best I<br />
stay here,” he says.<br />
“Why’s that sweetie?”<br />
Lisa asked.<br />
“Because I’m the<br />
goalie.”<br />
Here Fishy<br />
Fishy<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
I went to the pet store<br />
and pointed out a<br />
goldfish that I wanted<br />
to buy to the clerk.<br />
“Do you want an<br />
aquarium?” he asked.<br />
“I don’t care what sign<br />
it is, as long as it’s<br />
healthy.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
20 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Eligible for Medicare?<br />
CALL US TODAY<br />
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.<br />
30+<br />
Years of<br />
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I HOPE ST. PATRICK’S<br />
DAY ISN’T AS RUFF AS<br />
VALENTINE’S DAY.<br />
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
Just a public announcement that the newly renovated Beatles museum is now<br />
open eight days a week.
Why is it called a building when it’s already built?<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
DeBlois Electric<br />
Easter Bunny<br />
NEXT TO NUTTY NETTIES IN THE AUBURN MALL<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong> 31 ST - APRIL 8 TH<br />
DeBlois<br />
Electric currently<br />
employs<br />
about 70 skilled<br />
personnel. On average,<br />
our employees<br />
have been with the<br />
company for over<br />
15 years.<br />
Studio: 207-783-3354<br />
Mobile: 207-333-9844<br />
• Whoopie Pies<br />
• Chocolates - custom orders<br />
and in-stock<br />
• Fresh homestyle breakfast and<br />
lunch menu<br />
• Gluten free options<br />
• Personalized experience<br />
FREE<br />
Chocolate Pop<br />
with every photo!<br />
207-705-1866<br />
Hours: Monday-Saturday 9am-7pm<br />
550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com<br />
I’m just a mom standing in my teenage son’s room looking for forks.<br />
DON’T KNOW<br />
WHAT TO DO<br />
NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />
Ray DeBlois<br />
A sweater<br />
I bought was<br />
picking up static<br />
electricity. So, I<br />
returned it to the<br />
store. They gave me<br />
another one free<br />
of charge.<br />
WATER FIRE MOLD<br />
For any disaster,<br />
29 Brickyard Circle,<br />
Auburn<br />
(800) 244-7630<br />
call ServiceMaster!<br />
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
Stacey Fournier<br />
I got pulled over for speeding the other day.<br />
It turns out, “Because you were chasing me” isn’t a valid reason.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
Need Space<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
A woman decided to<br />
start seeing a Psychiatrist<br />
to help with some<br />
issues she’d been<br />
having.<br />
At the first appointment,<br />
the Psychiatrist<br />
looked over the woman’s<br />
paperwork and<br />
asked, “What can I do<br />
to help you? What are<br />
you struggling with?”<br />
The woman sighed<br />
and said, “Well, doctor,<br />
I’m really struggling<br />
keeping long term relationship,<br />
both friendships<br />
and romantic<br />
relationships. I’m not<br />
quite sure what I’m<br />
doing wrong.”<br />
The Psychiatrist told<br />
the woman, “I think<br />
your problem is that<br />
you try to get too close<br />
to people too quickly.<br />
You don’t give them<br />
enough space or recognize<br />
boundaries.”<br />
“Really doctor?” The<br />
woman said. “Do you<br />
think changing those<br />
things and becoming<br />
more aware might help<br />
my situation?”<br />
“Yes, I do,” replied the<br />
Psychiatrist.<br />
“Well, how do I start?”<br />
asked the woman.<br />
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />
24 Hour<br />
Service<br />
235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />
207-777-5600<br />
www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />
protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />
Now offering<br />
medical benefits!<br />
Fully Insured<br />
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />
IS GROWING!<br />
We are seeking<br />
EXPERIENCED<br />
SERVICE<br />
TECHNICIANS<br />
& INSTALLERS<br />
to join our team!<br />
Air Conditioning & Heating<br />
Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />
and the surrounding communities!<br />
If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough.<br />
JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS!<br />
Scan here to<br />
Apply Today!<br />
www.debloiselectric.com<br />
Immediate openings for<br />
experienced licensed electricians<br />
“A good first step<br />
would be to get off my<br />
lap and sit in your own<br />
chair.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
22 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.<br />
I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn’t know what I was talking about.
