happiful september 2021

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
SEPT 2021
£5.99
It's
about
time
Could journeying through
your past help form
a better future?
DEBUNKED
8 MYTHS ABOUT
SELF-HARM
EVERYDAY
ROMANCE
Find joy in
the simple
things
In it together
What really happens
at group therapy?
PERSONALITY TESTS | SICK-DAY GUILT | THE ZINE SCENE

A trip down memory lane
I’ve always been fascinated by
the ways that every experience
we’ve been through, the good
and the bad, come together to
create the people we are today.
Maybe the child who was always
picked last for the sports team grew
up determined to make others
feel welcomed and wanted. The
one obsessed with music now
effortlessly tunes-in to moods
and emotions, another who faced
tragedy holds those they love a
little closer, and the friend who
always left the group belly laughing
harnesses that confidence to drive
them towards their dreams.
In a fascinating area of
psychological study, researchers
consistently trace the ways that
early experiences shape the
people we become, with biological,
sociological, and psychological
influences gradually unfolding over
the course of a lifetime (for more on
that, head to p45 where we explore
personality tests and how to use
them). On a holistic level, looking
back can help us reconnect with
our hopes and dreams, as well as
examine the challenges we’ve been
through, and the hurt we might still
be holding on to.
On p92, we share practical
activities to help you plot, and
reflect on, your life. And on p16, we
look at the peaks and troughs of
nostalgia, questioning whether this
psychological phenomenon helps
or hinders our mental health, and
asking what happens when our
lives don’t follow the trajectory we
once longed for.
The past can stir up bittersweet
feelings, which muddy the
waters when it comes to the
topic of nostalgia. We can just
as easily get caught in remorse
as we can in relish. But, recently,
I was given some advice
that completely changed my
relationship with the past: “You
can’t blame yourself for not
knowing back then what you
know now.”
Something clicked inside me,
and with that, the shame, guilt,
disappointment, hurt, frustration,
and regret that so often builds
up over a lifetime, didn’t vanish
– anyone who’s been through
anything knows it’s never that
simple – but felt manageable.
The affirmation worked because
it’s not particularly philosophical,
it doesn’t require self-belief,
hope, or even any real reflection.
It’s just a fact, it’s just the truth.
This month, I pass this wisdom
on to you. And as you journey
through these pages,
I hope they support,
touch, entertain, and
enrich you – but, most
of all, I hope they inspire
you to treat yourself
with the kindness
you deserve,
because it’s
about time.
KATHRYN WHEELER
GUEST EDITOR
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
I | @happiful_magazine

Memory lane
16 Right on time
Can harnessing a sense of nostalgia
benefit our mental wellbeing?
16
22 Child’s play
Start embracing your inner child
to excel at work
70 Piecing it together
We explore the ways jigsaw
puzzles support our mental health
89 The book of life
Meet the photographer who
captured 100 people aged 0–100
92 Plot your course
Creative activities to help you
trace, and reflect on, your life
Relationships
25 The big chat
How to tell your partner you want
to begin working with a counsellor
33 Mindful activities for couples
45 Who am I?
What do personality tests show us?
85 Keepin’ it in the family
How to navigate difficult
family relationships
Food & health
58 The taste of childhood
Tasty, nutritious recipes to
transport you back in time
74 PCOS: 10 things to know
Get to the core of this commonly
misunderstood condition
Wellbeing
14 What is media gaslighting?
Learn to spot the signs of this
sinister form of manipulation
20 Soothe strong emotions
Tap into these handy tips
34 Orthorexia explained
55 Self-harm myths
Eight misconceptions debunked
67 Sick-day guilt
Overcome the fear of calling in sick
72 Suicide awareness
What you need to know
78 Strength in numbers
What to expect from group therapy
52
Try this at home
32 September nature watch
66 Feel-good throw-back
84 De-escalate conflict
98 This month’s kindness goals

85 42
Culture
8 Good news
This month’s uplifting stories
13 The wellbeing wrap
49 Unmissable reads
64 Things to do in September
89
22
Positive pointers
28 Alternative Limb Project
Meet the woman behind the unique
and stunning prosthetics
40 Eco inspiration
42 Have you zine?
It’s your turn to create a miniature
publication to be proud of
50 Everyday romance
52 The power of laughter
We tried laughter yoga
80 Take pride in achievements
True stories
37 Jason: opening up
He felt pressure to keep it all
inside, until everything changed
61 Sheena: imperfectly me
Self-doubt ruled her life, until she
stepped into the next phase
95 Victoria: coming through
Thanks to her support system,
Victoria rediscovered the light
Expert
*
review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The experience of our past
has a huge impact on who
we are today. The past is
often explored in therapy to
allow people to work through
their experience – and, to a
degree, liberate them from
it. However, there can be
benefits to exploring the past.
For support with maintaining
our wellbeing and stability
– head over to p16. Our
experiences in the past often
inform the ‘self’ in the present.
By connecting with the past
and making sense of it, you
unlock the ability to determine
‘who you are’ in the moment.
This is very powerful, and
worth investing your time and
energy into as, ultimately, it
enables you greater control.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.

Expert Panel
Meet the team of experts providing information,
guidance, and insight throughout this issue
NIKKI EMERTON
NLP Mstr Clin HDip IEMTDip CBTDip ANLP
Nikki is an NLP master
practitioner, life coach,
and hypnotherapist.
BERNADETTE PADFIELD
Dip MBACP
Bernadette is an integrative
psychotherapeutic
counsellor.
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
NAOMI
WATKINS-LIGUDZINSKA
BSc (Hons) CF Dip Cert MBACP MACAMH
Naomi is a psychotherapist
and WCMT Churchill Fellow
for suicide prevention.
JEREMY SACHS
BA Hons Dip Couns
Jeremy is an integrative
psychotherapist who
specialises in trauma.
SASHA PAUL
Dip NNT NLP EFT CNHC NCFED
Sasha is a nutritional
therapist and eating
disorder recovery coach.
RANIA SALMAN
BSc (Hons) PgDip MBDA
Rania is a nutritionist
specialising in fertility and
chronic conditions.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach,
encouraging
confidence.
Our team
EDITORIAL
Kathryn Wheeler | Guest Editor
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer
Grace Victory | Columnist
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
Janette Owen | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
Tamyln Izzett | Graphic Designer
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager
alice.greedus@happiful.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Rosie Cappuccino, Fiona Thomas,
Caroline Butterwick, Gabby Willis, Sarah Young,
Rania Salman, Katie Conibear, Jenna Farmer,
Jason Wood, Victoria Hennison, Sheena Tanna-Shah
SPECIAL THANKS
Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Nikki Emerton,
Jeremy Sachs, Bernadette Padfield, Sasha Paul,
Naomi Watkins-Ligudzinska, Michele Scar,
Nicola Ockwell, Denise Bosque, Pam Custers,
Dee Johnson, Clare Percival
DENISE BOSQUE
D.Hyp MBSCH NLPMP EMDR LAR
Denise is a life coach,
hypnotherapist, and
mindfulness teacher.
MICHELE SCAR
BA (Hons) Dip Nut
Michele is a nutritional
therapist, health coach, and
CNN lecturer.
CLARE PERCIVAL
NLP PTLLS EMCC
Clare is a life and
executive function coach,
empowering her clients.
PAM CUSTERS
BA MA BACP
Pam is a counsellor who
specialises in supporting
relationships that thrive.
NICOLA OCKWELL
PGDip BACP
Nicola is a counsellor
with experience working
with groups.
DEE JOHNSON
Pract.Dip CBT MRSPH MBACP MNCS
Dee Johnson is a counsellor
interested in working with
individuals and groups.
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
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Find support for self-harm, and for families and friends of
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KIDS
Mindfulness could
be key to helping
kids drift off
The Uplift
Sleep is important for all of us, but
for children, it truly is the fuel that
powers their curiosity, concentration,
and playfulness – and a new study
from the Stanford University School
of Medicine has discovered a key way
kids can boost their shut-eye.
A group of ‘at-risk’ children from
low-income families took part in a
mindfulness curriculum at school.
This taught them how to relax and
manage stress by using mindfulness
techniques, without specifically
instructing them on how to get more
sleep. Teachers taught the class about
stress, how to spot it, and techniques
on how to help keep it under control.
Following the lessons, researchers
found that, on average, the children
slept 74 minutes more per night than
they had before taking part.
Although the findings can be applied
to kids from all backgrounds, working
specifically with ‘at-risk’ children
meant that researchers were able
to target what was keeping them up
at night, with principal investigator
Victor Carrión highlighting how
much more challenging it is to relax
when you don’t feel safe.
Moving forward, the study shows
that when we learn to identify the
signs of stress, we can start to tackle
it with deliberate actions – and how
a curriculum incorporating simple
mindfulness techniques could have
a much larger impact than first
thought. Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

ENVIRONMENT
Students create a buzz with bee-friendly seed launcher
A group of student designers
are sowing the seed of hope for
bees, as they tackle extinction
threats with their awardwinning
seed launcher, Sow
Beautiful.
The compact, biodegradablepackaged
creation distributes
wildflower seeds effortlessly, to
provide a source of pollen for
the declining bee population.
Four Heckmondwike
Grammar School students are
behind the innovative device,
which was awarded first place
in the annual Design Ventura
awards run by the Design
Museum, London. Tasked
with creating a product that
enhances everyday life, theirs
channels both sustainability and
ecological development.
The programme, which received
more than 15,600 entries this year,
seeks to shine a light on young
talent, encouraging participants
to gain real design experience and
enterprise skills.
Yinka Ilori – an artist, designer,
and Design Ventura 2020 brief setter
– is a keen supporter of the seed
launcher, saying: “The young people
behind me, they are the future of
the industry, the future of design.
We need to nurture that talent and
support and encourage those young
people. Let them know that you can
make a career out of design.”
The seed launcher will be available
to buy in the museum shop, with
proceeds going to a charity of the
students’ choice. While there’s
still work to be done to reverse the
decline in bees, it just goes to show
that the smallest of creations can
sprout a big change.
Writing | Katie Hoare
COMMUNITY
Hairdressers and beauticians
offered domestic abuse training
Hairdressers and beauticians
play an important role in our
communities and, in line with
news that the Office for National
Statistics recorded a 7% rise in
domestic abuse offences during
lockdown, a new programme
aiming to equip stylists with the
skills to spot the signs of abuse is
launching in UK and Irish salons.
Founded in Nashville in 2017,
by salon owner and survivor
of domestic violence Susanne
Post, the Shear Haven education
programme consists of an online
training session, followed by
a quiz and certificate – and, to
date, more than 25,000 beauty
professionals from around the
world have been trained.
Tapping into the unique role
those in the beauty industry
play in the lives of their clients,
the training hopes to equip
participants with the knowledge
to recognise the signs of domestic
violence, the skills to navigate
conversations with those who
may be in danger, and signposting
tools to help them get to safety.
With the training highlighting
the role community can play in
supporting individuals in need,
and the programme seeing
success elsewhere in the world,
salon business expert Liz McKeon
has been appointed UK and
Ireland Ambassador, with training
and local-specific helplines
available via her website. It shows
how, with the right resources,
professionals have the ability to
step in to make a real difference.
Head to lizmckeon.com
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
happiful.com | September 2021 | 9

PETS
Did lockdown
make cats more
affectionate?
For many cat owners, cuddling up
with furry friends helped them
cope during the pandemic. But how
has this affected our companions?
In the past year, more of us stayed
home than ever before, and pets
of all types were thrown by the
change in routine. A new study
from the Universities of York and
Lincoln confirms this, with results
noting that 65% of pet owners saw
a change in their pets’ behaviour
during the first lockdown in 2020.
Nearly 36% of cat owners reported
that their feline friends were more
affectionate. And most owners
noted that changes in behaviour
were positive, with 10—15% saying
their pets were more playful and
20-30% noting that they seemed
more relaxed.
Scientists suspect the change
in cats specifically being more
affectionate is likely due to humans
seeking extra contact, and their cats
seeking more… treats.
Even though the affection may be
driven more by a cat’s belly than its
heart, the benefits of contact with
our pets can’t be denied. In a 2019
survey by Cats Protection, nine out
of 10 cat owners said owning a cat
helps their mental health.
Lockdown restrictions may
be lifting, but it’s safe to say pet
cuddles are always going to be the
cat’s pyjamas.
Writing | Kat Nicholls
happiful.com | September 2021 | 11

Take 5
Thinking caps at the ready, it’s time for this month’s brain teasers
Dot-to-dot
Connect the numbers from 1–111 to reveal a throw-back image
4 7 8
1
3
11 12 15 16 19
20
22
36
2
37
5 6 9 10
13 14 17 18
21
23
34 35
24 25
How did you
do? Search
'freebies' at
shop.happiful.com
to find the answers,
and more!
33
38 39
75
41
40 72 73 74
80 79
111
76 77
110
71
32
109
108
70
107
69
106 68
88
105 67
51
104
66
52
103
65
53
102
101
64
54
100
63
55
62
56
61
57
60 58
42
59
43
89
86
87
90
83
84
85
91
92
93
82
81
94
99
95 96 97 98
45
46
78 47
48
49
50
44
27
26
31
30
29
28
Emojinary
Decipher the nostalgic film and TV shows represented with emojis

Gender neutral
emojis are coming
in 2022, along
with multiracial
handshakes
Wolf-whistling
and catcalls could
be made crimes
under proposals
for new laws
against public
sexual harassment
Japan has hired
its first Minister
for Loneliness to
tackle its mental
health crisis and
rising suicide
rates
Monthly Google
searches related
to ‘hayfever’
increased 220% in
the past 5 years
A bride recreated
her wedding at
a care home in
Bridgend for her
nan who couldn’t
attend the big day
The
wellbeing
wrap
Stub it out
Five councils in England
are kicking smoking to the
curb, in support of outdoor
eating culture. These
authorities banned smoking
on stretches of pavements
where establishments have
outdoor tables, getting
ahead of the curve with
the UK government’s bid
to become
smoke-free
by 2030.
Musician Pink offered
to pay the fines for
the entire Norwegian
women’s beach
handball team, after
they were penalised
for breaking uniform
rules which dictate
that female athletes
must wear bikini
bottoms, while the
men’s team are able
to wear shorts.
Working it out
Supporting accessibility with exercise, deaf online
fitness instructor India Morse recently created a
series of deaf-friendly videos alongside Joe Wicks,
which now feature on The Body Coach YouTube
channel. India, who runs You Lean Me Up, is
passionate about opening up exercise to anyone
who wants to be involved. What a champ!
The greatest gift
Donating an organ is a huge life decision, and a
recent study has investigated the mental impact of
this – with some heart – warming news. Published
in the British Journal of Health Psychology, the study
found that donating a kidney to a stranger had a
positive impact on mental wellbeing, with participants
reporting feeling that they’d contributed to society,
and experienced positive emotions.
A new project looks to provide sustainable
shelter for homeless people in London, as
the Salvation Army, Citizens UK, and Hill
Group team up to build 200 ‘pod homes’
over the next five years. Fully-furnished
pods will be on pockets of unused land
across the city, suitable for one person,
and highly efficient, expected to cost just
£5 per week to run. Plus, the total build is
predicted to come in under £50,000!
Grow with it
A farmer from Western
Australia is doing something
incredible to support mental
health, following a friend
taking his own life. Sam Burgess
is donating all profits from 60
hectares of his crop to mental
health charities for the rest of
his farming career. Now
that’s the root of
kindness.
Time to shell out
In a landmark case, a court in
the Netherlands has ruled that
oil company Shell is responsible
for its own and suppliers’ CO2
emissions, and must cut these
by 45% by 2030! This is the first
time a company has been legally
required to comply with the Paris
climate accords, and found liable
for its impact on climate change –
a big win for eco-warriors around
the world.
Nicola Coyle, a retired nurse
from Nottinghamshire, has set
up The Grey Muzzle Canine
Hospice, to take care of old,
abandoned, terminally ill, or
stray dogs in their final days.
Bringing the animals into her
home, Nicola tries to ensure
their tails keep wagging,
as they get to live out
their days to the fullest.
Independence day
A disabled dad has been able to take
his newborn son for a walk, thanks
to his wife Chelsie, a teacher, and a
group of her students from Maryland,
USA. Together, they designed the
WheeStroll – a special child seat which
can attach to a wheelchair, providing
much more independence for Jeremy!

What is media
gaslighting?
Are we victims of this sinister form of manipulation? With the help of a
life coach, we explore how to spot and stamp out media gaslighting
Writing | Katie Hoare Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Have you ever found
yourself confused
by guidance from a
newspaper? Listened
to a politician continuously
deny a fact when science says
otherwise? Read a news story
with scary health facts that don’t
add up elsewhere?
This type of reporting actually
has a name: media gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of
psychological manipulation
that seeks to sow seeds of doubt
in a person’s mind, making
them question their own
reality, memory, or beliefs. A
gaslighter aims to gain control
over another person, group, or
nation by trying to convince them
they’re wrong, reinforcing their
preferred narrative by repetition,
regardless of fact.
“The term is derived from
the play Gaslight (1938) which
features a husband’s systematic
psychological manipulation of
his wife,” says Nikki Emerton, a
life coach and hypnotherapist.
“This eventually leads to her
questioning her own sanity.”
So how does this translate to the
media? “In media and societal
terms, ‘gaslighting’ may be seen as
propaganda, indoctrination, or mass
brainwashing. Telling people what
to think to fit in. Creating a ‘gang
culture’ so that if you want to ‘fit in’
and be part of the gang, you must
think a certain way, no matter how
inaccurate it is,” Nikki explains.
It isn’t just about spreading
misinformation, but extends to
the deliberate act of attempting
to rewrite the narrative to control
public opinion, and refusing to
acknowledge information that
tarnishes said narrative.
Classic examples of media
gaslighting include the portrayal of
vulnerable women. When Britney
Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay
Lohan came into the limelight,
social media didn’t exist, they didn’t
get to choose how they wanted to
present to the world. The paparazzi
made the choice for them, and the
media ran with that persona.
For Britney, that persona
involved a sexualised childhood,
vilification when she embraced that
sexualisation, and her public mental
health deterioration. Lindsay was
heralded as a child star before being
blacklisted by Hollywood, as we
witnessed her multiple mugshots
being bandied around. In other
words, their only narrative was one
of damaged goods.
Doctors and scientists are
often also at the mercy of media
gaslighting when they offer an
alternative opinion or fact that
doesn’t fit with mainstream media.
They’re vilified, dismissed as
‘radical’, and even their level of
stability comes into question.
So with never-ending scope to
distribute ‘fake news’, how do you
sort fact from fiction?
How to spot gaslighting
in the media
Nikki shares five ways you can
identify when the media is using
gaslighting techniques to tell the
desired narrative...
14 | September 2021 | happiful.com

wellbeing
1. You can’t crossreference
the facts
Often, you may hear a report
and go online to source further
information. If you find it is
difficult to attain additional or
unbiased facts about it, gaslighting
tactics could be at play.
2. Information is vague,
unclear, or contradictory
The facts you’ve read often don’t
add up, leaving you questioning
what the actual message is and,
importantly, what the desired
outcome of the piece was. How
did you expect to feel upon
Nikki shares four examples
of how media gaslighting
tries to maintain control:
• Raising anxiety levels,
leading to a desire to
follow a person(s) in
authority.
• Repetition brings
retention. Information
repeated often enough
is likely to be adopted as
truth.
• Shutting down
oppositional views or
overpowering them with
one-sided views.
• Editing media to portray
a predetermined public
image that is
inaccurate.
reading the headline vs how you
feel now? Often it’s confused, and
even fearful.
3. Information is altered
Have you ever read a story, gone
back to show a friend a few
days later, and the information
is not as you remember? Did
you question if you had read it
correctly? With media gaslighting,
information is changed and
altered as time goes by without
factual evidence to support it, or
signposts to note the changes.
4. A significant
bias is present
What is reported is published for
positive gains biased towards an
individual, group, or organisation,
and not the bigger picture. This
is often seen in politics, notably
around elections.
5. You’re urged to support
the story on social media
When you read a story on
social media, are you instantly
bombarded with messages
asking you to ‘show your support’
by sharing the piece? Media
gaslighting often calls on readers
to advocate for their narratives;
asking you to share their story
suggesting you have subscribed
to an official recommendation,
that may or may not be true.
Whether you’re privy to the
gossip columns or it’s strictly
business only, we hope these tips
will put media gaslighting on
your radar, and support you to
question the unquestionable.
Nikki Emerton is an NLP master
practitioner, life coach, and hypnotherapist
specialising in helping people recover
from controlling relationships so that they
can rebuild their lives. Find out more by
visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk

