V19 N22

Page 20 EXIT ZERO July 8, 2021
everyone who thinks golf isn’t
a sport, go take 100 swings. My
back, knees and hips are killing
me. Though it could be worse;
my wife could try to kill me in
the driveway. (Tiger Woods joke
there. I’m very timely.)
Nose Hair Plucker of the
Week: I had a sit-down with
Jack Wright last Wednesday to
talk about Important Things, but
he spent the whole time plucking
my nose hairs. I trim the ol’
sniffer at least once a week, as
guys my age must, but I guess
there were a few rogues in there
that Jack just couldn’t abide. It
was… something.
The result of the meeting?
Let’s just say you may be hearing
some Beatles, Billy Joel, Bruce
Springsteen and Prince tunes at
Ferry Park in 2022. If renovations
are complete and I live long
enough to form a new band.
Local traffic reporter Sandy
McCullough recently celebrated
his 105th birthday, so be sure
to wish him a (very gentle, his
bones are brittle) happy birthday
when you see him. I cracked one
joke at his expense back in 1996
at the old Rusty Nail. “Take your
sweater off and stay a while!” I
said while he was shirtless (he’s
kinda furry). He shot me a look
that said, “Enjoy that joke, it’s
your last.” And I haven’t made fun
of him since. Uh… until just now.
Happy birthday, big fella!
Bartender of the Week: Kerry,
not Carrie, at On the Rocks at
Ferry Park. Undertow regrets the
error and any impact it may have
on me getting vodka.
I can’t be the only only one
who gets filled with blinding rage
every time that stupid groundhog
shows up in those Pennsylvania
lottery commercials, can I? I’m
talking murderous.
Larry Crinkle Update of the
Week: Larry, the ICONIC character
I played in a series of commercials
in 2016, will be making
a return in our near future, but
not near enough that I can talk
about it. I’ve seen a rough cut of
the first few new one and they’re
going to be pretty great. No idea
what I’m talking about? YouTube
“Larry Crinkle Davis Honda” and
gird your loins.
The best part of being the
guy who does most of (all of)
the laundry is putting 36 towels
on the rack in the bathroom
on Friday and finding 0 left on
Sunday.
Don’t you hate it when the
cat who is constantly trying to
claw your eyes out follows you
into the bathroom and picks a
super-bad time to look in the
bowl while you’re taking a whizz?
Curiosity and all that.
Social media was a mistake.
If I haven’t said so recently,
Tim Joyce, my partner in TNT
(Terry and Tim, get it?), is the
best co-conspirator a guy could
ask for. Not only is he a great
guitarist, he’s a good friend, a
confidant, and always gives me
a ride home when I’ve had too
much to drink on the 4th of July.
AMERICA! (But seriously, Tim is
the best. Just don’t tell him I said
so. He doesn’t read this magazine
and has no social media. Just
proving how smart he is.)
New Show I Hate to Watch
But Watch Anyway of the Week:
Grey’s Anatomy. Oh god, it’s so
bad. Covid-19 Terror Porn
Community Theater as filtered
through the prism of MSNBC
with dialogue that reads like
bumper stickers. Spectacularly
awful.
Show I Love to Watch of the
Week: Bosch on Amazon Prime.
Great writing, great acting,
wonderfully realized characters
throughout. Let’s hope this adult
show for adults finds a new home
somewhere. In the meantime,
Goliath with Billy Bob Thornton
should hold you over.
And… DONE! In less than
four hours! How impressed are
you?
Til next week, POIUYGU-
HJUIO[098UYGT7YIJ (Stupid
cat.) Don’t get caught in The
Undertow.