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Uncle Andy's Digest - July 2023

Uncle Andy’s Digest makes for some great reading on the beach. Let’s hope the beach weather starts hanging out! Enjoy the July 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

Uncle Andy’s Digest makes for some great reading on the beach. Let’s hope the beach weather starts hanging out! Enjoy the July 2023 edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.

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UNCLE<br />

DIGEST<br />

ANDY’S<br />

JULY<br />

<strong>2023</strong><br />

SINCE 1996<br />

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />

CHECK OUT OUR LARGE<br />

INVENTORY!<br />

Call Ryan Kennard<br />

207-346-0279<br />

Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai<br />

Construction Equipment Dealer for Central & Southern Maine.<br />

New & used available!<br />

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn<br />

207-782-7113<br />

Get Your FREE<br />

Quote Today!<br />

25 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />

207.740.9053<br />

207THC.com<br />

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1


Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.<br />

That’s why we bring health care to you.<br />

Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home<br />

Recovery from illness or injury<br />

Chronic condition management<br />

Navigating emotional wellbeing<br />

Hospice care + Hospice House<br />

207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org<br />

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. I’m not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.


The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

JULY <strong>2023</strong> ACTIVITIES<br />

Tuesday, <strong>July</strong> 18th<br />

Roy’s Breakfast<br />

7:00-10:00am<br />

5 Washington Street Auburn,<br />

ME<br />

M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />

Purchase Tickets: 7-12-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Wednesday, <strong>July</strong> 19th<br />

Dairy Joy<br />

3:00-7:00pm<br />

Auburn or Lewiston Location<br />

M: $2.00 G: $2.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 7-12-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Thursday, <strong>July</strong> 20th<br />

Val’s Drive-In<br />

4:00-6:30pm<br />

925 Sabattus Street Lewiston,<br />

ME<br />

M: $6.00 G: $7.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 7-12-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Tuesday, <strong>July</strong> 25th<br />

Taber’s<br />

4:00-7:00pm<br />

470 Lake Shore Drive Auburn,<br />

ME<br />

M: $8.00 G: $10.00<br />

Purchase Tickets: 7-12-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Thursday, <strong>July</strong> 27th<br />

Fielder’s Choice<br />

4:00-7:00pm<br />

680 Minot Ave Auburn, ME<br />

M: $3.00 G: $3.50<br />

Purchase Tickets: 7-12-<strong>2023</strong><br />

(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />

Reminder: Please do not call<br />

the restaurants. If you have a<br />

question, please call the office at<br />

207-782-1833 or 207-333-6052<br />

and speak with Jamie. Tickets<br />

must be purchased at the MWA<br />

District Office at 184 Webster<br />

Street Lewiston on the dates/<br />

times listed for each activity.<br />

Menus are subject to change.<br />

No substitutions or add-ons.<br />

Most importantly - Have<br />

Fun!<br />

A labracadabrador is what you call a dog that does magic tricks.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3


<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

is published by the first Friday<br />

of every month by Maine<br />

Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />

with its world headquarters<br />

located at 9 Grove Street,<br />

Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />

Published and distributed<br />

since 1996 throughout<br />

Central Maine and mailed to<br />

subscribers all over the Free<br />

World. Subscriptions are<br />

$49 .95 /year.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

Office: 207-783-7039<br />

This bloke said to me, ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar." I said, "Is that a fret?"<br />

DON’T BE AFRAID TO<br />

Smile<br />

Our Team<br />

SUE<br />

MARSTON<br />

CEO<br />

PAM<br />

ASHBY<br />

PUBLISHER<br />

STEVE<br />

SIMARD<br />

SALES<br />

STEPHANIE<br />

ARSENAULT<br />

OFFICE<br />

MANAGER<br />

TOM HILL<br />

IT • WEB •<br />

SOCIAL MEDIA<br />

• Full Dentures<br />

• Immediate Dentures<br />

• Partial Dentures<br />

• Rebases<br />

• Relines<br />

• Repairs<br />

All work done on-site.<br />

Repairs usually same day service!<br />

Smile Again<br />

Dentures<br />

AMY<br />

ST.HILAIRE<br />

SALES<br />

TIM<br />

ELWELL<br />

GRAPHIC<br />

DESIGNER<br />

While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

tries very hard to ensure the<br />

accuracy of the information in our<br />

clients’ advertisements and our<br />

publication in general, we are not<br />

responsible for vendor availability,<br />

typographical errors, technical<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> inaccuracies, Andy’s product <strong>Digest</strong> pricing<br />

errors, or omissions.<br />

4 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins<br />

Licensed<br />

Denturists<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

514-0660<br />

I told my friend ten jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in ten did.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE<br />

EVERY MONDAY<br />

20% OFF<br />

All Burgers<br />

30% OFF<br />

All Drafts<br />

SAVE THE DATE!<br />

SATURDAY, AUG. 12 TH<br />

hosted by<br />

We Cater!<br />

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,<br />

Corporate Parties, and more!<br />

No event too BIG or SMALL...<br />

We cater it ALL!<br />

NOW HIRING<br />

Experienced<br />

line cooks<br />

• Competitive Pay<br />

• 401K<br />

• Health Insurance Available<br />

• Earned Paid Leave<br />

• Food Discounts<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5


You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.<br />

Call us for a quote<br />

TODAY!<br />

It’s why I’m here.<br />

HATS<br />

MUGS<br />

EMBROIDERY<br />

SCREENPRINTING<br />

NOW OFFERING<br />

ONLINE STORES<br />

PENS<br />

BAGS<br />

Some things we all have in common.<br />

There’s nobody like me to protect the things<br />

we all value.<br />

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®<br />

CALL ME TODAY.<br />

Contractors &<br />

Landscapers<br />

Reunions<br />

Summer Camps<br />

Road Races<br />

Charity 5k’s<br />

205 Washington St.<br />

South, Auburn<br />

207-784-4184<br />

coastaltshirts.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.<br />

Time Warp<br />

Submitted by Trevor Saunders<br />

A turtle was walking down<br />

an alley in New York when<br />

he was mugged by a gang<br />

of snails. A police detective<br />

came to investigate and<br />

asked the turtle if he could<br />

explain what happened.<br />

The turtle looked at the detective<br />

with a confused look<br />

on his face and replied “I<br />

don’t know, it all happened<br />

so fast.”<br />

Poland Spring Golf Course<br />

& Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant<br />

Designed by Donald Ross, the golf course is an<br />

18-hole, par 71, championship layout. Enjoy velvet<br />

bent grass greens, well maintained fairways, and<br />

tees for all abilities. We also have a driving range,<br />

practice putting green, and golf school.<br />

Come enjoy the scenery and the great food at<br />

Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant before or after your<br />

round, or just to have fun!<br />

Call the Pro Shop at (207) 998-6002 for tee<br />

times and more information.<br />

www.PolandSpringResort.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

6 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.


