1988-1989 Rothberg Yearbook

BEASTIAL COUPLINGS
W hen the gorgeous Rosalind A u stin assem bled on one program the most desirable, cultured and
gorgeous Englishm en and som e less than virtuous English roses and the A ustralians sent out their
usual rag-bag collection of convicts, BASP u n w ittin g ly lit a fuse that exploded, quite lite ra lly and
prem aturely, in the classic rom ance of the Beauty and the Beast- nam ely the delicious and yum m y
Simon Usiskin and the luscious Lisa Spotnick. A m idst bottles of Toppex and vaseline and inane
laughter, they found each other in the uninhibited euphoria of a rom antic birthday reunion. Lisa
expressed her undying love-physically m anifested in the external love sym bolism of a lum inous
frisbee, a toy bat and deeper still, a kite. Love flourished and trium phed in Resnick. Hee-hee!
For M onique Barda, it was, in the im m ortal w ords of the great Oscar W ilde, a question of "The
Im portance of Being B arry". Resisting the charm s of every Mark, Mark, and Mark, she aw aited the
arrival of her knight in shining arm our. She w as not to be disappointed. In the genre of farce the
im m ortal Barry, hobbled, a painful testes operation later to proclaim "Is mi B arry" and you are the most
"Is h ta r" w om an I have ever beheld. However, as Shakespeare w isely observed: "The course of true
love never did run sm o o th " and the gorgeous M onique w as to find a rival fo r Barry's affections —
Ralph Lauren. The fa iry-ta le rom ance, though, happily reached its beautiful conclusion. Spurning the
polo player, Barry professed his love for the ravishing M onique over a rom antic shw arm a, in the exotic
setting of Ben Yehuda Street.
A u stralians have a reputation fo r the hedonistic pursuit of the pleasures of life, and th a n kfu lly we
w ere able to rely on Mark Grynberg to uphold his tradition. His love fo r the petite and sensual Rachel
w as never in question and as he rained flow ers upon her, many began to question his A ustralian
m eathead ancestry. However, M ark proved him self to be a true Aussie, w hen during an illic it poker
evening in his favourite state of inebriation, he im m ortally declared: "A royal flu sh of hearts is better
than p— ." Bob Hawke expressed all of our feelings w hen he presented Mark w ith a drained w hiskey
decanter inscribed: "G ood on yer mate, You'd make a great Prime M in is te r"
However, not all in the m erry ranks of A ndy and Yoel's BASP program m e, w ere im m une to the pain
and heartache of unrequited love. That noble and chivalrous lover of an all but forgotten age, Marc
Oppenheim, in a dignified and essentially British game of chess pondered the unpredictable
vicissitudes of life and love. In a bold and gallant attem pt to capture the perfect beauty of the Queen, he
found him self checked by both moves of Rook and Bishop. And so he was stale-m ated, however, w ith
indefatigable spirit and the help of 14 year old G lenm oranje he ponders his next move.
U nfortunately, the confines of 10 pages w h ich A lison so valiantly w on for all of us do not a llo w for a
detailed account of the num erous BASP rom ances- so a fe w w ords on the rem aining w ill have to
suffice.
There was:
M ark Israel and Kim Pryer, the clandestine lovers of Shakespeare's "Romeo and J u lie t".
Becky Birk and her fam ous French lover, Henri, w hose passions came to an abrupt end w hen they
said a touching "A u R evoir" at the cam pus laundry.
Raffi and M iriam w h o consum m ated th e ir love at an A rm y Base in the W est Bank w ith an M 1 6 and
an Uzi sub-m achine gun.
Of course, w e m ust not forget (how could we?) those w ith absentee lovers. A fter m onths of pining
and subjecting us all to relentless and dull stories of th e ir boyfriends, Olivia, Sara, Jo, Eddie, and
Emma w ere reunited w ith th e ir boyfriends. Hoping fo r a little respite, our illusions w ere soon
shattered, w hen on their respective departures the pining chorus for Jon, Simon, Richard, Daniel and
Steven recom m enced, only m ore vociferously th is tim e.
Having ju st w ritte n th is a rtic le , I have at last found ju s tific a tio n fo ra long, nurtured theory of m inenam
ely there is no such th in g as love- only a quick bang follow ed by a long nag.
Peter Clem ents
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