For old
time’s sake
Join us as we step back in time and explore how harnessing
a sense of nostalgia can support our wellbeing
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
It’s in the scent of the perfume
your mum used to wear, it’s
mixed in with the taste of
your favourite homemade
meal, it sounds like that track
that could be heard blaring from
your teenage bedroom, and it
looks like the skyline from the
personal pilgrimages you’ve made
throughout your life. Nostalgia
creeps up on us, stirring us
emotionally, reminding us of the
places that we’ve been, and of the
journey still ahead of us.
Each of us will experience
it in different ways, but the
science is there to support this
phenomenon’s powerful force,
for all of us. More than a decade
of research from the University
of Southampton has shown
that nostalgia can counteract
loneliness, boredom, and
anxiety, as well as make us more
generous to strangers. It can
improve our relationships and,
incredibly, can even make us
feel physically warmer.
And, this past year, it appears
we’ve been pondering the past
more than ever. Spotify saw a
54% rise in listeners making
nostalgic playlists, and a Radio
Times survey found that 64%
of respondents said they’d
rewatched a series in lockdown,
with 43% watching nostalgic
shows for comfort.
So, what is it about journeying
back in time that is so soothing,
and how can we manage this
bittersweet emotion when
the past isn’t always a perfect
picture?
A trip down memory lane
From the start of lockdown,
each Sunday evening, Father Lee
Taylor – Vicar of Llangollen, in
Wales – could be found sitting
at his piano, ready for a weekly
livestream, aptly named ‘An
evening of pure nostalgia’. In a
regular singalong enjoyed by
people across the world, Father
Taylor performed hymns from
Sunday school, Victorian music
hall songs, and the songs that
“people remember hearing while
sitting on grandma’s knee”.
“At the beginning of the
pandemic, there was much
fear and uncertainty about the
future,” Father Taylor says, as
he reflects on those early days.
“Many people, especially the
elderly and vulnerable, felt they
16 | September 2021 | happiful.com

memory lane
were being plunged into the
darkness of isolation, and cut
off from the world. We all need
an anchor to give us a sense of
stability and security during
turbulent times.”
For him, music was that anchor.
“It is incredibly evocative, and
can transport us back to happier
and more certain times. It can
trigger personal memories, and it
can help us recall people, places,
and events from our past– the
memories can come flooding
back to us in an instant.”
It’s this particular power that
Father Taylor believes is the
reason why his livestreams
took off, each one garnering
comments such as, “This song
means so much to me. It has
taken me back to my childhood,” >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 17

“This has brought back so many
wonderful memories of my
grandparents”, “I haven’t sung
this for many years”.
Reminiscent of studies which
found that music has the ability
to unlock memories in dementia
patients in ways that no other
form of communication quite
can, Father Taylor’s livestreams
tapped into this unique force,
transporting singers on a journey
through time.
“I think people respond well
to nostalgia, especially through
musical memories, because it
makes us feel safe and grounded,
giving a strong sense of identity
and our formation as we look
back to our younger years,”
he explains. “It gives us that
warm and cosy feeling of being
embraced by a long-lost friend.
It can also bind us together with
others who either share our tastes
in music, or are of the same
generation as us.”
The story so far
Beyond the specific things that
trigger a fond sense of nostalgia –
such as music, photos, and foods,
to name but a few – reflecting on
our personal history can help us
to develop better insight into the
things that drive us, as well as the
hopes and dreams that we still
have for the future.
It’s something Helen Hart sees
first-hand in her role at memoir
writing service SilverWood Books.
“The past is such a personal
and important aspect of our
lives; it shapes our present,
Father Lee Taylor
allowing us to identify who
we are and how we can be
the best version of ourselves,”
she explains. “Deliberately
reflecting on the past can stir up
all kinds of emotions, but it can
be healing. Many SilverWood
authors creating a memoir enjoy
working through past events,
reliving them or sorting through
memories as they decide how
to express what they feel on the
page – and that can help them
move forward in their lives.”
Helen describes how, for some
people, writing a memoir can be
like pressing the reset button on
their lives, prompting them to dig
deep into their needs and desires.
With the help of chronological
formats, we might uncover
a newfound appreciation for
the journeys we have been
It makes us
feel safe and
grounded, giving
a strong sense of
identity and our
formation as we
look back to our
younger years
on, for the challenges we
have overcome throughout
our lives, the things that we
have lived through that, in
the end, made us stronger,
more compassionate, and fully
rounded people. We can track
our values systems that guide us
forward, and in moments where
we feel a bit lost, we can retune
into these guiding principles
that have always been with us.
Don’t look back in anger
Of course, not every journey
is straightforward, and we
haven’t always viewed the
experience of nostalgia in such
a fond light. As counsellor
Jeremy Sachs points out when
considering this point, in 17th
century Switzerland, nostalgia
was treated with opium,
18 | September 2021 | happiful.com

memory lane
leeches, and a prescribed walk
in the alps, due to its links to
melancholy and depression.
Today, if you’re about to go on a
trip down memory lane, Jeremy
recommends doing so with a
degree of caution.
“Nostalgia looks to the past,
often simplifying it and looking
at it through rose-tinted glasses.
This in itself is not a bad thing,
however people can get stuck
looking back to their past,”
Jeremy explains. “This often
happens when the pain of what
is happening in the present is too
overwhelming. This doesn’t mean
to say the past was better – rather
that nostalgia creates a false, but
reassuring, narrative that it was.”
As an example, Jeremy points
to how, in early 2020, there
was a tendency to compare the
Covid-19 crisis to the Blitz.
“In truth, Covid-19 is nothing
like the Blitz,” he says. “However,
this past experience existed in
our societal consciousness (even
if we don’t have lived experience
of it), and this comparison made
sense of something new.”
He explains how this same
concept can work on an
individual level too: reliving
times from our past can help us
confirm our idea of ourselves and
our connections, and that in turn
can make us feel safe and secure.
“As therapists, we’re constantly
moving between three time
zones: past, present, and future.
We look to the relationships in
our past in order to make sense
of current or future ones.
“However, we can get stuck in
the past, regretting past events,
and believing ‘if only things had
been different’ we could find
happiness in the present.”
Those kinds of thought spirals
can be difficult to break free of,
but the key is to spot when you
might be caught in one. Spend
some time reflecting on the
relationship you have with the
past, and ask yourself: are there
things that you need to let go of in
order to thrive in the future?
When all’s said and done
Human beings are fascinated
by the passing of time – we’ve
been recording it, celebrating it,
and predicting it since, well, the
start of time – and many of us are
sentimental creatures by nature.
But, as with anything, the past is
best served up in equal measures,
with an appreciation for the
present and the future.
Tap into this unique element of
the human experience, connect
with those you love the most,
reminisce on the things that
have brought you happiness,
and celebrate the hurdles you
overcame – while knowing that
there is still so much more to
come on the horizon.
Jeremy Sachs is an integrative
psychotherapist who specialises
in working with trauma recovery,
long-term conditions, adolescents,
and young people. Find out more by
visiting counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 19

5 ways to soothe
painful emotions
Ride the waves and tap into self-care with these tips
Writing | Rosie Cappuccino
Have you ever had an
emotion that felt ‘too
much’, or feared that
your feelings would
overwhelm you? While emotions
have an adaptive purpose – to
help us stay safe, make decisions,
communicate, and build social
bonds – there are times when
they become so strong that their
intensity hurts.
Although some people
experience intense emotions more
frequently (such as those who, like
me, have borderline personality
disorder), painful emotions are
part of being human. It is normal
to feel large amounts of emotion,
especially in response to difficult
events such as an illness, or the
death of a loved one. Here, we
take a look at five ways to soothe
painful emotions.
1. Engage your senses
“[This] is an act of mindfulness,
pausing and tuning-in to your
body, surroundings, and what
is happening in the now,” says
counsellor Dee Johnson. “It helps
with concentration skills, and
brings awareness, sharpening
your observational abilities.”
If you’re sad or anxious, try
recreating a fragrance you
associate with comfort, perhaps
spraying diluted lavender oil onto
a tissue. Experiment with looking
carefully at leaves during a walk,
and try savouring something
fresh, such as a juicy piece of fruit.
Explore textures to see what you
find soothing; prop a cushion
behind your back when you’re
writing a stressful email. Play
around with sound to see if the
chatter of the radio soothes you.
2. Delve into a story
Stories can take us temporarily
into the minds of others, and
to diverse locations, providing
a short break from whatever is
going on in our lives. For some,
stories involving crime, war, or
horror can exacerbate fear, guilt,
or sadness – so genres involving
romance, fantasy, or nature may
be more soothing options.
Undoubtedly, the cognitive
effort needed for reading a book
or processing narrative twists
can be difficult when emotions
are intense, but audiobooks of
familiar or childhood stories
may be able to offer escapism
more easily, and without any
jarring surprises. Travel vlogs on
YouTube can also be a fun way of
momentarily exploring interesting
landscapes or cities.
20 | September 2021 | happiful.com

3. The power of temperature
Have you ever felt either
uncomfortably hot or miserably
cold during times of painful
emotions? Sometimes, restoring
balance to your temperature
helps bring us closer to emotional
equilibrium. If you’re feeling
chilly, relating to deep sadness,
consider taking a warm shower,
and snuggling up with a hot water
bottle. Conversely, if you’re too
warm, maybe due to shame or
anxiety, put a damp face cloth in
the freezer and then gently rest it
over the back of your neck or your
brow. Alternatively, try soaking
your feet in a bowl of cold water,
and see if that settles you.
4. A safe place in your mind
Imagine you’re visiting a
location that makes you feel safe
and comfortable. It might be
somewhere you know well, a place
you have been to in the past, seen
in a film, or an entirely made-up
place. Some people find it tricky to
visualise a scene in great detail, so
browse Pinterest or Instagram to
gather inspiration for how it might
Painful emotions
are often
amplified by
anxious thoughts
look, feel, and sound. The more
detail you can generate, the more
vivid your mental picture will be.
As Dee explains: “Safe place
imagery [is] very helpful for
trauma and anxiety – a great
grounding technique to remind
you that you have experienced
safety, feelings are transient, and
to give a sense of control as it’s
your place to choose to go to.”
5. Make a list, and
then put the list away
Painful emotions are often
amplified by anxious thoughts
(‘what if…’, ‘I don’t know how…’),
not to mention a ‘to do’ list that
feels unmanageable. List all the
thoughts bothering you, and all
the jobs preying on your mind.
Then put the list out of view and
take a break from ruminating,
planning, or solving. When your
mind wanders to your worries
or tasks, gently tell yourself they
are safely recorded, and you will
take care of them when you’re
ready. It’s amazing how worries
can dissolve and tasks seem
more manageable once painful
emotions start to subside.
Rosie Cappuccino is a Mind Media
Award-winning blogger, and author
of ‘Talking About BPD: A Stigma-
Free Guide to Living a Calmer,
Happier Life with Borderline
Personality Disorder’.
Dee Johnson is a counsellor
interested in working
with individuals and groups.
Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 21

By the end of play
How embracing our inner-child in the workplace
can help us rediscover our passion
Writing | Fiona Thomas
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
What would you
give to turn back
the clock, and live
a day as your fiveyear-old
self? For many of us,
the life of a child looks not just
fun but easy, especially when
compared with the pressures
of adulthood. Instead of dealing
with bills, appointments, and
endless meetings, playing in the
sandbox and taking naps seems
like a far better deal.
The funny thing is, you connect
with your inner child more often
than you think. Have you ever
played a harmless prank, or
doodled to pass the time? As
humans, we need an element
of play in our lives to manage
stress and release endorphins,
and once you allow yourself to
act like a kid again, you’ll want
to do it more often.
22 | September 2021 | happiful.com

memory lane
Contrary to popular belief,
bringing playfulness to the
workplace isn’t an excuse
for employees to skive off.
It boosts productivity and
can induce a flow state; that
in-the-zone feeling when
you’re concentrating hard on
something you find challenging,
but also creatively stimulating.
A study published in The Tohoku
Journal of Experimental Medicine
found that the simple act of
laughter can mitigate the effects
of stress, strengthen teams,
and build better relationships.
Adults who prioritise play may
be able to find more happiness,
fight off depression, and lower
their risk of dementia.
Now we’re not suggesting you
surprise the team with a bouncy
castle in the office car park, but
we do have some ideas to help tap
into your inner child at work.
1. Ask questions
As an adult, you’re expected to
be the fount of all knowledge
for children. If you’ve ever
witnessed a child descend into
a ‘But, why?’ spiral, then you
know exactly what we’re talking
about. Try stepping out of your
adult role from time to time, and
lean into the fact that you cannot
possibly know everything all of
the time. Explore the idea that
it’s OK to admit you don’t have
all the answers, and instead try
asking questions to figure out a
way forward. Try posing openended
questions, such as: ‘What
seems to be the problem?’, ‘What
else do I need to know about
this?’, and ‘What’s holding you
back from succeeding?’
2. Talk to someone new
Have you ever noticed that
children are experts in making
new friends? They don’t think
twice about inviting newcomers
into their space to talk or play
games. We adults are a different
breed entirely. According to a
Try stepping out
of your adult role
from time to time,
and lean into
the fact that you
cannot possibly
know everything all
of the time
YouGov poll, just a quarter of
older Britons report having made
a friend in the past six months,
and only 18% over the age of 55
have made a new friend in the
past six years. But reaching out
to a colleague could be the ticket
to boosting job satisfaction,
because – according to a study in
Social Psychological and Personality
Science – small talk has been
shown to improve executive
functioning; the area of the brain
related to focus, prioritisation,
and organisation. The next time
you try to avoid that after-work
event, consider what your inner
child would do.
3. Gamify your tasks
Reward charts are common in
academic settings because they
are brilliant motivators to get kids
engaged in learning, but this can
be applied to modern workplaces,
too. Say you’ve got a stack of
boring paperwork to complete.
Why not split it between you and
a colleague, and whoever finishes
last has to buy the other one a
coffee? Alternatively, set yourself
a deadline and reward yourself
with lunch from your favourite
sandwich place. You could even
bring health and wellbeing goals
into work and get others involved,
trying to walk 10,000 steps every
day, or taking short meditation
breaks together.
4. Be curious
As children, we’re endlessly
curious and encouraged to make
mistakes. There isn’t a person
on Earth who learned to speak
without a whole lot of garbling
and gobbledegook beforehand.
No one figured out how to walk
without stumbling and crawling
along the way. Your inner child
chooses curiosity over ego
every time, so try to accept that
failure might occur when you
try new things. That said, having
a curious mind doesn’t have to
involve big scary challenges.
Something as simple as switching
up the time you have lunch will
offer up new experiences, such
as hearing an interesting radio
show or bumping into an old
friend. Take on that new project,
volunteer to do something you’ve
never done before, and embrace
being a beginner.
Fiona Thomas is a freelance writer
and author, whose latest book, ‘Out
of Office’, is available now. Visit
fionalikestoblog.com for more.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 23

There comes a time in your
life when you have to choose
to turn the page, write another
book or simply close it
SHANNON L ALDER
24 | September 2021 | happiful.com
Photography | Joanna Nix-Walkup

elationships
How to tell your partner
you need help
We explore how to navigate the conversation, and help you
integrate your therapeutic life into your dating life
Writing | Becky Wright
‘
I
need some professional counselling, mentoring, coaching, Part of my reluctance to tell
or something else), you may still my boyfriend I wanted to access
feel worried to say it aloud to the therapy was that it suddenly felt
person closest to you.
very serious and final. I’d been
thinking about getting support for
a while but, once I said the words
out loud to him, I knew there
would be a sense of accountability
for me to book the sessions and to
attend. And that in itself was scary.
help, but what will my
partner think? Will they
think it’s their fault? Or that
I’m being overdramatic? Will
they think it’s unnecessary?’
These are some of the questions
that went through my mind
before deciding to start therapy
sessions earlier this year.
Admitting to yourself that
you need help is a huge step
in looking after your mental
health. But, often one of the most
daunting steps in getting the
support that you need is telling
other people – especially the
important people in your life –
that you’re struggling.
As much as you should feel
proud of yourself for trying
to access help (whether it’s
Why is it hard to ask for help?
In a romantic context, people can
fear that ‘having issues’ will make
them seem less attractive. But,
according to counsellor Bernadette
Padfield, there could also be other
fears that make you feel reluctant to
tell your loved one that you want to
access professional help, including:
• They’ll feel inadequate or hurt
because you can’t discuss your
issues with them.
• They’ll feel they are responsible
for you seeking help.
• They could share this
information with others you
don’t want to tell.
Why should I ask for help?
Undeniably, the strongest
intimate connections are built
on a foundation of honesty,
mutual support, and trust. As
part of this, it’s natural to want
to discuss important aspects of
your life – including your mental
health. If you’re reluctant to talk
about this with your loved one,
ask yourself why. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 25

Do I have to tell
my partner?
You deserve to get the help you
need, but it’s important that you
feel secure and safe in having the
conversation. Here, Bernadette
lists some reasons you may not
want to tell your partner that you’re
considering professional help:
• You don’t feel safe.
• They may react violently.
• They may make it difficult
for you to access help.
• They may make life difficult
at home.
• They may try to humiliate you.
“All of these are acceptable
reasons for not telling them.
However, from a therapist’s
perspective, they all appear
to identify issues within the
relationship.”
If there are problems within your
relationship, a therapist may have
some useful advice, or you could
explore scheduling a couple’s
counselling session to help you
improve communication with
your partner.
26 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
Perhaps you’re dealing with
a painful or difficult issue and
you’re not comfortable sharing
that information with anyone
yet. “Whether or not you tell
your partner is entirely your
decision,” says Bernadette. “But,
it may be worth exploring this
with a therapist.”
Despite any worries you have
about telling your partner you
need help, there is a lot that you
could gain from talking to them.
Bernadette says it’s important
to think about how you could
benefit from opening up. “Ask
yourself ‘What is motivating
me to tell them?’, then list some
of the things you could gain by
telling them.”
For example:
• They may acknowledge
my unhappiness.
• They may be supportive/
empathetic.
• They may respect my courage.
• They may listen.
• They may offer practical help.
Remember, if you’re dating
someone seriously and you want
the relationship to progress, you
need to have hard conversations
sometimes – including letting
them know when you’re
struggling.
How do I start
the conversation?
If you’re concerned about telling
your partner that you want to
seek help for your mental health,
then remember, you don’t have
to do anything until you are
ready. Don’t put yourself under
any pressure, as this could
prevent you from accessing the
support you need.
But, when you do feel
ready, create a comfortable
environment to have that
conversation in – at a quiet
time, without distractions, when
you’re both feeling relaxed.
It’s perfectly
normal to get
upset and to feel
vulnerable
Prepare what you’d like to say
You may be feeling nervous
or emotional, so having a few
points in mind can help you
to structure the conversation.
Unless your problems are very
serious, a short explanation
about how you’re feeling and the
type of support you want to get
will be fine.
It’s perfectly normal to get upset
and to feel vulnerable. Just take
your time, and ask them to be
patient as you open up.
Say as much or as
little as you want to
If your partner wants more
information, they can ask, and
you can answer to whatever
degree you feel comfortable.
If this is the first time you’ve
discussed mental health with
your partner, it could open
a new world of conversation
between you. They may decide
to share details about their own
mental health experiences.
If your issues are deeper, a
longer discussion may need to
happen, but you don’t need to go
into this right away if you don’t
want to. You might feel more
comfortable disclosing this with
therapeutic assistance, such as
in a couple’s therapy session.
Ask for what you need
Perhaps you need practical
support. Could they help you
search for a suitable counsellor
online? Could they take you to
an appointment with your GP, or
your first therapy session?
Asking for help is a big step,
and you should do it on your
own terms. But, when you’re
ready, talking to your partner
could not only help you to
access the support you need, but
it could also help you to unlock
a whole new level of connection
within your relationship.
Bernadette Padfield is an integrative
psychotherapeutic counsellor and
a registered member of the BACP.
Find out more about Bernadette on
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 27

