10-17 web

1
. Always try to keep a smile
on your face since it looks
crazy on other parts of your body.
2. My friend Herb started reading
about the evils of drinking, so he gave up reading.
3. Harry and Alice were out on a date. Henry said: “I want you for my
wife.” Alice replied: “What would your wife want with me?”
4. The three ages of men: Youth, middle age and “Wow, you sure look
good!”
5. A woman never forgets her age - once she decides on it.
6. Marriage is like a warm bath. After you get used to it, it’s not so hot!
7. Marriage is also like a long banquet with the dessert served first.
8. Wife: “Before we got married, you told me you were well off.”
Husband: “I was and I didn’t know it.”
9. An elderly man went to see his doctor. The doctor asked, “What’s
wrong now?” The old man said, “I can’t pee.” The doctor replied, “Don’t
worry about it. You peed enough.”
10. Marty’s Words of Wisdom – Never lick a steak knife!
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September 2017
Marty’s Top Ten
By: Marty Allen / Hello Dere
For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on
and off stage singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell.
You Gotta Laugh
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
Praise the Lord: The pastor asked if
anyone in the crowded congregation would
like to express thanks for answered prayers. Suzie
Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I do. Two months ago, my husband Phil, had a terrible
bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was
excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.”
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as
they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a
delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the
crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it
in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord. Phil
is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor then rose and
tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He
said, "Hi, I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife; the word is sternum."
A Bill Blurb “thank you” to Marcia K. for her contribution.
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.
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