I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny. I live by the seaside.<br />

ALL<br />

STEAK<br />

HAMBURGERS<br />

& GOLF CENTER<br />

2514 TURNER RD. AUBURN<br />

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 11AM - 7PM<br />

Famous Burgers<br />

Hand-cut Fries<br />

Lobster Rolls<br />

Ice Cream<br />

& More!<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Adam Asselin<br />

& Calvin Bowie<br />

MINI<br />

DRIVING<br />

BATTING<br />

DISC GOLF<br />

GOLF<br />

RANGE<br />

CAGES<br />

COURSE<br />

BIRTHDAY PARTIES & CORPORATE EVENTS AVAILABLE<br />

Come play our newly renovated 18-hole mini golf course!<br />

RoysGolf.com<br />

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.<br />

Craig Farrington<br />

& Gary Bennett<br />

Kip, relax this<br />

is supposed to<br />

be fun!<br />

Charles “Kip”<br />

Kipouras<br />

& Paul Heath<br />

Bobby Weekley<br />

& Joel Marchand<br />

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Roger Theriault,<br />

Kevin Simoneau,<br />

& Adam Theriault<br />

Gary Chapman<br />

& Rod Cameron<br />

Congrats,<br />

Scott, on Auburn<br />

Citizen of the<br />

year!<br />

Told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.<br />

THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />

FAMILY<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />

and get a surprise!<br />

“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

Members & Guests Welcome!<br />

AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />

Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />

but whose service did not fall into previously<br />

defined war eras may now join<br />

the American Legion immediately. The<br />

eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />

until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />

war, as determined by Congress.<br />

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />

Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />

For Veteran or Community services, call<br />

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />

The right eye said to the left eye, “Between you and me, something smells.”<br />

Don’t let your boiler look like this<br />

Get your yearly boiler<br />

cleaning/servicing<br />

CLEANINGS ONLY<br />

220 .00*<br />

$<br />

220<br />

Hall Rentals Available<br />

Call for more<br />

information<br />

207-782-1118<br />

*Plus materials if needed<br />

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />

HOURS: Monday - Thursday: 12pm-6pm • Friday: 12pm-11pm<br />

Saturday: 12pm-9pm • Sunday: 11am-6pm<br />

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS<br />

FRIDAYS 7-11pm in <strong>July</strong><br />

Jerry Joe - <strong>July</strong> 7th & 21st • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />

Happy<br />

4th of <strong>July</strong><br />

MONTHLY MEETING WEDNESDAY, JULY 19 TH<br />

6:30 EXECTUTIVE COMMITTEE 7:00PM GENERAL MEMBERSHIP<br />

Legion Members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25<br />

Bloody Mary Sundays<br />

by Kevin<br />

11a-6p!<br />

R<br />

W<br />

sa<br />

yo<br />

ar<br />

R<br />

th<br />

pr<br />

A<br />

W<br />

m<br />

lo<br />

al<br />

Q<br />

A<br />

pe<br />

20<br />

R<br />

W<br />

ta<br />

m<br />

up<br />

ta<br />

to<br />

th<br />

m<br />

so<br />

re<br />

bu<br />

th<br />

an<br />

sa<br />

C<br />

Scott Whalen<br />

& Leo Angelides<br />

CALL TODAY!<br />

207-754-4556<br />

DID YOU KNOW?<br />

Getting your domestic hot water from your boilers<br />

coil is the MOST EXPENSIVE way to get hot water!<br />

Ask about alternatives.<br />

Q<br />

qu<br />

in<br />

ex<br />

ra<br />

th<br />

kn<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

8 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.