The perfect alternative
With a passion for promoting uniqueness, Sophie de Oliveira Barata,
founder of The Alternative Limb Project, shares her inspiration for
developing bespoke and stunning prosthetics, and why her creations
are an active invitation to see and celebrate difference
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
Founder of The Alternative
Limb Project, Sophie
de Oliveira Barata, is a
little shocked when I
congratulate her on 10 years of
her company’s existence. It’s
not something she’d realised,
she laughs, slightly baffled as to
why she hadn’t noted her own
anniversary, but as we chat it
becomes clear why this milestone
may have passed her by.
The Alternative Limb Project,
her brainchild, was established
in 2011 to create unique,
imaginative limbs that empower
the wearer, and inspire a positive
dialogue about the human body
and its differences. Her drive to
design and realise these pieces,
she confesses, keeps her artistic
brain more than busy, and she
recalls many years of working
through the night, and excited
conversations about materials
from crystals to light beams,
clocks to faux porcelain. No
wonder the years have flown by.
During this time, Sophie has
collaborated with amputees
including models, paralympians,
children, charity founders, and
ex-military personnel to create
bespoke limbs that are both
stunning to look at, and actively
draw attention to what can be
seen, rather than a part of the
body that is no longer there, or
was never present. She’s also
exhibited creations across the
world, prompting conversations
about transhumanism, body
perception, and personal
choices of limb representation
and expression.
Sophie, how did you first
become interested in
working with prosthetics?
I studied art in my early 20s,
and worked in a hospital in
my spare time. I was offered
an opportunity to help with a
medical disaster re-enactment
they were carrying out for
training, by creating realisticlooking
wounds with makeup.
The experience marked the
beginning of medicine and art
running side by side throughout
my work ever since.
I went on to study special effects
makeup at the London College of
Fashion, and I became fascinated
with the ways makeup can trick
the human eye. Shortly after
graduating, I took some work
experience at a company that
made prosthetics for amputees.
To me that was the ultimate trick
of the eye: making an artificial
limb appear convincing!
I worked there for eight years,
and was lucky enough to learn
how to make fingers and toes,
partial hands and feet, forearm
and leg covers.
How did your limb creation
practise evolve?
The process within that company
was for the prosthetist to see
clients, and then I’d create the
limb required from drawings,
measurements, and photographs.
So, I rarely met the people we
were making limbs for. However,
one of our prosthetists met with
a little girl called Pollyanna Hope
who was just 2 years old and
travelling in a pushchair when a
bus mounted the pavement and
sadly killed her grandmother,
severely scarred her mother, and
injured her, resulting in a leg
amputation.
28 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
Through insurance, she was able
to have a realistic looking leg each
year, and I was assigned to work
with her. Pollyanna had received
another limb prior to meeting me –
she’d had stickers on that and liked
the idea of something different. I
could see she was really engaged
with the process, and creating
her a bespoke leg meant she was
getting something special that said
something specifically about her.
Her family and friends were always
excited to see what was coming
next, which changed the dialogue
around her being an amputee.
Pollyanna’s leg had colourful
pictures of her family in frames
one year, Peppa Pig another, and
at one point she drew a picture of
a limb with drawers containing
special items. I was just really
inspired by Pollyanna and, from
a rehabilitation perspective, I was
deeply interested in pursuing
the personalised limb route,
and collaborating with others to
reflect who they are through the
prosthetics they chose. >>>
Image | Omkaar Kotedia
happiful.com | September 2021 | 29

How did The Alternative Limb
Project come about?
I had an unwavering passion
for what I’d started with
personalising limbs, and I
realised it was fulfilling a deep
artistic desire within me, as
well as reflecting the unique
personalities of the people who
wore them.
I started to look for amputee
models to create with, and I
found artist Viktoria Modesta,
who was on the front cover of
Bazaar magazine, with her leg to
one side and her stump on show.
In her article, she explained how
she chose to have an amputation,
despite being warned against it,
because she had a withered limb
and had encountered problems
because of that. She shared that
after the amputation she’d never
looked back. Her boldness and
beauty really spoke to me, the
way in which she claimed control
over her body.
Viktoria and I spoke, and she
expressed that she saw how a
prosthetic limb could be playful
and an accessory, rather than
something that’s purely functional.
We began to collaborate, and
together we created the sensational
leg she wore to dance as an
Ice Maiden for the Paralympic
Ceremony in 2012, covered in
Swarovski crystals. She wanted
to focus on being an amputee,
and to make a point of having an
alternative, beautiful limb.
Around this time, I also worked
with Priscilla Sutton on the Spare
Parts exhibition, which turned
pre-loved prosthetic limbs into
modern works of art, Kiera Roche
who is the chairperson for Limb
Power, and with British swimmer
and amputee Jo-Jo Cranfield. And
all of that was the beginning of
The Alternative Limb Project.
How has your work evolved
in the past 10 years since the
company began?
As time passed, our creations
were getting more and more
interest from museums and
galleries. Now, by exhibiting the
limbs I co-create, I’ve realised
they have the ability to start
and extend wider conversations
around bodies, prosthetics,
individual personalities, art,
medicine, and science.
Images (left to right) | Omkaar Kotedia, Channel 4, R. Williams, Lukasz Suchorab
30 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
To continue this work, I
often use money generated to
collaborate with amputees on the
development of a piece they own,
in return for being the inspiration
and model for a copy of that limb
to go on public display.
Recently I made a leg for a
beautiful champion pole dancer
– a man in his 50s who I sought
out for a collaboration. Initially
he thought that an alternative
limb might be cumbersome but,
after a conversation, we created a
tattooed leg with a hoof that clips
onto the pole, with a sculpture
on the back that spins as he does,
adding another feature to his
phenomenal performances.
What impact do your
alternative limbs have on
people’s outlooks?
From the beginning, the people
who came to me said they
wanted a limb that would be
seen. One lady I met was born
without her arm just below
her elbow, and she shared how
people might not notice this
as they began a conversation
with her but she would clock
the moment that they did, and
it was awkward. For her, having
an alternative piece was a way of
non-verbalising that difference
while speaking volumes, as she
was actively inviting people to
see her chosen limb.
Another gentleman who lost
his leg while he was in the
military explained how he was
surrounded by amputees when
he was in service, but when
he returned to civilian life that
wasn’t the case, and people stared
at him constantly. We worked
together because he wanted to
give people something to really
look at, in a playful way and one
that was positive for him. After
we fitted his alternative limb, his
whole body stance changed. He
was completely empowered. It
was just incredible to witness.
Find out more at altlimbpro.com
and @thealternativelimbproject
happiful.com | September 2021 | 31

September nature watch
This autumn, tune-in to the world around you
Squirrels hunker
down for winter
Blackberry picking
British hedgerows and
bushes will be ripe for
the picking, with juicy
blackberries coming to
fruition this month. Harvest
these tasty treats for home
baking and snacking. Make
sure to stay on the path, and
pick berries from at least
one metre above the ground.
At this time of year, squirrels
begin to hoard food for the
coming cold months. If you’re
happy to welcome these fluffytailed
creatures into your garden,
unsweetened and unsalted
peanuts, hazelnuts, walnuts, and
almonds will go down a treat.
Swallows and house
martins head south
Between September and
October, both swallows
and house martins will be
preparing to fly the nest, as
they leave the UK and head
south for winter.
Deer watching
Autumn is the deer rutting
season, where stags clash
heads as they seek to secure
the perfect mate. Living both
in the wild and on private land,
rutting deer can be dangerous
and unpredictable, so if you’re
interested in watching this
spectacle for yourself, the
safest option is to find an
organised group near you.
Conker season
Falling from horse chestnut
trees from August to October,
conkers may take you on a
nostalgic trip straight back to
your childhood. But there’s
more to them than the classic,
game. Conkers are thought to
keep spiders away – and you
can even use them as a natural
washing detergent as they
contain saponin, a substance
used around the world to
clean clothes.
32 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
It takes two
Spend some quality time together, with these
five mindful activities for couples
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Offer a sensual massage
You don’t have to be a master
masseuse to take your partner
on a relaxing mind and body
journey. YouTube has a huge
selection of tutorials for basic
massage techniques that you can
try out. Just remember, take it
slow, keep it simple, and tune-in
to what works for your partner.
Create a shared vision board
Vision boards are all about
putting together a picture of the
future that you want. What’s the
next step in your relationship?
Perhaps there’s an experience
you always wanted to try
together, a project you want to
undertake, or maybe there are
big life milestones waiting for you
just around the corner, such as
buying a house, or heading into
retirement. Whatever it is, get
creative and visualise your future
on the board.
Spend time in
nature together
Tuning-in to the sensations of
the natural world around us can
transform our mindset – and
getting back to your roots with
your partner by your side makes
it all the more rewarding. Do you
have a favourite spot that has a
special meaning to you? A view
that takes your breath away? Or a
route you have fond memories of
walking together? Tie your laces
and head on out.
Declutter your space
It may sound more like a chore
than an exercise in mindfulness,
but you could be surprised at
how cleaning and tidying can
help us to switch off and unwind.
Choose an area of your home
you want to focus on. If your aim
is to declutter, take a moment
to consider each item you come
across – does it have a particular
meaning to you? Does it spark
any emotions? And once you’re
done, you can both relax in a
fresh, clean environment.
Couples yoga
When you think of ‘couples yoga’,
your mind may automatically
go to the acrobatic feats often
shared online. But, in reality,
couples yoga can be done at any
level, and is much more about
tuning-in to each other’s bodies,
aligning your breath, and finding
support in your partner, than it
is about pulling off impressive
shapes. Search on YouTube for
free introductory videos.
happiful.com | Month 2021 | 33

Ask the experts: orthorexia
Nutritional therapist and eating disorder recovery coach
Sasha Paul answers your questions on orthorexia
Read more about Sasha Paul on nutritionist-resource.org.uk
Q
I’ve heard the
term orthorexia
being used,
but I’m not sure what
it means – can you
explain it?
A
Orthorexia is a word used
to describe an unhealthy
obsession with healthy eating.
What often starts out as a wellintentioned
health goal, can
become a serious problem that
affects all areas of a person’s life.
Those experiencing orthorexia
tend to follow rigid food rules
around what they ‘should’ or
‘shouldn’t’ eat – and, over time,
the number of foods they allow
in their diet can reduce. It is very
common for those with orthorexia
to spend a lot of time thinking
about food, and to feel a
significant amount of distress
if the foods they deem to be
healthy are not available.
Although healthy eating is not
a problem as such, it’s when
the pursuit for health stops
being about balance, that
things can start to tip towards
unhealthy.
Q
My relationship
with food feels
unhealthy,
but I’m not sure what
to do about it. How
do I know if I need
professional help?
A
Recognising a potential
breakdown in your
relationship with food is an
incredible step. My ethos is that
if your relationship with food is
affecting your life in any way,
then you are absolutely right
to seek out support. And the
sooner you reach out, the better!
The next step is to find a
practitioner who specialises in
this area, so that you receive the
right support for your journey.
I strongly believe that eating
problems require a holistic
approach that incorporates
work on understanding nutrition,
shifting unhelpful thought
patterns, and emotional
support. Together, this can
change your relationship with
food for years to come.
Many health professionals
will offer you a complimentary
initial call, where you can
ask about their approach
to this problem and if they
have experience in this area.
This is also an opportunity
for you to make sure that you
feel comfortable with the
practitioner.
Nutritionist Resource is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

wellbeing
Top tips for those struggling with orthorexia:
Q
I’m trying to eat
healthier at the
moment, and am
finding myself thinking
about food a lot. Is it
possible to take healthy
eating too far?
A
It’s wonderful to hear that
you are considering your
health. However, if you are
starting to think about food a lot,
it may be time to shift your focus
from health to balance.
When we focus on healthy
eating, often we restrict the foods
we really enjoy. This increases
our thoughts around these foods,
and makes them more desirable.
In many cases, it is far healthier
to take an intuitive approach
to nutrition, where we focus on
nourishing the body as well as
allowing ourselves the foods we
enjoy – satisfying both our wants
and needs.
It can also be helpful to consider
if what you are eating is enough
for you. This is important because
one of the direct effects of undereating
is increased thoughts
around food.
1. Create a supportive
environment for yourself.
This may include spending
more time with people who
have a balanced relationship
with food, leaving triggering
environments, and following
supportive accounts on
social media.
2. Keep focused on your
motivation for recovery – your
‘why’. List all the reasons why
you want to recover – think
about what making peace
with food will bring you. Next,
create a vision board inspired
by your list, so you can wake
up ready to take on the day.
3. Get the right support.
Working with an expert will
arm you with the tools and
support to break free from
the problem. Take the time
to choose someone who
specialises in this field, and
can support you with the
different aspects of recovery.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 35

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36 | September 2021 | happiful.com

true story
Bringing the walls down
Following the deaths of both his parents, Jason felt immense
pressure to be ‘the man of the house’, and to bottle up his emotions.
But, with time, he discovered the healing power of vulnerability
Writing | Jason Wood
What is your most vivid childhood
memory? Mine is from 15 May
1997. It was a chilly spring day
in Chicagoland. The sky was
painted an abstract portrait of greys, whites, and
yellows. The home, where glorious memories
were once made, had now been converted
into a makeshift hospice. My dad, my hero,
lay in a hospital bed, drifting in and out of
consciousness. He had only been sick for a few
months, but the end was near. The cancer had
ravaged his body, much like how this event
would eat away at me for years to come.
I arrived home from school and came to his
bedside. I was able to hold his hand one last time
as he whispered, “I love you, Jason.” His body,
yellow from jaundice, looked like a fragment of
the man I once knew. This was my last memory
with him. He breathed his final breath a few
minutes later, and life changed forever. That
is the memory that defines my childhood. It
quickly trumped the joyful ones of holidays and
fishing trips. My hero, my innocence, and my
naivety died that day.
“You’re the man of the house now,” he said
just a few weeks prior, as Mom and I left the
hospital. At 11-years-old, I needed to take care
of Mom, who was chronically ill herself. My
childhood was over. I needed to be an adult.
The top priority was making sure Mom would
be OK. To do so, I put up a front. I began to
mask my inner fears and feelings because
I could not appear weak. I started to lose
touch with who I was, but chalked it up to just
growing up under special circumstances.
Fast forward to 2005, and it felt like my life
was a terrible rerun. Mom, my last pillar, slept
in a hospital room full of beeping machines
and rattled breathing. After two successful
battles with cancer, she was about to lose
this one. I was only 19 – what the hell was I
supposed to do? I was not prepared to be an
adult yet. The wounds from Dad’s death were
still fresh.
I held her frail hand, she reminded me to let
the dog out, and then she joined Dad. I was
alone, really alone. My siblings had turned on
me. They seemed like the enemy now. There
was an age gap in our family, and I was the
youngest by 15 years. They did not approve of
my new party lifestyle. I didn’t approve either,
but it was the only way to feel somewhat my
age and escape the pain I felt.
I faced eviction, arrest, a nasty estate battle,
and a few dead-end jobs in the aftermath. I felt
broken, I felt useless, but above all, I hurt. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 37

I had lost my parents. My childhood memories
felt tarnished. Meanwhile, the rest of my
friends were living their best lives at college
while I struggled to survive.
Did I ask for help? Did I let others into
my world of pain and inner turmoil? No! I
needed to stay ‘the man of the house’. Act
tough, put on a brave face, and impress
others with my resilience. I turned to alcohol
a lot. It temporarily numbed the pain. I was
that obnoxious, loud friend, always up for
another beer. I lied to myself that this is who
I was and wanted to be.
In 2010, I met my future husband, my knight
in shining armour. I could never understand
why he loved me or wanted to be with me.
I felt like I wasn’t worthy of him, and that
he could do so much better than me. As
such, I only allowed him to see the tip of the
iceberg of my pain. I feared that my complete
openness might chase him away. I had already
lost too much to lose again.
This hurt eventually turned into anger. My
perspective soured as the years went along.
I was bitter at the world, at my family, at life
I began to embrace vulnerability;
I felt empowered each time I let
my guard down
for handing me this unfair deck of cards. My
loving relationship with my husband grew tense.
Bickering progressed into arguments and tears,
usually as a result of my abusive relationship
with alcohol. I turned to beer to escape my pain
and insecurities, while still masquerading as a
happy-go-lucky guy.
In 2020, I bottomed out. My weight and selfrespect
reached an all-time low. My drinking
and frustration hit an all-time high. My husband
expressed his concerns, and in this moment of
weakness, something awoke in me. He opened
my eyes to the pain and hurt in my childhood,
and the damage I was doing to myself now.
He recognised my pain and, in a move of
independence, I did too. I realised I was broken.
I ached. I needed help. The following Monday,
I called my doctor and started my road to
recovery. I began working through personal
issues with my therapist, who helped me better
understand my anxious and OCD thoughts, thus
enabling me to address my disordered eating.
38 | September 2021 | happiful.com

true story
We talked about how I never had a chance to
eulogise my parents, my jealousy about never
having a normal childhood, the pain of losing
my family, and how the fallout from the estate
battle left the good memories tarnished.
My therapist helped me open up and face
problems I didn’t know I had. In turn, I began
to embrace vulnerability; I felt empowered
each time I let my guard down. I found the
strength to take the upper hand with my eating
disorder, to cope with the pain I buried away. I
reconnected with the parts of me I always loved.
I remembered who I was before life’s vicious
attacks commenced.
I’ve always enjoyed writing, and found this as
my outlet to speak my truths. Through writing,
I learned that ‘the man of the house’ can show
vulnerability. That does not equal weakness
but, instead, it shows love for himself and those
around him. I can be honest with myself now,
with my husband and with my friends. I broke
free from the chains of my eating disorder, my
insecurities, and the hurtful memories.
Vulnerability is defined as the state of being
exposed to the possibility of being attacked or
harmed, either physically or emotionally. All
along, I was the one doing the attacking and
harm to myself by not allowing myself to share
my struggles. I am now on a mission to help
others live their best lives, just like I am finally
doing after two decades of inner hell.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Jason’s inspirational story provides insight into
how difficult life events at an early age
can have a damaging impacting our self-esteem.
The trauma Jason experienced was evidently
very challenging, and he used alcohol to cope.
However, over time, with a supportive husband
and access to therapy, Jason was able to
work through his past and challenge the
stigma of what it means be a man.
Jason is living proof that men
can be vulnerable, and this is a
true sign of strength.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
happiful.com | September 2021 | 39

