ultimately some neem tree will grow. We want to makea horse, but it becomes a donkey. Is it not happening?Some people through long years <strong>of</strong> practice becomeimpractical. Improper practice <strong>of</strong> wisdom can makeone impractical. Is it not a paradox? It should make onemore practical and more effective. It should enable oneto be more useful to the society. If not, what happensis, that the waters are taken by the personality and notby the soul; the fertility <strong>of</strong> the field (body) is absorbedby the personality and not by the soul; the fertilizersare also more used by the body than by the soul. Thatis the danger, if we do not regularly and daily askourselves: What am I really doing? What am I to do? –because there can be an unconscious deviation, a drift.Instead <strong>of</strong> being on the right road, one may have takento a left turn, not knowing. <strong>The</strong>n it takes a long time tocome back to the right road again. Once one exits thehighway, until one gets the sign ‘U-Turn’, one has tokeep going on the same road. It happens in everyone’slife unless there is a daily introspection.It happened once to a person in Visakhapatnam. InVisakhapatnam the trains that go to the north and thetrains that go to the south, come at the same time tothe station. From Kolkata to Chennai, from north tosouth, Visakhapatnam is the middle point (the Yogapoint). So the trains that come from the north and thetrains that come from south, they meet there. A travellerwho wanted to go to the north entered the train goingto the south. After some travel he asked his neighbour,“Where are you going?” He said, “I am going to south.”<strong>The</strong>n our traveller said, “This is the scientific age, inthe same train my (this) seat goes to north and your(that) seat goes to south.” Like that, within the groupthere can be persons who are regressing, thinking thatthey are progressing. Many times we are confused, arewe progressing or are we regressing? Are we going upthe steps to the divine temple or are we going down thesteps into the temple inferno?So, daily introspection is needed. What am I to do?Where am I? Am I in my personality and where in mypersonality? <strong>The</strong> personality itself has many grades:clean mental, prejudice and pride, jealousy and hatred,desire and aversion, ambition and fear. Where are we?Do we have fear? Do we have ambition? When there isambition, there is fear. Do we have aversion? If we haveaversion, we have also desire. If I say, ‘I don’t like this’ itmeans that there are certain things I like. So, not likingis a negative form <strong>of</strong> desire. See how it is. Are we withaversions? I see many group members suffering fromaversion. It means they have desires unexpressed. <strong>The</strong>yput up a spiritual face but are inside full <strong>of</strong> desires.I am making a scanning <strong>of</strong> the human personality.Ambition and fear, desire and aversion, jealousy andhatred, pride and prejudice are commonly seen. When20 21
we have prejudice, we have opinions about others.A person who expresses opinions about others is full<strong>of</strong> pride. Jesus says, “Judge not.” When we judge, itmeans, we are proud. Whom are we judging? We arejudging a son <strong>of</strong> man, who is also a son <strong>of</strong> God. <strong>The</strong>sedualities spring up the moment we think <strong>of</strong> spiritualpractice. <strong>The</strong>y are the first to spring up like weeds.That is why there is much conflict in the groups.Why conflict in the groups when we have come toexperience the soul? Why do we indulge into conflicts?Conflicts emerge, because they are deep down in us.<strong>The</strong>y surface from within. It is better that they surfacethan remain hidden. In the presence <strong>of</strong> a <strong>Teacher</strong> allweaknesses surface, so that the aspirant knows himselfor herself better. Is it not better if certain inherentweaknesses are surfaced? If they are surfaced, we cansee and we can work to eliminate them. If they do notsurface, they kill us.Suppose a man is living with a cobra in his bedroom,and he does not know that there is a cobra in thebedroom. Is he not in danger? Why cobra? A cockroachis enough. Because today people fear even a cockroachas much as they fear a cobra. I know persons, whenthere is a cockroach, they shiver – and if they see acobra? Instant death! So, if there is a cobra in the houseand someone tells him that there is a cobra, he can findways and means to catch it and restore it to the forest.That is why the first spiritual impulse coming from thesoul surfaces the weaknesses <strong>of</strong> the personality. If theinherent, hidden weaknesses are not known to him, hecannot set his first step on the Golden Staircase.22 23