oopersbeverage.com<br />

Chief of Maintenance, IT, and Security<br />

Quentin Chapman<br />

Roopers is a hopping business with six locations, a<br />

Wholesale division, and possibly more to come. That<br />

said, you can imagine that there are no dull days when<br />

you’re on the front line. Maintenance, IT, and Security<br />

are a few primary functions for Quentin Chapman at<br />

Roopers, but truth be told, he does a lot more than<br />

that. From formulating spreadsheets to fixing broken<br />

printers, registers, networks, and computer issues at<br />

ALL locations, including Adminis-trative and<br />

Wholesale, building new storefronts and locations, to<br />

making giant wooden Sasquatches for our storefront<br />

locations, Quentin is for sure a one-of- a-kind do-itall,<br />

fix-it-all, and do-it-all-well kind of guy.<br />

Quentin is a military guy having served in Iraq and<br />

Afghanistan after 9/11 and from there took a job as a<br />

personal investigator. Since he started at Roopers in<br />

2016, Quentin has been a trusted companion of Steve<br />

Roop, and continues to be an asset to Roopers today.<br />

When asked about Quentin Jesse writes: “When<br />

talking about Quentin the first things that come to<br />

mind is loyalty and security. Quentin has seen the<br />

ups and downs of this business and is always standing<br />

tall. Q helps others feel assured with his commitment<br />

to things at Roopers and in life. This provides security<br />

that he will not leave them halfway through which<br />

makes work opportunities easier to entrust to<br />

someone who can stick to responsibilities and<br />

relationships. Quentin and I are intertwined in this<br />

business not just as colleagues, but as brothers. All<br />

that know him here know his efforts, his devotion,<br />

and his commitment to making Roopers a better and<br />

safer place. Steve is always smiling at you, my friend!<br />

Congrats and love ya, Amigo!!”<br />

Quentin’s skills, creative thinking abilities, leadership<br />

qualities, and unwavering dedication serve as an<br />

inspiration to all of us at Roopers. Words cannot<br />

express how thankful we are to have him here. Let’s<br />

raise a glass to Quentin, a large piece to the puzzle of<br />

the past, present, and future of what we have come to<br />

know and love as Roopers.<br />

301 Main St., Auburn | 783.9098<br />

545 Minot Ave., Auburn | 783.2047<br />

980 Main St., Oxford | 539.6072<br />

794 Sabattus St., Lewiston | 783.6353<br />

686 Main St., Lewiston <strong>Uncle</strong> | 344.1200 Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

1420 Lisbon St., Lewiston <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com | 333.3095 9


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Tom Plante &<br />

Prudie Duross<br />

John Duross<br />

& Bob Libby<br />

Will Flanders<br />

& Kevin Brickett<br />

Riley Haines<br />

& Craig Bouchard<br />

This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!<br />

OPE<br />

N<br />

HOU<br />

SE<br />

Cash<br />

Bar!<br />

10am-5pm <strong>July</strong> 14 and <strong>July</strong> 15<br />

during RiverFest! Walk the 1/2-mile between<br />

activities and venues all day!<br />

Rent us for your<br />

wedding & reception<br />

Rent us for your own<br />

band’s concert<br />

Volunteer at the<br />

Franco Center!<br />

Learn about local<br />

history: take a tour!<br />

Buy an ad in our<br />

Performance Program!<br />

Underwriter<br />

Free Admission<br />

to Open House<br />

at the<br />

Franco<br />

Center<br />

Caitlyn 207-333-3251<br />

Jake 207-514-7753<br />

Susan 207-689-2000<br />

Denise 207-261-5240<br />

Penny 207-514-7477<br />

Open House sponsors:<br />

Lisa Laliberte, State Farm Insurance<br />

Maine Community Bank<br />

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, Maine<br />

www.francocenter.org<br />

Media Sponsors<br />

BENNETT RADIO GROUP<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

10 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?


HAS IT ALL<br />

SAVE THE DATE<br />

Saturday, August 12th<br />

Your one-stop shop for:<br />

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />

• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />

• Lottery tickets<br />

• Redemption center<br />

207-345-5551<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />

CATERING<br />

Full serve catering at your<br />

office or company event!<br />

Book Your<br />

<strong>2023</strong><br />

Business<br />

Events<br />

Now!<br />

207-345-9009<br />

DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />

Dad’s Redemption Center<br />

REDEMPTION CENTER<br />

6 ¢<br />

on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />

UAD exp.<br />

<strong>Digest</strong><br />

7.31.23<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Nate Achorn &<br />

Shelly Burgen<br />

My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.<br />

24 Hour<br />

Service<br />

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY<br />

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />

IS GROWING!<br />

We are seeking<br />

EXPERIENCED<br />

SERVICE<br />

TECHNICIANS<br />

& INSTALLERS<br />

to join our team!<br />

235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />

207-777-5600<br />

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />

protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />

Now offering<br />

medical benefits!<br />

Fully Insured<br />

Air Conditioning & Heating<br />

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />

and the surrounding communities!<br />

Aaron Palmer<br />

& Rich Brown<br />

Mike Pierter<br />

& Mike Knapp<br />

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says,<br />

“Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”<br />

We’ve got you covered!<br />

Think Summer!<br />

We really<br />

aren’t that good!<br />

Mike Perreault<br />

& Dan Perreault<br />

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />

I N S U R A N C E<br />

...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1954<br />

207-783-2246 • 150 East Ave. Lewiston • MaineInsuranceonline.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

12 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

There’s no “I” in Denial.


<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop asked, "Analogue?"<br />

I said, "No, just a watch."<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

Breakfast all day as well<br />

as delicious lunch items!<br />

Mike Mowry<br />

& Todd Hartford<br />

Bigger Smile,<br />

Ray!<br />

Muriel & Marcel Bureau<br />

87 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />

207-753-0171<br />

rollysnewauburn.com<br />

Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday<br />

Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said, "Oo, oo, aah."<br />

The other replied, "Put some cold in then."<br />

Glenn Therrien<br />

& Ray Masse<br />

Mike Noel<br />

& Mike Anderson<br />

Homeownership is the<br />

American Dream<br />

Call today to find out how<br />

we can make your dream<br />

come true!<br />

List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package<br />

(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)<br />

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com<br />

Ryan Tripp<br />

& Jake Robitialle<br />

Jon<br />

Mercier<br />

Mark<br />

Turner<br />

Deb<br />

Morin<br />

Linda<br />

Dupuis<br />

Dustin<br />

Mallar<br />

Mason<br />

Dupuis<br />

Lindsay<br />

Wright<br />

Malayka<br />

Harriman<br />

Brandon<br />

Duarte<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

14 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

If you want two whales in a car, start in England and drive west.


I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him,<br />

“What’s the word on the street?”<br />

18th Annual<br />

Since 1940<br />

• Restaurant<br />

• Miniature Golf<br />

• Driving Range<br />

• Ice Cream Stand<br />

Glow in the Dark<br />

Mini Golf<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Jill,<br />

what’s a Any<br />

golfers favorite<br />

bird? they can<br />

birdie<br />

find.<br />

August 5th @ 7pm<br />

rollback prices!<br />

<strong>July</strong> 15, 29, & August 12th<br />

9pm - 11:30pm<br />

Great<br />

Family<br />

Fun!<br />

Ken Knauer<br />

& Jill Ricker<br />

Pam Bernier<br />

& Jack Ricker<br />

Join Us!<br />

The Maine Mini Golf Open*<br />

August 6 th @9:30am<br />

*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 36 Hole Tournament<br />

$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5<br />

Kevin Chase<br />

& Jeff Mack<br />

Bob,<br />

a golfers worst<br />

nightmare is<br />

the bogeyman.<br />

Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm<br />

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com<br />

The difference between a hippo and a Zippo is one is really heavy,<br />

and the other is a little lighter.<br />

Dave O’Connell<br />

& Bob Chase<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15


SCHEDULE OF EVENTS<br />

Launches 6am-6pm<br />

Moon Glow Friday at dusk<br />

Live music all weekend<br />

Parade Saturday 11am<br />

“For the Love of Animals Event” Festival Plaza Saturday 11am-3pm<br />

GFBF/American Red Cross Blood Drive Saturday 19 th 9am-2pm Auburn Senior C<br />

Family Fun Day Sunday 9-11am - Costume Party<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> August 18-20th, <strong>2023</strong><br />