Vision for the future
10 incredible innovations changing the world for the better
Writing | Rebecca Thair
When it comes
to saving the
planet, there are
countless people
and organisations achieving
astounding things – and yet we
often don’t even know about
them. Here, we’re celebrating
10 fantastic eco-feats that are
worth shouting about.
A fashion brand in Kuching,
in Malaysia, is breathing new
life into old food delivery
bags for a good cause. Neng
Kho Razali repurposes
‘Grab Food’ delivery bags
into school bags, which
are donated to orphanages
across the country.
By utilising an enzyme
found in red blood
cells, scientists from the
Worcester Polytechnic
Institute, Massachusetts,
have created ‘self-healing’
concrete – four times more
durable than traditional
concrete, that reacts with
CO2 to repair cracks in itself
before they become bigger
structural problems.
1
2
3
A team of engineering students from Quebec’s University of
Sherbrooke has developed a ‘beach vacuum’ to collect and separate
microplastics, which are extremely damaging to our ecosystem,
from sand. The Hoola One can process about three gallons of sand
per minute, and could be key to cleaning up beaches.
4
For those eager to explore
the world once again, as
soon as restrictions allow,
using the site ecohotels.com
not only gives you a range
of sustainable property
options, but also for every
booking made through the
website, it plants a tree to
increase reforestation.
40 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
Dutch artist and innovator
Daan Roosegaarde has
created an award-winning
world-first with his smog
vacuum cleaner. The
tower (7 metres tall) takes
in polluted air, cleans it
through ionization, and
then releases it again – and
is able to clean up to 30,000
m3 of air each hour!
5
8
A piece of plastic can only
be recycled two or three
times, which prompted
Nzambi Matee to come up
with a longer-term solution.
She started a social enterprise
called Gjenge Makers, which
turns waste plastic into
bricks, able to withstand
twice the weight of concrete
blocks. And the best part?
Every day her factory recycles
about 500kg of plastic,
producing 1,500 bricks, and
providing jobs to those from
marginalised communities.
In 2020, Waitrose began
using a fleet of eco-friendly
delivery vans, which run on
biomethane (a sustainable
alternative to fossil fuels).
Given the volume of carbon
emissions delivery vehicles
are responsible for, these
green machines could gear us
up for a brighter future.
6
7
Coral reefs are a natural, sustainable way to protect coastlines from
erosion, but rising water temperatures and bleaching due to acidity
are killing off this protective ecosystem, with 50% of the world’s
reefs already destroyed.
To counter this, CCell Renewables is utilising wave-generated
electricity to grow artificial reefs faster than they would naturally,
to protect vunerable coastal communities and support marine life.
A 3D mesh, called CloudFisher,
is capable of converting fog into
safe drinking water, or water
to irrigate agriculture. Able to
withstand high wind speeds, the
mesh can be made in various sizes
depending on the need, and could
be a game-changer for those living
in coastal areas or the mountains.
Solar glass technology might be the next big thing, with several
companies developing their own versions. One start-up from San
Francisco claims its transparent solar cells, which layer over glass,
convert ultraviolet and near-infrared light to electricity, while
allowing visible light through. Efficiency is being worked on, but it’s
believed this tech could be cheaper than solar panels, with a range of
applications – from the windows of our homes, to car windshields.
9
10
happiful.com | September 2021 | 41

Zine better days
Something on your mind? Why not produce, publish, and
distribute your own magazine about it? All that creativity is
therapeutic, empowering, and fun
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
Lots of us love getting
creative, as a way
of supporting our
wellbeing and
expressing ourselves. And
alongside more notable artistic
outlets, such as painting and
poetry, is the world of zines.
In his fascinating book on zine
culture, Notes from Underground,
author Stephen Duncombe
defines zines as “non-commercial,
non-professional, smallcirculation
magazines which their
creators produce, publish, and
distribute by themselves”.
Zines often contain a mix
of materials: poetry, collage,
sketches, first person reflections,
advice pieces, photos, lyrics –
anything the maker feels like
including. There’s no set way to
produce them either, as zines
may be handmade, with items
glued or drawn directly on to the
pages, photocopied, or created
entirely digitally.
Some people make zines just
for themselves, or as gifts for
friends. Others print copies
to distribute more widely.
Increasingly, zines are available
to view or buy online on
platforms such as Etsy.
For decades, zines have been
used to share interests and
experiences, from the science
fiction zines of the 1930s to the
Riot Grrrl zines popular in the
90s. They can be on literally any
subject: there are zines available
on everything from The Tiny
Little Book of Bunny Behaviour to
Doing Stuff Outside – a guide for
anxious autistics.
Being self-published, zines are
a place where we can control
the content. This makes them
perfect for sharing a diverse
range of experiences, such as
experiences of marginalised
communities.
“We don’t need to fit into anyone
else’s framework or rules when
we have creative outlets such as
zines,” explains counsellor Jane
Fellowes. “If we feel passionate
about sharing a part of our
identity or story, we can then
express this in a creative way.
This gives us space to tell our
own story in a way of our own
choosing, not someone else’s.
There is great therapeutic value
in telling our story, and in this
being welcomed and accepted
by others.”
Mental health is a common
theme in contemporary zines.
Author and journalist Erica
Crompton started Hopezine after
losing two childhood friends to
suicide. “I wanted to use my own,
and others’, experiences to give
hope to all people feeling low or
suicidal,” she says. Erica publishes
Hopezine quarterly, and it includes
a combination of articles, short
stories, poetry, and artwork.
“I’ve always believed that
writing can help us process
difficult feelings,” Erica explains.
She also sees Hopezine as an
opportunity to give a voice to
her friends and colleagues, who
may sometimes be overlooked by
more traditional forms of media.
42 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
The value in zines as a space
for marginalised voices is a
sentiment shared by professional
artist Deborah Rogers. Deborah
is the founder of participatory
arts organisation The Cultural
Sisters, and ran a project with the
YMCA encouraging participants
to make zines.
“Zines can help provide a
voice to someone who might
feel voiceless,” Deborah says.
“Self-publishing is extremely
empowering, and this is where
zines came and grew from.”
Zines are one of my favourite
creative activities. I find it
cathartic to have this space
where I can write candidly about
my experience of disability and
mental ill-health. One of the
great things about zines is how
you can use different artistic
techniques. On one page I can
include a poem, on another a
collage of words taken from
doctors’ notes, rearranged
to reflect and subvert how
alienating these notes can feel.
“I feel zines allow us to
thoroughly explore an issue, each
page looking at it from another
angle, using a different material
or technique, to look at the issue
differently,” explains Deborah.
“Zines allow us to create
something as unique as we are,”
says counsellor Jane. “They
are a form of free expression,
where parts of ourselves can
be explored creatively, and
presented with freedom and
choice.”
I’ve also made zines as gifts
for friends, the pages full of
things meaningful to us. Many
people share their zines more
widely. Erica posts print copies
of Hopezine to friends and family,
and then around 700 PDFs go
out to her colleagues, past and
present. She also sells them on
her Etsy shop, and archives them
on Hopezine.com.
The power of zines comes, too,
from their ability to connect
communities. “Zines can help
you feel listened to and valued,”
Deborah says. “They can help
link people together, or be a voice
to the community.”
Zines are a feature of many
subcultures because of this
ability to connect people. It can
be really validating to read a zine
that resonates with your own
experience. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 43

Zines allow us to create
something as unique as we
are. They are a form of free
expression, where parts of
ourselves can be explored
creatively, and presented
with freedom and choice
“They provide us with something
to focus on which will be of
interest and value to others, which
can give us a sense of purpose
and meaning,” explains Jane.
“Creativity provides an outlet for
us to explore, be, and express our
true selves.”
Visit hopezine.com
MAKE YOUR OWN ZINE
A good way to start is to decide
what you want your zine to be
about. Try thinking of a theme,
such as ‘living with anxiety’ or ‘my
favourite family recipes’. Consider
if it is a project for yourself, a
gift, or do you like the idea of
distributing it?
Zines can contain a range of
creative techniques. One of my
favourites is using ‘found objects’:
items we are all surrounded by.
This can be newspaper cuttings,
old train tickets, receipts –
anything goes! These can be kept
whole or arranged into collages.
If you feel stuck, try “free
writing”. Take 10 minutes to sit
with your notebook and write. You
could use a key word or phrase
that summarises the theme for
your zine as a starting point.
Maybe you have illustrations or
photos you’d like to include? Lists
are also great to use.
It could be music
you’re listening to,
places you want to
visit, stereotypes
you want to challenge, or your
ambitions.
The other consideration is how
you will put it together. I like
using quality A4 paper folded into
an A5 booklet. Once it’s done,
and I’ve made any photocopies, I
staple these in the middle. I once
used thread to bind it – which
looked beautiful, though sewing
paper is time consuming and
fiddly! There are also various
paper-folding techniques, with
lots of guides available online.
Plus you can create zines
electronically. Erica’s Hopezine is
a great example of this, and she
provides both PDF and printed
versions of the finished work.
You could, like Erica, collaborate
with others. Do you have friends
who write poetry, or create
artwork? Some zine creators post
callouts for contributions online.
This is a great way of bringing
together diverse voices around a
theme, again building the sense of
community.
There is no right way to make a
zine, so relax, and enjoy creating
something that’s personal and a
perfect space for exploring your
experiences.
44 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
Takin’ it
personally
INFJ, type 2 – ‘the helper’, high agreeability… There are lots of personality tests
out there, each promising to give us more insight into the people we are. But
what do the results really mean, and how can we use their findings?
Writing | Kat Nicholls
As humans, something
that sets us apart
is how unique we
are. Like snowflakes
under a microscope, we all have
different patterns – of behaviour,
preferences, and responses –
which form who we are as a
whole. This can be thought of as
our personality.
Each personality is different,
formed in a certain way
depending on how and
where you grew up, among
countless other factors. But,
in between the differences,
there are similar patterns to
be found. Certain traits seem
to sit together neatly, and this
is what personality tests look
for – clusters of traits that form
alongside one another to create
a personality ‘type’.
Helping us to recognise our
particular patterns, personality
tests were first used in the
workplace and by psychologists.
These days, a quick Google for
‘personality test’ will throw up
numerous results, with various
tests promising to help you
uncover who you ‘truly are’.
As these types of tests are
self-reported – you are the
one answering the questions
– and not always put together
with evidence at their core, it’s
important to take the results with
a pinch of salt. These tests are a
fun and engaging way to learn
about your personality, but they
don’t dictate who you truly are.
So, should we bother with
personality tests, and how can we
use the knowledge we gain from
them in our everyday life? Let’s
start by looking at some of the
major tests you may come across.
>>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 45

The Enneagram of personality
9
Peacemaker
Challenger
8
1
Reformer
MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE
INDICATOR (MBTI)
It’s estimated that more than two
million people take the MBTI
test every year, so it’s likely you’ll
spot it when searching for a
personality test to try. Created
by mother and daughter team
Katharine Briggs and Isabel
Myers, the test is based on Carl
Jung’s theory of personality,
and looks at the following four
dimensions:
1. Attitudes: extraversion or
introversion. This is about how
people regain their energy
(introverts do so with internal
reflection, extroverts do so
by reflecting outwards with
others), and whether or not
someone is thought-oriented
or action-oriented.
2. The perceiving function:
sensing or intuition. This
identifies whether or not a
person perceives using their
five senses, or their intuition
3. The judging function: thinking
or feeling. This is about how
a person makes a decision,
either with rational thought or
using empathic feeling
4. Lifestyle preferences: judging
or perceiving. This reveals
how a person primarily relates
to the world, either through
their perceiving function, or
their judging function.
Enthusiast
7
Loyalist
6
Investigator
5
When you take the test, you’ll
see your combination of these
factors, and be given one of
16 different personality types
such as ESTP (extraverted,
sensing, thinking, perceiving)
or INFJ (introverted, intuition,
feeling, judging). You can then
learn more about common
characteristics of this type,
and see if you recognise
yourself in the description.
NEO PERSONALITY
INVENTORY-REVISED
(NEO PI-R)
Created by Paul T Costa, Jr.
and Robert R McCrae in the
70s, this test started life as a
way to investigate age-related
changes in personality. The
most recent version of the
test, NEO PI-R, looks at six
4
Individualist
3
2
facets of what’s known as the ‘big
five’ personality traits:
1. Neuroticism
2. Extraversion
3. Openness to experience
4. Agreeableness
5. Conscientiousness
Helper
Achiever
Today the test is typically
used during recruitment and
employment, to help maximise
the productivity of a workforce.
THE ENNEAGRAM
Inspired by ancient traditions,
the Enneagram (coming from the
Greek words ‘ennea’, meaning
nine, and ‘grammos’, a written
or drawn symbol) was brought
to the 20th century in 1915, by
philosopher and teacher George
Gurdjieff. Over time, other
46 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
Self-awareness is a
key part of personal
development – it’s
how we grow
psychologists added personality
types to the diagram, integrating
it with modern developments in
the psychology field.
When you take the test, your
result will be a number between
one and nine, which represents
an Enneagram type such as ‘the
helper’, ‘the enthusiast’, or ‘the
challenger’.
SHOULD I TAKE A TEST?
If you’re interested in learning
more about yourself, and having
a little fun on the way, why not?
Self-awareness is a key part
of personal development – it’s
how we grow. There are lots of
activities you can do to support
this, including journaling and
meditation, and you can consider
a personality test the cherry on
top of your self-awareness cake.
WHAT TO DO WITH
YOUR TEST RESULTS
Read up on your result and see
how much of it resonates with
you. Some tests will give detailed
report, and tell you more about
how your personality type affects
your relationships, work-life, and
even what motivates you.
Use this information to note
the strengths, weaknesses, and
behavioural patterns you tend to
fall into. Having this insight can
help you adjust accordingly to
work with your personality type,
not against it. For example, if you
learn you are more introverted,
you can factor this into your
lifestyle and make room for solo
reflection to rebuild energy.
You could also ask loved
ones to take the same test and
compare results. Knowing each
other’s personality types can
open the door for more honest
communication. Encouraging
colleagues to take the test could
also be incredibly valuable. It
may reveal how you can work
better together as a team, as you
understand each other’s needs
and ideal working environments.
With all this in mind, it’s worth
noting that as we grow and
change, our personalities can too.
Try taking the same test every
few years, and see if you notice
any differences.
The more we know ourselves,
the more we build self-trust.
This paves the way for self-belief
and the confidence to go for
what we truly want in life. So, a
personality test in itself may not
be life-changing, but what you do
with the results could be.
If you’re keen to explore personal
development more, why not work
with a life coach? Learn more and
find the right coach for you at
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 47

WELLBEING
BY THE LAKES
FESTIVAL
8-12 TH SEPTEMBER 2021
10AM-6PM DAILY | DORSET
Set at the inspirational Sculpture by the
Lakes, Wellbeing by the Lakes is 5 day festival
dedicated to wellbeing, exploring what it means
to be mindful and live well in today’s world.
Yoga . Fitness . Pilates . Breathwork . Qoya . Sound Healing
Expert Talks . Guided Meditations . Delicious Food . Art Gallery
Award-Winning Gardens . Marketplace . Massage & Healing Therapies
DAY TICKETS £12.50* | WWW.WELLBEINGBYTHELAKES.CO.UK
*Excludes bookable activities. Please see website for more information. Please note no children under 14 (including babies) or dogs are permitted on site
BOOK
NOW
Our partners:
Wellbeing by the Lakes - Sculpture by the Lakes, Dorchester, Dorset DT2 8QU
48 | August 2021 | happiful.com

culture
Happiful reads...
Happiful reads...
From ways to spice up your favourite noodle recipes to uplifting
stories, we share four books you won’t want to miss this month
Writing | Chelsea Graham
Grief can come as a
shock, and it can be
difficult to know how
move forward. When
Amy loses her mum, she realises
she has now become the ‘woman
of the family’. While navigating
her feelings, she also begins to
work her way through learning
the skills her mother never got a
chance to teach her.
Amy comes to realise that
she doesn’t know how to keep
the peace between her feuding
aunts, or how to react when
her dad makes lasagne for an
unknown woman. Uplifting,
relatable, and honest, Amy
Lavelle’s novel will resonate
with anyone who has ever
experienced the loss of someone
close to them, or who has had
Definitely Fine
by Amy Lavelle
Out now
to navigate challenging and
important life moments without
the person who had, before,
always been there to guide them.
Must reads
Book covers | amazon.co.uk
Bowls & Broths
by Pippa
Middlehurst
2 September
Once a cancer
research
scientist, and
now a cook
and author, Pippa Middlehurst is
a keen advocate for building the
noodle bowl from the bottom up.
Sharing recipes for heart-warming
broths, fiery noodle bowls, and
crunchy toppings, Pippa has a
recipe for every craving. She
believes it’s important to offer
accessible recipes that can be
adapted for each reader, and so
creates options with each dish.
Patience by
Victoria Scott
Out now
The Willow’s
youngest
daughter,
Patience, has
Rett syndrome
– meaning she is trapped in her
own body – forcing her family to
make all of her decisions on her
behalf. An extraordinary story
of love, hope, and dilemma,
Patience is a heart-wrenching
tale of parents given the chance
to cure their child’s disease, and
who must to decide whether
a seemingly impossible risk is
worth the reward.
A Book of Secrets
by Derren Brown
2 September
Having previously
written a book all
about happiness,
Derren now
explores why this
may not be our only successful
route to finding value. He delves
into the idea that maybe there
is something to be found in our
frustrations, and in uncertainty.
A deep dive into history, his own
experiences, and the opinions of
others, this book is a wonderful
exploration of how we can find
compassion and consolation in
surprising places.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 49

How to find romance
in the everyday
See the world around you in a new light with these
tips for introducing romance into your day
Writing | Gabby Willis
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Not just something
connected to love and
relationships, romance
can be as simple as harnessing
feelings of mystery, excitement,
exoticism, and appreciation of the
day-to-day things that make life a
pleasure to experience.
Deeply connected to gratitude
and self-love, harnessing the
romance of the everyday can be
the perfect foundation for lifting
our spirits, and self-soothing
when life has been a little rough.
We’ve all experienced throwing
open the curtains to bask in warm
rays of sunshine that flood into a
previously cool and dark room,
and it’s time to tap into that
feeling more.
Danielle Thornton-Walker, a
life coach at Danielle Louise
Coaching, says: “The love that we
feel for anything comes from us
– so if the inside of you is a soft,
sunny space, it’s going to radiate
from the outside too.”
Whether you find romance in
the smell of fresh laundry
and new books, or
50 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
the rush you get when listening to
your favourite song in the car with
the windows down, here are five
ways you can find and harness the
romance of the everyday to make
your own, and others’, lives better.
1. BE PRESENT IN
THE MOMENT
Danielle encourages you to take
some time to immerse yourself
into the present moment. Just like
being in love, being wrapped up
in a moment – as if nothing else
matters – does wonders for our
wellbeing.
As Danielle explains, when you
tune-in to the simple things, and
get real joy from them, your brain
floods your body with oxytocin,
serotonin, and dopamine – ‘happy’
hormones that make you feel alive
and at peace.
2. PRACTISE GRATITUDE
Starting, and/or ending, your day
with gratitude can also help you
remain present and in love with
the moment. Danielle says: “You
can’t be practising gratitude and
feel angry, or shame, or jealousy,
or any of those uncomfortable
feelings. Practising gratitude
brings in all the joy, the
love, the hope, and the
optimism, and raises your
emotional vibration.”
You might be grateful for
the taste of your favourite
food, or the soothing sound of
heavy rain. You could have a bad
day, but there’s always something
romantic to be grateful for,
somewhere. Try making a list of
five things you’re grateful for in
the day ahead when you wake up,
and add five extra things before
you go to sleep.
3. USE ALL OF YOUR SENSES
Really paying attention to sights,
sounds, smells, sensations, and
tastes will give you more things to
find romance in.
We’ve all experienced
throwing open the
curtains to bask in
warm rays of sunshine,
and it's time to tap into
that feeling more
This is something Karen
Liebenguth, qualified life coach
and accredited mindfulness
teacher, believes in strongly. She
says we should also engage in
things we are passionate about,
like really immersing ourselves in
a piece of music, or finding bliss
in sinking our hands into the
dough when baking bread.
All of these feelings and
activities contribute to making
us feel relaxed, fulfilled, and
alive, which in itself can be
very romantic. At times, it is
impossible to hear the birds sing,
feel the dewy grass underfoot,
and see summer blossoms in
bloom without feeling in love
with yourself, your surroundings,
and your companions.
4. SPEND TIME OUTDOORS
Karen says: “Beauty can ignite
awe and wonder, [but that] can
also happen with meditation
– when we sit quietly with
ourselves, are connected to the
body and breath, and the mind
quietens down.”
Karen often meets her coaching
clients outdoors, and encourages
them to practise mindfulness
and meditation in green or open
spaces. This can help with a sense
of connection to life around us,
something bigger than ourselves,
which is key to appreciating the
romance of the everyday.
5. MAKE IT A HABIT
Danielle adds that this all needs
to be done regularly to appreciate
the effects. Your brain likes
consistency and evidence, and
will start to do these things on its
own once you’ve taught it to.
Pamela Rose, psychotherapist
and coach, says creating a habit
of appreciating the romance
around you will help you fall back
in love with your life, and boost
your wellbeing.
Pamela says: “Try starting a new
daily habit of picking one thing
that day you’ve loved. It can be
difficult to remember to do this
at first, so leave yourself a note
perhaps next to your toothbrush.
And while you’re brushing your
teeth, think back through the
day and pick one thing you felt
was perfect, just the way it was.
This helps to release serotonin
and fills you with peaceful calm.
Your brain will start to realise
how great this feels, and will
encourage you to do more of this
throughout the day.”
happiful.com | September 2021 | 51