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />
HIRING LOCAL<br />
CDL-A DRIVERS<br />
4-day work week/ 40 hours guaranteed<br />
$4,000 SIGN ON BONUS!<br />
$80,000/yr. potential earnings<br />
✓ Home Daily and No Sundays<br />
✓ Training rate is $27.75<br />
✓ Hourly rate $29.75 (plus OT)<br />
✓ Paid Weekly<br />
✓ Work-life Balance<br />
✓ 401K Retirement Plan with Company Match<br />
✓ Competitive Benefits Package (beginning on day one)<br />
Medical, dental, vision, paid holidays, & vacations<br />
AND SO MUCH MORE!<br />
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
Ice Fishing<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
One day, Travis went<br />
out on the lake to do<br />
some ice fishing. He<br />
was an avid fisherman<br />
and it was a gorgeous<br />
day outside.<br />
He grabbed his tools<br />
and drilled a hole in<br />
the ice. He peered into<br />
the hole and a loud<br />
voice said, “There are<br />
no fish down there.”<br />
Startled, he walked<br />
several yards away<br />
and drilled another<br />
hole and peered into<br />
the hole and again the<br />
voice said, “There’s no<br />
fish down there.”<br />
He then walked about<br />
50 yards away, drilled<br />
another hole, and<br />
again the voice said,<br />
“How many times do I<br />
have to repeat myself?<br />
There are no fish down<br />
there!”<br />
Travis didn’t know<br />
what to do or say. This<br />
had never happened to<br />
him before. He looked<br />
up at the sky and<br />
asked, “God, is that<br />
you?”<br />
“Of course not, silly!<br />
It’s the ice rink<br />
manager.”<br />
Apply online today at: pepsicojobs.com (Auburn, ME)<br />
I have just been diagnosed with the dreaded Peek-a-Boo virus.<br />
I’m being transferred to ICU.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23
Out ‘n About at<br />
DeBlois Electric<br />
I’m not sure how many problems I have, because math is one of them.<br />
Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2023</strong> specials!<br />
Roy’s<br />
Beanie<br />
Babies<br />
on Sale<br />
Here!<br />
FOODLAND<br />
Best Chicken<br />
& Ham Salad<br />
In THE WORLd!<br />
Try our hamburger,<br />
it’s the best!<br />
Brandon<br />
Mendoza<br />
What does<br />
one electrician say<br />
to another when they<br />
run into each other<br />
out in public?<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Beans, bread/rolls &<br />
cole slaw<br />
$11.99<br />
Benefiting<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Ham, Veggie, Salami,<br />
or Pepperoni Italians<br />
$2.99<br />
PIZZA PACKS<br />
Pizza<br />
Packs<br />
$12.99<br />
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />
Jesse Battis<br />
Watt’s<br />
up!!!<br />
Ethan Huot<br />
We’re proud sponsors of<br />
Make-A-Wish Maine<br />
and have granted<br />
81 WISHES in<br />
eight years at our<br />
Annual event!<br />
47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />
www.firehouseauburn.com<br />
207-376-4959<br />
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />
Save the Date<br />
AUGUST 12, <strong>2023</strong><br />
SPONSORSHIPS AVAILABLE<br />
Call for more details. 207-783-7039<br />
March Drink Special<br />
Luck of The<br />
Irish<br />
You’ll Love<br />
our Daily<br />
Specials!<br />
$<br />
8<br />
BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
24 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.” – Spike Milligan
I entered my pet snail into a race and removed it’s shell, thinking it would move faster.<br />
Unfortunately, it made it more sluggish.<br />
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER<br />
NEW MEMBERS!<br />
Burnt Ends Barbecue<br />
www.burntendslewiston.com<br />
EOS Worldwide<br />
www.eosworldwide.com/laura-mcdowell<br />
Pregnancy<br />
News<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
The other day my<br />
neighbor came running<br />
up to me in the driveway<br />
just jumping for<br />
joy! I didn’t know why<br />
she was jumping for<br />
joy, but I was so excited<br />
for her excitement<br />
that I started jumping<br />
too.<br />
Kenny Derboghosian<br />
Independent Professional<br />
Levin Marketing Solution<br />
www.LevinSolution.com<br />
She said, “I have some<br />