16 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong>


Senior Center<br />

Our Mission<br />

The mission of the Great Falls Balloon Festival is to provide fundraising opportunities<br />

for local non-profit organizations, while celebrating our community and promoting the<br />

Lewiston/Auburn area as a visitor destination.<br />

www.greatfallsballoonfestival.org<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17


Side<br />

Hustle<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A young city couple<br />

are driving down a<br />

country lane on their<br />

way to visit some<br />

friends one day.<br />

They suddenly come<br />

to a muddy patch in<br />

the road and don’t<br />

stop in time, so the<br />

car becomes bogged<br />

down and stuck.<br />

After a few minutes<br />

of trying to get the<br />

car out by themselves,<br />

they see a<br />

young farmer coming<br />

down the lane,<br />

driving some oxen in<br />

front of him.<br />

The young farmer<br />

stops when he sees<br />

the couple in trouble<br />

and offers to use the<br />

oxen to pull the car<br />

out of the mud for<br />

$50. The husband<br />

accepts and a few<br />

minutes later the car<br />

is free.<br />

Afterward, the farmer<br />

says to the husband,<br />

“You know, you’re<br />

the tenth car I’ve<br />

helped out of the<br />

mud today.”<br />

The husband looks<br />

around at the fields<br />

and asks the farmer,<br />

“When do you have<br />

time to plow your<br />

land? At night?”<br />

The young farmer<br />

says, “Oh no. Night<br />

is when I put the<br />

water in the hole.”<br />

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.<br />

They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.’<br />

47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

www.firehouseauburn.com<br />

207-376-4959<br />

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />

FULL SERVICE &<br />

REPAIR SHOP<br />

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State Inspection Station<br />

Commercial & Motor Vehicle Stickers<br />

You’ll Love<br />

our Daily<br />

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250 Broad Street, Auburn<br />

JULY Drink Special<br />

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House lots<br />

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Call us today!<br />

207.754.2343<br />

hirdcontracting@gmail.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

18 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

State trooper - “You were going 85 miles per hour.”<br />

“Impossible, I had my cruise control set at 82!”


A cement mixer collided with a prison van.<br />

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.<br />

Providing a warm and comfortable<br />

home for our residents.<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Thank you to all<br />

our sponsors for making<br />

this a great day!<br />

Pam Ashby & Steve<br />

Simard<br />

Preston “Charlie”<br />

Chapman<br />

& Dan Snow<br />

The Chapman House,<br />

where everyone’s point of view counts.<br />

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,<br />

aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,<br />

medications, and meals.<br />

Pat Laplante<br />

& George O’Connell<br />

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn | 207-783-0961<br />

Bonnie Iwans<br />

The mystery of the spoon in my kitchen was recently solved when I found one in its<br />

original packaging at a rummage sale. It’s a pooper-scooper.<br />

Don Poulin<br />

& Mike Leplante<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19


A New Era Begins...<br />

Labor Day Weekend<br />

Saturday Sept 2nd | Sunday Sept<br />

• Day Tripper - 1 Day Pass •2 Day Pass •3 Day<br />

Tickets<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

20 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

• Maine Craft Beers • Local Restaurant Food rea<br />

Onfo<br />

TICKETS & INFO: theMaineMusic<br />

At: Bear’s Preserve 40 Airpor<br />

formerly Twit


y Sept 3rd | Monday Sept 4th from 2:00 P.M. each day<br />

s •3 Day Passes Available starting from $39.00 FREE PARKING<br />

Onfood reasonable<br />

priced • More Artists to be Announced...<br />

usicAwards.com | theMaineFest.com<br />

0 Airport Road, Route 4 Turner Maine<br />

formerly Twitchell’s Airport<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.<br />

Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts<br />

dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting<br />

to claims support, we’ve got you covered.<br />

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Howie Gooldrup<br />

& Don Nazaroff<br />

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For your business.<br />

For your people.<br />

For your life.<br />

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Visit our new NFP office:<br />

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Bob Raymond<br />

& Mark Hartford<br />

Jim Barnes<br />

& Nikki Canney<br />

Cindy & Frank<br />

Hotham<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

22 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Coffee by Design•Weekend Brunch•<br />

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!<br />

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Bringing the Ocean to your Table<br />

Party<br />

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Available<br />

(orders only)<br />

Take out • Dine in<br />

Homemade Goods<br />

Gift Certificates Available<br />

WE HAVE 15+ DELICIOUS<br />

BEERS ON TAP<br />

- AND TO GO -<br />

BREWED HERE<br />

FOR YOU<br />

The freshest seafood around!<br />

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Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p<br />

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WE HAVE<br />

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No extra charge!<br />

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59c Portland Road, Gray<br />

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet<br />

connection to see who they really are.


Is a hippie’s wife called a Mississippi?<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Logan Rossignol<br />

& Ben Quinnell<br />

42ND SEASON<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

No Rain Location This Summer. Check Website for Concert Status.<br />

Every Wednesday 7:00-8:15<br />

June 28th - August 23rd<br />

Bring<br />

your<br />

own<br />

chair<br />

For more information visit us online at<br />

www.auburncommunityband.com<br />

Kris Bouchard<br />

& Nick Gagnon<br />

Dannext<br />

hole hit<br />

your own ball.<br />

Mark Bossee<br />

& Dan Bouttenot<br />

Season Sponsor<br />

Corporate Sponsor<br />

Bill Printup<br />

& Tom Printup<br />

The difference between an outlaw and an in-law is that outlaws are wanted.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town?<br />

He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.<br />

Kevin Smith<br />

& Ryan Boucher<br />

Nate Jewell<br />

& Tom Gosselin<br />

The Village Inn<br />

Serving our customers for over 40 years<br />

JOIN OUR FAMILY!<br />

Now Hiring all positions<br />

Experience a Plus<br />

Serve Safe Certified - Increased<br />

starting Pay<br />

We offer Health, Dental,<br />

Vision, & Excellent food!<br />

Cool down this summer with an ice<br />

cold beer or cocktail, and don’t<br />

forget fried clams & prime rib.<br />

207.782.7796 | OPEN Wed.-Sun.<br />

165 High Street, Auburn<br />

villageinnmaine.com<br />

Lisa<br />

& Mark Laliberte<br />

Time to clean up<br />

your property.<br />

Pete Nadeau<br />

& Dan Roderick<br />

BATTERY & CORE<br />

MAINE’S MOST<br />

TRUSTED RECYCLER<br />

We pay cash for scrap metal<br />

We buy insulated wire, copper pipe,<br />

aluminum wheels, Brass fittings, lead, steel & more.<br />

15 Pierce St. Auburn<br />

Open Mon. - Fri. 8a - 4p<br />

maine-recycling.com (207)795-8887<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

24 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.