You’re having
a laugh
Laughter yoga classes are taking
off around the world, so Happiful’s
Kathryn Wheeler signed up for
a session to discover the serious
benefits behind having a chuckle
It’s 3pm on a Monday, and I’m sat
in front of my laptop, ready to
join a virtual laughter yoga class.
When I first stumbled across the
idea of ‘laughter yoga’, in my mind’s
eye I envisioned a group of people
heartily laughing while in traditional
yoga poses – similar to my own
reaction every time I poorly attempt
downward facing dog – and I was
about halfway right.
Laughter yoga, as it is done today,
was developed by medical doctor
Dr Madan Kataria who, after
studying the numerous benefits
of laughter, was inspired to
launch the first ‘Laughter Club’
with five people in a park. The
group gathered in a circle, told
jokes, messed around, were
generally silly, and had a laugh.
Rather than adapting the yoga
poses we’re accustomed to, Dr
Kataria’s laughing yoga was
more focused on tuning-in to the
intentionality and mindfulness
of yoga, mixing in breathing
and stretching with moments of
prompted laughter. Following
the first few trials, he realised
that the body cannot distinguish
between real and pretend
laughter – furthermore, makebelieve
laughter often turned
genuine, and the physiological
benefits of the exercise were felt
for days after the sessions.
With that discovery, the practice
took off, and today Dr Kataria
runs a free virtual laughter club
every day – which is what I’m
about to dive into.
52 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
With a mix of periods of laughing,
stretching, and breathing, Dr Kataria
masterfully switched the tone between
peaceful quietness and jubilant laughter
A perk of going virtual, the
Laughter Club attracts people
from all over the world, and
as the host welcomes the
‘international family’ to the
call, I see ‘hellos’ from Italy,
Japan, Spain, Brazil, Portugal,
Germany, Israel, Uruguay, and
Hull. The first part of the session
was hosted by laughter yogi
Vinayak Shastri, who took a
moment to remind us that we’re
all small children, that the child
is still within us, that we have
suppressed that child, but in
Laughter Club we’ll allow that
child to come out once again.
This leads us seamlessly into two
minutes of freeform ‘silly time’ –
and, let me tell you, the attendees
of the Laughter Club understood
the brief. As my Zoom window
jumps from person to person,
I watch, half in bewilderment
and half in awe, as people blow
raspberries, pull funny faces, and
make all kinds of odd noises with
not a single punch pulled. At this
point, I did try to access my own
inner child – but because, as a
child, I was painfully shy, serious,
and usually found on the sidelines
of the action, I didn’t find much
help there. That said, who could
resist letting out a chuckle as an
adult man gleefully flies across
your screen making aeroplane
noises? It was all very, very
silly – though, of course, that’s
completely the point.
But the benefits of laughter
yoga are no joke. On a physical
level, laughter increases our
intake of oxygen, stimulating
our heart, lungs, and muscles.
From there, it increases the
endorphins (feel-good chemicals)
that are released by the brain,
soothing our stress response
and even decreasing our blood
pressure. It’s these endorphins
that leave us feeling happy and
calm after a good laugh – add
some friendly company into the
mix and you’ve got yourself a
recipe for a good time.
About 20 minutes into the
session, it was time for the
main attraction, as Dr Madan
Kataria came on the call to
guide us through the next
stage. With a mix of periods of
laughing, stretching, clapping,
and breathing, Dr Kataria
masterfully switched the tone
between peaceful quietness
and jubilant laughter, and soon
– without really realising it – I
found myself laughing along
without having to try. Over the
course of the session, I shed that
self-conscious layer that was
stopping me from letting go at
the start. I was laughing from
my belly, and feeling the warmth
spreading through my body,
mixed with deep, healing breaths
and stretches as I embraced this
hour of silliness and solace in
the middle of a standard, busy
workday.
The session ended with a
dance party to Pharrell Williams’
‘Happy’ (no prizes for guessing
that song), and as I watched the
images of people from all over
the world freely dancing while
grinning ear-to-ear – one man
even taking a break to wipe
the tears from his eyes – I got
it. I got the power of letting go
of the behaviours you may not
have even realised were holding
you down, to let all the silliness
bubble up to the surface, to shed
seriousness and sensibleness,
and to just have fun. That
evening, I felt lighter, playful,
and relaxed. And the best part? A
good laugh doesn’t cost a thing.
Fancy giving laughter yoga a go?
Join free, virtual classes every day
at laughteryoga.org
happiful.com | September 2021 | 53

Let us make our future
now, and let us make our
dreams tomorrow’s reality
MALALA YOUSAFZAI
54 | September 2021 | happiful.com
Photography | Emiliano Vittoriosi

wellbeing
Content warning: this piece
discusses topics and details
relating to self-harm
7 myths about
self-harm, debunked
Sort the facts from the fiction when it comes
to the sensitive topic of self-harm
Writing | Sarah Young
A
Lancet Psychiatry study
found that, in 2014,
6% of 16–74-year-olds
living in England had
self-harmed, which is equivalent
to more than one in 20 people. In
young women aged 16–24, this
figure is one in five. And yet, selfharm
is still a topic that’s often
considered ‘taboo’, surrounded by
myths, stigma, and stereotypes
that make people afraid to ask for
help for fear of negative attention.
So, it’s time to clear up some of the
myths and misconceptions about
self-harm.
1. People who self-harm
are attention-seeking
This may be one of the most
pervasive myths surrounding
those who self-harm, and one
that dismisses and invalidates
the emotional anguish that they
experience. Many people who selfharm
feel ashamed and go to great
lengths to hide their injuries from
others, as often the attention that
self-harm brings is negative due to
stigma. The reasons why people
self-harm vary immensely and are
personal to each individual.
Emily, 29, who lives with
depression and CPTSD, says: “Selfharm
is a coping mechanism for
when I’m experiencing extreme
emotions that cannot be relieved
by anything that isn’t destructive.
Also, when I am dissociated and
not able to connect to the real
world, it grounds me.”
It’s also important to address
our perceptions of “attentionseeking”.
When someone sneers
that “people who self-harm just
do it for attention”, we can feel the
need to prove them wrong. But
why do we view this through such
a negative lens? Often people don’t
have the words, or the confidence,
to say that they need help. While
the last thing many people who
self-harm want is attention, for
others it may be a call for help.
When someone is trying to
communicate that they are in pain,
they need validation and support,
not ridicule and dismissal.
2. Self-harm is just cutting
Typically, when people hear ‘selfharm’,
the first thing they think of
is cutting. While this is a common
method of self-harm, it is not the
only way that people can cause
damage to themselves, either
internally or externally. Other
forms of self-harm to be aware of
include overdosing and substance
misuse, excessive exercise, or
harming themselves through
eating disorders. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 55

Where to get help
If you are affected by self-harm,
here are some ways you get
support or information
Phone and text lines
• Samaritans: 116 123 or
jo@samaritans.org
• Shout crisis text line: Text
“SHOUT” to 85258 or
“YM” if you’re under 19
• Childline: 0800 1111
(under 19s).
• YoungMinds parents helpline:
0808 802 5544
• Mind: 0300 123 3393
Webchat services
• Self Injury Support webchat
(for women) is open Tuesday,
and Thursday from 7pm to
9.30pm
• CALM webchat (for men) is
open from 5pm to midnight
every day
3. It’s just a phase
Some people’s experience of
self-harm can be more isolated,
related to a specific situation, and
may stop once that has resolved.
Others may self-harm as a
long-term coping mechanism.
Similar to how some people
crave cigarettes or alcohol in
times of great stress, others may
find an emotional release from
self-harm, which could become
habitual, or even addictive.
“When I was younger, I was
genuinely addicted to it and would
self-harm every day at some
points,” says Emily. “I didn’t know
how else to deal with emotions.”
4. Only teenagers self-harm
Ivy*, 30, who has struggled with
severe depression throughout
her life, says: “One of the biggest
myths around self-harm is that
it’s just teenagers and young
adults who do it. A lot of selfharmers
carry on much further
into adulthood.”
A culmination of the emotional,
hormonal, and physical changes
in teenage years can mean that
this age group is more likely to
become overwhelmed and use
self-harm as a way of coping,
especially if there are other
difficulties going on in their lives.
But self-harm can begin or stop
at any age. Claire*, 28, shared
her experiences of her daughter
Anna* with me.
“When Anna was only three
years old, she began hitting
herself on the head when she
became overwhelmed. I was
56 | September 2021 | happiful.com

*Names have been
changed for privacy.
very concerned and searched for
counsellors to help Anna but,
due to her age, there wasn’t any
support that they could provide,
which was very upsetting.
I talked with Anna about
expressing emotions and tried
to validate any feelings she had.
When she started school there
was an incident where Anna was
playing with another child and
an accident happened that upset
the other child. Anna’s way of
dealing with that was to slam
her fingers in the door. She was
trying to hurt herself to make
things right.
“It hasn’t happened again but you
can see when she gets upset or
frustrated she does bang her fists
on herself. It is her struggling to
deal with difficult emotions.”
5. It’s a slippery slope to more
severe self-harm or suicide
Some people who self-harm
may have suicidal thoughts, but
many do not. The intent behind
self-harm and suicide can be
very different: one is a coping
mechanism, and one is a desire
to end their life. In this way,
they could even be said to be at
opposite ends of the scale, and
each require a different approach
to treatment.
It’s important to be aware that
some people’s self-harm may
escalate over time, but for many
their level of self-harm will
remain consistent. For example,
I self-harmed frequently for
more than 10 years: I never
required hospital treatment and
my self-harm never increased in
severity. This isn’t to minimise
the seriousness of it, but more
to make you aware that not
all those who self-harm will
require hospital treatment, and
hopefully in time people can
find alternative, healthier coping
mechanisms.
6. People can choose to
stop self-harming
Telling someone that they
can ‘just stop’ is an unrealistic
expectation that they often won’t
be able to live up to. And for
some, who may use self-harm
to cope with extreme feelings,
it can even be dangerous to
abruptly cease all self-harm
as they may be left without an
outlet. It’s important to support
them in finding safer ways of
coping – this is likely to involve
working with a therapist.
Attempting to prevent someone
wellbeing
When someone
is trying to
communicate
that they are in
pain, they need
validation and
support, not ridicule
and dismissal
from self-harming may mean
that they use riskier methods to
self-harm, or feel unable to come
to you with issues.
Often self-harm is a symptom
of another issue. My self-harm
was completely entangled with
my eating disorder, as a symptom
of that illness. Once my eating
disorder was addressed and I
recovered, the daily self-harm
wasn’t something I felt I needed
to do anymore.
7. Only ‘goths’ and
‘emos’ self-harm
There isn’t a ‘look’ for someone
who self-harms. Anyone of any
age, background, race, gender,
or sexuality can self-harm. It is,
unfortunately, all too common in
our society, so it’s important we
break down the stigma around
it so that it’s easier for those who
self-harm to feel comfortable
sharing their struggles. No one
should have to suffer in silence.
With love and understanding, we
can create a safer place for those
who self-harm to seek out help
when they need it.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 57

Family favourites
Childhood dishes got you hungry for more? Try these two
family favourites, each with a nutritional twist
Writing | Rania Salman
Reminiscing about
childhood family
dinners? Want to
recreate your favourite
family feasts? We’ve got two
delicious dishes packed with
veggies and key nutrients, plus a
dash of nostalgia!
High in taste, but low in salt
and unhealthy fats, these classic
meals are incredibly versatile –
it’s easy to substitute vegetables
to suit your personal taste. So
have a go, and make some new
memories around the stove.
Vegetable lasagne
Serves: 8
Prep time: 20 minutes
Cook time: 1.5 hours
Ingredients
• 1 medium yellow pepper, 1
medium red pepper, ½ medium
green pepper, chopped
• 1 very large courgette, chopped
• 1 medium aubergine, chopped
• Handful of cherry
tomatoes, halved
• 1 Italian sun-dried tomato mix
• Grind of black and white
pepper
• Olive oil
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• Tomato passata with basil
• Pinch of oregano
• 15 wholegrain lasagne sheets
• 100g butter/spread alternative
• 80g flour
• 500ml semi-skimmed/
skimmed milk
• 220g cheddar cheese, grated
Method
1. Preheat the oven to gas mark
6/225°C.
2. In an oven dish, mix the
chopped veg, Italian sun-dried
tomato mix, and salt and pepper
with olive oil, to coat the veg.
Cook in the oven for an hour, or
until soft.
3. While the vegetables are
roasting, sauté the onion and
garlic with olive oil until the
onion is translucent. Add
the tomato passata, pepper,
oregano, and salt to taste.
4. Boil the lasagne sheets for 7
minutes and sieve to drain.
5. Make a Béchamel sauce by
melting butter in a saucepan.
Add the flour and milk slowly,
whisking until the mixture
thickens. Add cheese and
pepper to taste.
6. Once veg has cooked, remove
from the oven and mix in the
tomato passata to make the
veggie lasagne base.
7. In another roasting dish, layer
as follows: lasagne sheets,
Béchamel sauce, vegetables.
Repeat until you get a few
layers. Add remaining grated
cheese on top.
8. Cook for 30 minutes at gas
mark 5/215°C, or until the
cheese has browned.
9. Enjoy with a side salad!
58 | September 2021 | happiful.com

food & health
Chicken curry with cumin rice
Serves: 6
Prep time: 20 minutes
Cook time: 45 minutes
Ingredients
• Rapeseed oil
• 155g onion, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1–3 bird’s eye chilli, diced
(optional)
• ¼ tsp turmeric
• 2 tsp curry powder (mild–
medium, as per taste)
• 2 tsp garam masala powder
• 360g raw chicken breast, cubed
• Pinch of salt
• 80g yellow pepper, 80g red
pepper, 80g green pepper, diced
• 90g carrot, diced
• 200g potato, diced
• 1 medium tomato, diced
• 1 ½ tbsp tomato puree
• 30g coriander, chopped
• Handful of peas
• 3g cumin seeds
• 300g basmati rice
Method
1. In a pan, heat a tablespoon of oil
and add the onion and minced
garlic. Add the bird’s eye chilli (if
using) and sauté until the onion
is translucent.
2. Add ¼ tsp turmeric, ¼ tsp curry
powder, and ½ tsp garam masala
to the pan, and mix well.
3. Add an extra tablespoon of oil,
turn up the heat and add the
chicken. Add salt to taste.
4. Add the diced vegetables (apart
from the peas and coriander).
Add another ½ tsp of garam
masala and ¾ tsp of curry
powder.
5. Add 650ml of water, the tomato
puree, 1 tsp curry powder, 1 tsp
of garam masala, and bring to
a boil.
6. Boil for approx 20 minutes or
until sauce has thickened. Once
thickened, add the coriander
and peas.
For the rice:
1. Add 1 tbsp of oil and the cumin
seeds to a medium-sized pot.
Sauté the cumin seeds over
medium-low heat for 1–2
minutes.
2. Add the uncooked rice, stirring
for 2–3 minutes to toast.
3. Add enough water to just cover
the rice. Place a lid on the pot,
turn the heat up, and bring it
to boil.
4. Once boiling, turn the heat down
low and simmer (with lid) for 15
minutes. Turn off the heat and
let the rice sit undisturbed for 10
minutes before lifting the lid.
5. After resting, fluff with a fork,
and serve alongside the curry.
The healthy bit
This lasagne is loaded with
vegetables, meaning there’s lots
of fibre and good plant chemicals
that our bodies love and need.
Switching to wholegrain lasagne
sheets is a great idea, as emerging
research shows the importance of
fibre, so trying to get it in wherever
you can is important for optimal
health – most people don’t meet
the government’s target of 30g of
fibre per day. Remember, when
using margarine, opt for one that
doesn’t include trans fats – look
out for ‘hydrogenated’ or ‘partially
hydrogenated oil’, and avoid.
The chicken curry is a healthy
twist on the family-favourite
takeaway, an Indian chicken curry!
This recipe hits all the right spots
without using unhealthy fats and,
by adding a load of vegetables
into the mix, you ensure you
meet at least two of your fivea-day
in just one serving. The
spice mix used in this recipe is
packed full of polyphenols which
are increasingly known for their
incredible bounty of health
benefits.
Rania is a registered
dietitian and nutritionist
specialising in fertility,
PCOS, weight management
and chronic conditions.
Find a
nutritionist on
our Happiful
app
happiful.com | September 2021 | 59

Happiful Partner
Championing mental health in the workplace
Why become a Mental
Health First Aider?
Here’s what our
delegates say:
• Recognise the symptoms
of mental ill-health
• Help to improve awareness
and break down stigma
and discrimination
• Join a growing
community of amazing
people supporting the
conversation around
mental health
• Improve your own mental
health and self-care
• Virtual courses mean you
can train from the comfort
of your own home
Plus our readers enjoy an exclusive £10 discount
off all Happiful MHFA courses when you book
through training.happiful.com using the
code HAP10
You can hear more about the impact of MHFA
training on Happiful’s ‘I am. I have’ podcast,
featuring Happiful’s MHFA instructor Matt
Holman. Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
A course that really made
me reflect. Delivery was
excellent, and the instructor
makes you feel valued and
listened to. They make
the course interesting and
inclusive by sharing their
own experiences. – Sol
I felt very comfortable and
in a safe space. Honestly, it
was life-changing. – Jamie
The instructor was amazing
– so open and personable,
and really made the tough
subject matters digestible.
It was really engaging, and
they created a wonderful
space for us to share
openly. The course has
enthused me even more to
shout about mental health,
and I feel extremely proud
to now be a Mental Health
First Aider. – Emma
60 | September 2021 | happiful.com

true story
Embracing my
perfectly imperfect self
Self-doubt and social anxiety ruled Sheena’s world, until her
children became her motivation to push past the fear and step into
the next phase of her life
Writing | Sheena Tanna-Shah
Throughout my childhood, I always felt
a sense of loneliness and insecurity.
Changing cities and then school a few
times, I struggled to make good friends
and I never felt like I fitted in. I wasn’t outgoing,
confident, or social – and always felt like I
wasn’t enough. What added to this was people’s
constant comments to stand straighter, to talk
slower, and to smile more.
These weren’t one-off comments, they were
constantly coming from the people around
me, and it gave me long-lasting social anxiety. I
made sure I didn’t win anything to avoid walking
in front of people in assemblies, it made me fear
talking in public, it made me fear being in social
settings as I was always afraid of judgement – it
even made me fear catching the bus to avoid
people watching me find a seat. The only thing
that kept me going was my passion for studying.
At 18, after a devastating break-up with a
boyfriend, I was diagnosed with depression in
my first year at university. I was at my lowest
point, and not only nearly quit my degree but
my life as well. I didn’t want to carry on, I felt
like a failure, and I was starting to become very
critical of myself.
Coming from an Indian background, it was
really hard to open up about my situation and
what I was going through. I felt like I was
letting my parents down, as it was uncommon
for situations like mine to be heard of then.
Online support forums and social media
wasn’t something I was part of back then, so
this period was extremely lonely. I almost felt
like there must be something wrong with me. I
couldn’t see anyone around me going through
what I was, and certainly no one in my culture.
I was studying to become an optometrist but
I failed two of my end-year-exams. Before,
studying was what had kept me going, so I
felt like I had nothing left to give. During the
summer break, I retook my exams and luckily
passed to continue into my second year. I
managed to get my degree and qualified as an
optometrist, however, the anxiety still followed
me around.
I married when I was 23, and moved to a new
location. This triggered my loneliness and
insecurity, as I hardly knew anyone and had
to start again. I would be sitting in my locked
room, crying endlessly as my husband sat on
the other side of the door, trying to help me.
I tried to fill the void by booking holidays,
dinner dates, and spa days. Even though these
made me happy, it was all temporary and I
would return to feeling anxious and insecure. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 61