really great news!”<br />
I said, “Great. Tell me<br />
why you’re so happy.”<br />
Yogi Bears Jellystone Park Camp Resort Androscoggin Lake<br />
www.jellystoneparkandroscoggin.com<br />
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM<br />
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.<br />
Auburn Exchange Club Students of the Month<br />
She stopped jumping<br />
and, breathing heavily<br />
from all the jumping<br />
up and down, told me<br />
that she was pregnant!<br />
I knew that she had<br />
been trying for a while.<br />
“That’s great!” I told<br />
her. “I couldn’t be happier<br />
for you!”<br />
Then she said, “But<br />
wait, there’s more.”<br />
I asked, “What do you<br />
mean ‘more?’”<br />
She said, “Well, we<br />
are not having just one<br />
baby. We are going to<br />
have TWINS!”<br />
Amazed at how she<br />
could know so soon<br />
after getting pregnant,<br />
I asked her how she<br />
knew.<br />
Bill Gladu, Hicham Botongo, Natalie Brocke, and Amanda Raymond<br />
She said, “Well, that<br />
was the easy part, I<br />
had a home pregnancy<br />
kit in a twin-pack.<br />
Both tests came out<br />
positive!”<br />
My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25
1<br />
Early<br />
Shopper<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
I like to shop early so<br />
the crowd can avoid<br />
me. This morning I<br />
went to the grocery<br />
store for a few items I<br />
needed.<br />
Lucky me! There<br />
were two open lanes,<br />
side by side. The two<br />
cashiers were busy<br />
chatting as I pushed<br />
my cart into one of the<br />
empty lanes and put<br />
my few things on the<br />
conveyor.<br />
The cashier never saw<br />
me, as she was busy<br />
chatting with the other<br />
cashier.<br />
I kind of interrupted<br />
with an “ahem” (you<br />
know, clearing my<br />
throat) to gain her<br />
attention and said, “Excuse<br />
me, Miss, could<br />
you please check me<br />
out?”<br />
She turned around,<br />
looked me up and<br />
down and said, “Nice<br />
hat.”<br />
Supporting someone else’s success won’t dampen yours.<br />
The Village Inn<br />
Open<br />
Serving our customers for over 40 years<br />
Join us<br />
St. Patrick’s Day<br />
for a Pot O’ Clams!<br />
Wednesday - Sunday<br />
165 High Street, Auburn<br />
villageinnmaine.com<br />
JOIN OUR FAMILY!<br />
Hiring bartenders,<br />
host & servers<br />
AMAZING FOODS FROM THE SEA & LAND!<br />
Come in and warm up with a hot meal or chowder!<br />
CREATE YOUR OWN LUCK!<br />
GET YOUR COPIES FIRST WITH A SUBSCRIPTION<br />
UNCLE<br />
DIGEST<br />
ANDY’SDIGEST<br />
March 18 th & 19 th<br />
9am-4pm<br />
Norway Savings Bank Arena<br />
985 Turner St -Auburn<br />
207-782-7113<br />
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />
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<strong>2023</strong><br />
SINCE 1996<br />
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Quote Today!<br />
Get Tix or Learn More at MaineHomeShow.com<br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />
CHECK OUT OUR<br />
LARGE INVENTORY!<br />
Call Ryan Kennard<br />
207-346-0279<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai<br />
Construction Equipment Dealer for Central & Southern Maine.<br />
New & used available!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn<br />
LA METRO<br />
STEVE ROOP<br />
The man of many cheers<br />
Page 34<br />
WINTER <strong>2023</strong><br />
MAGAZINE<br />
+<br />
BEDARD PHARMACY &<br />
MEDICAL SUPPLIES<br />
Your local pharmacy and<br />
medical supply store just got better<br />
+<br />
KORA SHRINE TEMPLE<br />
Standing the test of time<br />
School<br />
Theater<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
My son came home<br />
and told me that he<br />
got a part in the school<br />
play as a man who’s<br />
been married for 25<br />
years.<br />
Poor kid – maybe next<br />
time he’ll get a speaking<br />
part.<br />
RoySnow.com<br />
207.782.3734<br />
Serving Maine since 1947<br />
11 Library Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
26 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
I always keep my guitar in the car with me. It’s great for traffic jams.