An illegally parked frog will get toad away.<br />

COOK UP A STORM.<br />

DURING A STORM.<br />

When a bad storm or utility outage<br />

knocks out power, a reliable KOHLER ®<br />

generator keeps your lights on, your<br />

fridge cold, and your house protected.<br />

And it can power your entire home.*<br />

So turn up the heat. No matter the<br />

weather, we’re with you.<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

From engines to generators,<br />

we give the world power.<br />

Chris Fournier<br />

& Tim Pelletier<br />

*based on generator and load size.<br />

*Based on generator and load size.<br />

COOK UP A STORM. DURING A STORM.<br />

When a bad storm or utility outage knocks out power, a reliable<br />

KOHLER® generator keeps your lights on, your fridge cold and<br />

your house protected. And it can power your entire home.*<br />

So turn up the heat. No matter the weather, we’re with you.<br />

How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.<br />

Brett Vallee<br />

& Lional Guay<br />

From engines to generators, we give the world power.<br />

Dan Roy<br />

& Luke Boucher<br />

Dealer Name<br />

City, State<br />

000.000.0000<br />

Website.com<br />

D E A L E R<br />

<strong>2023</strong> Newspaper_KeepCooking_5x10.5.indd 1 12/13/22 3:36 PM<br />

Wayne Lopez<br />

& Nick Roy<br />

Dogs aren’t good dancers because they have two left feet.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

You can’t believe everything you hear—but most will repeat it.<br />

Saturday, August 12 th<br />

1:00 - 10:00pm<br />

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL<br />

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />

UNCLE ANDY’S<br />

presents<br />

Dennis Matthews<br />

& Justin Richardson<br />

Fun for<br />

Everyone!<br />

Jason Moen<br />

& Matt Dailey<br />

Grant Sperry<br />

& Justin Greenleaf<br />

Look big,<br />

Perry, maybe we’ll<br />

scare ‘em off.<br />

• Kid’s Zone w/ Inflatable<br />

Obstacle Course<br />

• HUGE Silent Auction<br />

• Dunk Tank<br />

• Face Painting<br />

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too<br />

• Great Food<br />

• Beer Garden & Full Bar<br />

• 50/50<br />

A great<br />

Community<br />

Event!<br />

Food, Fun, & Music<br />

hosted by<br />

OUR AMAZING S<br />

Travis Pontbriand<br />

& Perry Goodspeed<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

26 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

My parents didn’t like my biology teacher because he had skeletons in his closet.


They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.<br />

NDY’S DIGEST<br />

presents<br />

3<br />

BANDS!<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

1-3pm:Tatooed Lies<br />

3-5pm:Fire in the Hole<br />

6-9pm: Skosh<br />

9-10pm: Fire in the Hole<br />

& Skosh<br />

Matt Ferrante<br />

& Daryl Lovejoy<br />

The Grand Finale Summer<br />

Block Party is bound to be the best<br />

yet. Great bands and fun for everyone,<br />

come help us reach our goal to reach 100<br />

wishes through all 9 Summer Block<br />

Party events!<br />

Music to Benefit<br />

Jamie Lovejoy<br />

& Rene Thibeault<br />

hosted by<br />

ING SPONSORS!<br />

A Summer Event You<br />

Won’t Want to Miss!<br />

LASummerBlockParty.com<br />

MINOT COUNTRY STORE<br />

Community Sponsors:<br />

Auburn Savings Bank<br />

DuBois Realty Group<br />

Fortin Funeral Homes<br />

Media Partners:<br />

Mike Courtemanche<br />

& Paul Gagne<br />

Chris Merrill<br />

& Brad Mates<br />

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27


<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

After talking to my child about the birds and the bees, his response was, “I’m still confused.<br />

Was I born in a nest or a hive?”<br />

Hook, line & sinker - We have lots of fishing supples<br />

<strong>July</strong> - Let’s fish!<br />

Kayaks - we have ‘em<br />

Mike Giasson<br />

& Mike Ward<br />

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus, ME (207) 375-6253<br />

2 Miles Off I-95 Exit 86 Family Owned & operated<br />

Kenny Hoyt & Corey<br />

Nugent<br />

Mike Hall<br />

& Kirk Hall<br />

Main Street Music Lessons<br />

We are welcoming Redd Volkaert to do a live clinic Thursday, August 3rd.<br />

Tickets available: $10 per ticket at main street music lessons.<br />

One of country musics top Telecaster Guitar slingers:<br />

He’s played with George Jones, Brad Paisley, Merle Haggard, Johnny Paycheck, Commander Cote &<br />

The Lost Planet Airman.<br />

Meet & greet<br />

- Ask Redd questions<br />

- Pick up riffs & licks<br />

- Open forum<br />

- Special Guest star<br />

Denny Breau<br />

207-376-3376<br />

33 Dunn Street, Auburn<br />

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />

Eligible for Medicare?<br />

CALL US TODAY<br />

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Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

28 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something less expensive.


