Happiful August 2019
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For anyone struggling,<br />
remember OCD thrives on your<br />
silence. It forces you to feel guilt,<br />
shame and embarrassment<br />
about what’s going on<br />
Suz blogs to raise awareness of OCD at crazycreativecool.com<br />
of fear that something<br />
bad would happen while<br />
outside. But even at home,<br />
I would panic and end up<br />
hysterical if someone was<br />
late coming home.<br />
I never really talked<br />
to anyone about it, and<br />
my mind desperately<br />
needed an outlet.<br />
In 2014, I developed<br />
dermatillomania – a<br />
form of self-harm which<br />
involves the ritual of<br />
picking at your skin to<br />
generate feelings of relief<br />
from anxiety.<br />
The skin picking gave<br />
me another excuse not to<br />
leave the house, because I<br />
felt so disgusted in myself.<br />
My self-esteem was so low,<br />
I couldn’t find the joy in<br />
anything. I was convinced<br />
this was all my life would<br />
be, and then began to not<br />
feel anything.<br />
After reading an<br />
article on depression,<br />
I understood what the<br />
numbness meant. I’d spent<br />
years feeling trapped by<br />
my mind, but I suddenly<br />
had a stronger thought. I<br />
deserved to get better.<br />
In 2016, I found a<br />
therapist I connected<br />
with, started cognitive<br />
behavioural therapy (CBT)<br />
and began to feel hopeful.<br />
We practised exposure<br />
exercises, and I would be<br />
in tears, convinced there<br />
was no way I could do<br />
it. Each session I came<br />
back with news of my<br />
accomplishments – baby<br />
steps in battling my<br />
intrusive thoughts.<br />
Counselling genuinely<br />
changed my life. It helped<br />
me to be aware of my<br />
thoughts and not let them<br />
define or control me.<br />
For anyone struggling,<br />
remember OCD thrives<br />
on your silence. It forces<br />
you to feel guilt, shame<br />
and embarrassment about<br />
what’s going on. It controls<br />
and isolates you. I was<br />
constantly searching for<br />
someone else who was<br />
going through something<br />
similar. I didn’t find<br />
anyone for years – so<br />
many of us feel isolated<br />
OUR EXPERT SAYS<br />
For Suz, her OCD made the world around her feel<br />
unsafe and anxious. Ultimately, anxiety and self-harm<br />
overwhelmed her and she withdrew from life. Like many<br />
people, it took her years to ask for help, but in starting<br />
therapy, taking the difficult road did she began to release<br />
her from the grip of her obsessive compulsive<br />
thoughts. Through therapy, and learning not to<br />
be silenced by her experiences, Suz was able to<br />
reclaim her life.<br />
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP<br />
Reg Ind counsellor<br />
with OCD, and the irony is<br />
just that: so many of us.<br />
The most important<br />
thing to destroy the power<br />
OCD was holding over me<br />
was talking to someone.<br />
Help and support is out<br />
there, but you have to<br />
believe you are worthy<br />
of reaching out for it.<br />
You deserve support.<br />
You deserve a moment of<br />
peace in your mind.<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2019</strong> • happiful.com • 81