Party<br />
Platters<br />
Available<br />
(orders only)<br />
Take out • Dine in<br />
Homemade Goods<br />
Gift Certificates Available<br />
“Good luck is a residue of preparation.” ― Jack Youngblood<br />
Bringing the Ocean to your Table<br />
The freshest seafood around!<br />
Gray, ME<br />
Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p<br />
WE HAVE<br />
LIVE<br />
LOBSTERS!<br />
Let us do the cooking!<br />
No extra charge!<br />
207-657-3474<br />
59c Portland Road, Gray<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
DeBlois Electric<br />
People<br />
asked me how it<br />
feels when you stick<br />
your finger in an electrical<br />
outlet. To be<br />
honest, it Hertz.<br />
The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.<br />
Louise Austin<br />
Steve Simard<br />
Marketing Specialist<br />
207.754.1815<br />
steve@<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, ME 04210<br />
Office:<br />
207-783-7039<br />
207-783-0000783-0000<br />
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com<br />
The Magician asked me to, “Pick a card, ANY card!” So I took his Visa.<br />
GGGGG<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
is back on<br />
Wednesdays!<br />
GGGGG<br />
MAKE<br />
RESERVATIONS<br />
TODAY!<br />
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />
A PLACE<br />
THE WHOLE<br />
FAMILY WILL<br />
LOVE!<br />
40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />
Slithering<br />
Around<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
Two snakes were slithering<br />
in the grass one<br />
day enjoying the sun.<br />
One snake asked the<br />
other, “Hey, do you<br />
think we’re poisonous?”<br />
“Why do you ask?” the<br />
other snake responded.<br />
“Because I just bit my<br />
lip.”<br />
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27
Accounting<br />
& Tax<br />
Service You<br />
Can Trust!<br />
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.<br />
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.<br />
Certified Public Accountant<br />
Tax Planning & Preparation<br />
for Individuals and Business<br />
207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212<br />
mspaulding@androscoggin.tax<br />
Poisson & Sons Auto Care<br />
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />
Think Spring!<br />
It’s coming!<br />
Time to make your appointments<br />
for seasonal vehicle checks.<br />
March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Stickers are due!<br />
11 12 1<br />
10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2<br />
9<br />
8<br />
23<br />
7<br />
0215697<br />
6<br />
24<br />
5<br />
3<br />
4<br />
We have so much more than pizza!<br />
BETTER THAN A<br />
POT OF GOLD!<br />
CAMPING SEASON IS A FEW MONTHS AWAY!<br />
Will you be ready?<br />
85 Center Street, Auburn • 11a-9p daily<br />
207-784-8221<br />
CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER<br />
848 Main Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com<br />
Pro Shop<br />
Value<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Carlton walks into the<br />
pro shop at Fairlawn<br />
Golf Course and asks<br />
the golf pro if they sell<br />
ball markers.<br />
Do claustrophobic astronauts need space?<br />
Out ‘n About at Call of the Wild RV Center for their Open House<br />
Relaxing<br />
at camp with our<br />
favorite magazine...<br />
sounds like<br />
a plan!<br />
The golf pro says,<br />
“Yes, they are just<br />
$1.00 each.”<br />
Carlton decides to purchase<br />
one and gives<br />
the golf pro a dollar.<br />
The golf pro opens the<br />
register, puts the dollar<br />
in the tray and with a<br />
big smile hands the<br />
guy a quarter.<br />
Marie & Ron Hodgdon<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
28 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
How do I disable the auto correct function on my wife?
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of<br />
the broom swept the nation!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
DeBlois Electric<br />
Tony Reny<br />
heartofhopecharity.com<br />
These<br />
electrician jokes<br />
are lame. Don’t you<br />
have some more<br />
current ones?<br />
Items you can find at the Heart of Hope Annual Spring Brunch Auction<br />
Jaime-Lyn Allie<br />
I didn’t realize<br />
how difficult<br />
it was being an electrician<br />
until I tried<br />
it myself. I was<br />
shocked.<br />
Patrick DeBlois<br />
I’m not late, I’m on Irish time.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29
“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”<br />
— Thomas Jefferson<br />
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Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
30 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
When Irish eyes are smiling, they’re usually up to something.
