Health & Heels - Winter 2021-2022

The message was clear. It
was somehow instilled in
me from a very young age:
Hard work is something to be
embarrassed about. Effort is a
sign of weakness. It is hard to
understand how this message
was relayed. My parents always
told me that as long as I
worked hard in school, it didn’t
matter what grade I received.
My teachers encouraged us to
study. And yet, somehow, there
must have been subtle messages
undermining what I was taught
from my parents and teachers. I
believed that “success” with less
effort was more praiseworthy
than hard and diligent work.
Even as an adult, I look at those
around me and focus more on
the end product of “success.”
I look at the people who just
“have it” and wish that I did as
well. I look at the people who
have financial success, who
have superior cognitive abilities,
those who are fit and thin. The
list can go on and on. Society
has conditioned us to look at
the success of others without
thinking about what got them
there. We look at people who
seem to have it easy in some
regard, who seem to have
accomplished without even
trying, and wish we had the
same. We completely disregard
the hard work and diligence that
got them there.
It turns out that the end product
is the last thing we should be
looking at. The process that
got them there is far more
important for their success than
anything else. Angela Duckworth,
a psychologist who founded
the concept of grit, or passion
and perseverance for long-term
goals, has found in numerous
research studies that grit is a
very strong predictor of success.
No innate intelligence, natural
metabolism or inherited talent
can replace what Duckworth
calls grit. Grit has been found to
be crucial toward one’s success
in any area. Of course, talent
and good luck can help one
in many ways, but without the
day-in and day-out of hard work
healthy families
toward a goal, one will not get
very far. Grit is the ability to be
passionate, set goals, work hard
every day, and recover from
failures and obstacles. While
the end product of success may
look magical to us, the true
magic happens when we are
passionate, hard-working and
consistent. When we are gritty,
we will surprise ourselves at what
we can accomplish.
In a way, we can think about
grit as a set of good habits—
habits that include goal setting,
working hard, being diligent
and doing it all consistently.
These are positive habits that
comprise one’s days and weeks
and months and years. It is these
habits that form our character,
our work ethic, our meaning in
life, and ultimately our success
and satisfaction.
Grit is not something that is
set in stone. It is dynamic. We
can become grittier. We can
form habits and rituals that
didn’t exist before. Psychologist
Tal Ben Shachar explains that
the reason why people are
consistent with habits and not
with New Year’s resolutions is
that resolutions require discipline
and willpower. Discipline and
willpower are hard. But when one
applies discipline and willpower
consistently for a period of time,
an amazing thing happens.
Those things that were once
hard to do become rituals and
habits. They become things
we just do—like brushing our
teeth and taking our vitamins
(maybe?). Once they are
rituals and habits, we don’t
have to fight nearly as hard to
get them done.
A personal example comes
to mind. Years ago, when I
was writing my dissertation, I
had young children at home. I
realized that the time of day
that I would be most successful
in getting writing done was in
the early morning—before my
children woke up. I decided
that I had to train myself
to wake up at 5 a.m. every
morning, which would give
me a solid two hours to work.
I realized that at that time, I
would be well rested and fresh,
the house would be quiet and
the phones would not be ringing.
For the first few weeks it was a
fight both to go to sleep early as
well as to wake up at the crack
of dawn. However, after a few
weeks it became my routine. My
body would be craving bed at
a much earlier hour and waking
up became easier too. The
discipline and willpower required
to maintain that schedule was
not nearly as great and it
became my daily ritual for two
years. Once I became a doctor, I
started sleeping late again.
Thinking about grit and habits
together helps us understand
that the grittier we become,
the less we have to fight to
be that way. It becomes part
of who we are. We can make
gritty behaviors more habitual
by picking one thing at a time
and doing it consistently. Try
it yourself. Think about your
personal goals and choose
something specific that will help
you get closer to that goal. Do
that specific thing consistently
for a month or two. Watch
the transformation happen—
from something that requires
willpower to something that is
a habit. Once it is a ritual, you
have become grittier already.
Dr. Malka Ismach is a certified school
psychologist and licensed psychologist who
currently works in both school and private
settings. She has experience working in multiple
school, agency and clinical settings. Dr. Ismach
has been trained in cognitive behavioral
therapy (CBT), play therapy and parent
training. She continues to receive ongoing
training in evidence-based treatments for
children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Ismach has
experience and skill in assessing and treating
a full range of mental health challenges.
She brings enthusiasm and dedication to her
work and values collaboration with schools,
parents, medical practitioners and others
in order to enhance the treatment
of her clients. She is committed to
providing compassion, support and
emotional well-being to children,
adults and families. She can be
reached at
mismach@drmalkaismach.com.
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