What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!<br />

G<br />

PAINTING & DRYWALL<br />

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&<br />

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CAMPING SEASON IS A FEW MONTHS AWAY!<br />

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The insomnia patient was a vegetarian so he counted carrots jumping over a fence.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29


I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.<br />

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walk-in tub purchase. Offer available while supplies last. No cash value. Must present<br />

offer at time of purchase. CSLB 1082165 NSCB 0082999 0083445<br />

SPECIAL OFFER<br />

Prepare for power<br />

outages today<br />

WITH A HOME STANDBY GENERATOR<br />

$0 MONEY DOWN + LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT OPTIONS<br />

Contact a Generac dealer for full terms and conditions<br />

REQUEST A FREE QUOTE<br />

CALL NOW BEFORE THE NEXT POWER OUTAGE<br />

(866) 643-0438<br />

*To qualify, consumers must request a quote, purchase, install and activate the<br />

generator with a participating dealer. Call for a full list of terms and conditions.<br />

FREE<br />

7-Year Extended<br />

Warranty*<br />

A $695 Value!<br />

You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently,<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

30 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.<br />

Call today and receive a<br />

FREE SHOWER PACKAGE<br />

PLUS $1600 OFF<br />

SPECIAL OFFER


BUSINESS<br />

SP TLIGHT<br />

Richard Moylan<br />

(207) 777-0050<br />

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn<br />

richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire<br />

and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook,<br />

Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />

207-782-7141<br />

Eat in or take out<br />

It’s Pizza Day<br />

EVERY DAY<br />

207-782-7141<br />

Pooper Scooping Services<br />

No time to scoop<br />

the poop?<br />

We can help!<br />

We scoop so you don’t have to!<br />

207-713-1550<br />

Androscoggin<br />

PET SITTING<br />

Call today!<br />

207.712.2765<br />

androscogginpetsitting@gmail.com<br />

andropetsit.com<br />

207.577.6484<br />

528 Lincoln Street<br />

Lewiston<br />

LAMETROMAGAZINE.COM<br />

GET 2”X2”AD IN AUGUST<br />

FOR ONLY $ 50 AND WE’LL<br />

DONATE THE<br />

PROCEEDS TO MAKE-A-<br />

WISH MAINE scan the QR<br />

code to donate now!<br />

Steve Simard<br />

Friends<br />

fur-ever.<br />

Businesses & individuals can help make it<br />

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering<br />

from a serious illness. Please Donate!<br />

Call me<br />

to find out<br />

how!<br />

207-754-1815<br />

steve@uncleandys.com<br />

Office dog Lydia with human friend, Kevin.<br />

The cat who ate a ball of yarn, had mittens.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31


CALL THE PROS<br />

Call<br />

for your<br />

FREE QUOTE<br />

Today!<br />

Your Vision.<br />

Our Expertise.<br />

Kitchens, Baths,<br />

Decks, & More!<br />

SUMMER IS MADE FOR RELAXING<br />

Massage is designed to help.<br />

Call to<br />

book your<br />

personalized<br />

treatment!<br />

RON’S<br />

TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE<br />

YOUR FULL SERVICE<br />

REPAIR FACILITY<br />

VEHICLE MAINTENANCE<br />

CHECKS DONE HERE<br />

CLOSED FOR VACATION<br />

7/1 TO 7/10/23<br />

375-4924<br />

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales<br />

207-212-7791<br />

www.vghomeimprovements.com<br />

Specializing in Domestic &<br />

Truck, Automatic & Manual<br />

Transmissions, Transfer<br />

Cases, & Differentials<br />

Ron<br />

Charpentier, Jr.,<br />

Owner<br />

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p<br />

Add 4 Months to Your Watersports<br />

Season with a Wetsuit<br />

• Swimming<br />

• Snorkeling<br />

• Scuba<br />

• Water-ski<br />

We can help you<br />

stay warmer longer!<br />

229 Center Street, Auburn<br />

(207) 402-8654<br />

www.lamassagemaine.com<br />

CHILDRENS<br />

TOO!<br />

805 Main Street<br />

Lewiston<br />

784-7300<br />

Specializing in Heat Pumps/AC, Oil & Gas Furnace<br />

Ryan Queen • hvacsolutions207@gmail.com<br />

HAPPY 4th<br />

of <strong>July</strong><br />

Closed <strong>July</strong> 4th<br />

Coach Terry’s<br />

REDEMPTION<br />

CENTER<br />

The friendly redemption center<br />

8 Tidswell Road Turner<br />

207-225-2008<br />

Open daily 8am to 4pm<br />

Don’t put it off, have your cooling system checked<br />

Our experienced professional technicians can help!<br />

Our technicians have the know how &<br />

experience to dagnose and fix repair<br />

problems the right way<br />

Lincoln Street<br />

RADIATOR SHOP<br />

Family owned & operated since 1967<br />

207-784-9356<br />

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />

Monday-Friday: 8a-5p<br />

OFFERING<br />

Residential<br />

Commercial<br />

Clean Outs<br />

Roll Offs<br />

844-ME-TRASH<br />

844-638-7274<br />

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />

SERVING<br />

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland<br />

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples<br />

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

32 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

The racing snail that got rid of his shell- He thought it would make him faster, but it just<br />

made him sluggish.


