The Vegas Voice 1-20

Trashing My Friends
By: Susan Goldfein / Susan’s Unfiltered Wit
Another holiday season has drawn to a close
and it’s time to think about clearing away
the last celebratory vestiges. Christmas lights and
tree decorations to be placed in their cotton-lined
cartons, safely stowed for another year.
Wrapping paper and ribbon that wasn’t decimated by greedy hands
placed in drawers to be recycled for future gift-giving. The last of
the sour egg nog poured down the drain, and the dreaded fruit cake
pulverized in the waste disposal.
If you celebrate Chanukah (or Hanukkah, if you can’t gargle), it
leaves its own detritus. The lingering aroma of fried potato pancakes
can last up to two weeks and require a gross of air freshener. (I’m
never sure what’s actually more desirable – eau d’ Used Canola Oil or
Southern Magnolia Bouquet?)
Then there’s the labor of chiseling the hardened wax from the
menorah, the candle holder which burns a total of forty-four candles
over the eight nights of the holiday. Would dripless candles be a
blasphemy?
I guess tradition is tradition, so we stand over the sink with small
sharp objects, and jab at the little candle holders until they’re empty
and ready to embrace next year’s lights.
So no more “Frosty the Snowman” coming through the speakers at
the pharmacy, and no more tinkling bells outside the supermarket. It
appears that time has indeed moved on.
But one lingering holiday-related issue remains, at least for me.
What to do with the greeting cards that contain the beautiful smiling
faces of my friends and their families?
I’m not talking about those cards from the dry cleaner or newspaper
delivery man that can be guiltlessly tossed in the recycle bin. But the
family photo cards? Not so easily trashed.
Why, it must have cost the Clarks a small fortune to assemble all
twenty-eight children, grandchildren and dogs on that Hawaiian
beach. Not to mention the photographer’s fee.
And look at how lovely and happy they are, healthy white teeth
displayed for the camera. What do I...? How can I…? But on the other
hand, do I really want to keep a family portrait of the Clarks?
Next come the Berkowitzes. There are enough people in this group
to qualify as a tribe.
And Papa Berkowitz didn’t fail to include his annual family-update
letter, with each person discussed cross-referenced with the photo. Now
I understand the little numbers on their chests.
And here’s one from Betty. She has no children but look at those
adorable dogs. I do love dogs. I would never trash a dog. But yet…
What about this one? They look familiar. Oh, they’re my grandkids.
Not the best picture, and I have so many others.
So here I stand by the garbage pail, with the photo cards in hand,
immobilized by agonizing indecision. Dear friends, you have to help
me solve this annual dilemma once and for all.
When you send the new family portraits, may I suggest they selfdestruct
after New Year’s Day? If not that, then please include an
expiration date.
Susan Goldfein’s newest book, How to Complain When There’s
Nothing to Complain About, is available at Amazon.com, BN.com,
Read her blog at: www.SusansUnfilteredWit.com. Email Susan:
SusanGoldfein@aol.com.
20
January 2020