I searched for various therapies, constantly
trying to find people to help me shift my
mindset and get me to a better place. I used
life coaches, counsellors, hypnotherapists,
CBT, and it helped to a certain degree. During
this period my interest in coaching grew,
and I trained to become a life coach and NLP
practitioner. My aim was to help other people
who may be going through what I was, but my
business didn’t start because my own recovery
was still in progress.
When I had children at 29, I came to a
new crossroads. Motherhood completely
overwhelmed me, and my anxiety spiralled.
I found everything a struggle. I found it
hard to take my kids out for a walk because
I was nervous of people judging me. I found
playgroups hard as I saw other mums getting
on so easily and confidently. I was a nervous
driver as it was but the pressure to go to baby
swimming, baby yoga, and everything else I
saw others doing, almost tipped me to the edge.
I was a snappy mum, frustrated, low in mood
and energy, and this led to each day ending in
guilt and tears.
I practised gratitude, and every
day I was a little kinder and more
patient with myself
I knew something had to change. I needed to
be an inspiration to my girls, the best mother to
them, and strong for myself. I stopped looking
at the outside world to fill my needs, stopped
looking for temporary fixes and solutions,
and started to read and listen to speakers who
motivated and inspired me. One of the first
books that I read was all to do with meditation,
so that’s where I began. I also started to look at
my nutrition, and what exercise I was doing.
Everything is connected with the mind and body,
so I had to learn to fuel both. I made my inner
world and inner focus a constant practice.
I started to step out of my comfort zone, even if
it was just having a coffee on my own in public.
I practised gratitude, and every day I was a little
kinder and more patient with myself. I started
doing things for myself, instead of what I thought
the world expected of me. If I wanted an extra
rest day, I took it, if I wanted to take the kids for
a coffee and cake (a big deal for me in a public
space) I took my time, gave it a go, and practised
being mindful of our time together. I felt proud
62 | September 2021 | happiful.com

true story
of small achievements like taking the kids to the
library, or a play date. Things that were no big
deal for some, were a huge deal for me. But these
were my achievements and milestones, and I
was going to feel proud of my steps. Everyone is
on a journey, and this was mine.
I continued to train in various therapies
including mindfulness, mediation, and rapid
transformation therapy. My company, Inspiring
Success, has grown successfully, I also run a
plant-based healthy treats business and promote
healthy eating through this, and more recently
became a published author of the book Perfectly
Imperfect Mum.
It was motherhood that truly inspired and
motivated me to change. Being a mother is
overwhelming, challenging, and stressful, but
it’s also rewarding, beautiful, and brings so much
joy. I know if my mindset wasn’t strong enough, I
would have missed the beautiful moments, and I
wouldn’t have been able to provide and be there
for them fully – I would be surviving not thriving.
At times, I truly cannot believe how far I’ve
come – from sitting on the floor crying daily,
not wanting to exist, to running two businesses,
being an optometrist, regular public speaker,
embracing motherhood, and becoming an
author where my book has been featured in
national publications.
As a person, I feel so much happier. I still have
moments where I am anxious or uncertain but
I am much more aware and mindful of those
times, and can recover more easily. Finding my
inner peace, inner belief, and inner calm helped
me embrace my perfectly imperfect self.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
In this world impacted by Covid-19 and social
media, the pressure can feel overwhelming at
times. However, Sheena recognised something
incredibly important: change comes from
within.
There isn’t one way to move forward, there
are many paths. Having the strength to make
the decision to change, and
allowing ourselves to be proud
of our achievements is a great
way to begin the journey to the
life you truly deserve.
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach
happiful.com | September 2021 | 63

HAPPIFUL TOP 10
September
From accepting yourself, to embracing tranquility when out
and about, we share 10 things to do this September
1
PAGE-TURNERS
You Are Enough: Embrace
Your Flaws and Be Happy
Being You
How often do you find
yourself striving for perfection,
or comparing yourself to
others? Cheryl Rickman’s
new book aims to help those
who experience imposter
syndrome, or who criticise
themselves constantly.
Encouraging us to let go of
the myth of perfection, You
Are Enough is a feel-good
action plan to help challenge
your inner saboteur. (Out 9
September, Summersdale
Publishers, £10.99)
3
OUT AND ABOUT
Wellbeing by the Lakes
After so much time indoors, we’ve found the perfect festival set in
nature. What’s more, we’ll be there too! Wellbeing by the Lakes has a stunning
programme complete with expert talks, workshops, yoga, breathwork,
and more. You’ll be able to embrace both the tranquility of the 26-acre
surroundings and breathtaking sculptural pieces – and yes, it is as blissful as it
sounds! (8–12 September, visit wellbeingbythelakes.co.uk to book tickets)
4
LEND US
YOUR EARS
‘Getting Curious
with Jonathan
Van Ness’
Whether you’re simply missing
Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness,
or you love diving into nuggets of
information, the ‘Getting Curious’
podcast is a great way to learn
something new. Speaking with
experts in their field, Jonathan
explores everything from the
importance of Pride, to the way
animals communicate with one
another. (Listen to the podcast on
iTunes and Spotify)
2
PUT ON A SHOW
Rounders
A game that all of the family can play, rounders is the classic
sunshine pastime. How far can you hit the ball and will it be enough
for you to start a run, or even make it all the way back to base?
Gather up everyone’s bags and jackets to act as posts, and carefully
choose your teams for an afternoon of cheering one another on.
5PLUGGED-IN
Yuki Kawae
Yuki’s soothing videos
are a welcome change to the
fast-paced feeling of the usual
Instagram feed. His sand videos,
in which he creates anything from
mesmerising circular patterns to
satisfying line drawings, offer an
almost meditative quality to calm
your mind. (Follow @yukikawae
on Instagram)
64 | September 2021 | happiful.com

culture
6
TECH TIP-OFFS
Kitchen Stories Recipes
Hosting a range of thousands of free
recipes, Kitchen Stories Recipes allows you to
set up your own profile and save your favourites
ready for when you fancy them. With its own
cooking mode, the app lets you effortlessly chop,
dice, and simmer your way through step-by-step
dishes, making dinner time that little bit easier!
(Download from the App Store or Google Play)
9THE CONVERSATION
International Happiness
at Work Week
Do you dread Mondays? When we
are happy at work we are likely to
enjoy ourselves outside of work,
too. International Happiness at Work Week invites
everyone to start conversations about employee
wellbeing. (20–26 September, to learn more visit,
internationalweekofhappinessatwork.com)
7
SQUARE EYES
Sex Education
Back for its much anticipated
third season, Sex Education promises
a hilarious and uplifting watch.
Tackling relationships of all kinds
and following main character Otis
and his friends through the trials
and tribulations of love, makes for a
wonderful way to brighten any day.
(Available on Netflix)
10
GET GOING
Bungee Workouts
A more unusual, but
extremely fun exercise class, bungee
workouts are taking the world by storm –
and prove that bungee cords can be used
to create joyous and thoroughly unique
workouts. Attached to a cord hanging
from the ceiling, bungee workouts will
have you using all your muscles. (Search
Bungee Workouts to find a class near you)
Africology Bath Rituals Set | uk.africologyspa.com
8
TREAT YOURSELF
Visiting a spa is not always possible in the evening, but who’s to say that you can’t
bring the spa to you? With the Africology Bath Rituals Set, complete with bath salts, scrubs,
and mud masks, you’ll be all set for a tranquil dip in the tub. A great way to cleanse your
body, mind, and soul, the set offers something for everyone. (£18.53, africologyspa.com)
Africology Bath Rituals Set
Win an Africology Bath Rituals Set
For your chance to win a bath set, simply email your answer to the following
question to competitions@happiful.com
Which of these would you not typically find at a spa?
a) Climbing wall b) Sauna c) Swimming pool
*Competition closes 16 September 2021. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!
WIN!
happiful.com | September 2021 | 65

Turn it it up
Step back in time, with these feel-good
tracks from across the decades
• ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’, Gerry & the Pacemakers (1963)
• ‘Feeling Good’, Nina Simone (1965)
• ‘What a Wonderful World’, Louis Armstrong (1967)
• ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell (1967)
• ‘Here Comes the Sun’, The Beatles (1969)
70s
• ‘Move on Up’, Curtis Mayfield (1970)
• ‘December 1963 (Oh What a Night)’, Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons (1975)
• ‘Dancing Queen’, Abba (1976)
• ‘Go Your Own Way’, Fleetwood Mac (1977)
• ‘I Will Survive’, Gloria Gaynor (1978)
• ‘You Make My Dreams (Come True)’, Hall & Oates (1981)
• ‘Come on Eileen’, Dexys Midnight Runners (1982)
• ‘Sisters Are Doin’ it For Themselves’, Eurythmics, ft. Aretha Franklin (1985)
• ‘Take On Me’, A-ha (1984)
• ‘End of the Line’, Traveling Wilburys (1988)
• ‘Movin’ on Up’, Primal Scream (1991)
• ‘Friday I’m in Love’, The Cure (1992)
• ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’, Deep Blue Something (1995)
• ‘Wannabe’, Spice Girls (1996)
• ‘Brimful of Asha’, Cornershop (1997)
• ‘Take Your Mama’, Scissor Sisters (2004)
• ‘Better Together’, Jack Johnson (2005)
• ‘Put Your Records On’, Corinne Bailey Rae (2006)
• ‘Pocketful of Sunshine’, Natasha Bedingfield (2007)
• ‘You Got the Love’, Florence and the Machine (2009)
To listen to this playlist, search for ‘The Happiful Selection: Feel-good through the decades’ on Spotify
66 | September 2021 | happiful.com

wellbeing
How to overcome
sick-day guilt
It’s the phone call we all dread – letting your employer know you need a day
off sick. But when your body is telling you it needs a break, it’s time to listen.
So, how do we get past the guilt, to get the rest we need to recuperate?
Writing | Katie Conibear
We all know the feeling;
you’ve woken up
feeling terrible. You’re
too sick to work, but
there’s something in the pit of your
stomach that stops you from making
that call to your boss. You sit there
watching the clock – you might even
start getting ready to go in or log
on – putting off a decision you know
you have to make. You don’t want
people to think you can’t cope with
the job. You feel bad about colleagues
having to cover your work, and don’t
want to make life more difficult for
anyone else. You’re worried that you
might be judged for calling in sick,
and it’ll affect performance reviews
or your chances of that promotion.
Then there are the questions we ask
ourselves: “If everyone else can cope
without taking time off, why can’t I?”
When we’re ill, we often give
in to the pressure to carry on
working – whether that’s a
perceived external pressure, or
the expectations and standards
we set for ourselves. It’s easy
to fall into this trap when we
have deadlines to meet, work
on commission, or have a team
that relies on us. Whether it’s
a physical or mental illness,
pressure to keep going can make
us feel 10 times worse. But it’s
time to put that unnecessary guilt
in its place – here are four things
to help you do just that.
1. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
I asked life coach Clare Percival
how to overcome sick-day guilt.
Her thoughts? “I would ask, where
does that guilty voice stem from?
Is it a parent, a boss, or just a
limiting belief that somehow
we think we are supposed to
be super human rather than
listening to our body?”
Being honest with
yourself that you
need a break can
make you stronger,
and healthier, in the
long run
We need to learn to be
vulnerable, and to show that
we’re not OK – even if our inner
critic doesn’t like it. But the truth
is it’s nothing to be ashamed of. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 67

Being honest with yourself that
you need a break can make you
stronger, and healthier, in the
long run. Convincing ourselves
we must go into work, that we’re
letting people down, that we’re
letting ourselves down, avoids
focusing on the real issue. Plus,
hiding behind a mask can be
exhausting – and it’s bound to
slip at some point. Clare sums it
up: “Listen to your body. It knows
what is best, and it is trying to tell
you something important.”
2. REEVALUATE YOUR
GOALS AND WORKLOAD
If you’re unwell, but believe that
a sick-day is out of the question
because you can’t possibly miss
a day of work, it could be time
to take a closer look at what’s on
your plate. The world shouldn’t
stop if you need a day or two
to recover, and if it feels like it
will, it might even be the level
of responsibility on your plate
contributing to your poor health.
Ask yourself: is what I want to
do realistic? Will I burn out, or
make myself ill trying to achieve
it? Am I setting myself up for
disappointment if I don’t reach
my goal? Or is it a case of realistic
goals, but overwhelming myself
by trying to achieve too many
things all at once? If the answer
is yes to any of these, it could
be worth reevaluating whether
pushing yourself like this is worth
it – more often than not, the
answer will be no. And if that’s
the case, it could be time to speak
to your boss, HR, or colleagues
about your workload and any
support you need. Working until
you burn out shouldn’t be a goal,
or something that should earn
anyone praise. Our number one
goal should be to stay healthy.
3. WE ALL STRUGGLE
Deep down, everyone struggles
for one reason or another,
whether they like to admit it or
not. Looking like you’re always
keeping it together isn’t reality.
Everyone has a persona they
68 | September 2021 | happiful.com

wellbeing
Working until you burn out shouldn’t
be a goal, or something that should
earn anyone praise. Our number one
goal should be to stay healthy
try to keep up, to an extent. If
you live with a chronic illness, a
disability, or both, it can feel like
sick-days come around more than
your colleagues, and guilt could
be a factor in whether you take
that much-needed day off. But
it’s important to remember that
everyone will have a time when
they struggle mentally, physically,
or both. And when that voice of
self-doubt rises up, just consider,
would you judge someone else for
needing a sick-day? Treat yourself
with that same compassion you’d
show your colleagues.
Get past the guilt
Life coach Clare Percival
suggests digging deeper and
asking yourself questions that
shift your focus to help put the
decision to take a day off in a
new, guilt-free light:
• What are the benefits of
taking a sick-day?
• How would I feel if I
passed on an illness to
my work colleagues?
• Why am I not prioritising
my health?
• What is really making me feel
guilty?
• How will my performance
improve at work and home from
taking time off now to recover
compared to keeping going?
• Would my world collapse if I don’t
go in?
• How much better would I feel by
investing in myself and my health?
4. IT’S NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS
Most of us have worked with
an ‘office gossip’. They love to
let everyone know how you
were off last week, again. These
words make us feel ashamed,
guilty, and inadequate. But just
because you feel unwell, it doesn’t
make you weak-minded.
“When you’re not feeling 100%,
your inner critic voice kicks
in – the negative self-talk that
feeds off a poorly you, and has
been lying dormant waiting for
a moment to come out and play
in your mind, and tell you those
guilty thoughts,” Clare Percival
explains. Taking time off shows
you value your health and your
colleagues. It’s the responsible
thing to do, especially if
you’re potentially infectious
or your job involves caring for
others. So, remember, listening
to your mind and body when it
needs a breather isn’t just for
your own benefit, it’s the most
selfless thing you can do.
Katie Conibear is a writer who blogs
at stumblingmind.com. Her first
book, ‘Living at the Speed of Light’,
about bipolar disorder, is out now.
Clare Percival is a life and executive
function coach. Find out more at
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 69

Picking up the pieces
What is it that makes a simple jigsaw puzzle
such an effective mindfulness practice?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
It’s the rainy day classic that
became a lockdown essential,
and while there’s nothing
new about puzzles (the first
jigsaw is thought to have been
created in 1762), many of us
are just starting to realise the
potentially mindful boost that
comes with putting the pieces of
a puzzle together.
Picture this: you’ve got the
whole of the day ahead of you, no
commitments, no meetings, no
chores – the time is yours. So you
sit down with a puzzle. There’s no
rush, no deadline and, piece by
piece, a beautiful picture starts to
form in front of you. It’s a homey,
mindful scene but, in lockdown,
hobbies like puzzling took on a
whole new meaning.
“I was furloughed in April
2020, and it struck me that I had
all this extra time and nothing
to fill it with,” Jody Kenny tells
us, as she reflects on when
she discovered her passion for
puzzles. “I hadn’t long moved to
a new town to be closer to work,
but it meant I’d moved away
from family – I didn’t realise how
difficult it would be to occupy
every minute of the day.”
Jodie started off with some
jigsaw apps on her phone,
before digging out some puzzles
she’d had for years, but had
never opened.
“I get deep into doing jigsaws,
and time tends to fly. I hyperfocus
on tasks because I have
Asperger’s, but the concentration
needed specifically to complete
jigsaws took my mind away from
being alone,” she explains.
There’s much
more to those
oddly shaped
pieces of joy than
meets the eye
“The puzzle piece has long been
used as a symbol of autism, but it
doesn’t have positive connotations
in the autistic community,
because it’s thought that autistic
people are puzzles that need to
be fixed,” Jodie explains. “Doing
jigsaws has re-wired my brain
into believing that the puzzle isn’t
broken because it’s not complete,
but rather it’s one small piece that
makes up the whole. Jigsaws have
helped me to accept myself.”
Echoing the wellbeing benefits
of jigsaws, James Edwards, cofounder
of Piece & Quiet puzzles,
is passionate about their holistic
value. “Jigsaw puzzles are making
a comeback, and there’s much
more to those oddly shaped pieces
of joy than meets the eye,” he
says. And that comeback is taking
place on a huge scale, with the
Guardian reporting that UK sales
of jigsaws totalled £100 million
in 2020, up 38% on the previous
year. So what’s behind the draw
to simple pastimes like puzzles?
James thinks he knows and, here,
he breaks down some of the major
wellbeing benefits:
1. Improving brain
function and memory
The oh-so-satisfying act of
successfully placing a puzzle
piece does more than just get you
one step closer to finishing your
piece of art. It actually encourages
the production of dopamine,
a chemical in the brain that
contributes to learning, brain
health, and memory.
70 | September 2021 | happiful.com

Win a Piece & Quiet
mindfulness pack
For your chance to win a Piece &
Quiet jigsaw puzzle, candle, and
adult colouring book, simply send
your answer to the following riddle
to competitions@happiful.com:
2. Time away from screens
An article in the Independent
investigated the time an adult
will spend looking at screens
in their lifetime, and it doesn’t
make for good reading. They
found that, on average, British
adults were spending more
than 13 hours a day looking
at screens – that equates to
more than 200 days a year.
We are huge advocates for
anything which helps to get
this number down, and that
gives us the opportunity to
take the time to be present in
the moment, and what better
way to do that than with an
artistic jigsaw puzzle?
3. Increased cognitive ability
Jigsaw puzzles are proven to
exercise the mind, boosting
cognition and visual-spatial
reasoning, but they’ve also been
shown to increase creativity and
productivity. The science behind
why jigsaws are so effective at
kicking your brain into gear
is that they engage both the
left (analytical) and the right
(creative) side of the brain.
4. Reducing stress
and anxiety
Exercising both sides of the brain
simultaneously has other benefits
too. It allows brainwaves to move
from a ‘beta’ state into an ‘alpha’
What word gets shorter when
you add two letters?
Competition closes 16 September.
UK and NI entries only. Good luck!
state – the same state activated
for dreaming, and where our
subconscious comes into play –
in other words, the mindful side.
When times get tough, it’s
remarkable what taking things
back to basics can do for our
mindset, and the rise in the
popularity of jigsaw puzzles is the
perfect example of this principle
in action. So, whether you’re
ready to dive into a 1,000-piece
whopper, or want to start simple,
it could be time to pick up the
pieces of good wellbeing.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 71

Ask the experts: suicide
Counsellor Naomi Watkins-Ligudzinska answers your questions on suicide
Q
How can I
support someone
experiencing
suicidal thoughts?
A
It’s best to stay calm and
collected, and remember
they are talking to you for a
reason. It is really important
that we react with empathy, not
shock or panic, and do not close
the conversation down. It is then
about supporting the person
with regular check-ins and not
forgetting about them. Kindness
and care go a long way.
Q
A
Is suicidal ideation
something people
can recover from?
Yes, with time, space, and
the right support. Therapy
is one option, but we also need
to consider someone’s support
network. If they struggle to
identify someone they can confide
in, which helplines are they
comfortable accessing until their
next therapy session, or when they
are experiencing suicidal thoughts?
Q
A friend makes
jokes about
suicide and
it makes me feel
uncomfortable. Should
I confront them?
If something makes
A you uncomfortable, it is
always best to say something.
For example, “When you joke
about suicide it makes me
feel uncomfortable,” and then
just leave a space for them to
respond.
It could be they are covering
up suicidal feelings of their own,
or they do not understand how
hurtful jokes like that are. It is
always best to be honest and
tell someone how you feel.
Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

wellbeing
SUPPORT LINES
• Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email them on
jo@samaritans.org
• The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a line
for men, and is open from 5pm–midnight: 0800 58 58 58
• Papyrus supports young people under 35 years old. Call
them on 0800 068 41 41
• Shout offers a crisis text line. Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258
Suicide
Prevention Day
is 10 September.
Reach out to those
around you, and join
in the conversation
online.
Read more about Naomi Watkins-Ligudzinska on counselling-directory.org.uk
Q
I sometimes
see people
post worrying
things on social media.
Should I step in?
A check-in message or
A phone call will never hurt –
something simple like, “Hey, I saw
your post, is everything OK?” To
care about someone, we need to
let them know we care. It could
just be that simple message that
helps someone to challenge their
thoughts and not feel alone.
You can always report a post to
the social media platform if you
are really worried, but they may
just remove the post and not offer
support to the individual.
If the person doesn’t reply, look
to see if any family are connected
to their profile – you could contact
them through the platform. If you
feel someone is in immediate
danger, call 999 and
ask the police for
help.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 73

