Young & Beautiful

What had been ostentatious, unbearable, ridiculous, is now commonplace, casual, comforting. Has
become home.
What he had sneered at, he now adores wildly.
What he had thought empty, heartless, ridiculous, he now thinks of as warm, open, beautiful.
Enchanting.
Childlike.
Strong.
Home.
He closes his eyes as his thoughts whisper the name, that name, a thousand conflicting feelings
bubbling beneath the surface. Wild adoration, despair, shame, worry, affection, anger, frustration,
love….
Not with you.
His heart lurches as he thinks of the feel of his lips, as he thinks of the way he looked when he left
Louis behind.
No. He can’t keep doing this. He just can’t.
But then he hears Zayn’s voice.
I never want to see him again. Or I swear on my life, I will kill him.
Never see him again.
The thought alone pushes into Louis painfully, pierces his heart like a thorn.
Once more. He’ll see him just once more. Because this is all so fucked up and, yes, he might’ve
pushed Louis away, he might’ve rejected him, but this is more. This is so much more than
unrequited love, and Louis needs to just see him once more.
When he finally opens his eyes, he grabs his keys and leaves.
**
He’s standing outside Harry’s door and, this time, it’s difficult to go inside.
He wants to, wants to more than anything because he needs to see him. Desperately. Needs to just
understand what’s happened tonight, needs to know if he’s alright.
But every time he closes his eyes he sees Harry’s wild eyes retreating away from him, hears his
weak voice spitting out a, “Not with you, Louis,” and it’s all so fresh still. So fucking excruciating
and humiliating.
He clenches his jaw.
And opens the door anyway.
The room is dimly lit by a gas lamp and candles—sun still having not yet risen—that cast shadows