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In Other Words<br />
It Should Have Worked<br />
'Spike".. . and Norm Andrews • Dwight, Nebraska • illustrations by ShellyHollen<br />
tiesf liegfes,<br />
ASIhuddle here in the back of the<br />
machine shed seeking shelter from<br />
this huge thunderstorm, I'm trying<br />
to think positive things to tell the pups<br />
about some of the storms we used to have<br />
backin the old days. I guess it's a safe thing<br />
to say I've lived through them all so far!!<br />
You know, clear back to the days ofthe<br />
wolfhere on the Great Plains, smart critters<br />
figured out that you just don't tempt Mother<br />
Nature when lightning is involved. If they<br />
didn't come in out of the rain, they just<br />
might not come in at all, you know? Then<br />
human beings showed up with those guns<br />
and rifles, and I can't think ofa time when a<br />
dog was everchasing calves at night, when<br />
he might hear that rifle thunder, and later<br />
discover that the cowboy was shooting at<br />
the calves! Be that as it may, the Supreme<br />
Commander knows that I like my privacy<br />
under the pick-up when a big storm is<br />
coming, and he knows I can predict it about<br />
two hours before he even knows anything<br />
is happening. Honestly, I just don't know<br />
how he can be the Supreme Commander<br />
if he has no instinct for weather.<br />
Well, there was a day a couple of years<br />
ago when Mike Kane the Pioneer Seed<br />
Dealer was coming to help the Supreme<br />
Commander sow alfalfa with this fancy No-<br />
Till Drill. I'm not sure what that is, but it<br />
meant there was no disking of the ground<br />
and no bunnies or ground squirrels to catch.<br />
Mike's daughter is married to the Supreme<br />
Commander's youngest son, so we had met<br />
before.On our firstmeetinghe waswearing<br />
short pants and tennis shoes, so how was<br />
I to know he was related to the family?<br />
(You should see the pedigrees on some of<br />
these families around here!) He tried to<br />
pet me, so I put him up on the hood ofhis<br />
pick up, and we have had a kind of mutual<br />
understanding for each other ever since.<br />
At 7 a.m. I could feel the static in the<br />
air. The Supreme Commander didn't have<br />
a clue. Mikewascoming, andI washangin'<br />
back in the Machine Shed, so he shut the<br />
doors and left me I there so as to not upset<br />
Mike. They were out there sowing the<br />
alfalfa, when you could see, hear, and feel<br />
that wall cloud coming across the prairie.<br />
The wind stopped dead calm, the air got<br />
heavy, and with the biggestboom ever heard<br />
in Nebraska, the wind rushed in and started<br />
hailing golf balls on the boys in the field.<br />
The Supreme Commander ran for<br />
the pick-up, drove for his garage where he<br />
had to move four years' worth of junk to<br />
try to park the seed under a roof and keep<br />
it dry. Mike, put-put-putted the tractor to<br />
the yard as fast as it would go, making<br />
traffic on the highway swerve around<br />
him in the wind and hail to stay safe.<br />
Meanwhile, just like the Lone Ranger<br />
and Tonto back at the ranch, I'm stuck in<br />
this dad-gum metal shed getting the heebiejeebies<br />
pounded out of it when Mike got<br />
there and threw open the Machine Shed<br />
doors. You see, he didn't know I was there.<br />
He looked kind of scared and bedraggled,<br />
and at that moment, I took pity on him,<br />
and kind of figured we'd let "bygones be<br />
bygones"and comforteach otherthroughthe<br />
storm. But, Mikedidn't seem to understand<br />
that concept. He saw my handsome dry red<br />
coat flash toward<br />
him from the<br />
corner of the<br />
shed, and with a<br />
^scream of panic<br />
ran out into the<br />
hail toward his<br />
open door on<br />
the tractor cab.<br />
As he lumbered<br />
up the muddy<br />
steps, I made<br />
a great agility<br />
leap between<br />
his legs, under<br />
his arm, and was<br />
on the seat as he<br />
sat down. Man,<br />
he smelled like<br />
a<br />
wet human!<br />
After 30 seconds with no broken skin, Mike<br />
came to his senses, and drove the tractor<br />
into the shed, left the tractor running and<br />
shut the doors while I protected his cab.<br />
At that point, I'm not sure what he<br />
was worried about, but I kind of growled<br />
as he reached up to shut off the tractor,<br />
so the next thing I know the "tattle-tale"<br />
is calling the Supreme Commander on<br />
the cell phone and asking, "How do you<br />
get a mad dog out of a tractor cab?"<br />
No one laughed that day, but now<br />
they both think it is so funny, and want<br />
this story included in the list of things<br />
on the farm that "Should Have Worked"<br />
As always,<br />
P.S. If you have a great, mostly true story<br />
about something that happened in your<br />
operation, that Should Have Worked,<br />
and want to share it. You can send it to...<br />
Norm Andrews<br />
2461 County Road 0<br />
Dwight, Nebraska 68635<br />
AUSSIE TIMES I <strong>July</strong>-<strong>Aug</strong>ust <strong>2005</strong> 105
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