10 things you
need to know
about PCOS
It’s thought one in 10 women suffer with
polycystic ovary syndrome, yet more than half
may not have any symptoms at all. With PCOS
awareness month taking place in September,
Jenna Farmer shines a spotlight on the condition
Writing | Jenna Farmer
For those who menstruate,
periods might be something
we don’t take much notice
of. Some may find their 28-day
cycle runs like clockwork, yet
others struggle with irregular
periods which can differ in the
flow and length, or have cycles that
vary from the average time. And
while irregular periods may be
normal for you and can happen for
all sorts of reasons, one possible
cause is polycystic ovary syndrome
(PCOS).
PCOS is a common endocrine
disorder that affects the way
the ovaries work. It’s thought
to affect one in 10 women, yet
many may not even know they
have it, with the condition often
only coming to light when they’re
investigated for irregular periods,
or sometimes if they’re trying
to start a family. So although it’s
reasonably common, there’s still
a lot we don’t yet know about
PCOS. Here, we’ll set the record
straight with some key facts.
74 | September 2021 | happiful.com

food & health
PCOS doesn’t stop you
conceiving a child
The 2021 Fertility Journey Survey
showed that 49% of those taking
part didn’t actually realise they
had PCOS until they started
trying to conceive.
Since PCOS often diagnosed
during fertility investigations,
many worry it will impact their
ability to conceive. Himanshu
Borase, fertility specialist and
consultant gynaecologist at Herts
Fertility, says: “One third of those
I see at fertility clinics have PCOS.
One of the reasons that PCOS
patients struggle is that they may
not be releasing an egg regularly.”
Releasing eggs to ovulate is
what is needed to conceive.
However, studies show that the
majority of those with PCOS who
wish to have children do go on
to do so, many without needing
fertility treatment.
Studies show that
the majority of those
with PCOS who wish
to have children do
go on to do so, many
without needing
fertility treatment
You don’t actually have
cysts on your ovaries
with PCOS
Despite the name, your ovaries
aren’t covered with cysts like
you might imagine. Instead, the
cysts often refer to harmless
follicles. People with PCOS have
more follicles than those who
don’t, and these follicles are
often unable to release an egg.
While they may look ‘cyst-like’,
they aren’t true cysts – they
don’t behave like cysts in that
they won’t burst or grow bigger,
and aren’t in any way linked to
more serious conditions, such as
ovarian cancer. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 75

PCOS can affect your
hair and skin
We often talk about PCOS in
relation to periods, but the
condition can affect your hair
and skin as well. This is because
women with PCOS have excess
androgen – in other words higher
levels of male hormones in your
body, which can manifest in ways
such as an increase in facial hair.
Studies have shown PCOS can
result in hair and skin problems,
such as hair loss, acne, and
seborrhea (a red itchy skin rash
with white scales).
People with PCOS are more
likely to develop diabetes
Insulin resistance is why PCOS
is also linked to diabetes. A
recent study published in Human
Reproduction Open that followed
women with PCOS showed that
around 19% of participants went
on to develop type 2 diabetes,
compared to just 1% of the
control group. While this means
it’s certainly not inevitable, if
you experience any symptoms of
diabetes it’s really important to
make an appointment to speak
with your GP.
We don’t know the
exact cause of PCOS
PCOS is thought to run in
families, so you’re more likely
to develop it if a close relative
has PCOS, too. However, that
doesn’t mean it’s simply genetic.
Other factors are linked to PCOS
as well, including high levels of
insulin in the body.
“People with PCOS are
often insulin resistant, which
means your body does not
effectively utilise the insulin you
produce,” explains nutritional
therapist Michele Scarr. “The
body may try to increase the
levels of insulin it produces to
keep your blood sugar levels
normal. Higher levels of insulin
can lead to an increase of
testosterone, which may disrupt
the hormonal balance and
exacerbate PCOS symptoms.”
PCOS can be linked to
your mental health
Like many long-term health
conditions, PCOS can impact both
your mental and physical health.
A study by the University of
Cardiff found women with PCOS
were more likely to be diagnosed
with mental health conditions
such as depression, bipolar
disorder, and anxiety. While
another study in the Journal of
Pharmacy & BioAllied Sciences
showed that 40% of those with
PCOS can experience depression.
There are a few reasons why
that may be. PCOS is driven
by hormones, so the altered
hormonal levels may impact
mental health. It may also be due
to the stress and worry of living
with PCOS – the unpredictable
nature of periods, or undergoing
fertility treatment to conceive.
Those with PCOS still need
to use contraceptives
While having an irregular cycle
could make trying for a baby
more tricky, those with PCOS can
still fall pregnant – so if that’s not
on your agenda, contraception
is important. The contraceptive
pill is often used as this can also
help regulate cycles in those
with PCOS, but it may take some
experimenting to find one that
works best for you.
“There is evidence that
combined pills are beneficial
for women with PCOS due to the
oestrogen, which counteracts high
testosterone levels and improves
symptoms such as acne,” explains
GP and medical director of The
Lowdown, Dr Frances Yarlett.
“However the progestogen part of
the combined pill can also help to
improve symptoms.”
76 | September 2021 | happiful.com

food & health
“Women with PCOS don’t burn
off as much weight, even when
they’re eating exactly the same
amount of food compared to
weight match controls,” explains
Professor Colin Duncan of the
University of Edinburgh.
Remember though, your value
is not determined by a number
on a scale.
PCOS symptoms may
not disappear with the
menopause
PCOS is usually diagnosed in
premenopausal women, but
just because you stop having
periods doesn’t necessarily mean
your PCOS will stop. For those
embarking on the menopause, it
also brings additional challenges
as symptoms can be similar.
Whether you’re looking to
regulate periods, or are trying to
start a family, be sure to speak to
your GP for support and advice on
managing PCOS.
A low-carbohydrate
diet might help
Given what we know about the
role of insulin in PCOS there are
studies that show following a lowcarbohydrate
diet may help with
this. But why?
“Reducing refined carbs can
help manage blood sugar, and also
help with weight loss. Replacing
refined carbohydrates with lower
GI, high fibre options can slow
down digestion and the release
of glucose into the bloodstream,”
says nutritionist Michele Scarr.
PCOS can cause
weight gain
When insulin resistance occurs,
the body produces higher
levels than normal. This causes
ovaries to produce too much
testosterone, which can impact
or prevent ovulation. This cycle
happens to women with PCOS,
and the extra insulin in the body
can lead to weight gain, with
studies showing that between
40–80% of women with PCOS are
‘overweight’. But, it’s important
not to feel at blame for this.
Jenna Farmer is a freelance
journalist who specialises in
writing about gut health. She has
Crohn’s disease and blogs about her
journey to improve gut health at
abalancedbelly.co.uk
Michele Scarr is a nutritional
therapist and health coach. Find out
more about PCOS support, and get
in touch with Michele via
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 77

5 things you should know
about group therapy
Could group therapy be right for you? Here’s
what really goes on during sessions
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Illustration | Rosan Magar
Doing what it says on the
tin, group therapy is a
psychological therapy
that takes place in a
group setting, rather than oneto-one.
Available on the NHS and
privately, these sessions bring
together people with similar
problems, to create a supportive,
inclusive environment.
But what actually happens in
them? Here, with the help of
counsellor Nicola Ockwell, we
explore five key questions about
group therapy.
What happens
during a session?
Though each group will vary
slightly, they tend to have between
five and 15 members, and last for
about an hour once a week.
“There are many different
types of group therapy that
target specific problems – such
as anger, anxiety, addiction,
depression, and bereavement
to name a few,” Nicola explains.
“They can be, but not always,
run by qualified therapists, so
the therapist or facilitator can
support the group, as well as
the group supporting each other
– with the group becoming their
own therapists, in a way.”
Nicola explains that most
sessions will start with a ‘checkin’,
and finish with a ‘check-out’,
bringing together everyone’s
thoughts for the day – and it’s
common for the group to agree a
contract, e.g. approaching sessions
with openness and honesty.
Why do people attend?
People attend therapy for a
plethora of reasons, but the key
reason someone might choose
to go to a group session is for the
safe, unifying space where they
can connect with others going
through similar things.
“Using a collaborative approach
is the ideal environment for
working with CBT techniques such
as worksheets, flip charts, and
exercises to generate discussion,”
Nicola says. “The activities will be
designed to enable candidates to
examine their current behaviour,
so they can explore and contrast
against each other.
“The group tends to be quite a
cathartic space for all involved.
Members encourage each other to
share views constructively, which
can be useful for anyone wanting
to challenge or change their
behaviour patterns.
“This also allows individuals
to try different methods of
communication, as well as
experimenting with new skills and
strategies already learnt in a safe,
non-judgemental arena.”
Who goes to group therapy?
“Those who are ready to work
on their particular issue, and are
open to sharing their thoughts,
and feelings within a group
dynamic, will benefit from
group therapy,” says Nicola. She
highlights how group therapy may
also be more accessible than oneto-one
sessions, with many taking
place in the evenings and being
more affordable.
“Some people may find this form
of therapy less daunting, as they
are not alone and feel the support
from group members,” Nicola
continues. “It can be a great place
to meet new people in similar
circumstances, so it can be a safe
environment where you can gain
78 | Septemeber 2021 | happiful.com

wellbeing
confidence in social situations,
and also find validation in other’s
perspectives.”
What are the challenges?
While there are plenty of benefits
to attending group therapy, it’s
also worth being aware of the
unique challenges to decide if it’s
the right option for you.
“This environment might be
difficult if you have issues with
speaking in front of people you
don’t know well,” Nicola explains.
“Sharing difficult emotions won’t
be easy, but this improves as
you start to know other group
members better. No one should
feel they have to speak if they
don’t want to.”
Nicola also states that group
therapy is not advisable for those
who are suicidal, in crisis, or
experiencing psychosis – as these
conditions need professional
help via a GP or psychiatrist.
What are the benefits?
“It’s a good place to get to know
others and yourself, to try out
different techniques with the
group first, and then implement
them into your world outside of
the group,” Nicola says.
“It might be daunting initially,
but the benefits can be fruitful
and you might gain some friends
as well! Group therapy can be as
effective as individual therapy
sessions, and can also provide a
sense of belonging.”
If you struggle with feelings
of isolation, this unique
environment could be a good
option for you. And beyond that,
you could help someone else, too.
“Sharing experiences and
listening to each other’s narrative
can be beneficial, helping
members to evaluate their
own thoughts, feelings and
behaviours, leading to greater
self-development,” Nicola says.
“This stimulating and challenging
environment can be mutually
beneficial, where new ideas and
ways of being can be observed,
as well as experimenting with
new skills and strategies already
learnt in a safe, non-judgemental
arena – which can feel both
rewarding and supportive.”
Nicola Ockwell is a counsellor
with experience working with
groups. Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 79

80 | September 2021 | happiful.com

Do
yourself
proud
Learn how to let go of self-deprecation, and
instead talk positively about your achievements
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
Most of us have
been there: you
are introduced to
someone new as,
“A talented writer/accountant/
marketer/musician” etc. Rather
than accept the compliment,
chances are you swiftly downplay
your strengths, and feel a little
embarrassed. But why are we so
quick to respond this way when
we talk about our achievements?
It’s a scenario that’s very
familiar to me. Anxiety about
sharing my successes has meant
I’ve missed out on opportunities,
including a promotion at work
and celebrating good news with
friends. It also made it harder
for me to see myself in a positive
light, increasing my feelings
of imposter syndrome and
affecting my self-confidence.
Eventually, I realised I needed
to start talking about myself in
a better way – from challenging
the perfectionist mindset that
had me doubting my abilities
to overcoming anxieties about
seeming boastful.
Acknowledging
successes to ourselves
To help understand why many of
us struggle to talk positively about
our achievements – and what we
can do to change this – I spoke to
life coach Denise Bosque.
“Often, when we receive a
compliment we feel awkward, as
if we don’t deserve it, thinking,
‘after all, it’s only me’,” explains
Denise. “This thinking is
prevalent in our culture, and is
limiting to both our self-esteem,
and our confidence. Deep down,
we usually think we aren’t good
enough, as if the good piece of
work we did was more of a ‘fluke’
than our efforts.”
Denise’s words ring true
for me. Whenever I receive a
compliment, my mind jumps to
why it isn’t true. I think about
the faults or the mistakes I’ve
made, and almost feel like a
fraud for being congratulated.
This perfectionist mindset makes
it harder to accept praise or to
share successes, because I’m too
focused on the reasons I feel I
don’t deserve it.
But having the confidence to talk
positively about our achievements
to others can become easier when
we start to acknowledge these
successes to ourselves. “People
worry so much about what other
people might think,” says Denise. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 81

“We have to approve of ourselves
first, instead of waiting for
validation outside of ourselves.”
“Often, when
we receive a
compliment we
feel awkward,
as if we don’t
deserve it “
Taking Denise’s advice, I try to
approve of myself first. I take
some time to look back through
some of my work, and make
a point of acknowledging the
positives in what I see. I also
think about my successes,
reading through my published
writing. I surprise myself by
enjoying the experience and,
by the end of it, I’m struck
by how I feel more positively
about myself as a writer.
The rejections that come
with a writing life seem less
important, less dominating, as
I acknowledge the positives.
Try taking time to
acknowledge your own
successes. Set aside half an hour
or so and write a list of your
achievements. At first, it may
feel challenging or forced, but
as you get going you may find
the words flow. Include things
that might seem small, but are
still important to you. This act
of self-approval can boost your
confidence and, in turn, makes
it easier to then share your
successes with others.
Denise assures me that the
more we start to talk more
positively about ourselves, the
easier it gets. “Your light will
begin to shine, and people will
take notice,” she says. “Also,
you are more likely to be seen
as a person who is capable and
confident, putting you in the
forefront for any promotions.
Each time we do this, our selfworth
grows along with our
confidence.” Talking positively
about ourselves and being open
about our successes can help
us feel better within ourselves,
as well as open doors to new
82 | September 2021 | happiful.com

positive pointers
“ All our self-worth and esteem
should be sky-high, so that we ride the
disappointments and the glories with ease ”
opportunities. And sometimes
it can be the simple joy of
getting to celebrate something
we’re proud of with others.
Overcome worries
about boasting
So how can we approach taking
this next step? One of the main
worries I have about sharing
successes is that it’ll seem like
I’m showing off. “A much better
way to think about receiving
a compliment is that you are
being honest, and it’s OK to
acknowledge that you also
thought you did a good job. It
doesn’t mean it’s boastful, it’s
confident,” says Denise. “This is
resilience, and very necessary to
lead a balanced life. As humans,
we are supposed to be growing,
doing our best, and recognising
our strengths and weaknesses.”
Many of us worry about
seeming boastful and the need
to be modest. But maybe we’re
too focused on that concern,
to the point where we devalue
our successes. “We feel it’s
‘bad’ to sound like we are
boasting and being big-headed
– particularly women. It’s
conditioning,” Denise tells me.
“All our self-worth and esteem
should be sky-high, so that we
ride the disappointments and
the glories with ease.”
Trying it out
Denise recommends that we
rehearse accepting a compliment
or saying we did something well
to ourselves. It may feel a little
awkward practising this, but it’ll
help it to become second nature.
It also helps affirm this positive
idea in our mind, making us
more confident in the words
we’re saying, so we really believe
in them.
I follow Denise’s advice and try
talking through my successes
to myself. Sure, it does feel
a little strange, but there is
also something nice about
acknowledging these positives.
Afterwards, I go out for dinner
with friends. I’m nervous about
sharing some recent good career
news. The usual doubts niggle
in my mind: “What if they think
I’m boasting, or dominating the
conversation? What if I’m not
actually good enough?” But then
I think about how important this
news is to me, and how hard
I’ve worked for it. I think about
times these friends have told me
their own good news, and how
I’ve always felt happy for them
and glad to be able to share in
their successes. Maybe it’ll be
the same for me?
So I give it a go. I tell them
my good news. I don’t add a
caveat of, “But I also had lots of
rejections!” I don’t apologise. I
don’t do anything to diminish
what I’m saying.
And the result? Genuine smiles
and congratulations. They ask
me more about it, and I actually
enjoy this opportunity to talk
about my passion. I thank them
for their compliments, and
resist the usual urge to be overly
modest. Afterwards, I like I’ve
not just shared good news, but
I’ve shared something of myself –
something important to me with
people that I care about. And it’s a
wonderful feeling.
Denise Bosque is a life coach,
clinical hypnotherapist, master NLP
practitioner, EMDR practitioner, and
mindfulness teacher. Find out more by
visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 83

Phrases to
de-escalate conflict
When emotions are running high, how we express
ourselves can help keep difficult conversations
productive and kind. Try using these phrases to
keep the peace, without neglecting your needs
I don’t feel
comfortable
responding to that
now, I need some
time to think it over
My understanding of what
you’re saying is…
I appreciate that
you’re willing to have
this conversation
with me
Is this something that we
need to agree on?
I’m curious
as to why
you feel
that way?
It’s important that I set
boundaries, and that
you respect them
Does what I’m saying
sound reasonable
to you?
I would prefer
to return to this
conversation when
we’re both feeling
less emotional
I would prefer it if we both tried to
keep a calm tone during this talk
I’m here to
listen to you,
and then I
would like you
to listen to me
84 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
Family matters
Family bonds often run the deepest, which is why it’s all the more painful
when they break down. Here, with the help of a counsellor, we explore
how to navigate difficult family relationships
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Families: they’re not always
easy. Separation, blended
households, addictions,
mental illness, money
problems, betrayal, expectations,
communication, or simply
clashing personalities – there is an
unlimited number of reasons why
relationships might break down.
“Families bring us joy, and better
health and wellbeing, but they
can also be the source of distress,”
says counsellor Pam Custers.
“Navigating family life is a process
of being able to create a healthy
connection that can tolerate
challenges, without destroying
the intimate connections that
families bring – those of love,
respect, and support.”
As Pam explains, when family
relationships are good, they can
bring us a plethora of benefits,
including improving our ability
to cope with stress, boosting our
self-esteem, and encouraging us
to engage in healthy behaviours.
Strong bonds uplift us, playing a
huge role in our daily lives, even
operating unconsciously under
the surface.
“We are literally wired to
connect to our family,” Pam says.
“This bonding process develops
through both our relationships
with our partner and children,
with what is termed ‘the parental
caregiver attachment’. We are
able to see via brain scans that,
when we are with our loved ones,
our anxiety levels reduce and
we start producing feel-good
hormones. So when these close
relationships are in a state of
flux, we will be physically and
mentally impacted.”
But in addition to what’s
happening on a psychological
level, there’s also a lot of social
pressure that comes with family
life. Films, TV shows, novels,
and advertisements all play on
ideals about family structures
and relationships, let alone other
cultural values that many of us
have faced throughout our lives.
With all this to contend with, the
‘right way’ to run a family can
become a sticking point.
“Couples inevitably come
from different family operating
systems,” Pam says. “There
can often be a clash in how
they both wish ‘their’ family
to operate. Finding a way to
co-create a way that ‘their’
family will operate is part of the
process of creating their own
legacy for their children. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 85