BUSINESS<br />
SP TLIGHT<br />
Richard Moylan<br />
(207) 777-0050<br />
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn<br />
richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and<br />
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois<br />
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />
shop local<br />
scan me<br />
250 free imprinted pens<br />
with orders of $ 1,000 or more<br />
give us a<br />
squeze<br />
207.577.6484<br />
528 Lincoln Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
207-782-7141<br />
Every day is lucky<br />
WHEN HAVING<br />
PIZZA<br />
207-782-7141<br />
SERVING THOSE WHO<br />
SERVE OUR COMMUNITY<br />
Auto | Home<br />
Life | Retirement<br />
909 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
207-783-3660<br />
agents.horacemann.com/AVIR<br />
Professional<br />
Cleaning Service<br />
207-712-2765<br />
realcleanllc@yahoo.com<br />
realcleanllc.com<br />
Serving Maine<br />
CONGRATULATIONS<br />
to the winners of our Sweethearts Contest<br />
Chuck & Larissa Smith!<br />
The Smiths, pictured with sponsor Nutty Netties<br />
Cafe owners, Annette & Aaron Buccheri,<br />
received a basket that included gifts from:<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe, The Hilton Garden Inn, The<br />
River Comics, The Maine Nordiques, as well as<br />
champagne and other gifts.<br />
Thank you to all that entered and voted!<br />
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31
Call<br />
for your<br />
FREE QUOTE<br />
Today!<br />
CALL THE PROS<br />
Your Vision.<br />
Our Expertise.<br />
Kitchens, Baths,<br />
Decks, & More!<br />
Spring into action! Start relaxing!<br />
Book Now<br />
207-402-8654<br />
RON’S<br />
TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE<br />
YOUR FULL SERVICE<br />
REPAIR FACILITY<br />
OIL CHANGES<br />
SHOCKS<br />
STRUTS<br />
INSPECTIONS<br />
375-4924<br />
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales<br />
207-212-7791<br />
www.vghomeimprovements.com<br />
Is Your Vehicle<br />
Ready for Spring?<br />
Ron<br />
Charpentier, Jr.,<br />
Owner<br />
OFFERING<br />
Residential<br />
Commercial<br />
Clean Outs<br />
Roll Offs<br />
229 Center Street, Auburn<br />
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com<br />
Monday-Friday 11a-7p • Saturday 12p-5p<br />
844-ME-TRASH<br />
844-638-7274<br />
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />
SERVING<br />
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland<br />
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples<br />
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com<br />
Amy<br />
St. Hilaire<br />
Marketing Specialist<br />
Cell:<br />
207-402-1070<br />
amy@<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Coach Terry’s<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
The friendly redemption center<br />
Easter Basket<br />
GIVEAWAY<br />
Enter for your<br />
chance to win!<br />
Drawing April 2 nd<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME 04210 • 207-783-7039<br />
8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008<br />
Open daily 8am to 4pm<br />
Do you have radiator or engine problems?<br />
Our experienced professional technicians can help!<br />
Concerned about costly repairs?<br />
Our quality repairs are done at affordable prices!<br />
Lincoln Street<br />
RADIATOR SHOP<br />
Family owned & operated since 1967<br />
207-784-9356<br />
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />
Monday-Friday: 8a-5p<br />
YOUR #1 SOURCE IN THE<br />
GREATER LA METRO AREA TO<br />
ENTERTAIN, INFORM, & INSPIRE!<br />
SCAN HERE TO READ<br />
THE LATEST ISSUE!<br />
LA METRO<br />
WINTER <strong>2023</strong><br />
MAGAZINE<br />
STEVE ROOP<br />
The man of many cheers<br />
Page 34<br />
+<br />
BEDARD PHARMACY &<br />
MEDICAL SUPPLIES<br />
Your local pharmacy and<br />
medical supply store just got better<br />
+<br />
KORA SHRINE TEMPLE<br />
Standing the test of time<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
32 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Welcoming new students for<br />
in person lessons!<br />
LA’S # 1 STOP FOR ALL<br />
YOUR MUSIC NEEDS!<br />
LESSONS • REPAIRS<br />
SALES • RENTALS<br />
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services<br />
Mike Magretto<br />
Veteran Owned & Operated<br />
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890<br />
Main Street Music Lessons<br />
33 Dunn Street, Auburn<br />
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
207-376-3376<br />
Discover a variety of<br />
GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES<br />
FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!<br />
Posters • Booklets • Carbonless Forms<br />
Envelopes • Business Cards & More!<br />
Fine Line<br />
Gun Shop<br />
(207) 998-2374<br />
590 Plains Rd., Poland<br />
Ruger Max-9<br />
Optic Ready 9mm<br />
• 3.20" Barrel<br />
• Tritium Fiber<br />
Optic Front<br />
Sight<br />
• Two 12 rd Mags<br />
& One 10rd Mag<br />
60 Broad Street, Auburn<br />
207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com<br />
Call Today for a Free Quote!<br />
Ouellette’s Cleanup<br />
Handyman Services<br />
Farralee Ouellette, proprietor<br />
Providing janitorial<br />
& lawn care services<br />
Residential & Commercial<br />
PO Box 72<br />
Paris, Maine 04271<br />
207-376-5151<br />