CALL THE PROS<br />

Shuga Shak Country Store<br />

Maple Baked Beans<br />

every Saturday!<br />

Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services<br />

Mike Magretto<br />

Veteran Owned & Operated<br />

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com207-530-8890<br />

Poisson & Sons Auto Care<br />

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />

Happy 4th of <strong>July</strong>!<br />

<strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

Stickers are due!<br />

Serving 24 flavors of<br />

Soft Serve Ice Cream<br />

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p<br />

Wine • Local Products<br />

Honey • Pickles<br />

• Jams Candies •<br />

Crafts...<br />

and much more!<br />

450 Pigeon Hill Road (Rte<br />

26), Mechanic Falls<br />

207-576-7886<br />

We make you LOOK GREAT!<br />

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!<br />

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms<br />

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!<br />

Call today for a free quote!<br />

Your local friendly vehicle repair shop<br />

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com<br />

FINE LINE GUN SHOP<br />

207-998-2374<br />

Ralph & Mary Sleeper<br />

Guns • Ammo • Supplies<br />

Check out<br />

our Facebook<br />

page for our<br />

newest<br />

inventory!<br />

finelinegun@aol.com<br />

590 Plains Road, Poland<br />

Serving Greater Central Maine<br />

Ensuring<br />

Your Home<br />

is a Safe Place<br />

RICK BROWNING<br />

Certified Inspector<br />

207-619-0868<br />

upfronthi@gmail.com<br />

A.D.A. Compliant<br />

Fully Insured<br />

• Custom ATM Surrounds<br />

• Kiosk Maintenance<br />

• ATM Site Refurbishing<br />

• Mobile Events & Full Service ATM Placement<br />

• Custom Branding Vinyl Wraps<br />

Daniel Bouthot • 207.576.1719 • dbouthot@versatrades.com<br />

brothersfencing@me.com<br />

“Buffet” is a French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33


<strong>2023</strong><br />

Poland Spring<br />

Preservation<br />

Society Sunset<br />

Concert Series<br />

Submitted by Poland Springs<br />

Preservation Society<br />

The Poland Spring<br />

Preservation Society<br />

was formed in 1975. The<br />

Society is dedicated to<br />

the protection, restoration<br />

and preservation of the<br />

state of Maine Building<br />

and All Souls Chapel<br />

which are historic, oneof-a-kind<br />

structures. Our<br />

goal is to educate visitors<br />

about the history of<br />

Poland Spring.<br />

Today the buildings are<br />

enjoyed as the site of<br />

an art gallery, weddings<br />

and musical concerts<br />

throughout the summer<br />

months. The Society<br />

operations are directed<br />

by volunteer board of<br />

directors, its executive<br />

Director Laura Brown<br />

and several staff members<br />

and volunteers.<br />

The Sunset Concert<br />

Series begins <strong>July</strong> 10th<br />

and continues every<br />

Monday thereafter<br />

concluding on August<br />

28th. Admission is $5<br />

per person. In the event<br />

of inclement weather,<br />

the performances will<br />

be in the dining room of<br />

the Poland Spring Inn.<br />

The concerts begin at<br />

6:30 pm at our beautiful<br />

gazebo where visitors<br />

will most likely witness a<br />

fabulous sunset. There<br />

are chairs available, but<br />

feel free to bring your<br />

own or a picnic blanket.<br />

Poland Spring Bottling<br />

Company will provide<br />

complimentary water.<br />

continued on page 35<br />

Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was<br />

in the summer, when we complained about the heat.<br />

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2023</strong> specials!<br />

Roy’s<br />

FOODLAND<br />

SATURDAY<br />

Beans, bread/rolls &<br />

cole slaw<br />

$11.99<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Ham, Veggie, Salami,<br />

or Pepperoni Italians<br />

$2.99<br />

RoySnow.com<br />

207.782.3734<br />

Happy 4th<br />

of <strong>July</strong><br />

Get your<br />

BBQ meats<br />

here<br />

PIZZA PACKS<br />

Pizza<br />

Packs<br />

$12.99<br />

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />

Serving Maine since 1947<br />

Best Chicken &<br />

Ham Salad<br />

IN THE WORLD!<br />

Try our hamburger,<br />

it’s the best!<br />

Beanie Babies<br />

on Sale Here!<br />

11 Library Ave.<br />

Auburn<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

34 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.


‘I’m a walking economy, you know’ ‘How so?’ ‘My hairline is in recession, my stomach is<br />

always in inflation, and these two together bring me into a deep depression’.<br />

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER<br />

NEW MEMBERS!<br />

PromoBerries<br />

www.promoberries.com<br />

Photo Finish<br />

www.mainephotofinish.com<br />

Revived Spaces<br />

www.revived-spaces.com<br />

Real Connections<br />

Connect.RealConnections@gmail.com<br />

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM<br />

When business slows right down at a medicine factory you can hear a cough drop.<br />

continued from page 34<br />

Sunset Concert<br />

Series schedule:<br />

<strong>July</strong> 10 -<br />

The Cobblestones<br />

<strong>July</strong> 17 -<br />

Novel Jazz<br />

<strong>July</strong> 24 -<br />

Lynn Reeves Trio<br />

<strong>July</strong> 31 - El Malo<br />

August 7 -<br />

Zeme Libre<br />

August 14 -<br />

Erica Brown &<br />

The Bluegrass<br />

Connection<br />

August 21 -<br />

Jim Gallant Trio<br />

August 28 -<br />

The World Famous<br />

Grassholes<br />

• Decks, sheds<br />

• Basement remodels<br />

• Light Carpentry<br />

• Plowing & Sanding<br />

• Fully Insured<br />

Commercial & Residential<br />

Joe Scammom<br />

207.402.1330<br />

Casa<br />

Taco<br />

Del<br />

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn<br />

OPEN<br />

Thursday - Saturday<br />

11am - 6pm<br />

• Birra Tacos<br />

• Street Corn<br />

• House-made Guac<br />

• Sasla & Chips<br />

WE CATER EVENTS<br />

LARGE & SMALL<br />

Call us today!<br />

207.740.0574<br />

Ouellette’s Cleanup<br />

Handyman Services<br />

Farralee Ouellette, proprietor<br />

Providing janitorial<br />

& lawn care services<br />

Residential & Commercial<br />

PO Box 72<br />

Paris, Maine 04271<br />

207-376-5151<br />

A woman-owned<br />

business with<br />

more than 6 years<br />

experience!<br />

MAINE GOURMET CHOCOLATES<br />

Always FREE samples for tasting!<br />

Visit Us for<br />

All Your Sweets!<br />

Sale of non-pareil stars, smile faces<br />

& lollipops - benefit Make-A-Wish<br />

168 Main St. Auburn 207.783.8472<br />

mainegourmetchocolates.com<br />

Interviewer to job applicant: “Can you come up with any reason you want this job other<br />

than your parents want you out of the house?”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35