Our families
bring us joy, and
better health and
wellbeing, but they
can also be the
source of distress
“A lack of communication can
also get in the way of strong
family relationships. Often we
presume we understand or know
what the other person is thinking
– learning to listen carefully is
something many people struggle
with. We need to be able to
discuss sensitive topics. Conflict
is normal but, without good
listening and understanding, we
can become stuck.”
When conflict escalates, it can
sometimes result in the total
breakdown of communication.
According family estrangement
charity Stand Alone, 8% of people
surveyed had cut contact with
a family member, leading the
organisation to predict that this
translates to at least five million
people in the UK, with one in five
families affected.
Going ‘no contact’ is, for some,
the healthiest decision. But that
isn’t to say it’s easy, and Stand
Alone provides help for those who
are struggling with this. More
broadly, you can also search for
support groups in your local area
and online – for everything from
caring for elderly parents, to
blended families, those touched
by addiction, and more.
86 | September 2021 | happiful.com

elationships
Keeping the peace
Pam Custers’ tips for smoothing out conflict within your family:
1. Try having “we” conversations. “How should we tackle this problem?”
This builds and strengthens connections.
2. Be flexible.
3. Make time to communicate. Not just to talk, but also to listen.
4. Keep a sense of humour.
5. Make kindness a central value in your family.
If things take a turn for the
worse, considering all those
expectations we have to contend
with, it’s easy to see how
the breakdown of a familial
relationship can come with a
degree of shame – as it appears
everyone around you is getting it
consistently right. But the truth
is, that’s probably not the case.
“We all go into family life with
our own sense of how it should
be,” says Pam. “And so we can
become disillusioned when the
idealised version of family life
is not the reality. Relationships
are messy, and we need to be
able to ride the waves. Behind
all those white picket fences,
there are families who are also
going through challenging times.
Keeping expectations realistic
takes the pressure off family
dynamics.”
In the UK, ‘family’ has many
different variations. According
to gov.uk statistics, between
2014 and 2020, there were 2.4
million separated families in
Great Britain, and when the ONS
last ran an analysis in 2009, 9%
of all children in England and
Wales, 1.1 million, were living
with a stepfamily. The reality
is no two families are the same,
and releasing the pressure to
present a ‘perfect family’ could be
an important step in letting go of
relationships that are damaging.
What can’t be addressed with
mutual compassion and a
willingness to listen, could be
aided with family counselling or
group therapy. You may also want
to spend some time reflecting on
your relationship with the idea
of family, and the role that then
plays in how you make decisions
going forward. Truthfully, very few
people’s situations match a perfect
deck of ‘Happy Families’, but we’re
complex human beings, not neat
illustrations. We go through tough
times. We learn, evolve, and – with
the right support – flourish.
Pam Custers is the founder of
The Relationship Practice, and
specialises in supporting clients to
create relationships that thrive.
Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 87

RISE UP WITH
SELF LOVE
Nearly 1 in 2 people feel more self-doubt than self-love. *
We believe that Self Love is our superpower and it’s time to act.
Join the uprising at www.thebodyshop.com
*A global report conducted by The Body Shop between November 22 and December 8, 2020 across 21 countries. To find out more go to www.thebodyshop.com
© 2021 The Body Shop International Limited All rights reserved Absolutely no reproduction without the permission of the owners
88 | September 2021 | happiful.com

memory lane
One Hundred
Years: That’s life
We speak to Jenny Lewis, the portrait
photographer who captured images of
100 people from ages 0–100, about the
things ageing teaches us about life
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Aroko is a one year
old, and doesn’t have
much to say. “Daddy.”
reads the quote next to
his portrait – the second in a lineup
of photographs spanning the ages
0–100. The collection is the latest
endeavour by portrait photographer
Jenny Lewis, who has spent the past
three years capturing people in her
local community of Hackney, in
London – the results published in
a book, One Hundred Years: Portraits
of a community aged 0–100. On the
pages, next to striking, candid shots,
subjects share revealing quotes and
short stories from their lives, each
one as touching as the next.
“I had spent five years working
with women the day they had
a baby, another five years
photographing
artists in their
studios, and I
suppose I lifted my
head from these two
long-term projects
and wondered what else was
going on at the other two ends
of the timeline,” says Jenny, as
she points to where the project
began. “Looking back, I may have
also been questioning my own
mortality, and the vulnerability of
being human. A few close friends
my age had died of cancer, and
my dad had been very ill. I also
had come to terms with my own
autoimmune disease, rheumatoid
arthritis, so I think I may have
just wanted to figure out what
was possibly coming next, and to
Aroko
reflect on what had passed. I’m
in my late 40s now, so it felt like
a good time to look around and
find out how other people were
managing.”
It’s a natural journey, one that
many people may be able to
relate to – when we experience
bereavement, trauma, and
grief, we might find ourselves
reflecting on our lives, our
priorities, and our hopes, desires,
and goals. A sentiment that is
perfectly, and simply, captured by
Jenny’s 49-year-old subject Shana. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 89

Their lives can
move from extreme
arcs of happiness
to sadness, and the
other way round,
but they do find a
way through it
Shana
“I’ve had five brain surgeries. I
chose to do life. For my children,
for me, for people around me, I
chose to do life. I have found that
by doing so, life is great,” she says.
“It seems it really isn’t about
age,” Jenny explains, when asked
what the process of creating
One Hundred Years taught her.
“Everyone is on a unique
journey, and at different stages
at different times. But I was
surprised, I suppose, at how
interested and interesting the
older subjects were – and at their
enjoyment of life – as much as the
youngsters surprised me at how
articulate they could be, and their
understanding of who they were
at such an early age. I felt you
could learn so much from anyone.
People are always so much more
than you might think.”
“I’m happiest when hanging
out with my best mate, Stanley,”
reads the quote next to 14-year-
old Arran, who is just one of
many examples of such insight.
“The more you’ve been through,
the harder it gets to carry alone,
and when you have someone
that knows you as well as me and
Stanley know each other, you can
share that weight.”
That gentle resilience in Arran’s
example is a theme Jenny quickly
began to spot throughout her
subjects. “Their lives can move
from extreme arcs of happiness
to sadness, and the other way
round, but they do find a way
through it,” she says. “Some of
the stories are of strength, or
difficult childhoods, but seeing
the joy that can be found later was
incredibly inspiring. The strength
of the project is the people in
it, but I didn’t know what they
were going to talk about till we
started talking, which made me
realise there’s always something
bubbling underneath the surface.”
Hyacinth
90 | September 2021 | happiful.com

memory lane
Leo
‘I never really experienced anxiety
until I was 24. I was so confident,
then suddenly I’m like this anxious
mess, and now I’m, like, freaking
out. It’s weird. I think maybe it’s a
lot to do with fear of the future. It’s
a big shift in energy or something.’
– Leo, 26 years old
When asked if she had a favourite
subject, Jenny’s answer was a firm
“absolutely not”. For her, they all
came together to build something
stronger: “The portrait of a
community, with 100 faces, but all
part of the same thing.
“Photographing and interviewing
someone is quite an intimate act.
Working on this series, I really got
a sense that there are no strangers,
just people you haven’t had the
time to get to know yet,” Jenny
says. “I love spending time with
new people, and seeing them open
up and share a little of themselves.
I enjoy the listening, and they
seem to enjoy the collaboration. I
want more of this, please… More
human interaction. It’s the energy
we need to stay interested in each
other. The more you talk to people
you don’t know, the more it feels
natural, and what’s better than a
conversation where you have no
idea where it will lead?”
But as well as the profound,
the philosophical, and the
unexpected, the seemingly
mundane aspects of the human
experience shine through
emotively, as demonstrated by
many of the subjects, including
88-year-old Hyacinth: “I used to
love dancing. I used to go to six
dances in one night and then not
get up till three on a Sunday. Then
I reached an age where I say, this
is not for me. Take it easy.”
Life is often far from linear.
We go down side paths, make
leaps forward, and perhaps take
steps back again. In One Hundred
Years, each story comes together
to create one journey, a human
journey, and Jenny wants to take
readers there – as she did herself.
“Listen to the voices, stories,
and opinions that may trigger
memories and reflections of your
own lives, or open up new ways
of thinking,” Jenny says. “I want
to encourage people to drop the
prejudices we all carry and how
we guess what people are like
from just looking at them – you
have to make time to listen.”
‘One Hundred Years: Portraits of a
community aged 0–100’ by Jenny
Lewis (Hoxton Mini Press) is out now.
happiful.com | September 2021 | 91

Creative activities
to plot your life
Carve out some time to reflect on where your
happiness lies, with these practical tasks
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Whether it’s to
celebrate a
milestone, or if
you just want to
take some time to reflect, there
are lots of creative activities we
can do to revisit our memories.
The following are great ways to
explore the things that we have
experienced so far – they can
help us plot our lives and assess
where our happiness lies, and
think about what we
would like to
take with us
as we look
ahead.
Start a scrapbook
or create a collage
Do you have drawers full of
yellowing ticket stubs from gigs
you’ve enjoyed, or postcards
collected over the years? A
scrapbook is a wonderful way
of making the most of these
mementoes. Spend some time
organising them into themes
– maybe those that relate to a
holiday, or which you associate with
friendships – and then have fun
pasting them onto the pages.
There are great resources
online on how to get started
with scrapbooking if you need
some inspiration, such as
everything-about-scrapbooking.com.
Alternatively, you could make a
collage that captures a time in your
life, perhaps incorporating other
items such as newspaper cuttings
that resonate with you. As you put
together your scrapbook or collage,
think about why these items matter
to you, perhaps writing reflections
about the things you’re including.
Keep what you make safe so you
can look back at it whenever you
want a reminder of the people and
places you care about.
Craft a creative family tree
Most of us are familiar with the
idea of a family tree that traces
our relatives, but how about
crafting a creative family tree?
This is a fun activity to do with
a child, and can be a way of

memory lane
Think about what you would like
to leave in the past, and what you
would like to take forward
thinking about what the people
in our lives mean to us, and
treasuring those relationships.
To start, sketch out a tree on a
large sheet of paper, with branches
that represent your relationship to
each family member, writing their
names in the appropriate place.
Next, draw or write things that you
associate with each person by their
name. Maybe a delicious apple
crumble comes to mind when you
think of your aunt, or relaxing on
the beach with your cousin.
Of course, not all family
relationships are easy, and not all
associations positive. If that’s the
case, you may decide to focus your
tree on those who you feel positively
towards, reminding yourself of all
the good in your life. Or how about
making a tree that celebrates your
close friendships instead?
Photo albums
One of the most well-established
ways of preserving memories is
with photo albums. But in our time
of smartphones and social media,
many of us have forgotten the simple
joy of carefully positioning printed
photos into an album, or flicking
through old ones and smiling at the
memories and our questionable
fashion choices of yesteryear.
There are lots of services that
let you upload your digital photos
to be turned into physical prints.
Once they arrived, give yourself
an afternoon to fill a photo
album. Try taking a mindful
approach, focusing on
the feelings that come
with each photo, the
associations held within
each image, and the
memories they bring.
Get nostalgic with music
Music has an amazing power to
remind us of people and places.
Perhaps there’s a song that
always makes you smile because
you danced to it at a friend’s
wedding or a family party (‘Mr
Brightside’, anyone?).
Try putting together a playlist
to revisit old favourites. Or
find out what music matters to
your loved ones – this is a great
chance to bond over a surprise
shared song, and to learn
something new about those
we’re close to.
Write a letter to
your younger self
Writing a letter to your younger
self is a chance to think about the
ways you’ve developed in the years
since, the achievements you’ve
celebrated, the lessons you’ve
learnt, and advice you’d give.
Think back five or 10 years, or
longer if you like, and consider
how your life is different now.
Some things may be harder,
and that’s OK – but some
things may have changed for
the better. What do you wish
you had known back then?
What advice do you have? Be
compassionate to the younger
you as you write. You could also
write a letter to your future self,
capturing your current hopes
and ambitions.
Use this letter writing as a
chance to think about what you
would like to leave in the past,
and what you would like to take
forward with you.
SIDE
1
C90
happiful.com | September 2021 | 93

Memories of our lives,
of our works and our deeds
will continue in others
ROSA PARKS
94 | September 2021 | happiful.com
Photography | Alexandre Debiève

true story
Content warning: this piece
include details of self-harm
The light after the darkness
Victoria struggled with self-harm and an eating disorder for years. But
with the help of a strong support system, she learned to live alongside
her depression, and a new hobby ignited a sense of hope for the future
Writing | Victoria Hennison
I
will never forget the very first time I selfharmed.
I was 13, and I needed an outlet,
a way to set the torment in my mind free.
Somewhere in the darkest part of my mind,
it made sense that allowing the blood to flow
would make me feel better – and it did, but as I
stared at the droplets of blood, I felt trapped, as
though I had just created a prison for myself.
In some ways, the self-harm had a voice. It was
comforting because it seemed to understand,
but it fed off the lies the depression told me,
and I felt overwhelmingly worthless.
My mind filled with questions of: ‘Who am I?’,
‘Why am I alive’, ‘Why would anyone love me?’
I struggled for years. Self-harming became the
coping mechanism that got me through the
days. It was controlled, and I felt it was the one
thing I had power over.
In 2003, I decided that my body image was
the reason I was depressed, the reason my life
was going nowhere. I had just turned 21, and
I thought that if I could look amazing, then I
would be a success, and then I would be happy.
It started off as healthy changes – good, fresh
food and exercise. The number on the scales
went down – it was an amazing feeling – and, in
my head, the bigger the loss the greater the good
feeling, so I went a day or two without eating
and pushed myself harder.
Initially, I saw changes in the mirror and I was
feeling good, but then my view changed. No
matter how low the scales went, no matter how
little I ate, I was repulsed by my own reflection.
When I started hiding food, pretending I’d
eaten it, and struggled to even take a bite of an
apple, I realised it had become something far
more sinister. I wasn’t in control anymore; the
darkness had introduced me to a new ally, but it
wasn’t my friend.
I was miserable, but then the world gave me
a lifeline. It was 2004, and I found love and
acceptance. It wasn’t an easy road; I refused
to need someone, but somehow, no matter
how hard I pushed him away, he pushed back,
harder. Little by little, he broke down my walls,
and as each piece was dismantled I found myself
again. The insecurities fell away, and he gave
me my fight back. It wasn’t anything he did, he
was just there loving me for me, making me feel
beautiful. It was the support, having a rock I
could lean on, someone who would catch me if I
fell while telling me I could fly. >>>
happiful.com | September 2021 | 95

Victoria’s husband has been her rock
Two years later, we got married. It was a day
of pure happiness. The darkness was nowhere
to be found and, as we walked hand in hand, I
knew we would never let each other go.
Now, 14 years later, we are still as happy as we
ever were, and have a family of our own. Life
is in a very different place now. It’s not always
buttercups and daisies, but I am in control of
my demons. They are in the darkest corners of
my mind, I am aware of them, and occasionally
they make their presence felt; the darkness still
lingers like an uninvited guest.
After all these years, though I know myself
better now, I accept that when the darkness is
present, and my world feels flat, it isn’t always
linked to anything in particular, it just exists. I
now focus my energy on something positive, I
think about things I may want in life, or dreams
I can fulfil – and although I acknowledge the
depression, it no longer consumes me. My pain
becomes constructive rather than destructive.
Last year, I needed to find myself again. It’s
easy in life, especially when you have children,
to feel a little lost. My youngest was starting
school and I was feeling redundant. I decided
I’d do something for myself, so I started writing,
letting my imagination run away, creating
characters, and escaping into other worlds.
Then I happened across a blog post asking
for submissions for a new book series called
Hometown Tales. I filled pages with childhood
adventures, but then I hit a point in my life
where the joy of nostalgia disappeared. I could
choose to continue on a different track or I could
write my truth on the page. I did just that, I laid
my life bare and it felt good; I never dreamed it
would be accepted for publication so I just wrote
it for me. It was honest and raw.
I wasn’t in control
anymore; the darkness had
introduced me to a new
ally, but it wasn’t my friend
My tale was accepted, and as the realisation hit
that my darkest secrets would be out there in
the world, I was terrified of the judgements. But
writing my truth gave me a newfound strength,
and as the editing process went along, I finally
felt free. I realised how dark my life once was, and
96 | September 2021 | happiful.com

true story
Writing gave Victoria a new-found strength
I realised how dark my life
once was, and how much
light I now had in my life
how much light I now had. I began to see who I
was, and that the battles I had faced had made me
stronger. I felt unashamed; I was a survivor.
Writing the book changed my life, it took my
nightmares and changed them into dreams:
the dream of having my name on the cover of
a book, the dream of being free, the dream of
finding out who I am.
I remembered how alone I had felt, that feeling
of isolation when the world appeared to be
bobbing along perfectly, yet I was falling apart. I
wanted to stand tall and shout from the rooftops
that life can get better. I wish I had a magic wand
and all the answers, but I don’t, although I do
know talking helps.
I held my secret all my life; I thought keeping
it to myself was strength, but speaking out made
me stronger. I don’t deny my feelings now, I
acknowledge them rather than trying to lock
them away.
Life might sometimes appear perfect, but I do
still struggle. I have many things I’m grateful for,
things to be overjoyed about, and I’m lucky to
have my husband and children by my side – they
are my light in the dark, and now my husband
holds the umbrella while I dance in the rain.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Growing up, Victoria struggled with her self-image,
and with questions around her identity and selfacceptance.
Self-harming and an eating disorder
became a way to cope, even when she realised the
harm these unhealthy outlets were causing her.
A turning point came when Victoria met her
husband, who offered the time, support, and love
she needed to recover and cope. The negativity
didn’t disappear completely, but an opportunity
to write about it helped, and offered
hope to others. As Victoria
notes, often speaking out about
our fears and anxieties to a
friend or confidant can make us
stronger.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor
happiful.com | September 2021 | 97

That kinda’ week
It’s easy to take on the weight of the world’s problems –
but, sometimes, stopping to notice the positive changes
we can make to our communities, and in the lives of loved
ones, makes all the difference. Next time you want to
embrace some positivity, try these kindness challenges
Give someone a
compliment that
isn’t focused on
how they look
Just finished a
great book? Pass it
on to someone you
think will enjoy it
If you’re heading
on a walk, pop
on some gloves,
grab a rubbish
bag, and collect
litter as you go
Make a loved one
a playlist of songs
that remind you
of times you’ve
spent together
Buy some extra
food and put it
in the food bank
collection box at
the supermarket
Send ‘thank you’ notes
to people who have
helped you
Put loose change
into a public charity
box, or dedicate
a collection jar at
home and donate the
contents once it’s full
Offer to teach
someone a skill – it
could be a hobby,
a favourite dish, or
even a life hack!

Join us for Happiful Afternoons
Wellbeing by the Lakes, Dorset | 8-12 September
We’re over the moon to be partnering with Wellbeing by the Lakes to curate and
programme Happiful Afternoons on the Riverside Stage. Festival-goers will hear from Happiful
writers, best-selling authors, life coaches, counsellors, wellbeing experts, and movement mentors.
Join us for much-needed time out, relaxation, reinvigoration, and inspiration!
AN AUTHOR EXPLORES...
IN ASSOCIATION WITH YELLOW KITE
JO BOWLBY | KIRSTY GALLAGHER | POPPY JAMIE | JILLIAN LAVENDER | JO LOVE | JOSH ROBERTS
MIND AND MOVEMENT
GET ONBOARD WITH SUP4COACH | DISCOVER THE POWER OF COMMUNITY
WITH RED | EXPLORE THE ‘YOGIC TWIST’ | RESET POST PANDEMIC WITH MOTHERKIND
Day
tickets
£12.50
BEFORE YOU GO...
THERAPEUTIC WRITING FOR ALL | THE IMPORTANCE OF
BEING YOU | MANAGING YOUR MINDSET
And much, much more…
wellbeingbythelakes.co.uk | @wellbeingbythelakes
Sculpture by the Lakes, Pallington Lakes, Dorchester DT2 8QU
On site parking available | Nearest train station: Dorchester (taxi ride from here)

THE UK’S POSITIVE
MENTAL HEALTH APP
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The Happiful App
Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes: Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory,
Nutritionist Resource and Therapy Directory. Helping you find the help you need.