A woman-owned<br />
business with<br />
more than 6 years<br />
experience!<br />
Serving Greater Central Maine<br />
Ensuring<br />
Your Home<br />
is a Safe Place<br />
RICK BROWNING<br />
Certified Inspector<br />
207-619-0868<br />
upfronthi@gmail.com<br />
BE VACATION READY WITH A<br />
SNORKEL OR SCUBA CLASS!<br />
Scuba Class<br />
for all leprechauns<br />
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise<br />
805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net<br />
• Custom ATM Surrounds<br />
• Kiosk Maintenance<br />
• ATM Site Refurbishing<br />
• Mobile Events & Full Service ATM Placement<br />
• Custom Branding Vinyl Wraps<br />
A.D.A. Compliant<br />
Fully Insured<br />
Daniel Bouthot • 207.576.1719 • dbouthot@versatrades.com<br />
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”<br />
— Dalai Lama<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33
Out ‘n About at<br />
DeBlois Electric<br />
Some of your best memories will come from some of your most foolish decisions.<br />
We have<br />
become known<br />
for our commercial<br />
electrical work, but<br />
we still keep an active<br />
residential portfolio.<br />
Reach out with<br />
any electrical<br />
issues!<br />
Dan Lebel<br />
Wish Kid<br />
Abby<br />
Nick Tifft<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> is a proud supporter<br />
of Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
Gary Footer<br />
Consider becoming a sponsor of our<br />
9th Annual Summer Block Party.<br />
Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
34 March <strong>2023</strong><br />
Remember, if you can’t say something nice... make it funny.
I hear Neil Diamond has already had three of his five fruit and veggie portions today: Swede, Carrot, Lime.<br />
Dawn Friel<br />
Manager at Main St - Auburn<br />
It was 12 years ago, in March 2012, when Steve Roop onboarded<br />
Dawn Friel as a cashier at Roopers. At that time, her hardworking<br />
nature was a refreshing addition to the team, and Roopers knew they<br />
had a winner. Over the years, Dawn has worked at several locations:<br />
including Sabattus St, Main St Auburn, and Lisbon Street. She has been<br />
a cashier, receiver, Assistant Manager, and now Manager of the evergrowing<br />
Main St Auburn location. Since she has taken over as<br />
Manager, we have seen an incline in happy customers and staff. “I<br />
have a rock-solid crew right now,” she said. “But it wasn’t always like<br />
that.” When asked, Dawn explains that her biggest Challenge as a<br />
career woman at Roopers has been taking custody of her special<br />
needs granddaughter (the love of her life) and finding that work-life<br />
balance.<br />
Roopers President Jesse St Laurent says, “I knew Dawn when I was in<br />
the beer biz 23 years ago. She worked at a little convenience store<br />
on Lisbon street.” One thing is for sure; this girl is a rock. We’d like to<br />
take a moment and raise a glass to her. Thank you, Dawn, for being a<br />
great asset to Roopers and doing what you do daily. Cheers to you!<br />
980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072<br />
1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston |333.3095<br />
794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353<br />
686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200<br />
301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098<br />
545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047<br />
Home Support<br />
Physical, Speech, &<br />
Occupational Therapy<br />
Physical, speech, and<br />
occupational therapy services.<br />
Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn<br />
Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089<br />
Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com<br />
You can’t kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would.
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!<br />
Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95<br />
Full size van .......... $159.95<br />
Plus applicable taxes<br />
RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy<br />
Any car .............. $139.95 2 door pickup . ......... $149.95<br />
Mini van ............. $149.95 X-large SUV . .......... $159.95<br />
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95<br />
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100<br />
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HELD AT<br />
985 TURNER STREET, AUBURN<br />
March 18 th & 19 th<br />
9am - 4pm<br />
Get your<br />
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Nothing ruins a Friday more than the realization that it’s Tuesday.<br />
RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />
We are stronger together<br />
<strong>MARCH</strong> MADNESS: $25 off<br />
Any crown application during the month of March<br />
It’s NEVER too late to rustproof your vehicle!<br />
36 UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
March <strong>2023</strong><br />
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
NMLS# 280336<br />
Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />
181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />
207.754.3962<br />
I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />
Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.
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