From Persecution to Prison - Bellevue/NYU Program for Survivors of ...

how long they were there – six months, eight months or a year – I startedto cry.”One young detainee described how feelings of depression and anxietybegan in his country of origin, but became worse after he ended up in INSdetention and further deteriorated as his detention dragged on. He said hewas 16 years old, although INS thought him to be at least 18.I thought the US is a democratic country, and it respects human rights. Inever thought they would detain me... After all the problems I had in mycountry, I came here [and was put] in prison.At a follow-up interview, several months later, he reported worseningsymptoms. Reactions by detention center guards did not help.Sometimes, when I have been crying in my dorm, the guard bangs on thewindow and yells at me to ‘Stop crying!’ When he banged on the window,I was very scared.The often slow process of applying for asylum with frequent delaystook its toll on detainees.I am here so long, my court dates change and get postponed, and mycolleagues are getting freed, I’m getting left behind. I never expectedthis. I am feeling things I never felt before: being so jumpy, scared, nightmares.My basic mood is angry. I don’t want to associate with people. Ifeel worthless. This is not me.The long and uncertain time in detention contributed to feelings ofhopelessness for one detainee who had been held in a county prison foralmost a year.At times, when I meet people that have been detained longer than Ihave, I say, ‘Where will this end?’ I know I can’t go back [to my country].And then I tell myself that I’m a failure, that I’m wasting my life inprison. This is psychological torture.One asylum seeker, who had been raped while in prison in her country,described steadily feeling worse while in INS detention. At the time of theinterview, she had been in detention for a number of years.Always I have fear. Where am I going? What are they going to do to me?My head becomes hot. Sometimes I hold my stomach because it’s shaking.All my body is shaking… Being in prison is the same as torture, tortureof the brain. Because I don’t think I’m the same as I was before. Ican feel so much fear… that I’m shaking so much I can’t even hold thecup. I don’t know what’s going on with my life. I am so afraid.This detainee had spent much of her time in county jails.74 FROM PERSECUTION TO PRISON