Toolkit with Report Form - Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic ...

Myth: She Can Just Leave
Reality: It’s More Complicated Than That
Victims stay with or return to their
batterers for multiple reasons, including:
◗ Fear the violence will intensify if they
leave. Victims often are in the most
danger when they attempt to end the
relationship.
◗ Fear their batterers will retaliate
against their children if they leave or
seek custody. They may sacrifice their
own safety so their children can have a
father, good schools, a roof over their
heads, and financial security.
◗ The hope their batterers can change
with counseling.
◗ Their love for their partners and their
willingness to forgive them.
◗ The lack of support systems to help
them escape the abuse because
their batterers have deliberately and
systematically isolated them from family,
friends, co-workers and others.
◗ The lack of economic resources to
support themselves and their children.
Batterers often sabotages their partners’
credit rating (or prevents them from
establishing one at all) and damage
their employment record by harassing
them at work and causing lateness and
absenteeism.
◗ Inaccurate information about battering.
Professionals, family, friends and the
batterer may say that alcohol or drugs
cause battering. Victims are told they are
co-dependent and enable his behavior.
Victims find themselves blamed for not
trying hard enough.
◗ The lack of available alternative and
affordable housing
◗ Religious beliefs that compel them to
try to make even an abusive marriage
work. Religious leaders may tell them
that leaving or divorce is not an option.
◗ Their fear for their batterer’s wellbeing
because he threatens suicide if they
leave or exaggerates the devastating
effects of prison if they call police.
Section Six
Myth: Children Are Unharmed
Reality: Children Are Always
At Risk Of Harm
Every risk, injury, and disruption that
domestic violence victims endure, their
children also endure. Their educational,
social, emotional and behavioral
development may be adversely
affected. Often, once the abuse is
directed toward the children, victims
may increase their efforts to leave.
Myth: If She Wanted To Get Help,
She’d Ask For It
Reality: It’s Not That Easy
In homes where domestic violence is
a way of life, fear and intimidation
can cripple and paralyze to the extent
that victims aren’t able to reach out
for help. Batterers often isolate victims
from families, friends, neighbors and
other people who could help, if they
knew about the abuse.
When Crisis Strikes | Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence | 2012 page 45