MAINE GOURMET<br />

CHOCOLATES<br />

Bella and Dante wanted to help<br />

make wishes come true!<br />

168 Main St. Auburn 207.783.8472<br />

mainegourmetchocolates.com<br />

Miss you, Jimbo. Many Memories<br />

to treasure. Love, Trisha<br />

REUNIONS • CORPORATE EVENTS<br />

and More!<br />

207-345-9009<br />

DADSPLACECATERING.COM<br />

Top<br />

Pay!<br />

FADDEN<br />

CUSTOM PEST SERVICES<br />

Edward Fadden<br />

edward_fadden@yahoo.com<br />

207-576-9750<br />

NOW HIRING<br />

Experienced line cooks<br />

401K & Health Insurance Available<br />

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

Melissa Hodgkin<br />

Independent OPTAVIA Coach<br />

207.577.4963<br />

mhodgkin72@aol.com<br />

207-784-4026 | Lewiston<br />

CAREER<br />

OPPORTUNITES<br />

local • great benefits<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

36 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

This message is brought to you by all of us at <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>, and its advertise<br />

call<br />

Pat Penley<br />

207-860-9380


Transform lives,<br />

one wish at a time.<br />

557 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />

207-783-1731<br />

Proudly<br />

Supporting<br />

BobsPeanuts.com<br />

NICOLE LAJOIE of<br />

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />

I N S U R A N C E<br />

...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />

Proudly Supports<br />

207-753-6222<br />

nicole@champoux-ins.com<br />

Shapiro Property Management<br />

and rental<br />

Locally owned<br />

and operated<br />

Give Us A Call!<br />

410 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

207-402-8985<br />

info@shapirorental.com<br />

We proudly support<br />

207-530-8890<br />

Resilience Physical<br />

Therapy & Wellness, LLC<br />

“Recover What<br />

Moves You.”<br />

Jason Burtchell, PT, OCS, Cred. MDT<br />

Board Certified Orthopedic Specialist<br />

Certified in the McKenzie Method<br />

207-707-1409<br />

www.resilienceptw.com<br />

Proudly Supports<br />

Kaleb Davis<br />

Mortgage Banker<br />

NMSL# 1545778<br />

Kaleb Davis<br />

Mortgage Banker - NMLS# 1545778<br />

P: (207) 240-8250<br />

E: KalebDavis@Leader1.com<br />

79 Main Street, Suite 213 - Auburn, ME 04210<br />

(207) 240-8250<br />

Proudly Supporting<br />

KalebDavis.Leader1.com<br />

KalebDavis@Leader1.com<br />

Mortgage<br />

KalebDavis.Leader1.com<br />

with EASE Engage. Accomplish. Simplify. Empower. TM<br />

79 Main Street, Suite 213, Auburn<br />

Top<br />

Pay!<br />

NOW HIRING<br />

Experienced line cooks<br />

401K & Health Insurance Available<br />

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

GORDON STRONG<br />

In Memory of<br />

Larry Gordon<br />

CREATIVEONES’S PHOTOGRAPHY<br />

New<br />

centrifuge<br />

area rug<br />

cleaning!<br />

• Carpets<br />

• Wood Floors<br />

• Tile & Grout<br />

• Water Damage Drying<br />

Commercial & Residential<br />

Call Today!<br />

(207) 783-2933<br />

PHOTO FINISH<br />

making your moments last a lifetime<br />

Photo & Video Archival<br />

Online Prints & Gifts<br />

Photo Restoration<br />

Portrait Studio - Business headshots, family & senoirs, newborn & maternity<br />

Auburn Mall, 550 Center St., Auburn | mainephotofinish.com | 207.783.3354<br />

advertisers. Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37


Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.<br />

<strong>2023</strong> IAAI<br />

Pete Simard<br />

Golf Benefit<br />

at Poland Spring<br />

Golf Course<br />

Receive 10% OFF your purchase when<br />

you mention the <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s ad<br />

Make-A-Wish® basket raffle.<br />

$2 per ticket, or 3 for $5<br />

FRIDAY SPECIAL<br />

French Toast Breakfast<br />

Buy One, Get One 50% OFF<br />

207-705-1866<br />

We ship chocolates<br />

anywhere in the country<br />

Whoopie Pies • Chocolates-custom orders & in-stock<br />

Fresh homestyle breakfast & lunch • Gluten free options<br />

Hours: Monday-Saturday 9am-7pm<br />

550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com<br />

David Cyr<br />

& Phill Morin<br />

Marc Cyr<br />

& Elijah Cyr<br />

These<br />

guys sure know<br />

how to keep me<br />

busy!<br />

Karen Nichols<br />

“Bev Ridge”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

38 <strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

WASHRITE LAUNDROMAT<br />

laundry done right<br />

Wash & Dry Service Available<br />

ATM<br />

Change Machine<br />

Soap Dispenser<br />

Waiting Area with TV<br />

Folding Stations<br />

77 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />

GGGGG<br />

LIVE MUSIC<br />

is back on<br />

Wednesdays!<br />

GGGGG<br />

MAKE<br />

RESERVATIONS<br />

TODAY!<br />

All New<br />

Machines<br />

*CLEAN*<br />

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />

A PLACE<br />

THE WHOLE<br />

FAMILY WILL<br />

LOVE!<br />

40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat<br />

and drink beer all day.


DON’T KNOW<br />

WHAT TO DO<br />

NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />

The teddy bear said no to dessert because he was stuffed.<br />

For any disaster,<br />

call ServiceMaster!<br />

WATER FIRE MOLD<br />

29 Brickyard Circle,<br />

Auburn<br />

(800) 244-7630<br />

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />

Follow us on<br />

Physical, speech, and<br />

occupational therapy services.<br />

Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.<br />

Home Support<br />

Physical, Speech, &<br />

Occupational Therapy<br />

368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn<br />

Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089<br />

Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com<br />

A steak that’s been knighted by the queen is called a ‘Sir Loin’.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39


PIZZA, SANDWICHES, AND SWEET TREATS<br />

Serving LA and beyond since 1957<br />

pizza sandwiches donuts<br />

cupcakes cannolis PB&J cookies<br />

UNCLEANDYS.COM<br />

40<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>July</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />

740 MINOT AVE. AUBURN | 207.783.2981 | MYGEORGIOSME.COM | 7a - 7p 7 days a week<br />

Check out just one of my reviews...<br />

Looking to Buy or Sell? I look forward to working with you NEXT.<br />

“AMAZING REALTOR! There is a reason Cindy is a constant TOP Producing Real estate<br />

agent! She is an amazing realtor, but more importantly, an amazing and caring individual.<br />

Cindy was incredibly responsive, constantly available, and always willing to provide honest<br />

and helpful advice during the process! She was on top of every detail from beginning to end!<br />

Not only did she represent us as her sellers, but also represented the buyers in this transaction!”<br />

— Tammy, September 22, 2022<br />

A chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud and then crosses back again<br />

is a dirty double-crosser.<br />

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />

We are stronger together<br />

Debbie Bodwell<br />

NMLS# 280336<br />

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />

207.754.3962<br />

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.

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